To Choose Cake Over Sanity
by Nekohime Kitsuya
Summary: A group of OCs travel to Danny Phantom's world in order to destroy him...and THEN, all randomness breaks loose. AU, OCs, language, violence, Crackfic, egostabbing, pairings except for DS shifted every so often. DannySam.
1. Meet the OCs!

**Chapter Title: **Random Prologue and the Introduction of Most of the OCs  
**Warnings: **Sugggestions of yaoi (but not really), grammatically correct CRACK, AU, OCs  
**A/N: **Written with my co-author, Ralmal, who refuses to create an account on And in this story, I am Elemia.

**

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**Disclaimer:** I do not own Danny Phantom. Nor do I wish I owned Danny Phantom. Actually, I do, but if I did, it would be fourteen times randomer…give or take a few hundred times…it's all good.

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It was 1:10, and the bell had rung, telling all students still in the hallways that they were going to be in _major_ trouble…but not really, because the late rule was almost never really enforced. 

In room 1210, a class containing exactly twenty-five (that means, of course, 25) freshmen were already sitting down, awaiting the start of their 42-minute long Freshman Honors English class. However, this was not just any class, for this class was the class of…

**Ms. Jackson** – freshman honors teacher extraordinaire, who is nothing if not a minor character in the story.

Standing up, Ms. Jackson, a youthful woman of indeterminate age, casually strolled to the board, and dispensed the usual start-of-class writing assignment:

"Class, today's writing prompt is to write a love poem about someone you love."

The aforementioned class, being the hormonally-imbalanced group of 14-15 year olds they were, glanced at each other suspiciously, afraid, for the most part, to disturb the complete silence in the room.

Suddenly, a short white boy with poofy brown hair mused aloud, "Who do I choose, Paulina or Danny?" Oh, but this was no ordinary short white boy, this was the **Lexa**, extremely athletic cross-country and track participant and a freshman with a large ego, who was altogether too smart for his own good.

From across the room, a slightly-taller-than-the-Lexa Asian girl cried, "I love the Lexa!" This glasses-dependant Chinese girl was **Elemia**, who was currently defending the title of 'Most Random Person to Ever go to Amazon East High School.' (She was voted in by her friends)

Perplexed, the Lexa asked, "What?" but all he received for his trouble was Elemia's nonchalant "Nothing…nothing…"

Hereupon, Elemia's friend,** Ralmal**, who just happened to sit _right next to _the Lexa, burst out laughing and fell off her chair.

The rest of the class, deeming the disturbance over and done with, started writing as Ralmal grabbed her pen and began writing on the floor, becoming a convenient obstacle to anyone who wished to walk about…but nobody wanted to, so it was okay.

A good five minutes later, Ms. Jackson flounced back to her seat at the table in the center of the room and declared, "Okay, time's up. Let's discuss our WPs."

Unfortunately for the good teacher, there was a collective silence and the teens, again, glanced suspiciously at each other, none of them wishing to be the first to declare their undying love for another…

…Until the Lexa decided to break the silence again. What is _with_ him? "I wrote a poem about…my hero…Danny Phantom…and it goes like this: I love the halfa…and-"

Interrupting the extremely embarrassed Lexa, Elemia stood up and said, "_What_ is a halfa?"

Ralmal, having watched Danny Phantom (again and again and again and again…) calmy replied, "It's a half-kid half-ghost thing…"

Her insatiable curiosity fulfilled (for the moment), Elemia sat down again murmuring, "Thanks for the clarification."

Continuing his poem, the Lexa began, "And then…"

But he was interrupted by Ms. Jackson who abruptly announced in a nervous voice, "Oookay, we're out of time."

Not about to be outdone, and not about to pass up this opportunity to prove he was the most intelligent person in the class (which indeed, sadly, he was), Lexa retorted, "But class just started…"

"Uh…right. Well…**_ANYBODY ELSE_?**" roared Ms. Jackson in the same nervous voice (hard to do, eh?).

"I have a line," cried Ralmal joyously. The rest of the class shifted in their seats to better view the new volunteer. "Here it goes. 'December 8th, 2005.'

Suddenly, the whole class bursts into applause, except for the Lexa. Ms. Jackson, in particular, was heard to shout, "BEAUTIFUL! I LOVE IT!"

As for the Lexa, he just sat there with a confused look on his face as he muttered, "Did I miss something?"

* * *

Exactly twenty-three hours and fifty-seven minutes after the beginning of the previous story, Elemia and Ralmal were standing by the center table, talking to one of their classmates. 

Said classmate, a tall goth/punk-ish girl named **Julia**, was speaking about…Danny Phantom, Ralmal's favorite show.

"I wrote a song about the Tucker," she said, completely unashamed of herself.

Upon hearing this, Ralmal cried, "WHAT? There is no way! Who would do that?"

Elemia giggled nervously, obviously very ashamed of herself.

Ralmal, a look of complete horror on her face, screamed "WHAT? Come _on_, please tell me I'm not going crazy!"

Whirling about, Ralmal noticed the peculiar antics of her classmates…they were all sitting rigidly at their desks, staring blankly into space as they repeated their monotone chant: "WE LOVE TUCKER…WE LOVE TUCKER…" like the herd of mindless, brain-eating zombies they currently were.

The chanting halted, though as Ralmal did the only rational thing she could think of…"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Her melodramatic cry, however, was cut short by the unexpected entrance of Tucker. (go figure.) Whereupon the room was again filled with shrieking, although this time it came from the female students-turned-fangirls…and the Lexa, proving once and for all that he is the ultimate fangirl. The guys-turned-fanboys said something along the lines of "He is so hot."

Tucker, not quite stupid enough to ignore what was happening, replied, "Um…thank you?"

But unfortunately for the hapless character, the entire class, including their teacher, began to close in on him, again beginning their dirge of "WE LOVE TUCKER…WE LOVE TUCKER…"

Just before he was buried beneath the swarm of people, Tucker cried, "NOO! DANNY! HELP ME!" And lo and behold, Danny Phantom came flying in through the window.

"BACK OFF!" he ordered, causing everyone to jump away.

Ralmal, gladdened beyond belief, joyously said, "THANK YOU! Another sane person…" Only to be shocked…

...For Danny hugged Tucker and declared, "He's mine!"

And throughout the world, Tucker's forlorn cry could be heard... "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

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Meh! Tell me what you think, please! 

Oh, I don't mind flames either. Just _please_ tell my why you hate it so much...


	2. Meetings and Random Violence

**Chapter Title: **Meeting the Danny Phantom Characters and Mindless Violence  
**Warnings: **Grammatically-correct Crack, AU, OCs, Violence  
**A/N: **Written with my co-author, Ralmal, who refuses to create an account on And in this story, I am Elemia.  
Also, some people are referred to as 'the :their name here: ' . This is because it sounds much more natural to me that way... So, whenever someone is referred to as 'the :their name here: ' , ignore the 'the' and then it's just their name...YAY!

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**Disclaimer: **If I owned Danny Phantom, Danny would have ended up saying "I'm going GAY" at some point in the story. But I don't, so all you haters can relax.

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**Previously:**

The previous chapter had very little to do with this one. Thus, it shouldn't matter if I don't put stuff from the previous chapter here, neh?

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Out of the blue, the Lexa announced, "I changed my mind…I actually love…THE **CELIA**!" 

Suddenly, an asian sophomore who was shorter than the Lexa, Elemia, and Ralmal popped in out of nowhere. Sparing a glance toward the odd male standing in front of her, she asked, "Who _are_ you?"

Upon seeing her, the Lexa promptly glomped her, yelling, "I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE you!" Unfortunately for the hapless, almost-having-a-fro-but-not-really the Lexa, the Celia didn't get it at all. But he didn't notice, because he's denser than gold.

Erstwhile, the Lexa took out a picture of Danny, Paulina, and Tucker. But before you go jumping to conclusions, Danny and Tucker were already in the picture. Paulina's face was just taped over Sam's face, because Paulina would not be caught dead with them. This is obvious…or is it? "Sorry, guys," the Lexa whispered as he ripped the picture in half.

**

* * *

In another world…**

Paulina, Tucker, and Danny all doubled up at the same moment, screeching, "NOOO! THE PAAAAAAAAIIIIIN!"

**

* * *

But back to the OCs…**

Elemia, it seemed, was doing her best imitation of an actress in a drama.  
…  
A _Korean_ drama. Or maybe even a _Chinese_ drama. She was never that great at acting, anyway.

"You!" she cried, pointing a quivering finger at the Celia. "Celia, you betrayed me!"

Celia, ever the blond (but not really, she's asian), retorted with her most favorite phrase in the world: "Say WHAT?"

Completely ignoring the only other asian character to appear in this story so far, the Elemia began crying. "I've been betrayed by someone I've known for all of two months!"

Ralmal, having no pity for either one, and not really caring about the Lexa, said, "What is _that_?"

Celia, suddenly aware of her impending doom, shrieked, "I did nothing!"

But it was too late, for Elemia clawed her eyes out. With her short, stubby, nails. You people out there, please remember: chewing your nails is bad for them. You people who chew your nails, good for you! I'm one of you, anyway.

With a pitiful "AAAh my EYES," the Celia fell unconscious on the floor. But can you blame her?

…and then the Lexa walked in…did he leave? The world may never know…I wasn't paying attention. Were you?

Anyways, upon walking in, he began listing his demands…stupid inflated-ego. "I need the Fenton Thermos! Or shall I say…the Sushi thermos!" As an afterthought, he added, "and I need a sidekick," while rolling his eyes in a bored way.

Suddenly alert, Elemia jumped up and down, crying, "ME! PICK ME!"

And thus, she was picked…

…Although that decision was questioned after she annoyed the living heck out of everyone nearby with the weird heart-shaped anime eyes.

Continuing down his list, which eventually unrolled out the door, Lexa resumed his businesslike demeanor. That is to say, he acted like a king come home from war.

"I need someone to monitor the Fentasush and work in the lab!"

This became Ralmal's job…but she only accepted it after he gave her ten twizzlers.

And there were other, less important demands, like a mountain of chewy gobstoppers. No, not gobstoppers. _Chewy_ gobstoppers. That is to say, jawbreakers that do not break your jaw because they are filled with _chewy stuff_. This is an oxymoron.

Coughing imperiously, as his inflated-ego had not yet returned to its normal size (that would be, of course, the size of an Olympic swimming pool), the Lexa said "Okay, team. We have one goal…to defeat Danny Phantom and his little friends."

Ralmal, ever the cynical Danny Phantom addict, questioned him. "Uhhh….why?"

This was, of course a good question…it made his ego shrink a bit…HA! Squirm, you little bugger, squirm! Uh…sorry.

"Because…because…because I said so!" Brushing off Ralmal's protests that that was _not_ a reasonable reason, he continues, "Now, first we need to go into their world. We're gonna need some help…"

Suddenly, Ralmal's friend,** Larie**, appeared, much in the same manner as the Celia had appeared earlier. "I'll do it," Larie volunteered.

Before anyone could respond, however, their attention was drawn to the Celia, who had woken up. Just like that. You couldn't hear or see it, but I snapped while saying it. No, no, my fingers, not my sanity.

"OH MY GOD IT FREAKING HURTS."

Still miffed, Elemia replied, "That's what you get for betraying me!"

"But I didn't do anything!"

"Says you," Elemia rebuffed.

"Yes, she did say." Ralmal commented. "What is _that_?"

Interrupting them all while annoying them to no end, the Lexa began something that could only be described as…speshul. "I'm going gh-…Oh, wait, DP took that line…Freakin' line stealer…"

Randomly, they all skipped off to the Lexa's house. Yes, they skipped. Like little girls with balloons...

**

* * *

At the Lexa's House**

Ralmal, having appointed herself leader, was making complicated diagrams and flow charts on sheets of notebook paper randomly spread across the room. "Okay, so here are the people who are on the mission to destroy Danny Phantom and his friends: Me, the Lexa, Elemia, the Celia (who has no eyes) and Larie." Turning away from the rest, she mumbled, "For now…" but it was wasted, because everyone heard her.

Lexa, bewildered, asked, "What was that?" but received in return only Ralmal's nonchalant "Nothing…nothing…"

Elemia then said, "Okay, let's go down to the Sushi Lab." This surprised everyone because it was the first time they had been in the Lexa's house. How _did_ she know about the Sushi lab? Must be a sidekick thing.

Ignoring the breaking of the fourth wall, they walked down to the Sushi lab, which was, in clichéd fashion, in the basement.

Whilst they were walking down the stairs, the Celia remarked, "This lab is so zesty."

The crickets chose this moment to begin chirping, but this made no sense, because it was, for some obscure reason, noon.

Providing some much-needed sarcasm to the scene, Larie muttered, "Riiiiiiiight." (I was being sarcastic about needing sarcasm, by the way.)

"Here," said Ralmal, pointing to some random object, "is the Sushie portal."

Without further ado, she opened the portal, which was like a ghost portal, but it was purple, not green.

Seeing the color of the purple, Ralmal and Celia cheered, "Yeah! Purple!"

Larie, all too used to this sort of behavior, sighed, "You guys are way too obsessed with purple." Lexa and Elemia nodded, sweat-dropping at the sight of the two capering about in their happiness.

Lexa, his ego having recovered, decided to begin his weirdo ritual again. "Okay, I'm going Oresush! (A/N: OMGWTF?)" And so, he…transformed…

…whilst Elemia looked on with her creepy heart-shaped anime eyes.

Lexa, being the anime-hater he was (A/N: I don't like anime-haters…they make me sad.), said, "Elemia, what is with your eyes?" but as was becoming a growing trend, Elemia said only, "Nothing…nothing…" in a nonchalant way.

Giving up, Lexa sighed, "Let's just go."

And so, everybody jumped in.

* * *

**A Few Minutes Later…**

Ralmal, being the avid Danny Phantom fan she was, commented, "Hey, we are in the Amity Park!"

Elemia, who was not such an avid Danny Phantom fan, said, "The where now?" but was ignored. Poor Elemia.

Because she was such an attention-seeking angsteh teen, Elemia pulled the Celia's hair out of the ponytail it was in and snapped a picture with a digital camera that appeared from thin air. "Yay! My life is validated!" she gloated, having taken said picture.

The Lexa/Oresush was simply staring at the Celia, saying something along the lines of "Oooh Miii…God…"

Whereupon Elemia promptly smacked him, chastising him with a firm, "Staring isn't nice."

Ralmal was silent, but she was laughing…at Elemia. Poor Elemia.

Larie, having missed out on the inside jokes, asked, "What's going on here?"

Ralmal then began to describe their location in detail. "We were at Amity Park. Yet for some undisclosed reason, we started walking…Hey! We are in front of a school…Wait…I can't see the name of it…Celia, can you see it?"

Depressed, the Celia sobbed, "I can't even see my _hands_!" It was angsteh…

Larie, squinting off into the distance, said, "It says…Casper High."

Then, they all heard the sound of someone going "Da da da dun…"

Elemia, being extremely paranoid, wheeled about before asking, "Oresush, was that you?"

Oresush replied, "No…" but everyone could see that his eyes were darting around suspiciously.

"Let's go in…" Larie began. Suddenly, she gasped and screeched (no, not at the same time), "Oh em gee!"

Everyone turned to face her, and asked, "What?"

Somewhat abashedly, she said, "I just noticed something. Oresush, why are you wearing Uggs?"

Oresush, wearing a deer-in-the-headlights expression on his face and a pair of fluffy pink Uggs on his feet, said nothing, but everyone knew that inside, he was saying something like "They're comfy and I like them and the fact that I spent more money on these shoes than the authoress spent on her computer makes me feel superior." Erstwhile, everyone else was thinking something along the lines of "Uggs are ugly and _way_ overpriced." (A/N: I don't like Uggs…)

"Let's go inside," the Celia said, "It's time for Biology." This statement did not make sense to everyone else, because they were all freshmen and the Celia was a _sophomore_. How did _she_ get into Honors Bio? She should be in chemistry.

After they all spent a good five minutes pondering this breakage of the fourth wall, the Oresush transformed (Into the Lexa, for those of you who weren't paying attention). Thereupon, Elemia stared at him with heart-shaped eyes.

"Okay," said the Lexa nervously, "you've got to stop doing that."

Anyways, they all walked into the biology classroom, which was room number 2420. The ones that could see then saw Sam sitting there.

But they didn't have long to ponder this as the Celia suddenly shouted, "WHAT IS GOING ON? WHY AM I HERE?"

Sam, having noticed the OCs (how could you not, with _that_ kind of an outburst?), let out a faint "Woah…"

Larie chose this moment to say, "Like, oh my gosh."

Elemia commented, "This place looks familiar."

Ralmal gave her a flat look and said, "It's DP's school…What is _wrong_ with you?"

Elemia replyed, "His school? What is _that?_"

Not to be outdone, Ralmal said, "The _heck_?"

Lexa, with another one of his trademark 'confused' expressions, said "Wait…did you just steal each others' phrases?"

Elemia, her eyes darting to and fro suspiciously said, "No…"

The Celia then said, "Say _WHAT?_"

Elemia patted her on the back, murmuring, "Wrong timing…but you'll get it next time."

Everyone else just laughed their heads off. Poor the Celia.

"Who the heck are you guys?" said Sam.

Everyone from Amazon East turned around and said, "You're still here?" Amazingly, this was done all at once.

"Like, who's the short dude?" Sam said.

"I'm the Lexa" he said. "More intelligent than you will ever be!" You see what I mean about egos?

"Thanks…I think" Sam said quizzically.

Ralmal asked, "Who's our teacher?"

"The Vlad," Sam said, with no hesitation.

Everyone except Larie gasped.

"Who's the Vlad?" Larie asked.

"So much to learn, so little time," Ralmal said airily.

At that moment, the Vlad walked in, putting an end to any and all conversations in the room.

"Hello, students!" he greeted. Suddenly his ghost sense went off. All pretenses of kindness left as he demanded, "OKAY! Who's the ghost?"

All the OCs then stared at the Lexa, because he was the halfa.

The Lexa said, "Uh…"

But it was too late.

"YOU!" cried the Vlad. "TELL ME THE SQUARE ROOT OF 144!"

"But this is Biology," the Lexa whined.

"JUST DO IT" the Vlad ordered.

"12" the Lexa said, sure of himself.

The Vlad shouted, "NO! F!"

"What?"

"That is an incorrect answer, Lexa. You fail."

"WHAT KIND OF TWisTED WORLD IS THIS?"

Sam jumped up shouting, "I know the answer! COOKIE!"

"Correct," said the Vlad.

"WHAT?" cried the Lexa. "I demand to see my lawyer! I –"

But the bell rang then, cutting off all his arguments.

"Guys," said Sam. "I have Orchestra next…With the shallow witch. I mean, Paulina. Are you guys coming?"

Everyone said something in the affirmative, including Elemia, who said "Something in the affirmative." Yes, those quotation marks are in the right spots.

Elemia turned to the only male in the whole group and said, "Lexa, I thought you were in band." But he did not answer, for he was staring at the Celia. (A/N: TT.TT poor Elemia)

"Whatever," said Sam, "Let's go."

Then, they walked down to Orchestra. No, they ran down! And Ralmal tripped a lot.

"You're late" said **Mr. Cats**, the orchestra director.

Celia whined, "But we're five minutes early!"

"Oh yeah, that's right, the Celia. Um…sit down."

Paulina sat down in Elemia's eat.

"Hey, you're in my seat!" Pausing for dramatic effect, Elemia added, "The _heck?_**I** am the Concert Master here!" (In Amazon East, Elemia was indeed the Concert Master.)

The Celia and Ralmal laughed out loud at Elemia's predicament.

Larie, not being musical, said "You are?"

The Lexa, ignoring all comments previously made, said, "OhmygoditsPaulina."

Paulina said, "the HECK?" and thus Elemia hated her more, because that was her phrase.

The Lexa, still stuck in his lala-land, said, "andtheCeliatoo…"

The Celia said, "say WHAT?" but Elemia didn't care, because it was the Celia's phrase, and the Celia had said it, so everything was good.

But Elemia was jealous, and many anime-style veins were popping out on her forehead.

"What is this murderous aura I feel?" said the Celia, backing away subconsciously from Elemia.

Mr. Cats, becoming impatient, ordered, "Sit _down_ or I will make you play until your _**arms** fall off_!"

Everyone sat down promptly.

"Paulina, why don't you lead us in a heart-warming piece?" said Mr. Cats, having a strange bipolar moment.

Paulina, still sitting on the floor, said in a kiss-up, syrupy voice, "Sure, Mr. Cats."

She promptly played Twinkle, Twinkle, Litte Star.

Sam gagged.

Most people were silent.

Elemia said, "I think my ears are bleeding."

"YEAH! WOOHOO!" cheered Larie.

Mr. Cats wiped tears from his eyes and said, "That was so beautiful," before turning to blow his nose. On his tie. 'Twas gross.

Ralmal said, "WHAT? Well, _I_ have something to say…GLOBS!"

There was a collective silence.

"Uh…right…" that was the Lexa.

"Elemia, what is _wrong_ with you?" continued Ralmal.

"I did nothing!" Elemia cried out defensively.

"Suuuure…" Ralmal said, clearly sarcastic.

"Wiiiii!" cried Larie. Nobody could tell if she was happy, saying something beginning with the word 'we,' or naming the new Nintendo controller. I kid you not.

Ralmal turned to Paulina and asked, "Hey Paulina, wanna hang out with us?"

Everyone cried "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" dramatically…but it was too late…

…For Paulina chirped, "Okay!"

Everyone sighed pathetically.

Paulina said, "Hi, Sam," before standing up to sit next to said goth-girl. Elemia stole her chair while she was doing so. Elemia then did a happy dance…while seated.

"We're going to be _best friends_," Paulina continued.

Sam said, with creepy anime-style heart eyes, "I'd rather be with MY best friend…"

"What?" said Paulina, but received only Sam's nonchalant "Nothing…nothing…" for her trouble.

The bell then rang.

"Have a great day," Mr. Cats said, as the teens strolled out the door.

"It's time for homeroom," said the Celia, who did not run into anything or anyone as she walked down the hallway. Obviously she was using the force.

Ralmal said, "Mr. Cats' last sentence was completely unnecessary."

Elemia, ignoring all comments, said, "YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE CONCERT MASTER!"

"And you should know, because you only got there because of your solo." Ralmal commented.

"NOT HELPING!" cried Elemia. "Besides, I got there by my second audition, didn't I?"

"I wish I could _see_." Said the Celia.

"Paulina's piece was beautiful," said the Lexa, pretending that he knew what the heck he was talking about.

"Indeed," said Larie, who was deceiving herself in a similar way.

"Well, I say it sucked." Said Elemia, convinced she was right. "Anybody else?"

"Me," voted Ralmal.

Pushing glasses up, but failing miserably because of her lack of glasses, the Celia said, "Well, rather I thought her intonation was a bit flat and her shifting was a bit slow. Try it again, but with more intonation, and make it as legato as you can. Also, count precisely in your head. One-and-two-and, one-e-and-a two-e-and-a."

Everyone said, "…"

"That was MY line," said Mr. Cats.

Suddenly, everyone turned around to see said Orchestra teacher standing _**right** behind them_, only his face had fallen off, revealing a robotic interior, and his eye looked like a a camera.

"Didn't we…"

"…Just _leave_…"

"…orchestra?"

Those remarks came from Ralmal, Elemia, and the Celia, respectively…but with no respect toward Mr. Cats.

* * *

**Middle of Story Random Omake:**

Mr. Cats looked at them and said, "Good evening gentlemen. All your base are belong to us. You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha ha ha."

Elemia was amused by this, having recently (and belatedly) discovering the All Your Base phenomenon. But everybody else ran away.

This never happened, 'tis an extra scene...that comes back later.

* * *

Having reached homeroom, Elemia said excitedly, "Who's in our class?" 

A blond-haired teen with abnormally large shoulders said "ME!" and upon seeing Larie said, "I loooooooove you."

"Who are you?" said Larie.

"I am Da Dash. I am a lovely blond jock who just failed my spelling test. I spelled cat wrong. I spelled it K-A-T. What's wrong with that?"

The Lexa said, "The K is supposed to be a C."

"I don't even know who you are and I still don't like you." Said Da Dash, cracking his knuckles menacingly.

"Dash," said Ralmal, "as much as it pains me to say this, wanna hang with us?"

"Only if Larie will be there," he said, his eyes turning into hearts (not to be confused with the heart-shaped anime-style eyes, of course).

"Who _are_ you?" said Larie.

But then the bell rang, and nobody cared.

"I can't see! I can't see! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" said the eyeless girl (the Celia). She tripped and fell on her face and Elemia stepped on her on her way out the door.

"Uh…ooops, said Elemia. "Next-stop, Spanish! Español rocks my socks off!"

Sam, tired of having no dialogue, said, "You've all forgotten me, haven't you?"

"Sorry but we are too bubbly – " (Elemia)

"and eyeless – " (the Celia)

"and bored – " (Ralmal)

"and smart – " (the Lexa)

"and speshul – " (Da Dash)

"and almost flawless – " (Paulina)

"and athletic –" (Larie)

"To care about whatever's going on with you." (everyone, in unison.)

"Well, I'll go hang out with Danny then…" said Sam sadly.

"Oh Em Gee, Danny?" said the Lexa, "Is he cute?" his eyes then turned to hearts. (A/N: just a reminder, the Lexa is male.)

Elemia said, "Proving, once again, that he is the ultimate fangirl."

The Celia said, "_What_ is that?"

Elemia said, "What _is_ that?"

Ralmal said, "What is _that_? What is _wrong_ with you?"

The Celia said, "Say WHAT?"

Da Dash said, "Uh…I can't spell wath…whet?...wait…"

"Am I the only smart one here?" said the Lexa.

"Noo, I'm smart too!" replyed Ralmal.

"Riiiight." The Lexa said, with no limit to the mockery.

"SHUT UP, YOU!" she cried, strangling him. Hell hath no fury as a women scorned.

Sam said, "We can prove this. What is the Pythagorean theorem?"

Ralmal then said, "B squared plus A squared equals C squared."

"I can say it better…A squared plus B squared equals C squared." He said.

"I'm sorry to say this, Lexa," said Sam, "but Ralmal is right."

"YES!" cried Ralmal.

"But it's the same," he whimpered.

Then, it was time for the daily announcements.

"I will destroy anyone who is not from Amity Park…Mwahahahaha……have a great day." Said the mysterious voice.

There was silence in the homeroom.

"We should probably go to Spanish," said Sam.

"Who was that?" inquired Ralmal.

Sam said, "I'll tell you later."

-

**In Spanish:**

"Why is Jazz the teacher?" asked Larie.

"Because I'm smarter than the teacher," said Danny Phantom's older sister. "Everyone, take out your textbooks and conjugate the verbs on pages 45-67 in both present-tense and the preiterate."

Everyone cried, "WHAT?"

"I like her…" said the Lexa, his eyes turning into hearts.

"Who _are_ you?" asked Jazz.

Ralmal said, a crazed glint in her eye, "You are my idol…Give me your brain."

"Um…how about…NO."

"Wanna hang with us, then?"

"I'll join you guys later. I'm teaching AP Calculus after this."

There was a collective silence…which was broken by the Lexa, who said, "Everyone, please meet my future wife."

Elemia shouted, "Shut up!" jealously, while strangling him with the remains of the Celia's hair tie.

The bell rang, yet again.

"Okay, Sam," said Larie. "Tell us, who was that on the intercom?"

Sam, her eyes darting about suspiciously, said, "It was…Danny."

:Collective Gasp:

* * *

**A/N: **Oh, yes, a randomly placed cliffhanger. But it matters not, because nobody reads this story and reviews:sob: Mean you are to me!  



	3. Of Screwdrivers and Climactic Battles

**Chapter Title: **Of Screwdrivers and Climactic Battles

**Warnings:** Grammatically correct crack, **language**, violence, WAFF

**A/N: **All plot is written by Ralmal, and all crack is written by Nekohime Kitsuya (Elemia). There's lots of dividers in this chapter...I went a little overboard.

* * *

**Notes to My Reviewers:**

**Ralmal: **Wow, Ralmal. Way to make it blatantly obvious as to who you are…

**KatieSparks:** YAY! Someone that I don't know reviewed for me! This maketh me happeh…HAPPEH :Happeh dance:

**

* * *

Previously:**

"Okay, Sam," said Larie. "Tell us, who was that on the intercom?"

Sam, her eyes darting about suspiciously, said, "It was…Danny."

:Collective Gasp:

* * *

Ralmal, shocked beyond all belief, asked Sam, "Are you sure?" 

"Yes," replied Sam, her eyes darting around suspiciously.

"She must be telling the truth!" cried the Celia.

"Can't you see the shifty eyes? She must be lying!" shouted the Lexa.

"Um…" mumbled the Celia, her eye sockets filling up with tears.

Ralmal smacked the Lexa across the head, screeching, "She can't see!"

"Oh…" he sighed, realizing his faux pas. A faux pas is a breach in etiquette, is it not?

"So," continued Ralmal, "where can we find Danny?"

Her eyes darting around the room suspiciously, replied, "I don't know…"

Elemia, tired of this, decided to play bad cop…only she got too into character. "TELL US OR I'LL TAKE OUT YOUR EYES WITH A SCREWDRIVER!" she cried.

"You don't have a screwdriver," said Sam. This, of course, was a completely rational statement, considering Elemia's current screwdriverlessness.

Unfortunately, the fourth wall was, again, broken.

"Then WHAT'S THIS, BITCH?" Elemia screeched angrily, as she pulled out a very sharp screwdriver.

"I'LL _NEVER_ TELL!" cried Sam passionately.

"You **asked** for it then," replied Elemia coldly, as she tore out Sam's eyes with the screwdriver, leaving two gaping holes where before there had been eyes. Thanks to her surgical precision, however, neither Sam nor the Celia would be dying of blood loss anytime soon, considering that they _were not bleeding_.

"Blind!" cried Sam.

"There's a club for that," the Celia deadpanned. "It's called you and me."

* * *

**Some time later…**

"My eyes!" wailed Sam, refusing to just _get over it_.

"Elemia," said Ralmal, "what is _with_ you and poking people's eyes out?

"I don't know…" said Elemia thoughtfully, her eyes darting around suspiciously.

It was at this moment that the bell rang, a horrible sound very similar to that of a truck backing up. This meant, of course, that the bells were broken, and they were getting fixed.

"Time for PE!" cheered Larie, who enjoyed the class very much.

"Time for PE…" sighed Ralmal, who rather disliked the class.

"Time for PE. I HATE THAT CLASS! I WISH IT WOULD…" the rest of Elemia's sentence was deleted by the authoress, for it consisted of very graphic violence.

Lexa walked away, saying "Bye, girls."

As soon as he was out of earshot, Elemia let out a heartbreaking wail: "NO! MY LOVE!"

"What the…" muttered Sam, who was still not used to the randomness.

"Er…it's nothing." Said Elemia, blushing.

Paulina, noting that they were swimming today, remarked, "I don't want to get my hair wet, it's ever so wonderful."

"Yes, it is," concurred Ralmal, as she sniffed Paulina's hair repeatedly.

"Um, can you stop sniffing my hair?"

"Oh, sorry," said Ralmal, her eyes darting to and fro suspiciously.

* * *

**YAY, Gym Class…**

Having changed into their bathing suits, the girls walked out to the pool.

Standing there was a figure nobody had ever seen. It was, in fact, **Ms. G**, a Honors Biology/AP Biology teacher from Amazon East. _How_ she got to Casper High, nobody will ever know.

"I will be your gym teacher for today…Roll call! Ralmal?"

"Here!"

"Elemia?"

"Present!"

"Dannyelle?"

The Celia, hearing this unfamiliar name, said, "the _who _now?" But was ignored.

"Here!" said a person wearing a disturbing wig.

"Wait a minute," said Larie as she pulled the wig off said person, "it's DANNY FENTON!"

The other girls ran about screaming, "AAAH! A GUY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" I am not even going to go _into_ the implications of this.

"Wait," said the lead girl as the mob slowed chaotically to a halt, "did you say Danny? _The_ Danny Fenton/Phantom?"

"Yeah, said Larie, "and the '/' was not necessary.'

Suddenly, the horde of girls became a horde of bloodthirsty **fangirls**. "GET HIM!"

"NOOO!" screamed Danny, as he jumped into the pool.

"I forgot! I can't swim!" he cried frantically, "I'm drowning!" Well, no shit, Sherlock…

Sam, suddenly alert, cried, "What's going on? I can't see!" This was obvious. "Is that my future husband…I mean, my best friend, screaming?"

"Yes!" affirmed Ralmal, a firm supporter of the Danny/Sam pairing.

"I'm coming, Danny!" shouted Sam, right before she tripped and fell in the pool, whereupon she screamed whilst drowning.

The Celia, confused, asked, "What's going on?"

All of a sudden, the Oresush flew in (that would be the Lexa, in a transformed state.). "my Sushi danger senses were tingling! Is anyone hurt?"

"Not yet," said Elemia dangerously, as she glared at the fangirls. Aforementioned fangirls then ran and cowered in the corner, as far from Elemia as humanly possible.

As he dragged Danny and Sam from the pool, the Oresush asked, "Who the _heck_ are you?"

Danny transformed, stating, "I've been waiting for you, the Oresush."

"Danny Fenton/Phantom!" said the Oresush, gasping (after he said it, obviously).

"Stop with the '/'s!" shouted Larie, obviously ticked off.

Paulina let out a girly shriek. "Your splashing has ruined my hair!" but everyone ignored Paulina, except Ralmal, who mourned not having such perfect hair.

"I am Danny Fenton/Phantom!" Danny said, stating the obvious.

"Yes, Captain Obvious, I just said that." Said the Oresush, a bored expression on his face.

"Did I or did I _not_ say no more '/'s?" said an even-more-annoyed Larie. But she, too, was ignored. Poor Larie and Paulina. It's not nice to ignore people, you know.

"Ah, where was I," said Danny, having forgotten a few things in the confusion.

"'I've been waiting for you, the Oresush.' You said it 8.3 seconds ago," said Elemia, pushing her glasses up like the geek she is inside.

"…Geek…" Ralmal whispered to Elemia.

"I'm not a GEEK!" cried Elemia dramatically, before resuming a more businesslike tone, "I'm the child of one of the founders of Polyubergeek. I even thought of the name…so there."

Pausing and blinking for about five seconds, she then added, "…Did I say that out loud?"

"Yes, you did," replied Ralmal, trying not to laugh hysterically.

"…Dang…"

"What in the _heck_ is going on?" shouted the Celia and Sam at the same time.

"Oresush and Danny are about to fight," said Ralmal.

The DP characters walked to Danny's side of the pool, and the AE students walked to the Oresush's side, but Sam and the Celia just kind of sat there because they couldn't see which side was which…

Da Dash dramatically whined, "Larie, I love you, but I must join the animated side."

"Who are you again?" asked Larie as she walked away, but she received no answer.

Suddenly, Danny and the Oresush started fighting.

* * *

"What is going on?" asked the Celia. 

Then, Sam asked, "What is going on?"

"I just said that," said the Celia.

"Uh, right," said Sam, shifting her eyes about.

Confused, the Celia asked, "I thought you didn't have any eyes. How can you do the shifty eyes thing?

Equally confused, Sam asked, "How can you see me shift my eyes?"

There was silence.

Erstwhile, their heads exploded from breaking the metaphor. No, I'm just kidding…they really didn't. What _is_ that?

* * *

But anyways, back to the fight, because when there is a fight, who cares about the background characters? Am I right? 

Because I haven't the DP knowledge to explain what was going on, suffice it to say that they were fighting, and it seemed that Danny was losing.

"Yes!" cheered Team Oresush jubilantly.

"NO!" wailed Team Phantom, equally dismayed as Team Oresush was jubilant.

"Hah," gloated the Oresush, "I do believe I have defeated the Danny. Sorry about this my love…"

Startled by the odd looks everyone was directing toward him, he hastened to add, "I mean…uh…"

But it was too late for him.

"WHATT?" cried Sam. "Back off, Oresush, or shall I say…the Lexa!" With that, she pulled out a device that steals ghost powers, and…stole his ghost powers, surprising everyone in the process, because she aimed it correctly… "Take _THAT_…"

With a little poof and a cloud of smoke, the Oresush disappeared and in his place stood the Lexa.

There was, of course, a collective gasp at this point.

"I losted my powers! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he cried, forlorn.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," murmured Elemia, laughing inwardly.

"Why are you laughing?" the poor ex-halfa sobbed.

"I'm…not…laughing…" she gasped in between fully audible giggles.

"…Yes, you are.'

Still laughing, Elemia said, "And I have no idea why!"

* * *

Suddenly, everyone's attention was drawn to the crowd by the pool. 

"Uh…" moaned Danny. "I don't feel so good…"

"No!" cried Sam, "DON'T DIE! I CAN'T LIE WITHOUT YOU!"

"What?"

"I mean," she said, "I can't **_LIVE_** without you. There was a typo…"

Here, everybody paused to wonder why their heads weren't exploding, because _SURELY_ she had just broken a metaphor…or two…metaphorically speaking, of course.

"AAAAAWWWWW…" squealed Ralmal, "This goes off the cheesy meter."

Ignoring her, Danny inquired, "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Yeah…I love you…" whispered Sam.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" cried Ralmal, lost in the fluffly WAFF of the moment…

…Which was broken by Larie, as she commented, "I have no 'aw's for romance."

Ralmal gasped. "How could you?"

"This is not the best time," remarked Danny, "seeing as I'm going to die in about…" Wordlessly, he gestured to Elemia.

"Nine point two seconds." She said.

"Actually, it was more like nine point one seconds." Interjected the Lexa.

"You're so smart," Elemia squealed, using her infamous anime-style heart-eyes.

"STOP THAT" screeched the Lexa, like the little girl he felt like sometimes.

"DON'T DIE!" sobbed Sam, still hunched over the form of the boy she had just confessed her undying love for.

"I feel like it," said boy responded.

"WHAT!" she screeched.

"I'm not really Danny Fenton/Phantom" he replied.

Everyone wheeled around, screeching, "WHAAAT!"

The figure who looked exactly like Danny transformed into…A WOMAN!

_She_, that is to say, the woman, said, "I am the **Principal of AE! **(hereafter referred to as either 'the Principal' or 'Ms. Noto.' Not, of course, to be confused with 'Moto.')"

The DP characters just looked at her blankly.

She sighed. "That's Amazon East, dearies."

"Oh." They said before assuming generic expressions of surprise.

"Where's Danny?" Sam demanded angstehly.

The Principal smirked evilly. "Oh, you'd like to know, wouldn't you?"

"Yeah, because she loves him," said Ralmal, (un)helpfully.

"SHUT UP RALMAL!" cried Sam.

"NEVER!" she cried back."

Ignoring them all, the Principal said, "I need one more character, and that's Tucker…If you give me him, I'll give you Danny." Pausing for a second, the Principal squealed, "And then my poster collection will be complete!"

"DEAL!" cried Sam.

"NO DEAL!" shouted Larie, "I love Tucker…we can't turn him in…"

"Yes we can!"

"NO!" screamed Larie, glaring at Sam.

Sam returned the glare in full.

The bell rang, the Larie and Sam were too busy glaring to notice.

"Time for lunch," murmured the Celia.

"All of you are stuck in this school until 3:26 PM. And once that time comes, all the Danny Phantom characters are toast, and the AE students are my slaves!" cackled the Principal, a crazed gleam in her eye.

"Oh yeah?" countered Ralmal, "you and what toaster?"

As the Principal held one up, she said, "Oh…that one."

The Principal then transformed to her very own ghost form. "It's now 11:45 AM. Enjoy your last hours of freedom." Then, she flew out a conveniently placed window.

The crickets, distant cousins of those in the Lexa's basement, began to chirp. It wasn't even _noon _yet! Indeed, it was only 11:45...OH!

Bored and hungry, Ralmal asked, "Who wants to go for pizza?"

"Time to take out Team Phantom…" said Elemia evilly. (A/N: Who thinks Elemia is more of a villain than the Principal? You, you and uh…you, you're right.)

The Lexa said, "You mean out to eat?" This was logical. But who knows what happens in the AU s, eh?

"No, I mean take them OUT – screwdriver style!" she said, grinning sadistically as she pulled out a bloody screwdriver.

"Run AWAY!" cried the leaderless Team Phantom as they did so.

"Now _why_ do you suppose that happened?" asked Elemia, putting on one of her 'innocent child' faces.

* * *

**In the Lunchroom…**

"Ohmylord, I have no powers…" lamented the Lexa.

Laughing at him, Larie commented, "Nice, Einstein."

The Celia fell over laughing at the Lexa's predicament.

Clearing her throat imperiously, Ralmal said, "We have more important things to worry about…"

"You mean how Ms. Noto is going to make us her slaves?" said Elemia, worried.

"No," said Ralmal, shocking them all, "I mean like how lunch has started AND I DON'T HAVE PIZZA!"

"Indeed," said Elemia, "this is a worthy challenge."

"MY POWERS!" the Lexa wailed…with angst.

"Shut up." This was Larie.

"Did you know," the Lexa said randomly, "I read once in a magazine that there are subliminal messages in video games, and if you say the codeword 'amulet' in front of a gamer, then they will become all violent? Let's test it, eh? **AMULET**."

"Bad idea," said Ralmal, as Elemia stiffened. As Elemia's eyes turned blood red and began to glow, Ralmal continued, "She's a gaming addict, or didn't you know?"

"I'm beginning to question the…" but he was cut off as Elemia pulled out a screwdriver.

"Anyways," Ralmal said leisurely, "I'm going to go get some **PIZZA**."

Elemia returned to normal before collapsing from chakra depletion (NARUTO REFERENCE.)

The Lexa, who had not been killed, miraculously, said dazedly, "What happened?"

"Forgot to read up on the off switch, huh?" Ralmal said in a superior tone of voice.

"MY POOR EGO! STOP **STABBING** IT ALREADY!"

As she woke up, Elemia whined, "Cute or not, the Lexa, you should be shutting up now."

"Shutting up" he said, as he did so.

"Hey, It's on you, Lexa," said Ralmal as she brought in a box of pizza.  
"What?"

"Dig in, everybody! …And, Lexa, it's 45 dollars."

"WHAT?"

"Plus tax."

The Lexa sighed. But he wanted pizza too, so I guess it was ok.

"I can't eat this," whined Sam, " it's sausage! **THE MEAT! IT BURNS!"**

"I love this, but I have to watch my figure…it's filled with grease." Larie remarked.

Unnerved by the weird looks everybody was giving her, she said exasperatedly, "the _pizza_, not my figure."

Everybody resumed eating then, having solved the mystery…except for Larie.

"Just eat the pizza already!" said Ralmal.

"Hey Larie," said Elemia, "Why are you going all Paulina with the figure?"

"Uh…" Larie was pretty much speechless.

Celia, having eaten one and a half pieces already, "This is good."

There was a collective silence, which was broken by Ralmal. "That last line was not necessary."

"I want my powers!" whined the Lexa, who was _still_ not letting go, "maybe we should team up with Team Phantom after all."

"GREAT IDEA!" cried Ralmal excitedly.

"Why so happy, oh Ralmal?" said Elemia.

"You guys are boring. I mean, I want to talk to Paulina and share hair tips."

"Your hair is fine." Said Larie.

"I know."

"You're supposed to say 'thank you.'"

"Thank you to my parents who gave me nice hair…'

"Why I…Elemia, give me your screwdriver."

"I lost it!" Elemia cried. "I lost my precious Tsubaki-kun!"

At everyone's blank stares, she whined, "I name them, alright? wAAh…Poor Tsubaki-kun, what will I do without you?"

The Celia and Sam cheered, "YES!"

"Okay," said the Lexa, "let me call Paulina and tell her to bring everyone in."

"That won't be necessary," said an oddly-familiar mysterious voice.

"Jazz, is that you?" guessed the Celia.

"Yes," said the newly-revealed not-so-mysterious voice, "with the rest of the DP cast, plus TUCKER!"

"Hey," Tucker greeted.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeey…" said Larie, anime-style heart-eyes aglow.

"Who _are_ you?" asked Tucker. This is irony, is it not?

"I knew you guys would decide to team up to save my baby brother…Who sleeps with a teddy bear." Said Jazz maliciously. "It was _my_ teddy bear. He stole it from me!"

"My future husband?" asked the Lexa.

"WHAT?" screamed Sam.

"Pretend you didn't hear that."

"Oh, ok."

"Anyway," Jazz said intelligently, "I already have a lead on where the bear-sleeping kid is. He's in…Amazon East.

The Amazon East students gasped.

"When will I get my powers?" asked the Lexa.

"I don't know," replied Jazz. "We're not far enough in the story yet. Let's go!"

So saying, they jumped into Jazz's car, which could not only withstand the Principal's shield of DOOMY DOOM, but could also seat all of them _and_ had good mileage.

They drove through a purple portal that appeared in the middle of the street. 'Twas random.

* * *

**A few minutes later…**

"Hey," said Ralmal, "were in the Auditorium at Amazon East…"

"Home of the Deadly, Bloodsucking Cobras!" chirped Elemia helpfully, "Ph34r U5."

"Sam's future husband is in…The science wing." Said Jazz, reading off her laptom.

"ARGH! WHY DOES EVERYONE KNOW MY DREAM?"

"What dream?" asked the Celia. But she received only a nonchalant "Nothing…nothing…" for her trouble."

The bell rang.

"To the science wing," Jazz said monotonously.


	4. Elemia the Villain and Deja vu

**Chapter Title: **Elemia the Villain and some Déjà vu.

**Warnings: **Language, OCs, AU, Gramatically correct crack, Ego-stabbing, General Violence

**A/N: **A note to katiesparks: Listen to my overreaction: THE LEXA IS _NOT GAY_. I REpEAT! THE Lexa is _not_ gay, nor does it mean gay. I mean, in the second chapter, he specifically stated that he loved the Celia, who is female. Also, it was implied in the third and third chapters that he liked Paulina. The Lexa is the name of a member of the male side of the human species. Anything that suggests that he is gay is a joke… My rant is over…

Furthermore, my next chapter will be much later, because I don't have as much time to revise the next chappie.

* * *

**Previously:**

The bell rang.

"To the science wing," Jazz said monotonously.

* * *

Upon entering the Biology classroom, which, by the way, was _still_ room number 2420, they saw Ms. G. _Again_. How she got back before they did will forever remain a mystery.

"Blahblahblahblahblahblahblah," Ms. G intoned, doing her level best to sound superior (she did very well at it, actually).

"I understand!" cried the Lexa joyously, "Blahblahblah…blah."

Ms. G looked very proud as she said, "100 percent! You're a genius!"

"I know."

Ralmal, sick of this, said, "Your ego is bigger than the school."

Concurring, the Celia said, "We could fly around the world with the hot air you generate…"

"Uh," began Da Dash, "yeah…and you're smart too…" Not the brightest bulb in the box, now is he?

Randomly, Elemia pulled out a big book and pushed her glasses up geekily…again. Clearing her throat, she announced, "As sidekick, I retain all rights to the teasing and general making fun of the Lexa/Oresush. The anime-style heart-eyes are copyrighted by me and are not to be used without my consent. Failure to comply with these rules will result in the removal of your eyes."

"What is _that_?" asked Ralmal.

"I'm…honored?" the Lexa commented.

The Celia, horrified, shouted, "You can't do that! Didn't you lose your screwdriver?"

"I bought a new Tsubaki-kun…" replied Elemia, cackling evilly.

"Paulina…" murmered Da Dash. Lost in his thoughts, he used the anime-style heart-eyes. Again, he's not the brightest.

"**Su!"** shouted Elemia.

Said Persian/Egyptian girl appeared, breathing normally despite having run up from autos class, which was a whole floor down. And seriously, she was Persian _and_ Egyptian. "Yo," she said, not really caring what was going on.

"Can I borrow your electric screwdriver?" asked Elemia. "Pleaseohpleaseohpleeeeeaaaaaaase?"

"Fine…" she said, obviously miffed at having to part with a screwdriver, for however a short time. She then stuck a screwdriver into a conveniently placed wall socket before giving it to Elemia. The screwdriver was glowing…it looked rather dangerous.

Elemia plus Glowing-electric-blue-screwdriver equals…Well, figure this one out for yourself.

"YOU WANNA USE MY EYES, HUH, PUNK?" Elemia was…well, she wasn't happy, that's for sure.

"Uh…um…eep…" The target of her anger, Da Dash, was not _quite_ stupid enough to realize his doom.

"HUH? HUH? HUH?" she might have been just a _bit _hyper that day…

"I…uh…um…PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"

"YOU WANNA TRY IT AGAIN? HUH? HUH?" she might also have been overdoing it…just a little.

"OHMYLORDDON'TTAKEMYEYESMYBEAUTIFULBLUEEYES!HOWWILLICHARMTUCKERWITHOUTMYEYES?" Ah. For those of you unable (or too lazy) to discern this, he said, "Oh my lord, don't take my eyes! My beautiful blue eyes! How will I charm Tucker without my eyes?" :gasp: DashxTucker?

"You got all that, Ralmal?" Elemia said, glancing over at said brunette…

…who was writing everything down on a notepad. "Yep. You are **never** going to live this down!" It seems that Ralmal has a bit of a mean streak.

"No gratuitous violence in this one people! No blood for you!" said the Celia, probably glad at the lack of violence.

"Can I run Ms. G over with a motorcycle?" asked only biker present (Soney).

"Eep." Ms. G was obviously not happy with this idea.

"…Andre wants blood…" whispered a mysterious voice. It was probably Elemia, because she was the only truly evil one in this scene. But it could have been the fish. Come _on_! You know Nemo's evil _inside_! That sweet 'I can't swim too well' thing is just a cover!

"YES! YOU ARE _SUCH_ A REBEL!" cried Su, running downstairs to find Andre. That is to say, the illegally modified Harley Fatboy that was named Andre.

"Well," said the Lexa, "This is not going to end well.

"Aaw," cooed Elemia, "you'll still be cute after this." Evil, or is she just hiding the inner pain? Ok, my angsteh moment is over.

The Lexa, confused, said, "What?" but received for his trouble only Elemia's nonchalant, "Uh…nothing…" Nonchalant…_riiiight._

"I think we need to focus on finding my lover, I mean, Danny." Said genius-boy. Guess who?

At this point, Sam went all '?'

"Lexa is right," interjected Ralmal. "I ordered a pizza an hour ago, and if I don't get home on time, it's gonna leave. So let's find him already.

Behind them all, Ms. G coughed. "Are you looking for Danny Fenton/Phantom?" But she didn't cough the sentence, of course…

"NO '/'s!" cried Larie. But she was ignored again, as Ms. G began a very short, non-angry rant.

"He was such a smart kid. He flew out the window trying to test the laws of gravity. I think he beat you, the Lexa. You currently have a ninety-nine point nine nine (99.99) percent in this class, but he has a ninety-nine point nine nine and a _half_ percent (99.995).

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried the Lexa melodramatically. He's such a drama queen. You heard me right.

"Danny? Smart? Not possible…" commented Elemia, "…Unless he actually studied…"

After gasping once (with equal drama as the Lexa), Ralmal continued, "and gave up his ghost powers…"

There was a silence as everyone pondered the ramifications of this.

Breaking the silence, Jazz said, "My tracker says that he's right…behind us."

On cue, everyone turned around.

"DANNY!" Sam cried, anime-style heart-eyes flashing.

"Hey, hey, hey…what did I say about the copyright?"

"But I have no eyes," the goth girl countered.

"Dang it…wait…"

But before Elemia could break the metaphor, which could possibly result their heads exploding, Jazz demanded, "Where have you been?"

"I gave up my ghost life," Danny said, the lights dimming and a spotlight shining down upon him, "I am now dedicating it to…to…to raising my biology grade. I want to beat the **Andrew Lee**. He has a ninety-nine point nine nine and three-quarters percent grade in this class. It is virtually IMPOSSIBLE to get one hundred percent in this class."

"WHY?" cried Ralmal. "You need to help us defeat the principal. She's going to come after us…and I need pizza!"

"Hey," said the halfa who didn't want to be a halfa. "I like pizza too. Wanna eat it together?" Suddenly, his eyes turned to creepy anime-style heart-eyes.

"Uh…I don't think so."

"Hey! The COPYRIGHT!" Elemia shouted as she stabbed out Danny Phantom's eyes.

"AAhhh! MY eyes!"

Sam sighed and said "I still love you."

"Huh? Really?"

Here, everyone yelled, "DUDE, YOU ARE SO SLOW! EVEN WITH EYES YOU COULDN'T SEE IT?"

"I am over the Ralmal," said Danny, "and the Paulina, and the Tucker…"

"When did you like Tucker?" asked Sam.

"Uh…we should…forget the past! And I also loved the Oresush. I have a feeling he's half ghost too. I wonder where he is."

His confession was interrupted by the Lexa's nonchalant whistling.

"But I'm over him." He muttered.

"COME ON…COME ON…COME ON…" whispered Ralmal, her eyes shut tightly in anticipation.

"I love you too," Danny finished.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" shouted Ralmal joyously.

"It's like DP…but it's better…'cuz it's real…" intoned Ralmal and Elemia together.

Ms. G, tired of being ignored, asked, "Did you guys do your homework?

"I don't go here…" said Danny and Sam, hugging.

At this, everyone except Larie, who specifically stated that she does not say 'aw' to anything romantic, began squealing, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWW!"

"NOOOO!" cried, Tucker, running in from outside, "I lost my future wife!"

"Eh?" said Sam dazedly, still hugging Danny…

Suddenly, the fangirls ran in, just in time to see Sam and Danny…still hugging. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they screamed, melting to the floor.

Glancing about her, Sam commented, "Ew, I'm stepping in shallow water."

"We need to stop the principal," said Danny.

And then, the bells rang again.

Angered, Jazz muttered, "These bells are so stupid!

"I know," Larie agreed.

The music that came on in the hallway, instead of the normal classical music, was the DP theme song.

Everyone except Larie cheered.

Larie said, "I don't get it."

"Get out!" shouted Ms. G as she pushed them out the door…

…To where the Principal was standing.

After staring at them for about a few seconds, the Principal said, "Ha ha. Now I have you right were I want you…" She then grabbed the Lexa and Danny and flew to the girl's bathroom.

Both Elemia and Sam fell to their knees crying, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY LOVE!"

"Er," said Larie, poking them, "it's right down the hall."

"Right…" I knew that, they said, blushing furiously.

"Let's go!" shouted Ralmal, having elected herself leader again.

"I hope the walls are pink," said Paulina.

* * *

**Down the hall a bit…**

"The walls _are _pink." Squealed Paulina, her eyes turning to anime-style heart eyes…before Elemia took them, of course.

"MYBEAUTIFULEYES!" Cried Paulina.

"The Principal's next," said Elemia maliciously.

"It's too late!" Ms. Noto declared, "I have sent tem to an undisclosed location!"

"They're in English class." Said Elemia.

"HOW DID YOU KNOW?" shouted the Principal.

"Because…" began Ralmal…

"It's like DP…but it's better…cuz it's _real_." Finished Ralmal and Elemia together.

"Check out our mad logic skillz," gloated Elemia.

"Dang, they're good." Muttered the Principal.

"What's going on?" asked the Celia. "I've walked into the same wall four times!"

Everyone else laughed at the Celia. Poor the Celia.

"Danny!" cried Sam, "I love you!"

"D00d, he's not here." Said Elemia, practicing her 1337-5p34k.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"It's okay," said Tucker, "I'm here…"

"Enough of you, where's Danny? DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNYYYYY!"

* * *

**In an "undisclosed location"…**

"Sam…is…calling…mee…"

"Uh d00d," this was the Lexa… "j00r freaking me out."

"Sam…is…coming…for…us…Elemia…too…"

"Is the Celia there?"

"No…she's…unconscious."

"Is there pizza?"

"No…Ralmal…ate…it…all…"

"Is there nothing good in this world?"

"You sidekick…took out Paulina's…eyes…"

"Well…that _may_ have been the highlight of this fic."

Danny, obviously, was using his latent psychic powers…either that, or he was very well informed. Danny is teh godfather...

* * *

**Back to everyone else…they're still in the bathroom…**

"Using my brain…" began Pauina.

"You have a brain?" asked Ralmal, laughing.

Ignoring her, Paulina continued. "I am hypothesizing that Lexa and Danny are in the stall." She opened the stall to find them in there tied up. The principal was lying…LYING I SAY!

Everyone stared at Paulina…it was a bit creepy.

"What?" she asked.

"Did Paulina just do something smart?" asked Elemia, disbelief sketched on her face.

Here, Danny squealed like a girl and fainted.

"Was that Danny's girlish scream? Danny, don't worry, I'm coming!" Sam then ran into the stall door…five times…in a row.

Ralmal opened the door, and Sam ran in.

"Danny! Just listen to the sound of my voice!"

"How cheesy…" muttered Larie.

"Just take my hand…" said Sam. "Wait, who is this? TUCKER?"

"Uh…"

Sam punched Tucker and screamed, "I WILL NEVER LIKE YOU! GO AWAY!" She then finished her rant by flushing him down the toilet.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he cried.

"The Principal's life force, aka her eyes, are in English class. Let's go!" said Sam whilst she untied her boyfriend.

"Is anyone going to untie me?" asked the Lexa.

"No…" said Elemia, cackling evilly.

"You're sick, Elemia." Said Ralmal.

"…" this was the Lexa, pondering the meaning behind their words.

"You're not going anywhere…" said the Principal, appearing out of nowhere.

"Oh yes we are," crowed Ralmal, as Jazz stuffed the Principal in her own toaster and watched her get fried.

"It's past time for English," said Jazz, "Let's go down the toilet." I didn't write this part, so I don't get it.

"I LOVE you!" shouted the Lexa. "I do that all the time!" With that he put Jazz under a love spell.

"I love you too…" said Jazz in a monotonical voice, using the anime-style heart-shaped eyes.

"Okay, just for that, I'm taking your eyes out twice," Said Elemia jealously.

"No! I am the Jazzy Jazz! I am supposed to by JAZZY!"

Here, there was a collective silence…

…Which was broken by Ralmal. "Okay, let's see where the toilet takes us…"

* * *

**Er…a scene change…**

"Why mee?" asked Sam eyelessly.

"Untie me," deadpanned the Lexa.

"…" (Elemia)

"…Any day now," continued the Lexa.

"Yah, ignore you…" said Ralmal.

Paulina said, randomly, "I only have smarts because I can't use my eyes."

"And you are going to _stay_ that way," said Elemia evilly.

"I thought that one would work," whined Paulina. But nobody cared.

"Shows how much you know," said the Celia. Suddenly, her eyes regenerated. "COOL! Eyes!"

"Remember the disclaimer, now, no heart eyes," said Elemia.

"WE'RE IN ENGLISH!" cried Ralmal joyously.

Everyone else went, 'Huh, we are?'

"It even says on the door: Welcome to English. Please remove all Uggs before entering the premises."

Everyone stared at the Lexa.

"But I like my Uggs."

"Aw, you look cute in them," said the overly obsessed Elemia.

"What?" he asked, but Elemia only said "Nothing, nothing…" in a nonchalant way.

"Watch," said Paulina, "a net is going to capture us once we open the door."

With that, they opened the door and walked in.

**

* * *

**

**A net? Why falleth it from the ceiling?...**

"You have to stop doing that, Paulina," said Sam.

"She should have gone in by herself." Said Elemia.

Ignoring them all, Ms Jackson said, "Today's writing prompt is to write a love poem about someone you love."

"Hey, Ralmal," whispered Elemia, "does this…"

Suddenly, Alex broke the silence. "Who do I choose? Paulina or Danny?"

"Hey, Lexa," said Ralmal. "He looks just like you…"

"I love the Alex!" shouted Amelie, who looked just like Elemia.

"What?" asked Alex and the Lexa at the same time, but Elemia and Amelie said, "Nothing…nothing…" in a nonchalant way.

Randomly, everyone's attention was drawn to Marall, who was writing on the floor.

"Look at me," gloated Ralmal, "I'm so much better than ALL of you…MAD floor writing skillz!"

At this point, Alex was about to break the slilence.

"Oh, wait!" muttered the Lexa.

"I wrote a poem about…my hero…Danny Phantom. And it goes like this: I love the halfa…and…"

Interrupting Alex, Amelie stood up and said, "What's a halfa?"

"A half-kid, half-ghost thing," said Marall.

"Gotta love clarification!" cheered Paulina.

"Yay, we get to hear the rest!" said the Lexa childishly.

But it was not to be, for Ms. Jackson said, "Okay, we're out of time."

"But…" began the Lexa, but he was ignored.

"Anyone else?"

"Yes!" cried Marall, jumping up. "I have a line written down…here it is: December 8th, 2005."

Everyone, including a few people in the net, was cheering.

"Déjà vu," muttered Elemia.

"Wait for it…wait for it…" whispered the Celia.

Pushing her glasses up like the geek she is inside, Elemia stated, "Obviously, someone has changed and reset the Matrix code in this general area. I do so love the Matrix."

"…geek…"

"Shut UP!"

"Why are there people in a net in the middle of the room?" asked Marall.

Suddenly, everyone not currently in the net looked at the net.

"Who are those losers?"

"Hey!" shouted Ralmal.

"Hey!" shouted Elemia.

"Hey!" shouted the Lexa.

"Hey!" shouted the Celia.

"That's me," said Sam.

"Me too," said Danny.

"And me!" said Tucker.

Everyone then stared at the three self-proclaimed losers in silence.

"What?" said losers asked at once.

"Okay," said Ms. Jackson, "whoever can get them out first gets extra credit."

"How much?" asked Julia.

"30 points."

Suddenly, everyone jumped out of their seats and ran to the net.

"Aha! I got it first!" shouted Alex gleefully.

"You already have too much. I am awarding it to Marall." Guess who wrote this one? Ralmal, I'm looking at _you_.

"There we go!" cheered Ralmal gleefully as Alex sulked…but not really.

"Yes! We are free!" cried the Net people.

And _then_, the windows and doors were covered with jail bars.

Here, everyone was saying things similar to "What's going on?"

"I am not Ms. Jackson," said the person who looked like Ms. Jackson maliciously. "I am…the principal!"

"…crap," said Elemia.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried everyone else except Ralmal.

"Psst," whispered Ralmal, "Elemia, no swearing!" But it was too late for _that_.

"You will never find my life force!" cried the monologue-ing Principal.

"Aka your eyes…" said Sam.

"I think they're in your pockets," said Elemia intelligently.

"Man, she's good," said the Principal.


	5. 21 pages of DOOM

**Chapter Title: **Abnormally Long Rant of DOOM

**Warnings: **WAFF, Violence, Grammatically Correct Crack, Ego-stabbing, AU, OCs, LANGUAGE!

**A/N:** sorry about not writing...i'm a procrastinator...no...i am the PROCRASTINATOR AMONG PROCRASTINATORS! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhAHA!

* * *

**Previously…**

"Take _that_, the Lexa!" crowed Elemia, "I have finally beaten you!" Quietly, she added, "But you're still as cute as before…" but it was wasted, because everyone heard her.

Randomly enraged, the Lexa cried, "I'll ignore the second half of the sentence in order to rant about how I am far superior!" But Elemia ignored him. Now, how often does _that_ happen?

"Isn't the whole removal of eyes more ­_your_ thing, Elemia?" asked Ralmal.

"You're right, you know…unfortunately, I think Su's still busy, and that means no electric screwdriver for me."

Suddenly, Paulina shouted, "There's something stuck where my eye used to be!"

"How fortunate," said the Lexa, "it appears to look like a sharp screwdriver!"

"Now what are the odds of that?" asked Elemia.

"Pi squared to the googleplex power to one," said Alex and the Lexa, with_out_ using calculators.

"What is _that?_" asked the Celia.

"It's a really big number," deadpanned Ralmal.

Grabbing the screwdriver from Paulina's eye socket, Elemia exclaimed, "Well what in the heck is this?" So saying, she pointed to a little grayish thing stuck to one end of it.

"You…pulled out her brain," Ralmal said, her eyes filled with awe…and disgust.

Elemia stared at the gray thing for a little while longer. "Well, it was only about the size of a microchip, anyway…without the cool technology, of course."

"Indeed," concurred the Lexa. And thus, the two began to converse on modern technology.

"You know," commented Elemia, "my dad should hire him."

"Your dad has a company?" asked Ralmal.

"Yeah, it's called Polyubergeek." In reality, said company is still under development. If I find you stealing this name, you are DEAD!

"Say WHAT?" asked the Celia, confused.

"Poly means many, and uber means super, so…Many Super Geeks!"

"What _is_ that?"

"And now for some shameless advertising!" shouted Elemia, holding up a sign.

* * *

POLYUBERGEEK! Currently Developing: POLYNMAT! A program created to calculate the roots of polynomials! 

POLYUBERGEEK! For _all_ your symbolic-numeric/symbolic-algebraic computing needs!

* * *

"What is _that?_" asked Ralmal… 

"Say What?" asked the Celia…

"Sounds intriguing…" muttered the Lexa. Secretly, he was scrawling the name of the company on his arm…but everyone saw him.

"You are _way_ too smart for your own good," squealed Elemia, her eyes turning to creepy anime-style heart eyes.

"Now you gotta…oh, no, wait…the rule doesn't apply to you…" the Celia said. By the time she finished, she sounded a little disappointed.

"That's right!" said Elemia cheerfully.

The Principal, feeling forgotten, asked, "Anyone paying attention to me?"

Everyone whirled around and exclaimed, "Oh, hi! We thought you left." And then, everybody laughed. Poor Ms. Noto.

Larie then commenced slapping the Principal whilst Ralmal pulled the Principal's eyes out of her pocket.

"I got them, I got them, I…" but then, Ralmal was tripped by the Principal.

* * *

**Matrix-style Bullet-time…**

"Nnnnnnnooooooooooooooooo!" drawled out Ralmal, falling to the floor slowly whilst dropping the eyes.

* * *

**Real-Time…**

The eyes flew over everyone's heads, but Danny caught them before they hit the ground. Even though he could not see. Or was it the latent psychic powers again? You decide.

"I got 'em! Even though I can't see! In your faces!" cheered Danny, who was obviously high on something…it was probably sugar. Or Nyquil.

I just said that, but nobody cares about me, I'm just the narrator…Boohoo…poor me.

"MY HERO!" cried Sam, hugging him…_again_.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW!" squealed Ralmal, lost, once again, in the fluffly WAFF of the moment.

Behind her back, Larie gagged on the fluffly WAFF of the moment.

"Why are you so anti-fluff?" demanded Ralmal.

"Fluff?" asked the clueless non-fanfic-addicted Larie.

"Yeah, fluff!"

"Hey, I got the best idea for my email address: fluffykat." said Elemia.

"Why don't you make it FLUFFLYkat instead?" asked the Lexa.

"Great idea, Lexa!" squealed Elemia, looking…down…adoringly at her idol.

"Um," began Danny, "Can we focus on me? I caught the eyes."

"Oh, right," said Ralmal, "and it says here in the fine print…" On the EYES, I might add. "…that anyone that says the password will break into the eyes' power and anyone who has no eyes will get their eyes back!"

"YES!" cried all the eyeless people.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Elemia.

"What's the password?" asked Sam. "I want my eyes already!"

"I think _Danny_ knows," announced Ralmal.

Everyone turned to stare at said halfa, who was _still_ floating in midair.

"Uh…paulinafenton."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shrieked the Principal.

"You betrayed me!" sobbed Sam sadly. Alliteration!

"No," corrected Elemia, pushing her glasses up again, "but the Principal supports such a pairing."

"Right, and…" Ralmal began, but Elemia interrupted her.

"…andthegeekyglassesthingiscopyrightedbymeandIshidaUryuuanywhostealitwillthavetheireyespermanentlyremoved," said Elemia in one breath. My translation for you all is: 'and the geeky glasses thing in copyrighted by me and Ishida Uryuu (Bleach Reference) and any who steal it will have their eyes permanently removed.'

The Celia started to do the glasses thing, but then she realized SHE HAS NO GLASSES…"But I thought…"

"The eye thing works only once, fool!"

All eyeless people who now had eyes said, "Dang…"

"By the way," said the Lexa, "how is Paulina functioning without her brain?"

"Genetic anomaly," guessed Elemia.

"But I thought…"

"JUST SHUT UP, SMARTY!" shouted Elemia, visibly restraining herself from swearing. That is to say, if you could see into her mind, you would see a chibi-Elemia being beaten over the head by another chibi-Elemia who screamed 'No SWEARING' in a Ralmal-ish voice.

"Good call," said Ralmal.

* * *

"Okay," Ralmal said lazily, "on with it…" 

"I caught the eyes!" cried Danny, ever the drama…queen.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shrieked the Principal.

"Dejavu!" shouted Elemia.

"Is that how you spell it?" asked Larie…breaking the metaphor. EXPLODING HER HEAD…but not really.

"Who cares?" asked Paulina, "I want to find out if Danny and Lexa live!"

Everyone sat still in the deafening silence, but nobody cared, because they were pondering this new insight into Paulina's character.

"Did Paulina actually care about someone other than herself?" asked Ralmal dazedly.

"What?" rebutted Paulina, "It's possible, you know."

"Yeah," said the Celia, supporting Paulina.

"DOES ANYONE CARE THAT I GOT THE EYES?" shouted Danny, obviously angry.

"Stop!" whimpered Sam, "I don't like it when you get mad…"

Danny suddenly dropped the eyes and they broke on the floor.

"OHEAVENSMYLIFEFORCE!" cried the Principal.

Elemia sighed, because that was rather anti-climatic.

"I'm MELTING! WHAT A WOORLD…what a world…" shrieked the Principal, melting into a puddle…a horrible smoking puddle of DOOM!

"Hey, that was in the Wizard of Oz" said Elemia. WHICH I DO NOT OWN.

"Damn straight," muttered the puddle.

"A…talking…puddle…" said Ralmal, who had never seen the Wizard of Oz.

"A talking EVIL puddle," added the Celia.

"A talking EVIL puddle…" began Elemia, "of DOOOM! DOOM! DOOMY DOOMY DOOM!" I am unaware of who said that first, but I own it not.

* * *

"I love you Danny," said Sam. 

"I love you too," said Danny.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWW!" squealed Ralmal (obviously), and Elemia, who was currently very sugarhigh.

And the Lexa was calmly ignoring this all.

"I love you, Tucker," called out Da Dash.

Suddenly, **Annie, **Elemia's best friend (and a koREan), appeared from nowhere and said, "That ain't right…"

"Bit late, don't you think?" asked Elemia.

"Too bad, Dash, I love Sam," mourned Tucker.

"It's ok," said Paulina, trying to comfort Dash, "I hate you, Dash…it'll all be alright."

"Thank you!" said Dash, brightening up. "Oh, wait…"

"Is it over yet?" asked the Lexa, still oblivious.

"Just tell him," suggested Ralmal, elbowing Elemia in the side painfully. OW!

"NO, AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"

"Wanna bet?"

* * *

**Five minutes later…**

"DOOOOOOOOOOOO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" shouted Ralmal, all out of patience.

"Do what?" asked **Weasel**, a friend of Elemia, Ralmal, and Annie, appearing out of thin air.

"None of your business," replied Ralmal brusquely.

Crying pitifully, Weasel said, "I came here to confess my feelings for Danny Fenton/Phantom."

"You're tooooooo late," everyone said with little to no pity.

"Aw man…"

* * *

**Randomly, thirty seconds later…**

"I want your eyes, Lexa," said Elemia, "Can I poke them out?"

"Uh, not really."

"You're so mean to me!" sniffled Elemia, tears beginning to run down her cheeks.

"But…uh…um…uh…"

Crying harder, Elemia ran away, sobbing "Idiot!" as she ran.

"Nice," muttered Ralmal, with much sarcasm.

"What did I do wrong?"

"Can't you see it? You have two eyes."

"But I wear glasses." And this is true, but he doesn't have to wear them always.

"Stop crushing my ego!" shouted Ralmal.

"You crushed mine a looooooooooooooong time ago," complained the Lexa.

"Oh, yeah, right…" Ralmal said, laughing.

Some random student passing in the hallway asked, "Did someone choke on the cafeteria meatloaf?"

"No," replied Ralmal. "That was me laughing."

"I don't get it," muttered the Lexa.

* * *

**A little bit later…**

"Can't you see that Elemia loves you?" asked Danny dramatically. "Using my observations, I hypothesized that Elemia loved you, and it was proved…"

"Supported," corrected Ms. G, who appeared behind them…creepy.

"…supported, by my observations."

There was a collective silence as every watched the Lexa ponder this.

"Since when were you so smart?" asked a rather bewildered Sam.

"I'm not," Danny replied, "I got that from a greeting card."

* * *

In a corner of the room, Elemia was sitting and crying…and she was ignored. Poor Elemia.

* * *

"I'm intaligint," declared Danny. 

"IDIOT!" shouted Elemia, as she threw a screwdriver…which got stuck in Danny's head.

"There's a screwdriver in my head," said Danny.

"Well, no shit, Sherlock," said Ralmal.

"Can I leave now?" asked Annie…but she was ignored. "I'll take that as a yes then?" And so she left.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" sobbed the Weasel, "DAAAAAAAAANNY!" This was random, no?

"Your true love's an idiot," Ralmal said to Elemia.

"Karma's a bitch…" muttered Elemia.

* * *

**Three tons of Angst Later…**

"Can we get on with the plot?" screamed Ralmal.

"NEVER!" retorted Elemia, still in her corner.

"I would leave this story," said the Lexa, "but I want to find my true love first."

"No one knows anything about your love life," said the Celia.

"Lexa," began Elemia, "we'd reveal who your true love is…"

"...If we had ANY idea who your true love is," finished Ralmal.

"Duh!" exclaimed the Celia.

"But aren't you supposed to decide for me?" he asked.

"In reality, I have never actually met you. I just think the back of your head is adorable," said the Celia.

"I sit on the other side of the biology classroom," said Ralmal. Elemia was about to say something about her sitting next to the Lexa in English, but Ralmal jabbed her with her elbow. OW.

"Well, let's see…" he said. "I like running. I hate all anime besides Gundam Wing. I also hate MMORPGS and all other massively multiplayer games."

"Why do I like this guy?" asked Elemia. "He's like my total opposite."

"What?" asked the Lexa, confused.

"Because you do," said Ralmal. To the Lexa, she added, "and she was saying nothing, of course."

"Right!" cried the Celia enthusiastically.

* * *

**Small time skip!**

"Can we introduce some plot now?" asked Ralmal desperately.

Confused, the Celia asked, "Wasn't the above a plot?"

"We can't finish this story yet!" cried Elemia. "That would kill it!"

"Lexa," interrupted the Puddle, "I'll be your true love."

"Well, let's see…" began the Lexa, "1. You are a puddle. 2. Over the course of this story, you have been nothing but evil to me…so the answer is NO."

"Aw man! I almost had him too…" said the Puddle.

"Not EVEN going to go into the implications," muttered Elemia, shivering at the mental image. What mental image? Think on it.

"I will!" said **Olivia**, running in. Once everyone became accustomed to the dark-skinned girl, she continued. "How _does_ one go about having :coughcough: with a puddle, anyway?"

* * *

**An awkward situation later…**

"I want to marry Jake Long," said the Celia randomly.

There was more silence as people took time to get their minds _out of the gutter_ and back into the conversation.

"Woooooow…" said Ralmal, amused.

"Talk about random," said the Lexa.

"Can we focus on me?" asked Elemia.

"No," said Ralmal.

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?" she whined.

"Eh," the Celia…ehed.

Suddenly, **Jake Long** (WHO I DON'T OWN) appeared out of thin air.

"I'm the American Dragon," he said.

Upon seeing him, the Celia almost used the heart eyes, but her love for her eyes currently exceeded her love for the Asian boy standing in front of her.

"I'm the American Dragon," he repeated, wondering why nobody was flocking to him to tell him how cool or 'ghetto' he was, or whatever form of praise he was looking for.

Elemia thought this through and exclaimed, "He's like a halfa, but he _isn't_.

"Who is my true love?" asked the Lexa. But everyone ignored him. Poor the Lexa.

* * *

**The Celia's POV…With Narration by…The CELIA!**

There is an Asian boy standing in front of me…Ooh, he's cute! _And_ he's about as tall as I am…Bonus!

Eh? What's he doing…Oh…He's standing strategically so that the light reflects off his hair…Ooh…reflecty…

* * *

**Back to the Normal Point of View…With Narration by…the NARRATOR!**

"So, ANYWAY…" said Elemia, trying to fill up the silence with chatter.

Ralmal sighed and said, "She's been standing there for about ten minutes…just staring."

"No," said Elemia, "she'll be ok, I stare throughout English AND Bio…"

"Woooow…."

"Did I say that out loud?"

"Now what were you staring at?" asked the Lexa.

"None of your business, Anime-Hater!" shrieked Elemia, blushing furiously (because she was staring at him, hahaha…) as she smacked him with her binder. OW.

"…" Ralmal just kind of stood there, watching the scene unfold…

"Oh, my gosh! I'm so sorry! Are you ok?" asked Elemia, going all bipolar again.

"What is THAT?" asked Ralmal. "In English, I hope you're not staring at _me_." Remember, folks! Ralmal sits right next to the Lexa in English…take this as you please.

"What is THAT?" asked Elemia.

"Okay," said Ralmal, a bit peeved, "anyone who says 'What is that' in any of its forms is going to have their brains taken out…by themselves."

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew…" thought everyone.

"Myself excluded," added Ralmal, before anyone had recovered from the mental image…

"Just kidding…" cackled Ralmal, but then she whispered, "for now…" but it was wasted, because _everybody_ heard her.

"What was _that_?" asked the Lexa.

"Hey," snapped Ralmal, "remember what I said?"

"I thought you were kidding," he whined.

"Oh, right…dang." Obviously, Ralmal wanted his brain. And for good reason! He's a genius…most days.

The Celia was _still_ staring at Jake Long.

"Danny," Jake began, "can I talk to you for a second?"

"Eh," he replied.

Together, they walked to a corner.

* * *

**In the corner…**

"Hey, is the Celia still available?"

"Why are you asking me?" asked Danny, choking on something.

"Because I'm your evil twin," replied Jake, "I need some brotherly advice."

"Ook…" replied Danny, still a bit confused.

And then they walked back.

* * *

The Jake began staring at the Celia. 

And they stared…

* * *

**Erstwhile…**

There was a very deep silence.

Ralmal, sick of _this_, asked, "Why is it so quiet?"

"Maybe because the convos die when Danny's not here?" guessed Elemia.

"No, that can't be it. Let me try something." And so saying, Ralmal walked away.

Suddenly, everyone began talking.

"Hey!" cried Ralmal, miffed.

"What?" asked everyone, unless they were ignoring her.

* * *

**Five minutes of endless chatter later…**

Randomly, the Lexa said, "I need a nap…" and this was true, because _surely_ they had spent more than 24 hours in the worlds. It was just one heck of a long day…

And so, the Lexa napped.

"Aw…" said Elemia with a fangirly squeal, "he looks so cute when he's sleeping…not like a malevolent little genius and anime-hater at all…"

"What _is_ that?" asked Ralmal.

And Jake and the Celia continued to stare…

"Time for an experiment!" exclaimed Elemia, "Celia, do you love Jake?"

"Yeees…" she said in a robotic-monotone voice.

"Jake do you love the Celia?"

"Yeees…" he said in a similarly robotic-monotone voice.

Ralmal asked, "And the point of that was…?"

"Nope," Elemia replied, "just thought it would be fun."

The Lexa, who was awake now, asked, "Are they done staring yet?"

But lo, they were not.

"Well, for heaven's sake…" muttered Elemia, "And Ralmal, didn't you say the phrase? That means you have to take your brain out, neh?"

Everyone except Jake and the Celia D'OHed at Elemia's stupidity, for did not Ralmal specifically state that she was exempt? Was not Elemia the first to create such a rule?

And the Celia and Jake continued to stare…it was starting to get creepy.

"I just said that I was kidding about the phrase. Plus, it was MY phrase anyway, just like your heart eyes were yours to begin with…and I haven't used those, before you start accusing," Ralmal ranted. In doing so, she repeated the words of the Narrator almost word for word. That's plagiarism! Plagiarism BAD!

"Can we get to a plot please?" whined the Lexa, "this is boooooooooooooring."

"Hmm…let me think…" Thus, Elemia pondered.

* * *

**A good two minutes later…**

"WE ARE GOING TO SEE WICKED!" cried Elemia hyperly.

"YAY!" cheered Ralmal.

"Huh?" asked the Lexa. Not being in Orchestra (He's in band), he didn't have a clue as to what they were talking about.

Suddenly, the **Andrew Lee** (was mentioned previously) appeared out of nowhere. Said tall, Asian, glasses-less boy proceeded to vent…about the unfairness of the orchestra going to see Wicked. He was allowed to do so because he's in BAND. "The band did not get the not get the notes because we are going on tour to San Diego that week…blablahblah…one thousand dollars…blah…nobody's going anyways…blahblah…I want to GO!" He did, by the way, end with a very the-Lexa-style whine.

"You already told me this," muttered Elemia, and it was true, because he sat next to her in Math. "GIVE ME PONG!"

"I will!...Maybe…"

"Hi, Andrew," greeted the Lexa.

"Bit late, eh?" asked Andrew.

"I've been ignored for a very long time!" cried Larie.

The Andrew then began staring…

"This is NOT going to end well," Elemia murmered.

"Hey, I'm smarter than you," said Andrew.

:Collective Silence:

Suddenly, Larie shouted, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! DISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

"Oh," said the Lexa, "yeah…well…" but then he fell asleep _again_, so nobody will ever know what he was going to say.

"What was THAT?" asked Danny, earning him a half-heartedly malicious glare from Ralmal. She was just kidding, remember?

"Shut up! Can't you see that he doesn't meet my standERDS?" asked the Persian girl (Ralmal).

"Uh, not really."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH! Are you blind?"

"Maybe…" said Dany.

"…Maybe not," continued Larie, her eyes suddenly turning into hearts.

"Ack!" cried Sam, "not you too!" and then she stabbed out Larie's eyes. With a spork.

"AAAAAAH! MY EYES! BEHIND MY HAZEL EYES!"

"Hey," whined Elemia, "I was supposed to do that. For taking away my gleeful gratuitous violence, I will now remove your eyes!" And so, she did.

"Now," began Sam, "why do I feel like we've done this before?"

"Because she already did take out your eyes," replied Larie intelligently, "they grew back…so now they should be stuck like that forever!"

"Oh em gee! YOU TOOK MY EYES, YOU BITCH!"

"Damn straight…" said bitch…uh…said.

"AND ITS IRREVERSIBLE!"

"For the record," remarked Ralmal, "Larie already said that."

"Believe it!" shouted Larie (Dubbed-Naruto reference)

"Aaww…" cooed Elemia, still staring, he's so cute when he's asleep…"

"You know," said the Celia, "you already established that…"

"But it's true…Oh em gee! You stopped staring!"

"Wow…what is that?" asked Ralmal.

But then, the Celia and Jake started staring. _Again_.

But soon, everyone's attention was drawn elsewhere.

"She's hot," muttered Andrew, staring at Paulina.

"Oh my gosh," said Paulina, "I think I'm becoming less shallow! Is it just me or is Andrw glowing?"

Everyone took a little while to ponder this one…

"NOOO!" cried Annie, running in from some direction or other, "Who dares to steal my future husband?" This was _way_ out of character, however, because Annie never liked Andrew, does not like Andrew, and will never like Andrew…Curse you, Ralmal!

"Who's Annie?" asked Andrew, but he was only pretending to not know her. After all, can _you_ forget the person who tried to pop the pimple on the back of your neck with a sharp mechanical pencil? I didn't think so.

"Behind his pimply face I see the smart…uh, dude. Yeah," said Paulina.

"She's so flawless," squealed Andrew.

"Almost flawless," said…everyone, rushing to correct him.

"Eh?"

"She has a mole," said Sam, "you didn't notice?"

"I love moles…" he sighed, his eyes turning into the currently overused anime-style heart-eyes.

Paulina responded with a similar pair of eyes.

And so did the Lexa. "Wait, no…" he said, "I don't know where that came from. Everyone else was doing it, and I just wanted to try it."

"I will NEVER do those eyes. NEVER!" cried Ralmal dramatically.

The Celia and Jake looked at each other with creepy anime-style heart-eyes. But at this point, they were past caring.

"Hey, Cely," he said, "I love ya, yo."

"Actually, it's Celia," she said.

"Uh, right, I knew that, yo."

* * *

**Return of the Mid-fic Omake!**

**We Interrupt this Fanfic to bring You: The Dictionary of Fathomless Intelligence and Sarcasm… (Omake)**

Who can tell how long I spent thinking of a title? Anyone? Anyone?

Today, we will be looking up 'Jake Long.'

Elemia: Jake Long acts like an Asian guy who's trying to act like a White guy who's trying to act like a Black guy. See: wangsta, wannabe, poser, loser, character-created-by-Disney-to-steal-viewers-from-Danny-Phantom.

Ralmal: Ooohh….DIISS!

The Celia: But I looooooooooove him:sob:

* * *

**But back to the story…**

"This mush has to DIE!" shouted Ralmal.

Danny and Sam then looked at eachother with more creepy anime-style heart-eyes.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSS!" cried Ralmal. "I mean, noooooooooooo!"

Larie, having no clear pairing yet, glanced about the room, anime-style heart-eyes aglow.

"I don't know what I'm doing," muttered Tucker, as he too, used the eyes.

Here, Ralmal slapped (her own) forehead.

"Oh, yes, the number of hearts means the number of eyes I get to poke out," cackled Elemia evilly.

"Tucker," murmured Dash, staring at him with _the_ eyes.

"Aaaand…one more makes ten. A full set, that is.

"I hate this," whispered Ralmal, even though nobody was listening, as she backed into a corner.

"Aaw…" said Elemia, "I don't want to take out the Lexa's eyes…"

"Why?" he asked.

"Ok, just for that, I'm taking them out anyways…"

"MAN!"

* * *

**Random Omake Scene Break!**

**Because there's already too much violence in this fic, I will be doing another mid-fic omake… Enjoy!**

**Elemia:** _:enters in weird renaissance garb:_

Two households, both alike in dignity

In fair Verona where we lay our scene,

From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,

Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.

From forth the fatal loins of these two foes,

A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life.

And with their misadventured piteous overthrows,

Doth with their death bury their parent's strife.

The fearful passage of their death-marked love

And the continuance of their parent's rage,

Which, but their children's end, naught could remove,

Is now the two hour's traffic of our stage;

The which, if you with patient ears attend,

What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to end

**Ralmal:** What is that?

**Elemia:** I'm trying to write a sonnet.

* * *

Everyone except Ralmal, Elemia, and Annie, now eyeless, shrieked, "GAAAAH! I CANNOT SEE THE ONE I LOVE!" Yes, even the people with no pairings… 

"Serves you right," gloated Ralmal, "that mush was getting disgusting."

"AND you took the heart eyes!" added the screw-driver wielding Asian. Okay, three guesses as to who that is. Hm…it's a toughie, eh?

"What is THAT?" asked Ralmal.

"THAT," Elemia (Screw-driver girl) replied, "is copyright infringement.

"She got you there," muttered Annie.

"I didn't do it, don't take my eyes!" begged Larie, crawling out of the corner. But she was lying, because she had done it. AND the point was moot because she had already lost her eyes.

"Fair enough," said Elemia, but she knew it was too late for Larie, so that was moot too.

Suddenly, the puddle became the Principal again. "AHAHA! I LIIIIIIIIIVE!"

…but Nobody cared. See, Ms. Noto? Nobody cares about you, right Nobody? Everyone else was too wrapped up in the drama.

"Now you will care!" shouted the Principal as she stole all the eyes, which were in a convenient jar.

"THE EYES!" shrieked Elemia.

"Maybe if we get them back, we can put their eyes back in," said Annie.

"What is WRONG with you?" asked Ralmal.

"Well," said Larie, "we DID need a plot."

"Couldn't agree more."

"Eh," began Elemia, "this one's good enough."

* * *

_Read the following bolded type in an announcer's voice. I even highlighted the stressed syllables for you._

**WILL they ever find the eyes? WILL the Principal wreak havoc upon the group once more? WILL the Celia and Jake be able to take not being able to stare? WILL Annie succeed in stealing Andrew from Paulina?**

"I DO NOT LIKE HIM!" shouted Annie. And this was true.

**RIIIIGHT! Find out in the continuation of this story! Just look underneath the next line! I repeat, just under the next line!**

_That was probably more messed up than was necessary, neh?_

* * *

"I DO NOT LIKE HIM!" cried Annie. 

"You said that already," said Ralmal.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight…" said Annie embarrassedly.

"The 'i's burn my eyes!" cried Larie…who didn't have any eyes…it's a pun, and a breaking of the metaphor. Why are no heads exploding? 'Splodi! 'Splodi! Narrator want 'Splodi!

"I HAVE YOUR EYES AND NOW I WILL SQUISHMES THEM UNDER MEH FEET," shouted the Principal.

"Okay, ew, gross," said Paulina.

"I'm with you on that one," agreed Ralmal.

"Actually, wait a minute," said the non-Elemia villain, thinking. "Here, everyone can have their eyes back…except Paulina. I will squishmeh her eyes."

"But WHYYYY?"

Everyone else cheered, "YES!"

"This makes no difference to me whatsoever, so I don't care," said Ralmal indifferently. Heehee…lookie, I used a big word.

The Principal then began throwing the eyes to their respective people.

While everyone else cheered, Paulina sat in the corner, weeping.

"It's okay, Paulina," said Andrew, trying to be comforting, "I'll sacrifice my eyes for you."

"Thank _:sniff:_ you…but I want my greenish-aqua _:sniff:_ eyes!" sobbed Paulina…sniffily.

"Paulina," said the Principal, "I don't like your eyes. Green is not my color."

"Hey!" shouted Paulina, angry, "What are you trying to say?"

"I need eyes that are…oh my gosh…" the Principal stopped mid-sentence to grab Danny's eyes.

"Hey! I was using those!"

"OH YES! THESE EYES ARE THE BEST!"

"Again," said Paulina, now confused, "what are you trying to say?"

"What's so special about Danny's eyes?" asked the Lexa, "And what's wrong with mine?"

Sam said, "Because Danny's eyes are blue like the fathomless ocean as the sun reflects upon it…it's like falling into a perfect blue sapphire forever and ever…" she ended with a very sappy sigh. Heck, the whole thing was sappy.

"Besides," added Ralmal, "Yours are EVIL and TOO SMART."

Everyone else stared at them in silence. Andrew was weeping at the sap Sam was producing…so was Tucker. Dash was weeping because Tucker was weeping, and he didn't want Tucker to feel alone. It didn't work well, anyway.

"WHAT?" cried Sam, _very_ embarrassed, as she flushed a shade of pink so dark it was more like maroon…

"ANYWAYS, after that annoying and ODDLY DISTURBING interruption, I have devised a new plot!" declared the Principal, "I will steal one special thing from everyone."

"Oh," sobbed Danny, "so my powers aren't special?" he asked, crying, "What's THAT supposed to mean? All you want are my stupid eyes!"

"I find nothing wrong with your eyes," said Sam, still lost in a daydream.

"THE MUSH CONTINUES," screeched Ralmal, "AAAH! MY Eyes!"

"That was _so_ appropriate for the story line," said Larie.

"And Ralmal is next," the Principal said as malevolently as she could, which was, in comparison to Elemia, very, _very_ pathetic.

Ralmal gasped. "What do you want from me?


	6. Freshman Survivor and CAKE!

**Chapter Title:** Freshman Survivor…and CAKE!  
**Warnings: **Grammatically-correct Crack, AU, OCs, Language, Violence, Ego-stabbing  
**A/N:** Yes, this chapter includes the VERY FIRST mention of cake in the whole story, except for the title.

Also, we have the Cloud Song by spookydoom…I AM NOT SPOOKYDOOM, AND THUS I DO NOT OWN THE CLOUD SONG. I do, however, think she is a genius, and so I give her credit for the song…which I love. I'll stop ranting now. The original Cloud Song can be found at:

www deviantart com/view/22451106 (replace the spaces with periods)

or

do a Google search for 'cloud song' and click on the very first link.

* * *

**Previously:**

"And Ralmal is next," the Principal said as malevolently as she could, which was, in comparison to Elemia, very, _very_ pathetic.

Ralmal gasped. "What do you want from me?"

* * *

Randomly, the Principal peered over her imaginary glasses at her list…which was on a clipboard…a CLIPBOARD! Those things are spiffy. "Oh, wait, no…Paulina is next, my mistake." 

"At least I have my eyes," began Paulina, "and my almost flawless skin…and…" she continued in such a vein for a while…nobody really cared…

Except Andrew, who was staring at her adoringly.

"OH PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY ALMOST FLAWLESS SKIN!"

"Nope," said the Principal, "even better…"

* * *

**SUSPENSE!**

* * *

"What is THAT?" asked Ralmal. 

"I'm taking…your mad violin playing skills!" declared the Principal self-righteously.

"_What_ mad violin playing skillz?" laughed Elemia, whilst Ralmal and the Celia rolled about in peals of laughter.

"Ah, yes," muttered the Lexa, I do believe she did poorly."

"Her violin skills are only defeated in mediocrity by her counting skills…" said the Celia.

"Oh, I agree," said Mr. Cats, reappearing once again, "it was one-e-and-a two-e-and-a, not one-e-and-uh two-e-and-us."

"What's the difference?" asked a confused Paulina.

The Celia huffed and said, "Wll, the first is 'a' and the second is 'uh'…it's like the difference between Uggs and boots!"

"I love Uggs," sighed Paulina, "but I rather dislike boots."

"Uh…" said Andrew, "Me too!" Aside to the Lexa, he asked, "What in the _heck_ is an Ugg?" but the Lexa refused to answer. _Really_, someone as smart as _Andrew_ should already have known. But he didn't.

"What is THAT?" asked Ralmal (again).

The Principal dropped down from the ceiling (which she was standing on…why? Because she wanted to, of course) and stole Paulina's violin playing skills. "I feel barely talented NOW!" she cried in her jubilee.

"Barely is right…" muttered Elemia.

"And next is…Andrew!" the Principal shouted…gleefully.

"OHNOTMYINFERNALINTELLIGENCE!"

"You are too smart for your own good," declared Elemia, "Idiotic 6.66 GPA."

"Six point six repeating!" he shouted back.

"Ha," crowed the Lexa, "now I will be smarter than you!" But the inflation of his ego was ignored, even though it was a threat to the security of the nation.

The Principal hopped back up to the ceiling. How? She had replaced the tiles in the ceiling with the soft Velcro stuff. Then, all she had to do was put the sharp, pointy Velcro stuff on her very fashionable, extremely uncomfortable high-heels. See? Instant ceiling walking. **Warning: **Prolonged usage may lead to headaches.

Anyways, she then went all vampire and sucked the smarts out of the Andrew's brain.

"One plus one equals fish," Andrew declared, his eyes crossing a little.

"Yes!" squealed Paulina, "I'm now smarter than my boyfriend," since when was Andrew Paulina's boyfriend? Sometime before this, obviously. "I'm closer!" she continued, "One plus one equals two and a half."

"Now, who's next?" mused the Principal, "The Celia!" she announced. "Hmm…I will take your sense of humor!" So saying, she sucked out the Celia's humor, vampire style…from the ceiling.

"Ha…ha…" the Celia said in a monotone voice.

"What do you want from ME?" asked Ralmal selfishly.

"I'm not sure yet. From _Sam_, I want…oh, dang it…I wanted her purple eyes. Here, Danny, you can have yours back."

"What's wrong with my eyes?" asked the eyeless one (not Paulina).

Sam took Danny's eyes and gave him two oranges.

Danny thanked Sam and popped them into his eye sockets. "Why is everything so orange?" but everyone ignored him…Poor Danny…cursed to forever see orange. Woe. Angst.

"I fail to see the humor in that," said the Celia.

"On second thought," muttered the Principal, "maybe your humor isn't good enough…I'll take Olivia's humor.

Suddenly, **Olivia**, the dark-skinned girl from the previous chapter appeared to shout, "I BROKE MY PENCIL!" Want to know more about Olivia? Do a Author Name search for 'Kitsama.' She's a comic genius. "Wait a second…what am I doing here?"

Before Olivia knew what was happening, the Principal went all stealystealy.

Suddenly, the Principal's eyes grew wide as she sang**, "My name is Cloud…I have a sword…"**

"Hey, I know this song!" cried Elemia joyously.

"**I fight cactuars…because I'm bored…" **they sang together.

"Me too!" shouted Annie, running in from…outside.

"**I like to ride…on chocobos…" **they sang in chorus.

"I hate this song," muttered the Lexa. This was the truth, because he sat where he could hear them when they sang in Biology class.

"Yes," said Elemia, "I love you too."

"What?" he asked, but he was ignored…

…For they continued! **"It's better than…having afros…"**

"This song does not seem funny!" lamented Olivia.

Ralmal looked shocked. "She really DID take your sense of humor." And lo, this too was true, for Olivia was the first to introduce them to this song, and she usually took much glee in its humor.

"**And when I go…into an inn…"**

"HATE THIS SONG" ranted the Lexa.

"Deal with it," said Elemia, before she launched into the next line.

"**Fifteen seconds…it's day again…"**

Suddenly, Elemia ran and amazon-glomped the Lexa.

"What as that for?"

"I have no idea…"

"**And I will use…a phoenix down…"**

"This song is loooong…" said Ralmal.

Annie turned and replied, "That's just because we pause to put in more comedy."

"I STILL don't get it," sobbed Olivia.

"**So when I die…I will not frown…"**

Suddenly, **Dana**, the last of the middle-of-the-row-group appeared…and she was currently the only natural blonde. I see your roots, Dash! I see them! "Time for the damn bridge…I hate this song…"

"**BECAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUSE I AM CLOUUUUUUUUD…"**

"I know this line," muttered the Lexa…before he joined in…

"**MY HAAAAAAIIIIIR DEFIES ALL GRAVITY!"**

"Is the Lexa singing?" asked a rather confused (and amused) Ralmal.

"I'll stop now…I can't remember the rest, anyway."

"**AND IIIIIIIIII CAN'T HAVE TOO MANY POTIONS…"**

"Still failing to see the humor," said Olivia.

Dana nodded and said, "Me too."

"Me eleventyfive," agreed Andrew.

"Woah…" said Elemia, amazed at such a number.

"**OR IIIIIIII MIGHT GET CAVITIES!"**

"Ah, the bridge has ended," sighed Dana, waiting for the end.

Ralmal said, "Thanks for the update."

"**If I can't slice you…then that's ok…"**

"I can't see Jake…" said the Celia.

"I can't see the Celia," said Jake.

The group of singing females was, indeed, singing in a line, blocking their views. Poor Jake. Poor the Celia.

"Get over it…What's WRONG with you?" asked Ralmal, _sick_ of their staring.

"**I'll use my magic…anyway…"**

"Is it over yet?" asked the Lexa.

"Nope," said the Principal, happily trampling over his hopes and dreams.

"**I will defeat…that Sephiroth…"**

"Running out of jokes, dammit!" muttered Elemia angrily.

"**Because he's not…David Lee Roth!"**

"You know…" began Annie, "It would be a lot funnier if…"

"…if we knew who David Lee Roth was," finished Elemia, "…and Lexa…"

"…You should get over…"

"….Your anime-hating," they finished together.

Annie then said, "It's really getting on…"

"Our nerves," said Elemia.

Ralmal said, amused, "You are finishing each other's sentences? What is THAT?"

* * *

**Five minutes later…**

"I HATED IT! OH MY GOSH, IT WAS SO LAME…" shouted Ralmal…

"It's okay," said Elemia, "I hate you too."

"Thank you…hey, wait a minute…"

The Celia interrupted their conversation randomly… "This HAS to have a plot! The stealing stuff form people didn't work!"

"Why is everything so…ORANGE!" cried Danny. Then he took out the oranges, only to see Ralmal's neon orange EHE (East Helps Others) shirt. "AAAAAAAAH! MY EYES!" He then stuck the oranges back.

"I HAAAAAAAAAAAATE THIS STORY," whined the Lexa, "IT'S GOING NOWHERE! WE NEED TO HAVE A WEASEL'N PLOT…"

"I will think of one," said Ralmal, retreating to the Trusty Corner of Creativity ™

* * *

**Waiting…**

* * *

"I'm back," said Ralmal, walking into the light. 

Everyone looked at Ralmal earnestly, waiting for a plot.

"I got nothing…" she said.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shouted everyone, throwing things at Ralmal…but inside they were all hiding their _pain_…

"Hey!" shouted a rather annoyed Ralmal.

Paulina asked, "Andrew, why are you so stupid?"

"Uuuh…."

* * *

Elemia turned to the Principal. "Why can't you just leave us alone?" she cried. 

"I can't leave you alone until everyone has a pairing and you confess your love for the Lexa."

"Not gonna happen."

"Then get used to it, sweetie."

"…" Elemia silently seethed with anger.

"I REFUSE TO BE PAIRED WITH ANYONE" declared Ralmal.

"Fine," said the Principal, "you're an exception to the rule."

"OOOOOOOOOORRRRRRAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNGEEE!" shouted Danny…but he was ignored!

* * *

"I need to organize my English binder!" announced the Lexa. He then started taking things out of his overlarge backpack. 

"Uh-oh…" murmured Ralmal and Elemia together, knowing the peril such a declaration could cause.

"Hm…" he said, digging through piles of junk.

"Could take a while, neh?" asked Elemia.

"Yeah," said Ralmal, "go stare at him or something."

"Maybe I WILL!" Elemia responded huffily, turning to stare…

The Celia asked, "What's she staring at?"

* * *

**SUSPENSE!**

* * *

"What's with that?" asked Ralmal.

* * *

**SUSPENSE AGAIN!**

* * *

"Give me your English binder," ordered Ralmal. She then proceeded to draw ponies and flowers on it with a sharpie. 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU HAVE CONTAMINATED MY PBJ!"

"Peanut Butter and Jelly?" asked Larie.

"What's with THAT?" asked the Celia.

Ralmal, offended at their ignorance, said, "Don't you understand, it's Portfolio Binder Journal."

"I don't get it…" muttered Larie.

"You don't get anything…" deadpanned Ralmal.

"Thank you! …wait…."

Suddenly, Paulina screamed, "I NEED TO HAVE A PLOT! IF THERE IS NO PLOT THEN I AM GOING TO KILLZORS ALL OF YOU!"Yes, she **did** say killzors. What, haven't you ever wanted to say it?

There was a collective silence…for no apparent reason.

"OH MY GOSH I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING…" declared Ralmal, "Principal, finish pairing everyone up so you can leave, and then I will announce my plan!" And everyone ignored her evil voice, of course.

"Ohkay! Here are the pairs…" The Principal then pushed a big red button marked 'Apocalypse.'

* * *

_Read the following bolded type in a creepi**er**__ announcer voice._

**GoooooooOD Morning Amazon East High School! Today is Apocalypse Day, 2006. Please RISE for the list of pairings.**

Everyone promptly sat down.

**The pairings are as follows:**

**Danny/Sam  
**

**Andrew/Paulina**

**Jake/theCelia**

**theLexa/Elemia**

**/Larie**

**/Olivia**

**/Dana**

**/thePrincipal**

**/Annie**

**GuyX/Ralmal**

**Further pairings and characters to be added later!**

**Those were today's daily announcements, and…it's SNOWING!**

"Not _really_," said Elemia, laughing. After all, it was May. Why the _heck_ would it be snowing?

"Who was I paired with again?" asked the Lexa, even though he probably already knew.

"Nevermind," said Elemia, blushing a new shade of pink.

Ralmal sang out, "I GET TO BE MAAAAAAAATCHMAKER!"

"Whaa?" asked the Celia.

"Nope, nothing, didn't say ANYTHING at ALL." But if you could see into Ralmal's mind, you would see a little chibi-Ralmal dancing around singing, 'Yes! Yes!'

"I suddenly and instinctively believe you," the Celia said gullibly.

"I want no matchmaker," said the Principal, "I am the head matchmaker, and Ralmal is my trusted employee."

"Wait," began the Lexa, "you were working for the Principal? ALL THIS TIME?"

"Well," said Ralmal, her eyes darting to and fro suspiciously, 'not **all** this time…just from two hours ago when we were negotiating on how to pair everyone up.

Olivia and Dana said, "We don't WANT pairings. We're OUT of here. BUT WE WILL BE BACK FOR RANDOM STUFF!" And so, they left…through the window.

"My life is complete!" rejoiced Andrew, finally realizing what was going on.

"My boyfriend is so stupid…" muttered Paulina.

"Who are you?" asked Andrew.

* * *

"I though I was with Da Dash," said Larie, "we're both athletic jocks."

The Principal slapped her (own) forehead and said, "Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Ralmal, how come you did not remind me?"

"I forgot," said Ralmal.

"Okay, so Larie and Da Dash. How about Annie?"

"She's dead weight."

"We'll let her hang out anyway…what damage can she do?"

"True," agreed Ralmal.

"Thank you…Hey, wait a minute…!"

Ralmal drowned out Annie's complaints (and threats) by shouting, "NOW, FOR THE CHALLENGE!"

"Wait," complained the Celia, "I thought you said that once you pair everyone up we can leave…"

"About that," said Ralmal, giggling, "we lied."

Everyone then began to whine and complain…loudly…but they shut up soon afterwards out of curiosity…what was the challenge?

-

Ralmal cleared her throat imperiously and said, "You have to switch bodies with your pairing, and whoever lasts the longest without going mentally crazy wins their freedom!"

"And the others…?" asked Danny.

"TOO LATE!" yelled the Principal, pressing the apocalypse button again.

…but nobody switched.

"Oops…" said Ralmal, "Now where did I put that button?"

Elemia whined, "But switching bodies is just wrong."

"Like, every move I make is like molesting Paulina," said Andrew, his eyes lighting up with _nasty_ thoughts.

"I TOLD you he was a pervert!" shouted Annie.

"Eeeeeew…..Wait, I have the button!" shouted Ralmal, jubilant and creeped out at the same time.

Suddenly, Tucker walked in. "Anybody know where the bathroom is?"

"I love you, you are better than that weasel…" said Annie, looking at him adoringly.

"I love you too…who are you again?"

"I think we found another pairing," announced Ralmal.

"I found the button!" shouted the Principal, "it's on my belly button!"

There was a collective silence. Truly, that was too weird for words.

She then pressed the button with an evil cackle…much like the Wicked Witch of the West.

* * *

**Body Switching…Muahaha…**

"I'm in a skirt…" said Danny, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!...even though it makes me feel quite pretty…"

Elemia said, "Suddenly, I feel so much smarter…"

"I have flawless skin!" cheered Andrew, "YES!"

Ralmal sighed irritably and said, "For the record, it is ALMOST flawless…"

"Oh, right…the mole…"

"I feel less intelligent than I did before," muttered the Lexa.

"Oh, THANKS," said Elemia.

* * *

"Come and place your bets!" shouted the Principal, dressed in a spiffy uniform (use your _imagi**na**tion_…) 

"Bets?"

Suddenly, the door opened and a crowd of people walked in.

"I bet $80.78 that the Celia and Jake will win!" shouted Olivia, back for random stuff.

Dana, back for the same reason, yelled, "I bet $1.89 that Elemia and the Lexa will win!"

"Yay…" muttered Elemia and the Lexa unenthusiastically.

"I bet $64.01 that Annie and Tucker will win…" said a random guy who Elemia thought looked rather familiar…

"Have we met you before?" asked Annie/Tucker. Indeed, they are but one entity now…but not really.

"My money's on Andrew and Paulina," said the Principal, "that is to say, that is what I WOULD say if I actually had to pay money to bet."

"I don't have to pay either," said Ralmal, "but my 'money' is on Sam and Danny. I even joined the D/S club, you know."

"No one bet on us…" Larie remarked to Da Dash.

"I bet $6,000 that you guys will win," said Mr. Cats.

As Larie cheered (enthusiastically), Da Dash asked, "Why did you put the comma after the six?" but nobody cared.

"I bet six cents that they will all go crazy…" said **Kaity**, a girl from their Honors Biology clss.

"Wow," said Ralmal, "that would be sad…"

"All people who bet – to the booth!" announced the Principal. "Ready…set…"

* * *

_**From here on, the use of your imagination is strongly encouraged. It's almost MANDATORY, it's so strongly encouraged. Just USE your IMAGINATION, DAMMIT!**_

* * *

**GO!**

* * *

**In the…pit? Well, not in the booth, anyway…**

Everybody was picking through giant wardrobes that contained the clothing of the person they switched bodies with…like shirts and pants and skirts and dresses…not **that**, you sickos…clear your minds!

"I love my wardrobe!" declared the Celia, and she did. What is _that?_

* * *

**In the booth…**

"YES!" cheered Olivia.

"…for now…" cackled Ralmal. Oddly, nobody heard. But if they did hear, they didn't care.

* * *

**Back to the…uh…the other place…ooh! Maybe it's a coliseum!  
**

"I rather dislike your taste in clothing…" remarked Elemia (in the Lexa's body, but she still had her own voice, as did everyone else…their OWN voices, not hers…), "always cross-country stuff or music-related. Is there no variety?"

"Oh, look," replied the Lexa (in Elemia's body), "black…black…black…grey…black… black…blue…black/red…black…red…"

"I LIKE black!"

"I like cross-country and music," he countered smugly.

* * *

**In the booth!**

"Not the _greatest_ start," said Ralmal, comforting a sobbing Dana, "but it's sure to turn around…you won't lose your almost-two-dollars…"

"Meh," said Dana, "It was only a dollar and some, anyway." Bipolarness!

"Thanks!" shouted a very sarcastic Elemia from the…wherever the heck they were.

* * *

**In the…is it an arena?**

Celia did some fakeish wanna-be-ninja moves and turned into a dragon. A fuschia one. You know, the color that's not _quite_ purple, but isn't _quite_ pink? That color. "Uh…What is this…?"

"Uh…" muttered Jake frantically, before he began trying to feed her some story…some really fake story…

"I feel like spouting bad catchphrases, puns, and fires!"

"ZOMG PEOPLE CAN'T REMEMBER THIS!" shrieked Jake girlishly before he began to babble.

"Man…this sucks…" murmured the Celia.

Sam then suddenly went all ghosty-like and said, "Hmm…I can see why Paulina liked this better than Danny Fenton…"

Upon hearing her statement, Danny went all emo…no, not really. But he did sulk a little. "MAN! That ain't cool…"

"Nice wanna-be gangsta talkin…man," said Su, strolling in casually through the door.

* * *

**This part is an extremely retarded attempt at poking fun at modern 'ghetto' culture…**

"Choo here fo?" asked the Principal.

"Yo, da Iranian bika chik is heyuh to place a bet on dis crud. J00 wanna stop me, punk?"

"Yo…get jo Iranian behind out of this place…"

Suddenly, Ralmal ran in and screeched, "GOT A PROBLEM WITH PERSIANS?" thus breaking the theme of the conversation. "Oops…" but it was ok.

"Ah'm from da south-side…still wanna mess wit me, bitch?" said Su, starting from where she left off.

"Bring it."

Randomly, Su pulled out her cell phone. "Ayah, we got some punk dissing us over here…mHM…bring the machete."

"Oh…_shit_…"

* * *

_**Keep up that imagination!**_

**Oh, look, the booth has merged with the place, transforming the whole thing back to the English classroom! Oh, what magicks occur!**

**

* * *

**

"I don't even know who the heck you are…" began Ralmal, "but I embrace you as my fellow Persian." She didn't actually, you know…_embrace_ embrace her, but the gesture was kind…and racist.

"I'm confused," said Su, "aren't you Paulina?"

"No, she's over there," Ralmal replied, pointing into the…place.

"Okay, here she is. Bring in the mole remover."

"WHAT?" screeched Paulina, "I'm not in my right body! Why are you taking my mole away?"

"Ma'am," replied Su, speaking to the body that belonged to Andrew (IMPLICATIONS ALERT!...but not really, Andrew's more masculine than _that_. Su just knew about the switch…thing…yeah, the more I say this, the less likely it sounds…) "I've got to remove that mole. It is a threat to the United nations."

Everyone gasped…dramatically.

"Is it going to hurt?" asked Andrew in Paulina's body.

"Yes, very much so."

"I'm glad I'm not in my body," muttered Paulina.

"Paulina!" shouted Andrew, "Have you no shame?"

"Indeed," replied Paulina, "I have no shame."

"Why do I like you?"

"I think I'm going to win…" said Kaity.

Enraged, the Principal shouted, "I'm going to LOSE! I knew shallow people don't change…"

"Hold the machete," began Su, "I'd like to place my bets."

"Oh, yeah," asked Ralmal, "on who?"

"I'm with Kaity," she replied, as she and Katie bowed to one another, "You will all kill each other."

"This is just like Saw 2…" whispered Larie.

"Is that even out yet?" asked Elemia.

Suddenly, the Celia began spitting out fire. "Dammit, how do I control this freakish body?"

"Thanks for calling me a freak…" sniffed a suddenly depressed Jake.

"Aww…I didn't mean it…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW" squealed all Jake/Celia fans as they hugged. Jake hugged a _dragon_. How does one do this?

* * *

**Meanwhile…**

The Lexa, (Elemia's) face contorted into a skeptical look, said, "Remind me again what's going on?"

"I want to go shopping!" squealed Elemia, jumping up and down excitedly…which looked weird in the Lexa's body, let me tell you…but it also seemed kind of…natural?

"And _I _have to go because…"

"So I can see what different outfits look like on me!"

"Not EVEN going to go into the implications," interrupted Ralmal.

"That was MY line, you know," the Lexa whined, but Ralmal had already skipped away. Yes, skipped.

As Elemia snapped her fingers, the Lexa's outfit changed into…a floor-length black skirt and a formal white shirt.

"I never did like those concert outfits…" mused Elemia.

"Like, I mean COME ON!" shouted the Lexa, still in Elemia's body (in case you forgot), "this skirt is SO ugly…"

"See, he's getting it!" Elemia whispered to Ralmal.

"What is THAT?"

"I WILL be glad when this is over," cried the Lexa in the midst of his identity crisis. "I WILL…" he then ran around sobbing for a while.

**Julia** returned (was in 1st chappie, ehehe…) to sigh, "It takes a _manly_ man to wear a skirt…"

"Back off he's MINE," snapped Elemia…then, a confused look on the Lexa's face (which she was wearing), she added, "Plus, he's in my body…does that count?"

"ALEX," said Julia in a _loud_ voice, "YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY A MANLY MAN!"

"His name is the Lexa," said an affronted Elemia.

"What kind of a name is that?"

"Good one, Julia," said Ralmal, giving Julia a high five.

"Thank you."

After the long silence, Larie said, "That last line was not necessary."

* * *

There was a knock at the door. 

"Who is it?" called the Principal.

A mysterious Voice said, "I'm from the Island of Ithaka." WHICH I DO NOT OWN

Everyone who was NOT in Honors English cried, "What the weasel?"

Everyone IN Honors English replied, "From the Odyssey." WHICH I DO NOT OWN

"Oh…" muttered the people in the first group.

"Who are you?" asked Ralmal.

The Voice replied, "I am the Unibrow-Man."

Everyone whirled about and shrieked, "TELEMAKHOS?" (hereafter referred to as 'the Tele')

"WHAT IS THAT?" shouted Ralmal.

The Tele then chopped down the door with an axe.

"Why are your eyebrows permanently drawn down?" asked Elemia.

"They are?" he replied.

Then, the Weasel walked in. "Oh my gosh I love the unibrowness."

"What is THAT?" shrieked Ralmal.

Erstwhile, the Weasel was gazing into the Tele's eyes…only _her_ eyes were creepy, anime-style, and hearty-shaped…and pink. What is THAT?

Everyone then went all, 'WHAT IS THAT?'

"There are too many 'what is that's in this chapter," remarked the Celia

* * *

"You look like a weasel," said the Tele amorously. 

Ralmal interjected, "That's why her name is Weasel."

"Oh!" he cried, exuberant (look it up), "on my island, weasels are our national animal." He finished by gazing at her…with the eyes (you KNOW what I'm talking about, those hearty ones…)

Randomly, Jazz walked in. "I WOULD LIKE TO PLACE A BET ON THE POTENTIAL COUPLE: TELE AND WEASEL. I BET $67.98!" she shouted.

"How did you know that they would love each other?" asked Ralmal quizzically.

"I hypothesized it, and my hypotheses are always right."

"Supported!" corrected an angry Ms. G. But Jazz was all like, 'ignore!'

"Don't rub in how smart you are," muttered Ralmal.

* * *

"I'm in a skirt," whimpered a very confused Lexa. 

"Well," said Julia, not bothering to be tactful, "no shit, Sherlock."

The Principal looked up and asked, "Out of curiosity, what is Julia here for?"

"Well, g'day!" said girl exclaimed, "I'm here to place a bet!"

"Who are you betting on?" asked the Principal. If you could have looked inside her mind, you would have seen a chibi-Principal dancing in circles shouting, 'more money! more money!' but you couldn't see inside her mind, so the point is moot.

"I'm betting on ale- I mean – the Lexa. I will give you an amount of money equal to the square root of 3.14 squared multiplied by pi over pi," announced Julia.

"Uh…" said Elemia, thinking aloud.

"I do _so_ like pie…"

The Lexa opened his eyes (having closed them to think) and stated, "Your equation is equal to 3.14."

"My hypothesis is right!" shouted Jazz.

"Supported."

'Ignore!'

* * *

**Random Violence…**

Suddenly, Su's eyes turned red. "Andre needs blood…" Su then climbed onto an illegally modified fatboy (motorcycle…thing…yeah…) and ran Ms. G over.

Ms. G went all, 'pain!'

* * *

"Can we order some pie?" asked Julia anxiously. 

The Principal suddenly became excited and squealed, "Okay, let's make it a PIE EATING CONTEST!"

"YES!" shouted Ralmal, "one person from each pairing comes up to eat these pies that just happened to appear out of nowhere."

"How convenient!" murmured Jazz.

Ignoring her, Ralmal continued, "…and then whoever wins, their paring gets five minuts of freedom!"

Everyone cheered.

Paulina asked, "Couldn't we just walk out of here anyways?"

In the silence that followed, everyone ran toward the door.

Ralmal stood back and pressed a button, and everyone else was electrocuted.

"What'cha do that for?" whined the Lexa.

"Never say 'What'cha' again," said Elemia, shuddering.

"Once you leave you can never turn back to yourselves…is that what you want?" asked Ralmal.

"No…" sighed everyone in UNISON.

"Oh, I forgot to mention…once the last sane pairing is left standing, then EVERYONE gets their bodies back."

"YES" cried everyone in UNISON…AGAIN!

"But then the rest of you become our slaves…" said Ralmal with an EEEVIL laugh.

The Principal responded with an equally evil laugh.

"Hey this is MY evil plot here," ordered Ralmal.

A very meek Principal slunk away with a hesitant, "Sorry…"

"Even though I'm her assistant, she's my slackey!"

"Lackey…" muttered Larie.

"Lackey, sorry. I LOVE THIS JOB! Everyone, when I yell 'UGGS,' take 6.23 seconds to decide who will participate in the contest. When I blow the whistle, you come up, and when I slap the principal, start eating the pies. Once I step on the Lexa's foot, then the pie eating contest is over."

"Hey!" whined the Lexa.

The Celia gave him a flat look and said, "You talk too much."

"UGGS!"

* * *

**Exactly 3.23 seconds later…**

"Hey Ralmal," whispered Elemia conspiratorially, "I'll give you…two oranges if you change it to cake…"

"Done," replied Ralmal. And LO! The pie turned to cake…but the water did not turn to wine. After all, most of the characters were underage.

Elemia took the oranges that were Danny's eyes and said, "Here you go!" in a bright and chirpy Glinda (WICKED – THE MUSICAL THAT I DO NOT OWN…AMONG OTHERS - REFERENCE) voice.

"ORANGE!" squealed Ralmal.

* * *

**6.23 seconds after Ralmal said "UGGS!"…**

Ralmal blew the whistle.

Julia stood near a microphone. When she talked, she _spoke in a well-constructed English accent_…that's a HINT for you people. "Jolly good, chaps, I will be your commentator for today…"

"What ho!" cried the Principal in a somewhat less well-constructed English accent.

" :ahem: The people who will be eating will be: Elemia, Jake, Danny, the Weasel, Andrew, and Da Dash…in the bodies of: the Lexa, the Celia, Sam, the Tele, Paulina, and Larie…"

"But it's my body…" whined the Lexa.

"But I like cake," replied Elemia.

"But…"

"YOU WANNA KEEP ME FROM MY CAKE?" yelled an enraged Elemia, eyes glowing red.

"Shutting up…" and so he did. The room suddenly felt a whole…lot…quieter.

Ralmal walked over and slapped the principal.

* * *

**3.14 seconds later…**

The Lexa, eyes huge, muttered, "Holy shit…"

"It's a bit late now," said Ralmal, "but…" and then she stepped on the Lexa's foot.

"OOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!"

_In a well-constructed Australian accent_, Julia announced, "G'day chaps! For those of you who haven't been paying attention, Elemia hasa just eaten all the cake!"

"How…?" asked a still-stunned Lexa.

"Cake good," sighed the victorious asian girl, licking frosting off her hands…her BARE HANDS…


	7. It Beginneth

**Chapter Title: **It Beginneth!  
**Warnings: **Grammatically-correct Crack, OCs, AU, Language, Ego-stabbing, Violence, Threats  
**A/N: **26 pages. You heard me right, TWENTY-SIX PAGES! MY FINGERS! THEY BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!

* * *

"My foot huuuurts…" whined the Lexa…but Ralmal ignored him. Poor the Lexa. 

The Principal looked at Elemia and the Lexa and cackled, "I hope you enjoy your five minutes of freedom, because that's all you're gonna get…" She then laughed evilly.

"Dude," said Ralmal in an annoyed tone of voice, "we went through this already. Only _I _can do the evil laugh."

"Me too!" chirped Elemia.

"Aw maaaaan…"

"And only Jake Long can say that line…"

"Word," said the asain…boy…dragon…what is he?

"Okay," shouted Ralmal, "Elemia, Lexa, get out of here!" so saying, she pushed them out the door.

* * *

**Faaaaaalling…**

The Lexa looked over at Elemia and asked/shouted, "Why the hell are we falling?"

Elemia replied, "You're the genius, you tell me!"

"You're in my body!"

"Then I still don't know!"

From above they heard Ralmal's voice calling, "This is your freedom! Falling forever!"

"It is scientifically impossible to fall forever…" the Lexa yelled back.

"Exactly," said the voice of Ralmal, "that's why you're only falling for five minutes!"

"But you just said…"

"Forget about what I said…okay, that's the only five minutes you get."

* * *

**ZAP!**

Elemia and the Lexa fell on top of the podium in the English classroom.

"Back so soon?" asked Ralmal.

Elemia immediately ran to a corner and sat there shivering…height-o-phobia (in truth, yes, she is height-o-phobic). "I think I'm gonna throw up that pie…"

"Wasn't it cake?" asked Julia, walking towards her.

Elemia threw up on Julia's nice-looking combat boots.

"Yup, that was cake alright…" muttered Julia.

Everyone else was like, "WHAT WAS THAT?"

"Clean up on aisle 4!" shouted Ralmal.

"Aisle 3!" corrected the Principal.

'Ignore!'

* * *

Randomly, the Principal turned to the others and said, "This is the beginning of Freshman Survivor." 

"WHAAAAAAAT?"

"See? This was a plot inside a plot."

"Eh?" asked Elemia.

"And the people who placed bets are in it too," continued the Principal.

"NOOOOOOOO! NOT FAAAAAAAAIIIIIR!" screamed the people who had placed bets.

Ralmal, definitely enraged now, shouted, "ME TOO? WHAT is WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Yeah, Ralmal," gloated the Principal, "I tricked you too."

"That is so stupid! Why I oughta…" Most of the cast then decided to hold Ralmal back, because the switchblade she stole from Elemia was sharp…very sharp.

"Okay," continued the Principal, ignoring the minor scuffle occurring behind her, get plenty of rest… Tomorrow, somebody dies."

* * *

_Return of the bolded Creepy Announcer's voice, people!_

**Oh my! What will the first challenge be? Who will die first? Will the pairings be split up? Has the Principal REALLY betrayed Ralmal? Or is it just another trick? Well, stop staring at the screen, people! Keep reading!**

* * *

And now, **Silly Songs with Elemia. **The **OMAKE **where Elemia comes out and sings...part of a silly song. 

TODAY IS OPENING MADNESS DAY! (which means, since this is the first 'silly songs', WE WILL DO MANY SONGS!)

Elemia: Du...

Elemia+Dana: Du hast...

Elemia+Dana+Olivia: DU HAST MICH!

_:pause:_

Elemia+Dana+Olivia: DU HAST MICH!

* * *

Olivia: And then Santa said, with a twinkle in his eye... 

Olivia+Dana+Elemia: MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, NOW YOU"RE ALL GONNA DIE!

* * *

Olivia; I see a little silhouette of a man 

Olivia+Elemia: Scaramouche! Scaramouche! Will you do the fan-DANGO!

Olivia+Elemia+Dana: SEND A BOLT OF LIGHTNING, VERYVERY FRIGHTNING...ME!

Elemia: Galileo!

Olivia: Galileo!

Elemia: Galileo!

Olivia: Galileo!

Elemia+Olivia: Galileo figaro!

Dana: Magnifico-

Olivia: o-

Lexa: o-

Elemia: 0- (lol 'tis a zero...1337!)

Lexa: I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me!

Elemia+Dana+Olivia: HE'S JUST A POOR BOY, FROM A POOR FAMILY! SPARE HIM HIS LIFE FROM THIS MONSTROSITY!

Annie: _:plays piano interlude:_

Lexa: Easy come, easy go...willl you let me go?

Olivia+Dana: Bismillah! NO! We will not let you go -

Elemia: LET HIM GO!

Olivia+Dana: Bismiillah! WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO!

Elemia: LET HIM GO!

Olivia+Dana: Bismiillah! WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO!

Elemia: LET HIM GO!

Olivia+Dana: Will not let you go

Elemia+Lexa: LET ME GO!

Olivia+Dana: Will not let you go

Elemia+Lexa: LET ME Go-

Lexa: o-

Elemia: o-

Olivia: o-

Dana: o-

Olivia+Dana: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Andrew: Mamma mia! Mamma mia!

Lexa+Elemia+Andrew: MAMMA MIA LET ME GO!

Everyone except Elemia (that would be: Olivia, Dana, Annie, Andrew, Lexa, Weasel); Beezelbub has a devil set aside for MEEE

FOr MEEEEEE for

Elemia: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

_:rock interlude in which there is much headbanging:_

Lexa: SO YOU THINK YOU CAN STOP ME AND SPIT IN MY EYEEEE!

Andrew: SO YOU THINK YOU CAN LOVE ME AND LEAVE ME TO DIEEE!

Lexa+Andrew: OOOOOOH BABY!

Ralmal: o.0

Lexa+Andrew: CAN'T DO THIS TO ME BABY!

Ralmal: Okay, time to stop. _:rips stereo from wall:_

Elemia; aw MAAAAN!

* * *

**Songs Used in the Above Omake:**

Du Hast – Rammstein

The Night Santa Went Crazy – Weird Al (I think…)

Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen

* * *

**The Next Day…**

Su ran amok about the room shouting, "ANDRE'S DEEAAAAAD!"

Elemia tried to console her, patting her back (as she ran by) and saying, "It was just a motorcycle, Su."

"NO, it was an ILLEGALLY MODIFIED FATBOY!"

**Ayah**, Su's truly Persian aunt appeared from thin air to say, "Damn straight."

"'Twas still a motorcycle…" muttered Elemia.

"IT WAS AN ILLEGALLY MODIFIED FATBOY!" screeched Su and Ayah in unison.

"What I'm tring to get at is…"

But the Lexa interrupted her. "Just put some gas in it…it will be fine."

"Oh…"

"I should know that!" shouted Ayah, "I've got a degree in physics!"

"Well, actually, you should know it because…blahblah…blah…logic…blah…blah…"

Elemia sighed, bored, and asked, "Are you done yet?"

"No," he replied, before launching back into his rant.

"hEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEll no!" screamed Su, "Just shut up already."

Ignoring _them_, Ayah argued, "Yes, but…blah…blah…logic…stabbing…blahblah…"

"Are you done _yet_?" asked an even-more-bored Elemia, were it possible.

The Lexa announced, "I have found an intellectual equal!"

"Problem is," said Elemia, "she is WAY older than you…and widowed."

"Plus," added Su, "she's my aunt…"

"Plus," added Elemia, "she's a motorcycle freak. Motorcycle freak plus white prep equals NO."

"I'm a motorcycle freak!" declared Soney.

"What is THAT?" asked Ralmal.

* * *

"Elemia," said Elemia, randomly.

Ralmal, puzzled, asked, "Why did you say your own name?"

"I felt like it…"

The Principal stabbed a metal butter knife in the electric socket…

* * *

**BBBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbbbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…**

And everyone woke to find themselves in their own bodies.

The Principal announced, "To everyone who placed a bet, here are your refunds…"

The betting people were all like, "Aw MAN!"

Jake Long ran over and shouted, "HeY! My line!"

The Lexa and Danny danced about in their joy, crying, "NOT IN A SKIRT! WoOT!" They then ran toward each other to exchange…a high five…what? What were you waiting for?

* * *

"How many plot twists are there?" asked Paulina, "It's so ANNOYING!"

Ralmal shook her head solemnly, muttering, "I know, Paulina, I know…"

"You're creeping me out," said Paulina, eyes wide as she backed away sloooooooowly.

Ralmal shook her head solemnly, muttering, "I know, Paulina, I know."

* * *

"All of you! Line up against the wall!" ordered the Principal, doing her best imitation of a drill sergeant. It was pretty good, actually. As everyone went, she continued. "You stupid freshmen, you must all compete in this game if you want to live! And…"

But she was interrupted by Jazz, who whined, "Um, Ma'am, I'm not a freshman. I'm a junior."

"Dang…one less person to kill…I mean EXPELL. Alright, you can be my new assistant."

"I thought I was your assistant!" protested Ralmal.

"Ralmal, you're fired."

Ralmal broke down sobbing in the middle of the line…Poor Ralmal.

"Okay, now everyone has to participate in a swimming contest. To the pool!"

* * *

**ZAP!**

* * *

**At the pool…**

"But," whimpered the Lexa, going into shock, "it's not scientifically possible!"

"Shut up!" hissed everyone else, "No one cares!"

The Principal then ordered, "Split up into boys and girls. Whichever team loses then has to vote someone off…to the PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE!" pulling out a karaoke microphone out of her pocket, she added, "DA DA DA DUUUUUUUUUUUUUN…."

The geeks and nerds screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The slackers stood aloofly off to the side and murmured something along the lines of, "Been there, done that."

The pairings clutched each other (excluding the Lexa and Elemia, because the Lexa is dense like brick.) and wailed, "NO! I don't want to leave the one I love!"

"Who cares?" asked the pairing-less Ralmal.

But then they all split up. Why? No quisieron morir. (They did not want to die.)

Jazz raised her arm and shouted, "Ready……set……"

* * *

**GO!**

"Shut up smarty!" shouted Ralmal, before diving in.

* * *

**And THUS, the contest raged on.**

* * *

The Principal stood on her Portable Podium™ and announced, "The winners are…the BOYS!"

"YES!" shouted the boys.

"NO!" wailed the girls.

"Now, girls, you must vote a girl off. Who will it be? Step into this voting booth (separately, of course), and we will announce the winner…I mean, the _loser_ next." Pulling out her microphone again, she raised it to her mouth and added, "DA DA DA DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!"

Ralmal gave her a flat look and asked, "Can you stop doing that?"

"Oh, sorry."

* * *

**WHOOOOOOOOOOO will be voted off?**

* * *

Elemia strode up to the platform and announced, "We vote off…the Celia…"

"But WHY?" asked the Celia.

"Because you were too busy staring at the Jake to swim, idiot!"

"Oh yeah…"

"I love you, Celia!" shouted Jake from the stands.

"YAAAAY!"

"Now I will expel you…" said the Principal evilly.

"MAAAAN!" whined the Celia and Jake…in UNISON.

The Principal ripped a hole in time and space and threw the Celia into it. The Rift then disappeared.

"Where'd she go?" asked a depressed Jake.

"A random dimension," replied the Principal airily.

* * *

**Later…**

Jake sat in one of the four corners, crying his eyes out. Like seriously, he could have drowned them, were it not for the open windows.

Everyone, ignoring their almost imminent peril, squealed, "AAAAAAAAWWWWW!" at his devotion.

"Shut up, all of you!" ordered the Principal, striding into their circle imperiously, Jazz at her heels. "The next challenge is a treasure hunt. You must find a squirrel and a ferret. Again, girls vs. boys."

"NOOOOOOOOO!" shouted the pairings melodramatically.

"Seriously," said Ralmal, "who cares?"

The Jake, having discovered his inner emo, added, "You got that right…"

* * *

**Random Mid-scene Omake**

It is now time for the Inner-Emo-Jake Rant.

"My world is a downward spiral of death and despair. The pain inflicted upon my body is naught compared to the endless abyss created by her departure. My heart is empty…my soul is worthless…THE CELIA! I WILL WAIT FOR YOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!"

While that was deeply touching, we should return to the story now.

* * *

"Okay," declared the Principal, "**GO!**"

Elemia stood up and announced, "I found an onion." And lo! She held an object up, and it was indeed an onion.

"Five extra points!" shouted the Principal.

"YES!" cheered the girls.

* * *

**A while later…**

"And the winner is…the GIRLS!"

"YES!"

The boys pouted sulkily (causing many a fangirl to squeal) and announced, "We're voting off Tucker."

"WHY?" screeched Annie, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU?" She then ran to a spare corner, sobbing.

"Bye Tucker," said the Principal before summoning the Rift and pushing him into it.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" sobbed Annie, whilst everyone sighed in relief.

"How can you be so heartless?" asked an indignant Annie. Everyone took a minute or two to ask, 'I have a heart?'

"Well, Annie," said Ralmal, trying to be tactful, "he was a great person and all, but…"

Weasel strolled by arm-in-arm with the Tele and deadpanned, "No, he wasn't. He was a complete and total loser."

Hearing this, Annie's sobs redoubled in fervor. Elemia started laughing uproariously.

"Count on her to make it blunt," said Ralmal, sighing at her wasted efforts.

"Yes, I am very blunt."

"Okay, no need to say it again…EVER."

"My heart will NEVER go on!" sobbed Annie.

"You knew him for two days," said Ralmal, "Get over it."

"I think I've moved on," said Annie, jumping up with a huge smile on her face, "isn't Jake Long available since the Celia's gone?"

"Who are you? Yo, I can't cheat on the Celia. I want to get voted off so I can join her, you see…"

"Stop saying 'yo' and being all EMO!" shouted an angry Ralmal, unaware that she was rhyming.

The Lexa spoke up suddenly. "Why have I had few to no lines in this part?"

"No one likes you…" said Ralmal callously.

"Not true," whispered Elemia.

"What is THAT?"

* * *

**Chitmas in May…** (yeah, Christmas without an s and r…inside joke…)

"_Rudolf the red nose reindeer…_" (Dana)

"Reindeer…" (Olivia)

"_Had a very shiny nose…and if you ever saw it"_

"Saw it…"

"_You would even say it glows…"_

"Like a light bulb!"

"_All of the other reindeer…"_

"Reindeer…"

"_Used to laugh and call him names…"_

"Like Pinocchio!"

Suddenly, Elemia's eyes glow red as she stabbed out their eyes.

"What was THAT for?" wailed her two hapless victims.

"I hate that song. After spending something like two hours watching the people from Annie's church try to get it right, I am officially going to be prejudiced against it for the rest of my life."

"Yeah," added Annie, "that was preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty stupid…I was making a complete fool of myself."

"Indeed you were," replied Elemia.

Ralmal tapped the Principal on the shoulder and said, "We vote Dana and Olivia off because they have no eyes."

"Dang…" were the last words they heard from the two as they hurtled into the Rift.

* * *

"Hey, it is CHRISTMAS!" announced Ralmal.

Everyone went all googly-eyed and squealed "AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWW…"

"Calm down people…"

"Hey," demanded the Principal, "aren't we getting back to the game?"

"Come on, Noto, get into the Christmas spirit!"

Larie sniffed and declared, "I'm Jewish!"

"Oops," said Ralmal, twitching a little.

The Principal suddenly started crying... "you finally called me Noto…_:sniff:_ I am so touched…THANK YOU!"

"Whatever," replied Ralmal, already walking away.

**End Chitmas!**

* * *

Ms. Jackson once again stood in front of her 7th period Freshman Honors English class, deciding to discuss their writing prompts.

"And today, we will be defining the word 'apple.'

From one side of the room, Julia shouted, "'Tis a fruit that grows upon trees!"

"Indeed," agreed Olivia, "'tis!"

"'Tis?" asked Ralmal

""Tis!" chorused Julia and Olivia together.

Elemia just sighed in the corner at the idiocy of it all.

The Lexa raised his hand…

"Yes, Lexa?" asked Ms. Jackson.

"An apple is a roughly spherical fruit that grows upon apple trees…" he then continued in his own geeky fashion.

Elemia just kind of went like: -.-;;

* * *

Suddenly, Ms. Jackson leaped upon her desk and announced, "Now we will take a field trip! To the MOOOON!"

The Lexa punched a few buttons on his calculator and said, "The moon is 5,000 miles away from Paulina's mole."

"My mole is .00005 miles in diameter," said Paulina. (That's about three inches…)

"Right…" said the Lexa.

* * *

**And thus, they go…**

Ralmal glanced about her once or twice, and then sulked a bit. "This is so lame…the moon looks like cheese!"

"What is THAT?" screamed the Celia.

"Stop screaming!" whined the Lexa, putting in some earplugs.

Ms. Jackson turned to her class and said, "This is the perfect place to declare your love for anyone!"

* * *

**A bit of elbowing later…**

Elemia stood up and said, "I DECLARE MY LOVE FOR…_:whisper:whisper:_"

"Whooooooooooo?" teased Ralmal, confident in her guess.

"Yeah, whoooooooooo?" asked the Lexa, truly oblivious.

Elemia cleared her throat and shouted, "I DECLARE MY LOVE FOR CAKE!"

"Figures…" muttered Ralmal as a large anime-style sweat-drop slid down her head.

* * *

**A bit later…**

Elemia passed around some cake she had bought from the cafeteria. Yes, she did have fifty-two pieces of cake, all packaged separately in little boxes. Just don't ask me why.

"I did not like the cake," said Larie.

Ralmal chewed thoughtfully and added, "It was too spongy."

Paulina stood on the rock (that Elemia had stood on before…I guess) and announced, "I declare my love for Danny Fenton."

In the silence that followed, she added, "Uh…I mean…Phantom. Yeah, that's it," she then giggled nervously…for a long time.

"Right…" said Ralmal skeptically.

Cluelessly, Elemia asked, "What's the difference?" as the Lexa nodded his head in agreement.

"Hey, hey, hey…" muttered Sam jealously, "wanna take this outside?"

"We're on the moon…" said Paulina.

"Yea, but we're not outside."

Tucker looked on anxiously before happily crying, "Oooooh…catfight!"

* * *

In the midst of the fighting (see: biting, scratching, hair-pulling), **Odysseus** appeared. "I declare my love for Ms. Jackson!" he announced, striking a pose atop the rock.

Ms. Jackson's eyes darted around frantically as she looked for an escape route. Erstwhile, she stalled. Sort of. "Uh…you need to leave…because…because…because we're done with the _Odyssey_!" Aside to her students, she whispered, "Isn't he married?"

Elemia replied, "Isn't he dead?"

The Lexa added, "Wasn't he a mythical character anyway?"

"Aw man…" sighed Odysseus sadly…But then, a maniac light shone in his eyes and he grabbed Ms. Jackson. Then, they disappeared.

"Oh, my gosh!" cried Ralmal, "we need to save her!"

"Why?" asked…just about everyone else.

"She's our ride home…" she deadpanned, as everyone else sweat-dropped.

The shepherd-less herd looked to Ralmal for guidance. "What should we do, boss?"

"I wonder where they went…" Ralmal mused aloud.

Danny held up a filthy piece of animal hide. "Perhaps this note that was left behind will explain it all." Suddenly, his eyes turned to hearts. "It's lemon scented."

"Shut up," snapped Sam. "I mean…well, yeah, it does smell lemony-fresh…"

Elemia smacked them all before reading the note aloud.

* * *

**The Note:**

_I have taken Ms. Jackson to Mars._

* * *

The Lexa reread it, to make sure he wasn't hallucinating before commenting, "Well, that as surprisingly easy. Who will drive the shuttle?"

Everyone else was like, '?'

* * *

**Ten minutes later…**

Whilst everyone else pondered in silence, Elemia had devised a way to make this whole thing work to her advantage.

"You didn't like the cake?" she asked, tears running down her face.

"No, we didn't!" yelled Larie and Ralmal.

Elemia stood there, eyes wide, sniffling pitifully as tears continued to flow.

Ralmal suddenly felt all guilty and tried to console her. "Well…I mean…"

Tears still running (Elemia has mad fake-crying skillz. So mad, that in fact, she actually is crying), Elemia shouted, "IN ORDER TO MAKE IT UP TO ME, YOU MUST LET ME PILOT THE SHUTTLE!"

"Yeah…okay…" Ralmal, you pushover!

"WHAT?" shouted Larie in disbelief.

"I feel so much better now!" squealed Elemia, no longer crying, as she did a happy-dance.

The Lexa entered their little circle to ask, "Why do I suddenly feel a sense of impending doom?"

"Wanna dumb that down for me?" asked Sam.

Andrew interrupted the Lexa's response with a show-offy, "He means that he felt a strong sense of foreboding."

"Smaller words, honey…" mumbled Paulina.

"Did she just call him honey?" whispered Elemia to Ralmal.

"WHAT the weasel…" muttered Ralmal, before she gagged at the thought.

"Indeed," agreed Elemia.

* * *

Julia swept into the room (from whence she left, eh?), struck a pose, and said in a loud, commanding voice, "'Tis of much importance that thou dost thy homework!"

"Uh…" murmured Larie.

Elemia fixed Julia with a haughty glare and said, equally dramatically, "'Tis not the realm, nor the time, to dabble in such language. Forsooth, myself, thee, and our people do stand upon the moon!"

"You lost me," said Ralmal.

Weasel popped her head into the conversational circle and said, "Thou speaketh like Snagglepuss."

"She was almost done!" whined Julia. "Don't interrupt."

Elemia cleared her throat imperiously and continued. "'Tis no fault of thine own, but the use of such antiquated language upon so glorious a land is an insult to thy intelligence, my intelligence, the intelligence of thy contemporaries, an the sock puppet named Bob. Ms. Jackson would be horrified at thy announcement, for lo, it hath transformed this meager chapter into a Ren Faire! Get thee gone, wench, and take thine language with thee, that I may pilot the shuttle in peace!"

"Such a beautiful speech…" sighed Julia.

"She called you a wench," the Lexa pointed out helpfully.

Julia gave him a flat look and replied, "I called you a lady."

"Touché," Ralmal called out.

"I called **Swanson** a girl…" continued the Lexa. But lo, Swanson appeareth not here.

Elemia poked the Lexa and added, "**Jessica** said you frolicked through a field of flowers." Jessica, too, appeareth not.

Julia stared off into space, a dreamy look on her face. (RHYMING!) "It takes a REAL man to frolic through flowers…"

"…" (the Lexa)

"…" (Elemia)

"…What is THAT?" cried Ralmal, breaking the silence.

"What IS that?" asked Elemia.

"What is WRONG with you?" yelled the Celia.

Ralmal and Elemia turned to the Celia, coughed meaningfully once or twice, and said (in unison), "Wrong phrase…"

"Oops…"

* * *

"Hey," said Ralmal, "look at this sign."

Hearing her, everyone else crowded around.

"Hey, I need my space!" she yelled, "So BACK OFF!"

Ignoring her, everyone crowded around closer.

Elemia shoved her way to the front, pushed everyone away from the angry Ralmal, and announced, "It says, 'Come to the International Fest. And…don't bring Tucker.'"

"Hey!" whined Tucker.

* * *

_Da da da duuuuun…_

* * *

Elemia turned and asked, "Lexa, was that you?"

"No…" he replied, eyes darting around suspiciously.

Elemia randomly stood up and announced, "IF WE DON'T GO, I WILL THROW UP ON THE CELIA!"

The Celia backed away slowly before hiding behind Jake Long.

"Don't worry, baby…" he…cooed? "I'll protect you form any puke that comes your way."

Ralmal, drawing the whole group away from Elemia, whispered, "She gets mad when there is no cake…"

"I'll give you my meat pie if I get to come!" Tucker shouted to Elemia.

"Okay!"

* * *

**And so, they go to International Fest…**

"What is THAT?" asked Ralmal. "That transition sucked." As Narrator, we must ask Ralmal to put a sock in it. _Yes…we mussssst…then we mussssst find the precioussss…_ No! Narrator is good! (ehe…Lord of the Rings NOT OWNINGno idea where that came from…)

The Celia was still hiding behind…a dragon. Guess who? "Nothing happened yet! And I'm still on the bubble!"

* * *

_Da da da duuuuuuuuuuuuuuun…._

* * *

Elemia turned and said, "Lex, if you keep doing that, I will have to stab your eyes out."

"Did you just call me Lex?"

"No…" replied Elemia, eyes darting about.

Danny stood up and announced, "I'm going ghost!"

There was a lot of silence…

"Nice…" muttered Ralmal.

Sam suddenly became livid. "YOU IDIOT, you just told everyone your secret! I don't know WHAT I saw in you…"

"Oh Em Gee!" squealed Paulina, causing everyone to stare at her. "It's Invisobill, my love!" she ran towards him and glomped him. No, she Amazon-glomped him. Yes, there's a difference.

"Shallowness…too…much…to…bear!" gasped Danny, his voice growing quieter as the shallowness (and the glomp) squeezed away his available air.

Andrew turned to Paulina jealously… "Hey, I thought you were with me!"

Paulina sniffed snottily and said, "You were _so_ 10 seconds ago."

"Actually," corrected the Lexa, "he's 10.6 seconds ago."

Paulina stood there and…blinked a few times.

"I will do an Interpretive Chinese Dance onstage! Watch me!" announced Danny, dashing backstage.

"He's probably going to put on a kimono…" Ralmal remarked.

"He's not THAT stupid," said Sam defensively.

* * *

Danny walked out in a kimono.

"Shutting up now…" muttered Sam, hiding her face in shame.

The lights dimmed and the fest began!

* * *

_Creepy Announcer Voice Alert!_

**What is the girly Danny going to do? Who else is going to perform?**

* * *

**Randomly Placed Random Omake…**

Danny stood on his bed, looking out the window at the city beyond. "Tucker…" he whispered.

His family walked in.

"Family, I have an announcement to make…"

He ripped off his shirt, revealing a heart tattoo with the word 'Tucker' on it.

"I'm going GAY!"

(meh! Don't shoot me! …yeah, this was randomly written a while ago…)

* * *

Danny stood atop the stage in a green kimono that had pretty silver butterflies on it. "I will now do an interpretive dance to a traditional Chinese song. The song, which is known as the Butterfly Song…" he paused for a little bit, apparently lost in thought. "Ah…I forgot my lines."

Elemia pushed up her glasses like the little geek she is inside and said, "I have a synopsis. The song is a story about a girl who pretends to be a boy to go to school. There, she falls in love with her roommate, who is a REAL guy."

Andrew interrupted her, saying "So…then…" he coughed a little.

"NO, NOT THAT WAY!" Elemia then muttered something that sounded surprisingly like 'pervert.' "Anywho, eventually her family called her home so she could marry some rich doctor guy they wanted her to marry. He walks her home and she tries to tell him that she loves him, but he is TOO DAMNEDLY DENSE to figure it out. She then tells him that she has a sister that he was perfect for…but she was an only child. However, he did not know this and, since he thought she was actually a _boy_, he believed her. Later, he visits the house again and asks for his friend, by the name she went by at school. The servant told him that that person did not exist. The servant then told him of the only child of the house, a girl... Only then did he figure it out that she loved him and wanted to marry him, and he becomes sad, refuses to eat, and eventually pines away and dies. In her marriage procession, she passes his grave (it was on the side of the road), does so voodooy fate crap, and jumps into the grave. They then turned into butterflies and flew away, to be together forever."

"Aaaaw…" squealed Ralmal.

"Yeah, what she said," murmured Danny, pointing to Elemia.

Elemia turned away from slapping the perverted Andrew to give Danny a flat look, saying, "Baka gaijin…"

"What…?" asked the Lexa.

"It means 'stupid foreigner in Japanese…"

Ralmal interrupted their conversation to ask, "Aren't you Chinese?"

Elemia nodded, but added, "I _wish_ I was Japanese..."

"SO BE IT!" shouted Danny, startling just about everyone else. He then proceeded to do a random interpretive dance that ended in him falling of a six-inch-wide bench and off the stage, crashing into a lit candle on the way there.

"Weren't those props for the Filipino Club?"

**Arri** walked in from backstage. "So be it."

Elemia tilted her head to the side to contemplate her friend's entrance. "Since when are you here?"

The shorter-than-the-Lexa-by-about-one-foot Viet girl drew herself to her full height and announced, "I come to declare my love for Andrew!"

There was a bit of an awkward silence…

"I thought I loved Paulina…" mused Andrew.

"I already explained this to you! You are, like, so ten seconds ago!" cried an exasperated Paulina.

"10.6," corrected the Lexa.

"Whatever."

Andrew ran away, saying, "I think I will cower in a corner now…" and thus, he cowered.

Suddenly, Arri forgot about Andrew and sad, "I have cake!"

"MINE!" shouted Elemia, devouring it whilst Arri sweat-dropped.

* * *

Randomly, Larie walked in. "Hi!"

"Well," said Ralmal, "we haven't seen you around…"

"I was in the little girl's room."

Elemia interrupted her. "For THREE HOURS?"

"Yes, there was this piece of hair that just WOUL NOT stay in place even after I dunked it in hair spray!"

"Since when do you care about your looks?" asked Ralmal.

"Since I found the pairing of my dreams!"

Everyone crowded around to listen.

"It's…a piece of chicken!"

Everyone face-faulted.

"Haha…April Fool's joke…"

"Um, it's February 13th…" said Ralmal.

"OH MY GOSH!" shouted the Celia. "ONE DAY 'TIL VALENTINE'S DAY!"

Everyone was all like 'OMG!'

"But…" whined the Lexa, "it's May…"

"Shh…" whispered Elemia, "humor them…"

* * *

**Aeris** (FROM FFVII WHICH I DO NOT OWN) walked in, carrying a basket of flowers. "Hi, everyone. I am selling flowers for 2 gil! Come an buy to give to your valentine."

"Haha," said Danny. "That rhymed. See, Sam, I'm not an idiot…Please take me back!"

Sam looked at him and asked, "What's your IQ?"

Danny, unfortunately for him, had no idea what an IQ was. "Uh…I don't have one…"

"Figures…" muttered Sam.

Ralmal stood aside from everyone else and said, "I don't believe in valentines when we are only in High School. It is brainwashing. It is stupid. Aeris is stupid. Everyone who buys a flower is stupid." Gasp! Not _Aeris_!

Everyone ran to buy a flower.

"Figures…" muttered Ralmal and Sam IN UNISON.

"Hey," shouted Ralmal, "stop saying 'figures!'"

"Why?' asked Sam.

"It was my line a couple chapters ago! That line made me what I am today!"

"A wise and noble girl who hates when high school students act all weird and stupid on Valentine's Day, but goes "Aw…" whenever there is fluff, and loves cheese pizza but hates the cake that Elemia loves and wishes that my Career would not end in ONLY 16 EPISODES! ONLY SIXTEEN! WHY!"

"Exactly."

Elemia was like… 'OMGWTFBBQ2'

"I wish you would stop with that…" commented Ralmal.

Elemia grabbed the quarterstaff (that would be a long pole, people) from the Chinese Club props and began whirling it menacingly. "Anyone wanna try to stop me?"

Everyone ran away…

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

* * *

"ANDREW I LOVE YOU!" shouted Arri.

"Have you no respect for yourself?" demanded Elemia whilst shaking Arri.

Annie nodded in agreement. "Andrés tiene un 'pizza face.'"

"And he's too smart for his own good," added Elemia.

Annie's face contorted into a hate-filled look. "I swear to God he is going to become rich and then lose half his brain cells in a car accident and be a moron for the rest of his life."

"What is THAT?" asked Ralmal.

The Lexa said, "It would be rather ironic."

"Especially if you consider the fact that he is obsessed with cars and that's about all he can draw," said Elemia, in complete agreement.

"Yes," said Andrew, "just keep talking like I'm not here."

"OKAY!" shouted Elemia, jubilant.

Andrew sighed. "I feel so alone…"

"I'LL STAY WITH YOU!" shouted Arri, running over to him.

A very annoyed Elemia held her back and yelled, "HAVE YOU NO SELF-RESPECT?"

"Aa…um…didn't you say that already?"

Elemia sighed exasperatedly. "Arri?"

"Yes?"

"I need you to take a gun and shoot yourself."

"WHAAAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? Why?"

"Because, if you don't, I'll do it myself. Andrew/Paulina has been a pairing for a long time now, and I will not have you messing with it…because it's hilarious."

"BUT..."

* * *

**Some time later…**

"But…" Arri broke down sobbing at Paulina's feet. "I'm so sorry! I had no idea!" she then continued to cry."

Paulina kneeled and patted her on the back. "It's okay…I don't care. As long as you're not after the ghost boy, it's ok if you love anyone I used to love."

Silence…

Ralmal was first to shatter the silence. With a sledgehammer. "Did Paulina just say something nice AGAIN?"

"Oh my gosh, it's like falling in love again!" cried Tucker, his eyes turning to hearts.

Paulina batted her eyelashes at him…it just looked like she was blinking a lot. "Tucker, just so you know, I'm playing hard to get!"

"YES!" he shouted, jubilant.

"Hey," muttered a VERY jealous Andrew, "Why are you hitting on my Paulina?"

But Tucker was all like, 'ignore!'

"I need a new pairing…" whined Andrew.

* * *

**In Nekohime Kitsuya's world…**

"I need a new pairing…" whined Andrew.

Suddenly, a singing hamster appeared.

"Lonelyyyyy…he's Mr. Lonelyyyyy…he's got nobodyyyyy….for his ooooOOOOOWN…"

* * *

**In reality…**

…**or as close to reality as this fic goes…**

"I need a new pairing…" whined Andrew.

Elemia, turned a horrified look on her face as she screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOO! It's OVER!"

Jazz looked at the soap opera that was the scene and said, "It is over. You need to move on. My GOSH! Freshmen…" She then walked away to the junior side of the world.

"Which reminds me…" said Elemia, calming down immediately, "what do they do over there?"

"We should find out…" said Ralmal, her eyes darting around whilst she grinned weirdly."

The Lexa backed away slowly, a horrified look on _his_ face. "Never make that face again…"

"Yeah," agreed Elemia. "it's scary."

Ralmal gave her a flat look. "Stop agreeing with everything he says!"

Suddenly, a hooded figure came and took Paulina away to the Junior side of the world.

"HEEEEELLLP!" she screamed…Paulina, not the figure.

* * *

**Silence…**

"That was REALLY unexpected," said the Lexa, breaking the silence AGAIN…my gosh…what is WITH him?

"Word…" said Elemia randomly.

Ralmal shouted, "STOP! We have to save her!"

Everyone was like, 'Why?'

"Because she has my keys."

Elemia said, "We need someone to disguise as a junior."

On cue, everyone turned to look at Ralmal.

"WHAT?"

"…is THAT?" said the Celia.

"Uh…no." After thinking for a while, Ralmal said, "Fine, I'll disguise myself as a junior and OH MY GOSH!"

Everyone was like, "what?"

"It's a…"

* * *

**CLIFFLIE!**


	8. The Plot Is GONNED

**Chapter Title: **The Plot is GONNED!

**Warnings: **Grammatically-Correct Crack, Violence, Language, Ego-Stabbing, OCs, AU, References to Things I Do Not Own

**A/N: **Sorry I haven't updated recently…when you've read the same script 15 times, trying to figure out the right words to use and how to make the story better, you get bored. And when I get bored, I get VERY easily amused. In short, I spent most of my 'editing time' playing games on my computer. Gomen! (Please don't kill me, Ralmal)  
There's reference to VGCats strip number 115 in here.30pages in here. I expect thanks. _:sniff:_

* * *

"Oh…my…freakin…god…" whispered Elemia, her eyes wide with awe…and FEAR.

The Lexa looked at it with a similar facial expression. "Hoooooooly…crap."

Ralmal turned to the others (who couldn't see because Ralmal, Elemia, and the Lexa were in the way) and shouted, "A GIANT PAIR OF UGGS!"

Everyone ran about screaming. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The Uggs…hopped (?) over to them and…said (WTF?), "Hello, we have taken your precious Paulina."

Everyone except Andrew and Tucker was like… 'Precious? So not…'

The Ugg on the…left said, "She is in this shoe!" The Ugg on the right then cackled, and the left one joined in after a while.

"What is your point? Why did you come here?" asked Ralmal.

"Uhh…because the Juniors wanted to rub it in your faces…so…HA!"

They then…walked…away.

From the midst of the Ugg-ness, the group heard, "HELP!" from a Paulina-ish voice.

"Okay," said Ralmal. "We need to go and save her. I'll go now…to the other side…"

"WE WANT TO COME!" shouted…everyone else.

"Fine, but I get the glory."

And everyone insisted that this was a fine deal.

The Principal appeared out of nowhere. "I have a car that we can use…"

Everyone stared at her in silence.

"You're helping us?" asked a bewildered Elemia.

"Duh. Paulina has the hair that I want to steal from her…Oh – and she owes me 5 bucks."

Everyone climbed into the car – oooh, spacious.

* * *

**In the car…**

The Celia looked around for a bit before remarking, "This is cool and very ghetto!"

"Word," said Jake. "But not as ghetto a you."

"Thanks…I think…"

The Jake/Celia fans went like, 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWW.'

Everyone else went like 'gag.'

* * *

**Some time later…**

Tucker, still in the car, ran about screaming "OHMYGOSH THIS IS THE JUNIOR HEADQUARTERS!" mm…spacious car.

"Oh my gosh," said the Celia, "they're playing with penguins!"

Ralmal gasped. "And look who's their queen.

Everyone turned around and saw…

* * *

**PAULINA!**

* * *

"I am Paulina. I am the Queen of the Juniors," she said in monotone. "Ma…ha…ha. Ma…ha…ha."

Elemia pushed her glasses up on her nose like the geek he is inside and declared, "It must be one of those mind control crowns like in FFIII and FFVI!" (VI was the same as III right? Anyway, I own none of it! It's just that I love Final Fantasy!)

* * *

**Nekohime-Kitsuya-style Naruto Reference! (I OWNETH NARUTO NOT)**

Suddenly, Rock Lee from Naruto appeared. "YOSH!" he yelled, circular eyes twinkling, "Elemia! THE FLAMES OF YOUTH BURN BRIGHTLY WITHIN YOU!" He then smiled and gave a thumbs up (good guy pose!) and his teeth pinged, the light that came forth proceeded to blind everyone around him.

"LEE!" shouted Elemia, running towards him.

"ELEMIA!" he shouted.

"LEE!"

"ELEMIA!"

A background of a sunset in front of the sea appeared behind them as they hugged, tears streaming down Lee's face.

Looking at the scene, and laughing at Elemia taking the place of Gai, Annie began counting. "3…2…1…Now."

Elemia's eye twitched as her OOCness faded and she threw Lee into the sea.

"I winneth," said Annie, as she, Elemia, and Olivia, laughed uproariously. Everyone else just stared at them, not getting the reference.

* * *

Ralmal mulled over recent events, including the unexpected arrival of the boy with the shiny black bowl cut. "What was THAT?"

"Why do I feel like I've heard this before..?" asked the Celia.

"What was THAT?"

"There we go."

Everyone else was like, '?'

"WHAT?" asked Ralmal and the Celia, in UNISON!

* * *

"OHMYGOSH, Elemia," shouted Lee, swimming toward them, "You must introduce me! Right after I get out of this sea!"

"Okay!" and so she introduced him. But then she forgot her meds. "I'm glad I threw you in the water!" she snarled viciously.

"What?"

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?"

Ralmal looked at Elemia, who was trying to fish Lee out of the water. With a fishing pole. "Talk about bipolar!"

* * *

Erstwhile, Elemia had finished getting Lee out, and he disappeared after saying a few more speeches about youthfulness.

* * *

Danny looked at Ralmal inquisitively. "Bye-poh-lahr? What's that?"

"WHY must you be so STUPID?" screeched Sam.

Ralmal looked at the bickering couple in horror. "NOOOOOOOOO! There is supposed to be FLUFF!"

"Fluff is good," said Elemia.

After about five minutes of silence, Ralmal said, "You are so weird."

Sam stuck herself into the conversation. "And bipolar!"

"Seriously," said Danny, "What IS that?"

Jake turned to look at him quizzically. "Dude, it's 'what is THAT?'"

"It's a cake."

Elemia ran over. "CAKE!" she then ate it. Quickly.

"Can we please focus of the superiorly intelligent one now?" asked Paulina in her monotonical voice.

Everyone turned to look at Andrew.

"What?" he asked.

"The other one…" said Paulina.

Everyone turned to look at the Lexa.

"WHAAT?" he screeched.

"I meant me…" she said, still using her monotone voice.

"Ohhhh…" everyone said.

"I will now pick my king," Paulina continued, surveying the room. "You." She pointed to the Lexa.

"What? Me?"

Elemia looked horrified. "HIM?" Snapping her fingers in a triangle-thingy, she cried, "Oh no you di-dn't!"

Paulina looked up, and said somewhat monotonically, "Oh yes I di-id."

Julia strolled in, wearing a toga. "My parent's called me Salty Jim…but I like to be called Odysseus." This was mentioned in 'First Love on a CTA Train,' one of Nekohime Kitsuya's earlier fanfics (and one about the Odyssey, no less) which was deleted.

"Bit late there, Julia," said Ralmal, eager to mock.

* * *

**Erstwhile…**

Elemia was in an intense battle with Paulina.

"I hate you!"

"I hate you more!"

Elemia pulled out Paulina's eyes…with her fingers…like in Kill Bill! Which I do not own. "I hate you the most!"

"Why are we fighting?" asked the Lexa, confused.

Elemia knocked him out with a giant mallet, anime style. "You are just so DENSE!"

Ralmal whispered to the others, "Elemia is mad because Paulina stole her man."

"RALMAL!" shouted Elemia angrily…and somewhat embarrassedly.

"What?" asked Ralmal innocently, even though everyone could she was LYING!

"What?" asked the Lexa. "I couldn't hear anything. I was too busy feeding Paulina grapes!"

Paulina sniffed haughtily. "You need to skin each one separately…SLAVE!"

"I thought I was your husband."

"Exactly."

Everyone was like, '?'

Ralmal said, "I get it."

Everyone was like, "?"

Randomly, Ralmal's sister walked it.

"Hey, Adne!" greeted Ralmal

"HEY!" replied Adne. "I am going to punch everyone!"

Everyone backed away slowly.

"YAY!" squealed Adne, as she punched Paulina.

Elemia looked on approvingly. "I like her."

"Who are you?"

Paulina was freed from the spell by Adne's punch. "I'm free!"

"Thanks, Adne!" said Ralmal.

"No prob," said Adne over her shoulder as she walked away.

That done, Ralmal turned to Paulina. "Paulina, are you dead?"

"I don't think so…"

"What about the grapes?" asked the Lexa.

"What grapes?"

Everybody went 'XP.'

Ralmal decided to reiterate herself. "Valentine's day is tomorrow."

The Lexa went to go ponder the mysteries of a Valentine's Day in June.

"Let's have a party at junior town," said Elemia. "Paulina, can you get us in?"

"Sure."

There was a loooooong silence.

Sam was shocked. "Did Paulina do something nice? Maybe she's not that shallow after all!"

Paulina looked at her for about five minutes. "I hate your outfit."

"Nevermind, still shallow."

* * *

"Trust me, Lexa, this is for your own good," said Elemia, trying to be reassuring. It would have made a genius worry a little, though.

"What is?"

"This is." And so, she smacked him with a large mallet, anime style.

* * *

**Ten minutes later…**

The Lexa woke up. "I don't remember a thing. What happened?"

"Is that even possible?" asked Ralmal in disbelief.

Elemia chimed in knowledgably, "It WAS for his own good, you know."

"Actually," said Paulina, "I don't think…"

Elemia hefted the mallet a bit higher over her head. "What's that?"

"Nothing…nothing…ohmygodpleasedon'tkillme…"

"See, that's what I thought."

Ralmal looked at Elemia with something akin to disgust. "What IS it with you and the violence? You're such a weasel."

Elemia pouted. "I still got this mallet, you know."

"Backing away now…" and so, Ralmal turned tail and RAN.

* * *

"Lexa, thank you for saving me!" squealed Paulina.

"You're…welcome?"

Ralmal butted in indignantly. "Hey, I get all the glory. That was our deal."

The Lexa raised his hand, a confused look on his face. When called upon, he said, "I don't remember anything. Who was I paired with again?"

Everyone shouted, "HOW DENSE CAN YOU GET?"

"You're so hurtful!" sobbed Elemia.

The Lexa's face lit up and he announced, "I think I was paired with Danny!"

"Wuzzit?" asked Danny.

"No, he's too stupid…"

"Hey!" exclaimed Danny. "Can you people stop calling me stupid?"

"It must have been Tucker!"

Tucker protested heartfeltedly. "Hey, I'm with the Paulina!"

"Back off, the Lexa! He's MINE!" shouted Da Dash, running in.

There was a loooong silence before he added "Uh…pretend you didn't hear that."

Danny mused for a second before saying, "Wasn't Paulina with Andrew? Before Tucker?"

"FINALLY! SOMETHING SMART!" squealed Sam as she hugged him.

Danny blushed. "Uhh…."

"YES!" shouted Ralmal. "THE FLUFF LIVES!"

"Oh yes…" muttered Paulina, remembering things. "Andrew." Suddenly, she became Indian. "I'm Indian!"

"WHAT?" gasped Ralmal.

"I am just trying to connect to my heritage."

Andrew looked at her confusedly. "Aren't you Hispanic?"

"I forgot…"

* * *

The Celia announced, "I know I'm Asian!"

"Me too!" chimed in Jake.

"We have so much in common! Let's get married!"

"Cool wit me, yo."

Ralmal looked at them oddly, but inside she was laughing. "Where's the ring, Mackdaddy Jake?"

"I got it!" shouted Olivia.

"Where did you come from?" asked Elemia.

"Did you miss that day in Health Class?"

Needless to say, everyone was rather disturbed.

"Let's get married now!" ordered the Celia.

* * *

**At the wedding…**

The minister, also known as TUCKER, was talking. A lot. "Holy matrimony…blah blah blah blah…if anyone has any objections, please address them now or forever hold your peace."

A hooded figure in the back stood up and yelled, "I OBJECT!"

* * *

**Who is the hooded figure?**

* * *

"Who are you to ruin my wedding day?" demanded the Celia, imperiously. Then, she started sobbing. "Jake, this isn't fair!"

"DRAGON UP!" And thus, Jake became a dragon. "Don't mess with my girl, freak!"

The hooded figure removed the hood.

_:Collective gasp:_

* * *

The Celia looked more than slightly shocked. "What are YOU doing here, Elemia?"

"I'm here to tell you how freakishly wrong this is."

Jake lost his dragony form. "What?"

"But I'm so happy…" said the Celia, "why must you ruin it?"

Elemia did her geeky glasses thing. "NEITHER of you are of legal age to be married."

"But…"

"You DON'T have a marriage license."

"But…"

"YOU," Elemia said, pointing to Tucker, "hold no power over holy matrimony."

"I wish I did…" muttered Tucker.

"Did not need to know that…" said the Celia.

"AND," continued Elemia, "Jake is a full two years younger than you, Celia."

"It doesn't matter in LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!"

"Blame my values, but I still think it's along the lines of cradle-snatching."

Jake looked confused. "Whaa?"

"But it's so cool!" gushed the Celia.

Elemia looked at her sternly. "Plus, he's an asian guy who's trying to be a white guy who's trying to be a lack guy."

"A whatnow?"

"He may need therapy…POSER!"

"I'M NOT A POSER!"

"Sure…" Elemia then began coughing loudly, and it sounded _strangely_ like the word 'poser' was in there.

"I'm ghetto, yo," said Jake.

Elemia was like, '…'

Ralmal struck a dramatic pose. "…Poser!"

"WHY MUST YOU BE SO MEAN TO ME?"

The Celia looked at him sadly. "You're a poser…I don't think this is going to work out, Jake…"

_:Collective Gasp:_

* * *

**Two whole seconds later…**

"I mean, of course it will!" said the Celia, changing her mind.

Elemia slammed her head against a wall.

Ralmal mocked Elemia. "You didn't see that coming, now did you?"

"SHUT UP!" then she went all bipolar and started crying. "You're so hurtful!"

"…CRAZY…" commented Larie.

Randomly, Elemia said, "My chicken is on fire."

"Say what now?" asked Danny.

"Even I didn't get that…" murmured Sam.

Suddenly, Tucker struck a dramatic pose. "Don't mess with da minister!" but everyone ignored him.

"I wanna get married NOW!" whined the Celia like a spoiled little girl.

Jake sighed heavily. "Celia, it's too soon. Da Elemia is right, yo."

"WHAT?" What a loser!" the Celia showed her frustration by throwing wedding cake on Jake. Hehe…that rhymed.

"Hey, that ain't cool, yo! This cake is good! Uh, YO…"

Guy Moon started singing with a cheesy theme song in the background. "Danny Fenton he was just fourteen when his parents…"

"SHUT UP!" shrieked…just about everyone.

"Wrong show…" said Ralmal.

"Hey!" cried Danny. "I object! That's my favorite song."

"Figures…"

Larie tried for the heck of it. "Snow white hair and glowing green eyes?"

There was a buzzer somewhere: EEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH….

"Leave it alone," said Ralmal. "This is the random show. NOT Danny Phantom."

Danny stalked away, affronted. "I'm not getting paid enough for this."

"You know your career is going to DIE in 15 episodes, right?" asked Ralmal.

"It cannot be! I will not believe it!"

"Oh yeah? Well…" but she was cut off.

"Guys!" called Elemia, "we need to focus on the Celia and Jake."

"I'm sorry, it's all my fault…" sobbed Guy Moon. "I can't do ANYTHING right!" he ran away, crying, leaving only an awkward silence behind.

"Um…okay…" said Elemia.

Ralmal looked at the rest imperiously. "Jake and the Celia, tomorrow is Valentine's Day; you need to make your decision."

"I do," said the Celia.

Jake thought for a minute. "I don't."

* * *

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!**

* * *

"You DON'T!" shrieked the Celia.

There was a collective gasp…everyone was getting rather tired of doing it, but nobody really cared.

"Have you no brains?" asked Annie.

"I agree with Annie!" declared Elemia. "Just a few minutes ago you were about to be married!"

The Celia became infuriated. "Which YOU ruined!"

"BECAUSE THAT'S JUST WRONG!" shouted Elemia and Annie, in unison.

* * *

**The next day…**

"I am so MAD!" screamed the Celia. "Oh, and a Happy Valentine's Day to everyone ELSE."

There was a silence as everyone slowly drew away from her wrath.

"Happy Heart Day to you too," said Ralmal. "I'm glad it's almost over."

"So it's not happy."

"Exactly."

It was around that time that everyone told them to shut the heck up.

Ralmal and Celia stared off-screen.

The camera moved to reveal: JAKE! "Yo, cel."

"EAAAGH!"

There was silence for a while.

Then Jake broke it. "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight."

Larie assumed the fetal position on the floor. "The I's burn my perfect little eyes," she whined.

"Hey," protested Paulina, "that was MY line."

Jake looked at the Celia soulfully. Or at least as soulfully as he could manage. "Da Elemia is right, we are too young. But I love you, and in about eight years we will be married."

"But what if there's someone else?" asked the Celia.

Everyone was like, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! DIIIIIIISS!"

"Sizzle sizzle…" said Ralmal.

Larie looked at her oddly. "Stop sizzling."

Danny said, "How can you do the sizzle at a time like THIS?"

"SHUT UP YOU!" shouted Ralmal, as she punched him.

* * *

**Omake-ish truth…**

Chibi-Elemia fell over coughing. "Dammit, I'm sick."

"Hey," protested chibi-Ralmal, "no swearing!"

"Shut up…" muttered chibi-Elemia, slapping chibi-Ralmal away.

Chibi-Arri poked chibi-Elemia's forehead. "Dang, you got a high fever…"

"I could have told you that," said chibi-Elemia, falling off the bed.

* * *

"You are such a weasel – why were you sick?" asked Ralmal.

"I caught the Andrew bug."

* * *

_Da da da duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun…_

* * *

Everyone shouted, "Lexa, STOP DOING THAT!"

"IT WASN'T ME!" he squeaked, his eyes darting about suspiciously.

Elemia pointed an accusing finger at Andrew. "It's all part of his plan to get rid of everyone so he can be the smartest person in the world!"

"It's not true!" he protested, eyes darting about suspiciously.

Ralmal also pointed an accusatory finger at Andrew. "You idiots! Yes it its! Look at the shifty eyes!"

Suddenly, Andrew said, "It's not fair!" He pointed dramatically to the Lexa. "_He_ is always so superior! I can't take it!" he then broke down sobbing.

"This is unnerving…" muttered Elemia. "I may need intensive therapy now…"

The Lexa looked Andrew over cautiously. "There must be an imbalance between the testosterone and estrogen levels in his body, leading to his over-emotionalness."

"See?" cried Andrew.

"I am so proad of you…" said Elemia, a heart appearing over her head.

"You spelled proud wrong…" murmured the Lexa. "Well, at least she won't have to worry about Andrew stealing her brain."

"I heard that!"

Ralmal looked at them confusedly. "Wasn't she sick because of Andrew's bug?"

"No…" said the Lexa. "It's called the flu."

"No, it's called PMS," Ralmal retorted.

Elemia looked at them VERY oddly. "The say WHAT now?"

* * *

**

* * *

Random mid-fic Omakes…**

**(These were written…a while ago.)**

* * *

Salad+Elemia: WE ARE THE CO-CONCERT MASTERS!

Ralmal: okaaaaaay then.

Elemia: I am pure geek.

Ralmal: I am pure nerd.

Paulina: I am pink.

Weasel: I am a weasel.

Grace: I am a self-proclaimed giraffe.

Lexa: I AM A JELLYFISH!

Elemia: o.0

* * *

Ralmal: SHUT UP ABOUT THE COCONCERT MASTER THING ALREADY. It''s bad enough i have to be in the back with Celia.

Celia: It's okay. . . :thinks on it for a while: HEY!

Paulina: I'm a prep! PINK IS SO ZESTY!

Lexa: What is that?

Ralmal: That was MY line genius

* * *

Elemia: OMG Lent has started!

Ralmal: What is THAT?

Elemia: ...just saying...

Ralmal: Give up saying words with more than one syllable for 40 days, Elemia...

Elemia: Make me!

Lexa: Dang, she's good.

Elemia: He is too, right?

Ralmal:not participating: Indeed.

Elemia: That was more than one.

Lexa: I say! You're right!

Elemia: Duh.

Ralmal: Elemia, stop being asian!

Elemia: I can't.

Ralmal: You're lying.

Elemia: You're right. I will be AZN! AZN PRIDE, BAD WORDS CUT OUT!

Ralmal: 'Bad words cut out'?

Elemia: I stick to the rules.

Ralmal: RIght...biznatches is three syllables.

Elemia: See?

Lexa: She IS good. she even got past the stop being asian thing.

Elemia: You broke the rules!

Lexa: WHAT? one...twoo...NOOOOOOO!

Ralmal: Some genius now.

_:lengthy silence:_

Ralmal: breaking the ice, as usual that. . . was . . . uh, very. .

Larie: stupid.

Paulina: and lame.

Ralmal: thanks for the bluntness guys.

Larie: sure

Paulina: no problem. I love insultance

Lexa; technically, that's not a word

Larie: what 'technically'. there's nothing technical about it!

Elemia: you're just mad cuz he is more best than j00!

Andrew: shut up! you are so annoying!

_:silence:_

Andrew: what?

Celia: that was uncalled for.

Jake: word.

Elemia: 'Word'? What word?

Lexa: Silly songs aside, she still IS only saying monosyllabic words.

Annie: STOP RUBBING IN YOUR INTELLIGENCE! My GOD you're annoying!

Elemia: She is mad. Run.

Lexa: Running awaaaaay! _:does so:_

Elemia: Smart guy.

Ralmal: Hey, you're being asian you know.

Elemia: Am NOT!

Ralma: What is THAT?

-

And now, Silly Songs with Elemia. A part of the fic where Elemia comes out and sings...a silly song.

Annie: Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow...

Annie's Brother: Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow...

Annie+Annie's Brother: I LOVE CHICKEN I LOVE LIVER...MEOW MIX MEOW MIX PLEASE DELIVER!

Elemia: walks out wearing a catgirl costume M3()W, b1zn47(h35. (Translation: Meow, biznatches.)

Annie's Brother: lol she said 'biznatch'

Annie: in 1337.

Elemia: 1337 (47g1r. Ph34r /3. (Translation: 1337 Catgirl. Fear me.)

* * *

Ralmal: You. Are. So. WEIRD! RUN!

_:Everyone runs away: _

Elemia: Lex, come back! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ralmal: _:still there:_ Shut up! You are so annoying!

_:everyone returns: _

Elemia: _:happy:_ You came back for me! I love you guys! _:hugs everyone:_

Paulina: Not really.

Larie: The door was locked.

Elemia: XP

* * *

Ralmal turned to Paulina angrily. "PAULINA! STOP BEING ASIAN!"

"She's not Asian!" shouted Elemia, who was a bit of a purist at heart.

"Yeah!" shouted Andrew. But he wasn't in the conversation. He'd just beaten the Lexa in Dance Dance Revolution. I want that game so bad, it's scary.

Annie was enraged. "She's not good enough to be Asian!"

"Heh…" chuckled the Celia, "…wannabe."

Paulina started to tear up. "STOP IT! I WISH I WAS ASIAN!"

"You just keep ooooon wishing," said Annie maliciously.

Paulina's tears began flowing down her almost-flawless face. "You'll see. One day, I will be Asian…"

"OH HELL NO!" shrieked Elemia.

"Oh hell YES!" shouted Andrew.

Everyone gave Andrew weird stares.

"What? An Asian Paulina would be TOTALLY sexy."

Annie gave him a scathing look. "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew…pervert."

Elemia nodded in complete agreement. "Eeew…he's like that guy.

"Yeah! That guy!"

"With the hair and the face, right?"

"Yeah, the one with the book?"

The two laughed together for a very long time.

Finally, Elemia turned to the others. "You know what we mean?"

"No," said Ralmal.

"I was, but you haven't used a proper noun in five minutes of conversation," Ralmal deadpanned.

Elemia was like: --"

Annie was like: --;;

Andrew was like:D

The Lexa was like: o.0

"STOP IT ALREADY!" screamed Ralmal, clearly not getting it.

* * *

"Didn't I say no swearing, Elemia?" asked Ralmal.

Elemia laughed sheepishly and scratched the back of her head.

"That's right. And Elemia, you broke the lent by saying 'asian.'"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The Celia looked at Elemia haughtily. "Wannabe lenty…"

"I am NO!"

"OH YES YOU ARE!"

"NO I'M NOT!"

Ralmal covered her ears. "Shut up! You two are so annoying!"

They proceeded to argue for a lengthy period of time.

* * *

Suddenly, the Lexa noticed something on his desk. "WHOA! It's a button! And it says 'Do Not Press This. That means YOU, the Lexa.' HEY!"

Ralmal, the Celia, and Elemia shut up. FINALLY.

"You better listen to it, Lexa!" warned Ralmal.

Andrew ambled over. "Me wanna press the button!" And so, he did.

Ralmal looked at him, infuriated. "You IDIOT! You're worse than Danny!"

"I object!" called Danny.

"I rest my case! Even THAT sounded idiotic!"

Suddenly, a genie appeared out of nowhere. "I am Ima Geney."

Ralmal was like, '?'

"I get it!" squealed Elemia, evidently very pleased with herself.

There was silence for a while…

…which was broken by Ima. "Who pressed the button?"

"I did!" announced Andrew, holding his hand high above his head. I love alliteration, don't you?

Ima Geney snapped her fingers once, and Andrew was fried…no seriously, he was! "What was that?"

"Hey," admonished Ralmal, "that's my line!"

"I'm burnt to a crisp."

Ralmal snickered. "I love that line."

"And the word 'crisp,'" added Elemia…but Ralmal ignored her.

"How will Paulina like me now?" mourned Andrew.

The Celia looked at him pityingly. "It's okay."

The Genie looked at them all dramatically. "I will grant you all wishes!"

Andrew looked hopeful.

"Not you…" said Ima as she fried him, again.

"AAAH! My eyes! My perfect little Asian eyes! How will I ever be able to charm Paulina without my eyes?"

Paulina spared a passing glance toward Andrew, _who was in a FIRE_, and remarked, "What? I missed what just happened."

Ima Geney announced, "I will ask the little Latina princess what she wishes for first."

"Okay, I want…" began Tucker.

* * *

Paulina interrupted Tucker. "She was talking ot me."

"Right, I knew that…" he replied, eyes darting about.

"I WISH I WAS ASIAN!"

Elemia looked horrified. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Andrew looked gleeful. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

"Granted," said Ima Geney, looking somewhat mechanical.

* * *

"Ni hao, everyone," greeted Paulina as the smoke cleared.

Annie turned to look at Elemia. "Not only is she Asian, but she's Chinese."

Andrew was drooling.

"YOU!" shrieked Elemia, pointing to Paulina, "YOU ARE A BLEMISH UPON THE NAME OF MY RACE!"

Paulina shrank away, seeing the screwdriver Elemia held in her right hand. Elemia is right handed.

"AND YOU!" Elemia continued, pointing to Andrew, "YOU ARE A BLEMISH ON THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS ASIAN IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM!"

"Harsh…" commented Annie, without actually disagreeing.

Andrew looked like he was going to cry.

* * *

Ralmal looked at Elemia cautiously. "El, calm down."

"Yeah, no need to be jealous," added Annie.

Elemia was flabbergasted.

"Four point vocab word!" called Ralmal.

"Shut up!" shouted the Lexa.

In the silence that followed, Larie yelled, "Did the Lexa just tell RALMAL to SHUT up?"

"Stop accenting random words," Annie criticized.

Ralmal was REALLY infuriated this time. "Lexa, I'm going to slap you! No one tells ME to shut up!"

"Shut up, Ralmal!" yelled Danny.

Sam looked horrified. And angry. Horrifry? Angorrified? "You idiot, now she's going to kill you! And I'll never see you again!" she started crying.

Ralmal still looked angry, but she softened to the fluff.

"Can we get back to me?" asked Elemia.

A less angry Ralmal asaid, "Sure…BUT I AM STILL TIKED OFF AT THE LEXA!"

"Why only me?" he asked.

"Because there's no fluff to protect you!"

* * *

Suddenly Paulina yelled, "LET'S GET BACK TO ME AND THE LESS POPULAR ASIAN GEEK OVER THERE!"

There was a long silence…which was broken by Larie. Again. "Dude, Paulina!"

"Woohoo!" shouted Ralmal, as he and Paulina exchanged high fives.

Paulina blushed. "I've been wanting to do that my whole life!"

"Well, I…"

"SHUT UP!" shouted Elemia.

"I hope you weren't talking to me," said Ralmal, eyes flashing, "because I haven't seen any fluff from you." Her eyes continued to flash even brighter than before.

"Ele," said Paulina, appealing to Elemia, "I tried to shut them up, but…"

"You too, Paulina!" said an ANGRY Ralmal.

"But I have fluff…" Paulina whined.

"Yes, but it's very disturbing fluff," said Ralmal, gack-ing.

Elemia's eyes lit up. "I like it!"

"You crazy."

"Word," added Jake.

"You're killing me!" squealed the Celia.

Elemia's face contorted into an evil grin. "Kill?" a screwdriver popped out of nowhere and fell into her hand. Her left hand. She was already holding one in her right hand. OH! Mad double-wielding skillz!

"Everyone, SHUT UP!" shouted Ralmal, scaring the others into silence.

"She's still got it…" commented Tucker.

"You're still here?"

* * *

Elemia sighed and turned to her bestest Asian friend. "Annie, I am not jealous of Paulina. She is just a disgrace to my race."

"Suuure…" said Larie.

* * *

**Erstwhile…**

Andrew looked rather jubilant. Creepy. "Paulina, you rock! You are finally Asian! My life is complete!"

"Let's be a pairing again!" shouted Paulina, equally jubilant.

Ralmal was horror-struck. "NO! I tried to kill it but failed!"

"YES!" cried Elemia, "it's hilarious again!"

Tucker looked just about as sorrowful as a certain boy who returned to his lunch table only to find that his backpack was gone. What kind of face is this? I will tell you what kind of face it is. It is the face of a hairless puppy who has been kicked into the snow. "NOOO! I have no one again!" he cried, all alone now.

"It's okay," said the Celia.

"No, it's not!" he mourned.

"I know. I just wanted to say my line."

Poor Tucker.

* * *

**Herein lies the VGCats (which I do not own) reference…In an Omake:**

Tucker: I"M GOING TO DiE ALONE AND NAKEDS!

Elemia: BAD IMAGES!

Ralmal: EEEEEeeeewwwwww...

* * *

Ralmal gave Tucker an apathetic look. "Tucker, you are so stupid. Shut up."

"I am _not_. I wish Paulina was a squirrel!"

Ima looked slightly confused, but still said "Granted," in a rather monotonous voice.

* * *

**Poof!**

* * *

Paulina looked up confuzzeledly. "I'm a squirrel."

"An ASIAN squirrel," added Andrew.

Jake shook his head. "Dang, that's messed up."

Tucker's face lit up in a somewhat evil smile. "Now I have the love of my life…as a furry little squirrel!"

"Back off, she's mine!" shouted Andrew overprotectively, as he grabbed her…stop thinking that way, you bastards…NOT THAT WAY!

Paulina cheered…ever seen a squirrel cheer? "Yay! Andrew!"

At this point, Tucker grabbed Paulina too…for the LAST TIME, people, GET THAT IMAGE OUT OF YOUR HEADS!...perverts…I mean, she's a SQUIRREL!

"AAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!" shrieked Paulina, as she fell down a conveniently placed vent.

Andrew was crushed…figuratively speaking. "Paulina! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

**In the background…**

Paulina shrieked, "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

* * *

**But back to the grieving guy…**

"We have to save her!"

Everyone else looked at him apathetically. "Uh…"

"I'll give each of you five bucks."

"DONE!"

* * *

**Sometime later…**

Elemia looked up at the sky…er…ceiling. "Why am I doing this again?"

"Andrew gave us five bucks each," said the Lexa intelligently.

Elemia's face broke out into a smile…which looked rather evil… "SWEET! No, wait…"

Ralmal started laughing hysterically.

"WHY am I risking my life for a SQUIRREL WHO _WISHES_ SHE WERE ASIAN!"

"Calm down…" said the Celia.

"WHAT THE CRAP IS THIS?" Elemia cried.

Annie walked over, affronted. "Hey, that's my phrase.

"Give me this one. I'll give you 'yo' back."

Annie shrugged. "Fair enough."

* * *

**Behind the scenes…sort of…**

Ralmal looked up from her thinking. "That was SUCH a filler."

"I have a feeling there will be plot," said the Celia faithfully.

Elemia scoffed. "I bet my five bucks that will not happen."

"Deal."

Jake looked horrified. "NO! Celia! That money is going into our wedding fun!"

"Don't worry…I know what I'm doing."

* * *

**Random Omake (relating to Mulan II, which I do not own)…**

The Celia walks out in a traditional Chinese dress. "Betting against Elemia is not gambling…it's an investment."

* * *

Suddenly, Ralmal shouted, "PIZZA!"

Elemia shook her head sadly. "Dude, that happened in November…"

"No it didn't!" declared Ralmal, her eyes darting around suspiciously.

"Oh my gosh, Ralmal…" Elemia admonished. "Should I get out the screwdriver?"

"No, you can't," countered Ralmal, "because I can take out your brain for telling me to shut up." So saying, she glared.

"Let's just forget that happened…" muttered Elemia, backing away slooooowly.

"Agreed."

* * *

**Meanwhile…**

Andrew tapped his foot angrily. "Can we focus here? We need to get Paulina! I uh…" he trailed off upon seeing Elemia. "I need to ask her something. Jake, I need to talk to you."

"What are you up to?" asked Ralmal.

"Nothing…" Andrew replied, as he pulled Jake away from the group.

* * *

**In Andrew's huddle thing…**

Andrew turned to Jake, which wasn't hard, since Jake was standing right in front of him. "I want to ask Paulina to marry me…even if she is Asian…and a squirrel…"

"But don't you want her to be a HUMAN Asian squirrel?" asked Jake.

"That makes no sense!"

"I get it," said Ralmal, butting into their conversation.

Andrew looked at her quizzically. "Ralmal, were you listening?"

"Possibly."

Jake sighed. "Oh, she's good…"

Andrew sighed as well, and turned to face Ralmal. "I'll give you a rock if you don't tell Elemia. She might try to break up my wedding…just like she did with Jake's."

"Don't remind me," said Jake angrily.

"But she didn't…" commented Ralmal.

"Oh right…my bad…"

"Are all boys dumb, or is it just the ones in our group?" asked Ralmal as she walked away."

Andrew was truly mad now. "Oh, she did NOT just call me dumb."

"I'll give you 15 bucks if you let it go and help me," offered Jake.

"Help you what? This is about me, and ONLY me."

"Someone loves himself too much…" murmured Jake.

"Oh yeah? Who?"

"See what I mean?" asked Ralmal.

* * *

**With Andrew's huddle over, we return to the main group…**

"Let's get in the hover car!" announced Andrew abruptly.

"Laaaame…" said Larie.

"Like you have anything better!"

"As a matter of fact, I do. I have my bike!"

"Laaame…"

"Like you have anything better!"

"I do…a hover car."

Larie face-faulted anime-style as she realized how stupid she sounded.

* * *

**And thus, our protagonists fly to Macedonia…**

"What a RANDOM country!" complained Elemia.

"I know," agreed Ralmal.

Suddenly, a mirage of Paulina came towards them, but only Andrew could see it.

"Paulina!" he cried, running towards it. But alas, he ran into a tree…

…and everybody laughed at him.

THEN, the REAL Paulina came.

"Paulina!" shouted everyone, as they hugged her…before asking themselves WHY they were hugging.

Andrew cheered, jubilant again. "YAY! The Asian is back!"

"I'm not Asian anymore. I wished myself back to almost-normal. Fur was _not_ my color."

"Boys _plus_ Paulina," said Ralmal, correcting her previous statements.

* * *

"Why aren't you Asian anymore?" asked Andrew.

"Not to worry sweety!"

Elemia looked aghast. "Sweety?" she asked, as Ralmal gagged.

"I'm HALF Asian," announced Paulina. "I couldn't handle the burden."

"Yeah," agreed Elemia, "it's SO HARD to be Asian." Was there sarcasm there? I don't know, what do _you_ think?

Paulina nodded her head enthusiastically. "I _KNOW_ right? You have to be skilled! You have to be smart! And I am neither!"

Ralmal laughed.

"Paulina just dissed herself," said the Celia.

"That is SO the highlight," added the Lexa.

Everyone turned to him. "You're still HERE?"

"YES!" he replied, obviously hurt.

"I didn't think you left…" whispered Elemia.

"What?"

"Nothing…nothing…" said Elemia in a nonchalant manner.

* * *

Andrew stood up dramatically. "Here, Elemia, here's a tip." He then proceeded to do a karate chop kick move, but he really wasn't doing anything…

…Jake did everything!

* * *

**About five seconds later…**

Elemia was tied to a chair. "What is the _meaning_ of this?"

"Come on, Paulina," said Andrew, "We're getting hitched!"

"That was so smart of you, Andrew," said Paulina, looking up at him with heart eyes.

"Dang," said Elemia, "I can't take out her eyes!"

Everyone who had had their eyes taken out by Elemia's bloody screwdriver cheered.

Ralmal looked somewhat guilty. "Um…I didn't…know about this? Ehehe…" She chuckled nervously.

So, everyone left to the wedding…Elemia was left tied to a chair, which was tied to a TREE.

"HELP!"

* * *

_The return of the creepy announcer's voice! You know what to do for the bolded type…please don't make me explain it again…_

**WHO will come save Elemia?**

The Celia: Hey Narrator, we're not done yet. Elemia, you owe my five bucks! _:leaves:_

Elemia: Ok!

**THANKS FOR THAT ANNOYING INTERRUPTION, THE CELIA!**

The Celia: You're welcome!

**UNTIL NEXT TIME!**

The Celia: Until next time what?

**SHUSH! JUST LEAVE!**


	9. Chapter of Many Titles

**Chapter Title: **It's Your Party, So I'll Crash If I Want To…  
**Alternate Chapter Title: **The Subwayingnessness Ball  
**Alternate Alternate Chapter Title: **A Love Triangle…With FLUFF  
**Warnings: **The Usual…  
**A/N: **I know this 20-page update comes faster than the others have...I worked for a good number of hours on this, so I hope i get thanked sometime. Furthermore, this one had to end earlier because of the speciality of the next one.

* * *

**We return to another _riveting_** **chapter of TCCOS. We find the vast majority of the characters in a fancy restaurant. Guess who's missing…**

Andrew's face was scrunched into a happy smile. "I'm getting married to Paulina!"

"YAY!" Paulina cheered.

Erstwhile, Tucker was in the corner, sobbing.

The Lexa looked around for a while. "You know there's something off about this restaurant…the food is Japanese…"

Andrew looked around, too, before adding, "The waiters are Korean…"

The Celia spun around quickly and shrieked, "AND THE COOKS ARE MEXICAN!"

"What IS that?" asked Ralmal.

Suddenly, a strange cloaked figure approached them. "Where is Elemia?" it asked.

"She's to a chair," said Andrew helpfully."

"…"

Jake added, equally helpfully, "Which is tied to a tree."

"…"

"Which is in a forest…" continued the Lexa.

"…"

Andrew and Jake continued, "Fourteen miles…"

"And 3/55345322 of an inch!" added the Lexa.

"Away from here," all three of them finished together.

"NO!" shouted the Figure, "I must save her!"

Suddenly, the door slammed open.

"Screw that, I'm already here."

* * *

Andrew swallowed nervously. "How did YOU escape?"

"The hooded figure untied me. Then we raced back here…and I WON! You owe me ten bucks," said Elemia, turning to fix the hooded figure with a steely glare.

The Figure looked defeated…or at least as defeated as a figure with a huge ginourmus cloak can look.

"The why did you say 'I must save her'?" asked Ralmal.

"She should not destroy their wedding!" it announced.

"Why not?"

"It's a common fact. If someone destroys a wedding, they will never get married."

The Lexa sighed. "That's called karma."

"Duh," added Jake, "you don't have to be a genius to know what that is…"

Paulina looked confused. "What is it?"

Andrew spent a good five minutes explaining karma to her.

"I still don't get it…" she said, with a blank stare.

"That's okay, sweetie, just smile and look pretty."

"Oh, I'm good at that!"

"That's all she's good at…" muttered Elemia.

And everybody laughed.

* * *

"Who are you and why are you trying to wreck my wedding?" demanded Andrew.

Larie looked at him bemusedly. "Who are you talking to?"

"This chunk of cheese," he replied, lifting it so she could see it.

Larie gave him a rather blank stare.

"I was talking to the Figure, who did you think I was talking to?" he then replied, dropping his sarcasm.

The Figure looked at him affrontedly, not that you could really tell, and said, "I am not 'The Figure,' I am…" it pulled off its cloak… "TUCKER!"

* * *

**Insert Collective Gasp here.**

**

* * *

**  
"Tucker, WHY?" wailed Andrew. "I thought we were techno geek buddies!"

"You stole my girl! What kind of backstabbing buddy are you?"

The Lexa looked confused. "That made no sense!"

* * *

The Salad, a short Filipino girl who constantly smiled (that makes 'the Salad' a nickname, so please remember that we are not talking about a side dish), walked in…dressed as a waiter. "What is all this noise?" she asked…still smiling.

"Andrew stole my honey bear from me!" whined Tucker.

Ralmal backed away… "Yeah…this fluff…" she paused for dramatic effect. "…HAS TO STOP! IT'S SO DISTURBING!"

The Lexa, not one to pass up an opportunity to be intelligent, asked, "WHY would you untie Elemia and try to destroy the wedding, but NOT tell Elemia to destroy it?"

"I'm not trying to destroy the WEDDING…I'm trying to destroy ANDREW!" he cackled evilly as thunder rumbled…

Ralmal looked unimpressed. "That was the fakest thunder and evil fake laugh I've ever heard."

"You got that right…" agreed Larie.

* * *

"For the record," said an exasperated Elemia, "I never ruined the wedding. I merely opened you eyes to a reality."

Jake looked unconvinced. "And the reality was…"

"IT'S SICK AND WRONG!"

* * *

The Salad looked at them all, a slightly confused, but still happy, look on her face. "Did I miss something?"

"Heeey," said Su, who was present, "It's Rashellay!"

For the first time, a slightly annoyed look meandered onto the Salad's features…but she was still smiling. "FOR THE LAST TIME, MY NAME IS PRONOUNCED 'RACHEL!'"

Everyone had a look on their faces…kind of like… 'o.0'

"Way OOC…" muttered Ralmal, forgetting that saying so was out-of-character.

"Forget about the OOC," said Tucker, trying to get attention back on himself.

"Whatever _that_ is…" said Ralmal, having forgotten already.

The Lexa added, "Even _I'm_ confused!"

"That's a first…"

* * *

**Erstwhile…**

Tucker was still trying. "Come on, Paulina, MARRY ME INSTEAD!"

"No!"

"Come on…PLEASE? I'll give you a pony!"

Paulina's eyes glittered. "A pony?"

Andrew stepped in. "Paulina, if you marry me, I'll get you TEN ponies! AND a kitten!"

"YAAAY! I pick ANDREW!"

Tucker look horrified. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The Celia gave him a flat look. "Get over it…it's just Paulina."

"HEY!" shouted Paulina, realizing she had been insulted.

* * *

Ralmal had this most random bittersweet look on her face. "Elemia, let them get married! It will be both amusing and disgusting at the same time!"

"That's the best combo!" added the Celia.

"Fine…Paulina, let's get your dress."

"YAY! I want it to be pink!"

The Celia looked at Paulina oddly. "Dude, it's not prom. This is your WEDDING."

"Fine. Can the ROSES be pink?"

"Sure, said Ralmal, ending all further argument.

* * *

**Meanwhile…**

"They have no idea what I'm planning to do…" cackled Elemia…quietly.

Ralmal blinked. "Why did you say that out loud?"

"I didn't."

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight…"

"GAH! Too many 'i's!" shrieked Elemia, shielding her eyes. Haha.

"Oh, sorry…"

* * *

**St. Patrick's Day In June!**

**But this was written in March…exactly on St. Patrick's Day. So, this is officially an Omake.**

Lexa: In Dublin's fair city...  
Andrew: _:staring at Paulina: _Where girls are so pretty...  
Tucker: I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone!  
Lexa: As she pushed her wheelbarrow,  
Andrew: Through streets broad and narrow,  
Lexa, Andrew, and Tucker, in chorus: Crying, 'Cockles and mussels, alive, alive oh!"

Olivia: Chorus!

Elemia, Dana, Lexa, Andrew, Olivia, and Tucker: Alive, alive oh! Alive, alive oh! Crying, 'Cockles and mussels, alive, alive oh!'

Dana: Second Verse!

Andrew: Now she was a fishmonger,  
Paulina in background: HEY!  
Tucker: And sure 'twas no wonder,  
Elemia: For so were her mother and father before,  
Andrew: And the each wheeled their barrow,  
Tucker: Through streets broad and narrow,

Andrew, Tucker, and Elemia: Crying, 'Cockles and mussels, alive, alive oh!'

Ralmal:_ :standing with an annoyed expression on her face, and only because she was bribed: _...chorus...

Elemia, Annie, Lexa, Andrew, Olivia, Dana, and Tucker: Alive, alive oh! Alive, alive oh! Crying, 'Cockels and mussels alive, alive oh!'

Elemia: She died of a fever,  
Annie: And no one could save her,  
Olivia: ANd that was the end of sweet Molly Malone.  
Elemia: Now her ghost wheels her barrow,  
Annie: Through streets broad and narrow,

Elemia+Annie+Olivia: Crying, 'Cockles and mussels, alive, alive oh!'

Lexa: CHORUS!

Elemia, Annie, Lexa, Andrew, Dana, Olivia, and Tucker: Alive, alive oh! Alive, alive oh! Crying, 'Cockels and mussels alive, alive...

Ralmal: _:sighs:_ oh.

**HAPPY SAINT PATRICKS DAY!...Even though it's not!**

* * *

And now, Silly Songs with Elemia, the part of the fanfic where Elemia comes out and sings...part of a silly song.

Ralmal: psst. Didn't you already do a song?

Elemia; Shut up, you...

Ralmal: Did you just tell me to shut up?

Elemia: ...

Ralmal: Oh no you didn't!

Elemia: OH yes I did!

* * *

Elemia: covered in bruises TODAY! We will be singing a speshul song!

Ralmal: also covered in bruises 'Speshul?'

Elemia: You'll see.

* * *

Weasel: In A.D. Twenty-Twenty-one (that's 2021, people) war was beginning.

* * *

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! **

* * *

Lexa: What happen?

Andrew: Someone set up us the bomb.

Ramal???

Andrew: We get signal.

Lexa: What?

Andrew: Main screen turn on.

Lexa: points It's you!

Elemia: How are you gentlemen. All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.

Lexa: What you say?

Elemia: You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha ha ha.

Annie: All yourbaseyourbase  
Elemia: Base  
Annie: Base  
Elemia: All your base  
Annie+Elemia: Are belong to us.

Elemia: All yourbaseyourbase  
Annie: Base  
Elemia: Base  
Annie: All your base  
Elemia+Annie: Are belong to us

Annie: All yourbaseyourbase  
Elemia: Base  
Annie: Base  
Elemia: All your base  
Annie+Elemia: Are belong to us.  
Elemia: All yourbaseyourbase  
Annie: Base  
Elemia: Base  
Annie: All your base  
Elemia+Annie: Are belong to us

Annie: All yourbaseyourbase  
Elemia: Base  
Annie: Base  
Elemia: All your base  
Annie+Elemia: Are belong to us.

Elemia: All yourbaseyourbase  
Annie: Base  
Elemia: Base  
Annie: All your base  
Elemia+Annie: Are belong to us

_:Olivia and Dana run about, singing the background music:_

Annie: All yourbaseyourbase  
Elemia: Base  
Annie: Base  
Elemia: All your base  
Annie+Elemia: Are belong to us.

Elemia: All yourbaseyourbase  
Annie: Base  
Elemia: Base  
Annie: All your base  
Elemia+Annie: Are belong to us

Lexa: For great justice. Take off every zig.

Lexa: Move  
Andrew: Zig!  
Lexa: Move  
Andrew: Zig!  
Lexa: Move!  
Andrew: Zig!  
Lexa; Move!  
Andrew: Zig!

Lexa: You know what you're doing take off every zig.

Andrew: Move  
Lexa: Zig!  
Andrew: Move  
Lexa: Zig!  
Andrew: Move!  
Lexa: Zig!  
Andrew: Move!  
Lexa: Zig!

Andrew: You know what you're doing take off every zig.

Lexa: Move  
Andrew: Zig!  
Lexa: Move  
Andrew: Zig!  
Lexa: Move!  
Andrew: Zig!  
Lexa: Move!  
Andrew: Zig!

Lexa: For great justice. Take off every zig.

Ralmal: THAT'S IT! I've had enough of this song!

Elemia: 411 j00r B453 4r3 b310ng 70 u5.

Ralmal: It's SOOOOO repetitive!

Annie+Elemia: 411 j()()r B453 4r3 B3l()ng 7() u5!

RalmaL: EXACTLY!

Lexa: For great justice.

Dana: Take off every zig.

Ralmal: SHUT UP!

_:Everyone shuts up:_

Ralmal: Exactly.

* * *

Ralmal: that was . . . very disturbing. GO SEE YOUR COUNSELERS! and that includes you too, Paulina! You and your 'hey' in the background were the last straw. 

Paulina: But I did something nice!

Ralmal: I still can't believe it.

Elemia: What are you talking about?

Ralmal: Wouldn't you like to know?

Elemia: My songs are awesome!

* * *

"I want the band to play at my engagement party," announced Andrew.

The Lexa, acting as leader of the band, said, "It's going to cost you."

"I'll buy all of you subway sandwiches."

"Deal," said…well, just about everyone.

"I only meant the _band_," said Andrew.

"No, you didn't" said Ralmal.

And he fell for it! "Oh, yeah…right…and bring your pairing…"

"PLEASE let me host it…PLEASE!" begged Ralmal. "I'll be the matchhost!"

"Well…" said Andrew, clearly divided.

"I won't drag Paulina to the counselor if you let me…"

Paulina looked over at the two of them. "Come on, Andrew-cakes…let her host it."

"SOMETHING NICE!" exclaimed the Celia.

Ralmal looked aghast. "AGAIN?"

Elemia looked disgusted. "_ANDREW-CAKES_?"

Ralmal thought about that for a second…and then she looked like she was going to hurl.

"Fine," declared Andrew, "you may host! And please, don't throw up on my shoes…they're new."

"I'll try my best…"

* * *

**At the party…**

"Kweeeeeh!" exclaimed Ralmal. "I KNEW forcing everyone to come with a date would be amusing!"

"Yo," said Tucker, as he walked by.

Annie then beat Tucker into the ground for stealing her word.

A rather bruised Tucker added, "I believe you know my date…" he pointed in the general direction of left.

Needless to say, Ralmal was rather surprised. "RASHELLAY?"

"Hi, Ralmal," the Salad greeted, completely ignoring the mispronunciation of her name.

Elemia walked by. "Hi, Ralmal…Hi, Rashellay…" upon seeing the murderous look she was being given, she corrected herself. "I mean…Hi, the Salad. Who's your…" she then saw Tucker. "Oh my lord…"

"WHY are you not inside?" demanded Ralmal angrily.

"Meh date is late."

Ralmal looked around. "The Lexa is already here."

"Who's his date?" asked the Salad.

"More importantly, who's Annie's date?" asked Elemia.

* * *

**Dramatic pause…**

* * *

"OH NO, IT CAN'T BE!" shrieked Elemia.

Ralmal reassured her. "No, Annie and Arri were allowed in without dates because they have no pairings yet."

* * *

**Elemia and Ralmal frolicked about in circles screaming, "PAIRINGS CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK!"**

**

* * *

**

"Andrew and Paulina," said Elemia, stating the obvious.

"Duh…" said the Celia. "Elemia, you owe me five bucks…"

"Yah-huh…"

Ralmal said, "Tucker and the Salad."

"I hope it's temporary…" added Elemia.

"Indeed."

"The Salad could do so much better than him.

"I heard that!" shouted Tucker from across the room.

"And NOBODY cares…" replied the Celia.

"Dash and Larie," listed Elemia.

Ralmal looked surprised. "They haven't been mentioned for a LONG time!"

"Who now?" asked the Salad. But she was ignored. Poor the Salad.

"Yeah," agreed Elemia, "they didn't have too much storyline significance…"

Suddenly, a Cloaked Figure walked in…

…Elemia ran and glomped it. "GUAAAAAAAAN!"

* * *

Note: All thing written like /this/ are translations from Chinese.

* * *

"/I think I'm late…/"

Sarcasm alert! "/No, you're two hours early. This is the party that reserved the room before us./" replied Elemia.

"/That's mean…/"

"/You're late. Now we're even./"

The Cloaked Figure then proceeded to talk rapidly in Chinese.

Elemia looked on boredly. "You speak, and yet, all I hear is 'blah blah blah.'"

"No comprendo!" announced Ralmal, who did not have subtitles like you, the viewer do.

"Yo también!" agreed the Salad.

Elemia turned to them. "Les presento a Guan."

"I don't understand Spanish…" whispered the Cloaked Figure.

"'Tis the cute sophomore from my Chinese school!" said Elemia, pulling back the hood to reveal…another Asian. A tall one, this time…and a GUY…just in case that wasn't obvious.

Arri overheard this. "Oh, you mean THAT guy?" Arri then proceeded to talk rapidly…in English, though.

"What IS that?" asked Ralmal.

"I know!" agreed the Celia. "You're such a loser!"

"Who is?" asked Elemia.

"Nevermind…"

* * *

"Hey, Guan," said Elemia. "Is Brandon coming?"

Ralmal was ANGREH now. "YOU INVITED MORE PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW TO MY…I mean, Andrew an Paulina's…PARTY?"

Guan completely ignored the ranting Persian girl. "I think he and Irvin are coming, ys."

"IRVIN?" shrieked Elemia. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The Celia looked at her exasperatedly. "Drama queen."

"No, seriously, he is that bad," replied Elemia.

"/Who are these people/" asked Guan, using Chinese so nobody else could understand. Niiice…

"/The one with the pencil and pen stuck in her head, that's/ Ralmal."

Ralmal blinked. "I heard my name somewhere, but I don't understand the rest of the sentence.

"/The short one with short hair who is wearing green is/ Rashellay/but we call her/ the Salad."

"Don't drag me into this!" complained the Salad.

"/The sophomore over there who's dating an 8th grader…/"

"/Freaky./"

"/TELL me about it. She's/ the Celia/and the kid is/ Jake Long."

"ENOUGH OF THIS!" shouted the VERY enraged Ralmal. "WHY DIDN'T YOU COME HERE WITH THE Lexa?"

"'Cuz I didn't."

Ralmal and the Celia face-faulted, anime-style.

"And also, Guan is less dense than he is."

"…Thanks?"

Ralmal gasped. "But…but…and the pairings…and…and…"

"Calm down…breathe….breeeeaaathe…" said Elemia.

The Lexa just happened to pass by. "Hey, who's this?

* * *

**SUSPENSE!**

* * *

"'Tis the cute sophomore from Elemia's Chinese school, and her date," said Dana, who was there.

"Eh? Repeat that last part?"

Guan interrupted Dana before she started talking again. "Her date. Who is infinitely smarter than you are."

"OH, NOW IT'S ON!"

* * *

**SUSPENSE AGAIN!**

**

* * *

**

"Stop embarrassing me!" whined Elemia, smacking the back of Guan's head.

"Ele, WHY are you cheating on me…with a SOPHOMORE?" demanded the Lexa.

"Shut up! You never cared for me!" she started sobbing.

The Lexa was unsure of what to do.

"It's…NOT okay…" said the Celia.

* * *

**Erstwhile…**

Ralmal was at the front door checking off pairs as they came in.

"I just stepped out for a moment," said Larie.

"To powder my nose," added Dash.

Ralmal looked confused. "Wait…she powdered YOUR nose."

"Yeah…and she beat me up. She's AWESOME!"

"OKAAAAAAAAAAAAY…"

* * *

Two children walked in.

Ralmal was confused and disturbed by the ugly-black-and-white-ness. "Um…who are you?"

"I'm Dill," said one.

"I'm Scout," said the other.

"Dill PICKLES?" squealed Dash. "I LOVE you!"

"Dash, go away…" muttered Ralmal.

Larie pulled him away. "Come on, Dash! We're missing the Subwayingnessness!"

"What kind of names are those?" asked Ralmal, who was distracted by the fight between Elemia and the Lexa. "ANYWAYS, I don't see your names on the list."

Dill and Scout whispered amongst themselves for a bit.

"Uh…we're D and S. Just let us in."

Ralmal became even more distracted by Elemia throwing a hairdryer at the Lexa's head. "Yeah, yeah…go in."

With a high-five, Dill and Sam walked into the party.

* * *

Danny and Sam walked in.

"Hey, Ralmal!" greeted Danny.

"Uhh…can I help you?"

Sam looked at her bewilderedly. "Um…yeah. Just let us in."

Ralmal, still a bit slow, said, "I just did!"

"No, you didn't!" said Danny. "We just got here!"

"Wait…why are you guys not ugly anlymore?"

"And what is THAT supposed to mean?" snapped Sam.

"Forget it. I'll let you guys in even though I'm confused…just because you guys are mly favorite."

"Aww…thanks," said Sam…whilst Danny blushed.

"And because I want a sandwich," added Ralmal, "you can pay me five bucks."

* * *

**Meanwhile…**

"Elemia!" whined the Lexa, "that hurt my head! You have rattled my uberintelligent brain!"

Guan looked down at him pityingly. "And I think you lost a few brain cells there, buddy!"

"SHUT UP! Why don't you go away so I can escort Elemia to the Subwayingnessness ball?

"Once again," interjected Elemia, "you NEVER cared! So WHY should I care about your EGO?" she ran to the corner sobbing. Again.

"Look at what you did, the Lexa," said Guan.

"By the way…" said the Celia, "who's your pairing?"

"Uhh…I snuck in from the back. I didn't want to get caught by Ralmal."

"She didn't catch us!" said a pair of squeaky voices.

Everyone looked down.

"Yeah," said Dill, "we lied but we didn't."

Scout added, "Yeah, technically we ARE D and S."

The Celia nodded, but still looked unsure. "Yes, but that's Danny and Sam's thing. You guys should be S and D."

"Or even not together at all!" added Tucker. "What are you, 9?"

"9 and a half! You wanna take this outside buddy?" Dill was rather peeved…nobody calls _him_ a midget.

"CAN WE FOCUS ON MY CRISIS HERE!" screeched Elemia.

* * *

**Silence…**

* * *

"Do it again! Do it again!" cheered Scout.

Salad punched Scout none too gently. "Guys, we should care about Elemia's feelings."

"She's right," said the Celia. "Elemia, you SO brought Guan to make the Lexa jealous."

"That's not what I meant by caring about her feelings…"

* * *

Jake suddenly yelled, "Yo, G. Paulina and Andrew are coming!"

Andrew and Paulina walked in…everybody else was still arguing…and Ralmal was happily eating her sandwich.

* * *

"Dill, honey," cooed Scout, "your nerdy knee-high socks are drooping."

"Dang it." He pulled them up.

RANDOM, I say, RANDOM!

All of a sudden, a random flash of lightning hit the Lexa. While he was inside.

"Lexa!" shouted Elemia.

Guan stared at her for a second. "Hey, stop staring. You came here with me."

"Uhh…right." She fell silent and tried not to show any concern for her beloved the Lexa. (Guess who wrote this part? You have two guesses. Answer: Ralmal…DUH…)

* * *

**Five seconds later…**

The Lexa emerged, but in _ghost form_.

* * *

**Collective Gasp!**

* * *

"The Oresush returns!" cried the Celia.

Danny stared. "Oh em gee! My arch nemesis is the LEXA?"

"Hey, stop staring," said Sam. "You came here with ME."

Paulina cleared her throat imperiously. "Ahem, can we focus on ME and Andy?"

"Andrew," he corrected.

"Right…"

* * *

Ralmal rang a bell.

Everyone proceeded to shut up. Oresush transformed back into the Lexa. Elemia and the Lexa avoided looking at eachother…everyone felt the tension, except Ralmal, because she was still eating.

"Welcome to the party!" announced Ralmal. "Go get your sandwiches…and your tables have your names on hem. Have fun!"

"That'll be hard to do…" muttered Elemia.

* * *

The Lexa transformed back to Oresush. "Stupid powers…can never get a handle on them…"

"Seriously, Danny," said Sam. "You have GOT to stop staring. It's starting to freak me out."

"Us, too," said Jake and the Celia…in…

"UNISION!" cried Ralmal, twitching slightly.

Danny sighed. "I was just staring because I have to plan how I can defeat him later."

"Suuuuuuure…" said the Celia, in all her cynical glory.

"No, seriously. I want to defeat him because he took my homework and handed it in. Ms. G. gave HIM extra credit and I got 2 percent docked from my grade."

Jake smiled. "So now It's a 59 percent."

The Celia laughed hysterically.

"Hey!" protested Sam. "Stop laughing at him! Only **I** can make fun of his stupidity!"

"Thanks," said Danny, blushing.

"No problem…" replied Sam, blushing pinker than Danny.

"AAAAAAAAW!" squealed the Celia and Jake.

"UNISON ONCE AGAIN!" said Ralmal, falling to the floor and twitching.

* * *

**Later…**

Paulina stood up. "Now that you all have your sandwiches…"

Everyone fell silent.

"Paulina just forgot her sentence," joked Ralmal. "It was too long."

Suddenly Paulina remembered it again! "…listen up!" And with that, she finished her sentence.

"Yeah," said the Lexa, "that must have been SO HARD to remember."

Elemia yelled, "This is why I hate you, Lexa! You are so insensitive! Guan is VERY aware of other people's feelings!"

"Ha!" laughed Guan, "she's so stupid…"

"To an extent, anyway...

* * *

_Return of the Return of the Announcer's voice!_

**WHAT will happen next? Will Elemia dump Guan in a dumpster? WHAT will Danny do to the Oresush? WILL the Oresush ever get a handle on his powers?**


	10. BONUS: Stupid Surveys

Elemia: Since I am taking an extrememly long time with this next chappie...give me a _break_, Ralmal, I'm not super-human...anywhoo...since Ralmal keeps sending me these random quizzes from online (which never fail to amuse me, thus further delaying the next chapter... it's ALL YOUR FAULT, Ralmal), I thought I'd post what some of the characters from TCCOS answer on these quizzes. **WATCH THIS SPACE, BECAUSE I HAVEN'T WRITTEN EVERYBODY'S YET...**

**

* * *

People Written:**

**Ralmal  
Elemia  
Dana  
**

******

* * *

**Things to Remember:

When text is written like **this**, it is the question on the quiz, a section of the quiz, or a character's name. Use common sense for best results.  
When text is written normally, it is the character's answer.  
When text is written like this, it is the smartass comments they make.  
When text is written like _this_, it is Nekohime Kitsuya making fun of them.

******

* * *

Ralmal:**

******1) Single or Taken:** Single and i'm lovin it**  
****2) Sex:** Female**  
****3) Birthday:** April 18 _Whooooa...it IS?_**  
****4) Sign:** Aires _Misspellation! Nice job, Ralmal._**  
****5) Siblings:** 1 sister (younger)**  
****6) Hair color:** brown**  
****7) Eye color: **dark brown**  
****8) Shoe size:** 8 1/2 W _ARE YOU SERIOUS!_**  
****9) Height: **5' 3''

******.:R e l a t i o n s h i p s:.**

******1) Best Friends: **Larie and The Celia _:sniff: No Elemia... :sad:_**  
****2) Boyfriend/Girlfriend:** pshhh...no..and I don't want one because it's going to ruin my life and it's unNECessary at this time...I could rant and rave for a while...and all yo people know this already so I'll shut up.**  
****3) Did you send this to your crush?** pshh...what crush?**  
****4) Did your crush send this to u:** NO WE ESTABLISHED THAT I HAVE NO INTEREST IN ANYONE AT THE MOMENT SO BACK OFF OF ME!

******.:F a s h i o n S t u f f:.**

******1) Fave place to shop: **I discovered The Limited last weekend...I love it and Abercrombie...heh heh NO I'M NOT THAT PREPPY _You got a 39 percent on the 'How Preppy Are You' quiz...and you say you're not preppy. Hypocrisy!_**  
****2) Any tattoos or piercings?** No tattoos, I have my ears pierced

******.:T h e E x t r a S t u f f:.**

******1) Do you do drugs:** NO _Amazon East is very anti-drug...as well as anti-underage-drinking, anti-DUI, anti-sex-before-marriage, and anti-individuality. Amazon East! Producing automatons engineered for maximum profits!_**  
****2) What kind of shampoo do you use?** the herbal essences _You ACTUALLY know what kind of shampoo you're using? Wooow... now I feel dumb._**  
****3) What are you scared of:** Dying and Wicked being cancelled..hah hah just kidding.**  
****4) What car do you wish you had:** Beetle...so CUTE!**  
****5) Who was the last person that called you:** The Celia**  
****6) Where do you want to get married?** it doesn't matter just as long as the guy i marry isn't a jerk and i luv him. _awwwwwwwww_**  
****7) If you could change anything about your looks:** flatter stomach

******.:Favorites:.**

******1) Color:** PURPLE! _So...who remembers the first/second chapters?_**  
****2) What's your fav food:** PIZZA! _:sigh: ...we take a walk down Memory Lane..._**  
****3) Boys names:** FIYERIO...hahahahahaha seriously it's gotta stop! (anything that sounds strange/unique but not in a psycho way.)**  
****4) Girls names:** Rachelle, Sandra, anything not boring**  
****5) Subjects in school: **MATH and second would be Science**  
****6) Game:** anything that involves laughing and a bunch of friends

******.:H a v e Y o u E v e r:.**

******1) Given anyone a bath:** no**  
****2) Smoked:** NO**  
****3) Bungee jumped:** no but i'd do it**  
****4) Broken the law: **yes, once i didn't wear a seatbelt...**  
****5) Made yourself throw-up:** Ewwwwww**  
****6) Gone skinny-dipping?** NOOOOO**  
****7) Made yourself cry to get out of trouble:** heh heh...yes. i cried to get myself out of a homework assignment and it WORKED

******.:First Thing That Comes To Mind:. **

******1) Red:** blood**  
****2) Cow: **moo**  
****3) socks:** it rocks my socks******  
4) Greenland: **WICKED...ahhhhh!

******Final Questions **

******1) Do you like filling these out: **yes they rock my socks off**  
****2) How many people are you sending this to: **just a couple friends**  
****3) What was the last movie u saw at the movie theater: **brokeback mountain..hah just kidding (i rented that) the last movie i saw at the movies was 'Click" with Ariel! _Ooh! Was it good?_**  
****4) Favorite cartoon character:** anyone dumb...that's why i love Paulina**  
****5) What do you have for breakfast in the morning?** nothing...i woke up in time for lunch**  
****6) Who would you hate being locked in a room with:** anyone who smells and boring and/or a murderous psycho and the morrible**  
****7)If you were stranded on an island who would you pick to be with you?** someone with a working helicopter so i could GET THE HECK OUT OF THERE!

* * *

******Elemia:**

******1) Single or Taken:** Single..._ those of you who know...stfu_**  
**** 2) Sex: **Female**  
****3) Birthday: **November 20 **  
****4) Sign:** Scorpio mahaha! i stab j00s!**  
**** 5) Siblings:** 1 sister (younger)**  
**** 6) Hair color:** dark brown/black _AzN PrIdE!_**  
**** 7) Eye color:** dark brown/black**  
**** 8) Shoe size: **um...my foot is like 5/5.5 W but i usually wear 7s or 8s cuz theyre comfy...and one of my feet is bigger than the other! Things you never needed to know, but learn anyway!**  
**** 9) Height: **5' 7"

******.:R e l a t i o n s h i p s:.**

******1) Who are your best friends:** umm...almost every friend of mine is a best friend...but i do see some of them more than i see others**  
**** 2) Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend:** no. again, stfu, you ele/lex ppl _THAT MEANS YOU, DANA!_**  
**** 3) Did you send this to your crush?** ...he has no email... _No, wait! He does, but he does not check it. However, I know his email not, so the point is moot._**  
**** 4) Did your crush send this to u:** _:twitch:_ Actually, no.

******.:F a s h i o n S t u f f:.**

******1) Fave place to shop?** TeH APPLE STORE! _I don't think they meant...o whatever._**  
**** 2) Any tattoos or piercing's?** None, unless you count what ppl draw on my arm

******.:T h e E x t r a S t u f f:.**

******1) Do you do drugs:** No.**  
**** 2) What kind of shampoo do you use?** Woooooh...there's different kinds of shampoo? jk...i dont really care**  
**** 3) What are you scared of:** hmmmm...heights...among other things**  
**** 5) What car do you wish you had:** ...something _fast_**  
****6. Who was the last person who called u: **Annie **  
****7) Where do you want to get married? **somewhere quiet, and hopefully the wedding is nontraditional.**  
**** 8) If you could change anything about your looks:** hmm...its not like i really _care_...

******.:Favorites:.**

******1) Color:** black...red...black/red...blue...black...red...**  
**** 2) What's your fav food**: CAKE! _Is anyone in any way surprised?_**  
****3) Boys names:** ummm...had i a son, and were he firstborn, i would name him alex. maybeh.  
**4) Girls names:** had i a daughter, and were she firstborn, i would name her amelie. had i twins, i would...well i think i'd be a little too stressed out...  
**5) Subjects in school:** HONORS BIO W/ TEH Ms. G!**  
****6) Game:** something violent and cute _i.e. Maplestory. Maplestory pwns you._

******.:H a v e Y o u E v e r:.**

******1) Given anyone a bath:** no.**  
**** 2) Smoked:** no**  
**** 3) Bungee jumped: **no**  
**** 4) Broken the law: **define 'the law'**  
**** 5) Made yourself throw-up: **no**  
**** 6) Gone skinny-dipping?** no**  
**** 7) Made yourself cry to get out of trouble:** yes. now guess how many times

******.:F i r s t T h i n g T h a t C o m e s T o M i n d :.**

******1) Red: **blood...death...I STABBZ J00!**  
**** 2) Cow: **die cuu sacht moo! _I can't spell in German. Forgive my trangressions._**  
**** 3) socks: **...white...**  
**** 4) Greenland: **ice

******.:Final Questions:.**

******1) Do you like filling these out:** only when i'm bored. lucky you, ralmal.**  
**** 2) How many people are you sending this to: **most people i know, except ralmal.**  
****3) What was the last movie u saw at the movie theater: **over the hedge**  
****4) Favorite cartoon character:** does anime count?**  
****5) What do you have for breakfast in the morning?** this random chinese food that nobody else would get**  
****6) Who would you hate being locked in a room with:** ...anyone that it would be awkward to talk to.**  
****7)If you were stranded on an island who would you pick to be with you?** ... _:twitch:_... We are getting aggravated_. Yes, we are. If you don't get this...well...:sigh:  
_

**_

* * *

_****Dana:**

**1) Single or Taken:** Single**  
2) Sex: **Female**  
3) Birthday: **March 21st**  
4) Sign: **Aries**  
5) Siblings: **1 lil sis**  
6) Hair color:** blondish/brownish/goldenish**  
7) Eye color: **blue/green/grey but mostly green**  
8) Shoe size: **um... 9 or 9 1/2 i think**  
9) Height:** 5'6"

**.:R e l a t i o n s h i p s:. **

**1) Who are your best friends:** o geez... there are too many to name but i probably hang out with marian the most**  
2) Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: **not at the moment**  
3) Did you send this to your crush?** i don't have a crush right now ha!**  
4) Did your crush send this to u: **no

**.:F a s h i o n S t u f f:. **

**1) Fave place to shop?** aeropostale, rave, wet seal**  
2) Any tattoos or piercing's? **ears are pierced!

**.:T h e E x t r a S t u f f:. **

**1) Do you do drugs: **No way!**  
2) What kind of shampoo do you use?** um... suave i think**  
3) What are you scared of: **bugs! and sorta heights**  
5) What car do you wish you had:** a black BMW like tom felton! that is an awesum car or 1 of the toyota yuris thingies cuz they're cute**  
6) Who was the last person that called you:** Emerald**  
7) Where do you want to get married? **outside sumwhere**  
8) If you could change anything about your looks: **hmm... i wish my ears didn't stick out and that my legs were skinnier

**.:Favorites:. **

**1) Color:** purple, hot pink, black... SILVER!**  
2) What's your fav food:** pizza, lasagna, uncrustables grilled cheese**  
4) Boys names: **hmm... eric, sean, brian**  
5) Girls names: **nicole, ashely, danielle**  
6) Subjects in school: **honors bio w/ ms g! and um math w/ rigggzby was good 2**  
8) Game:** um... i don't really have one

**.:H a v e Y o u E v e r:. **

**1) Given anyone a bath: **no**  
2) Smoked:** no... ew**  
3) Bungee jumped: **no way!**  
4) Broken the law: **not that i no of**  
5) Made yourself throw-up: **no**  
6) Gone skinny-dipping? **no**  
7) Made yourself cry to get out of trouble:** mayb when i was little

**.:F i r s t T h i n g T h a t C o m e s T o M i n d:. **

**1) Red: **coke**  
2) Cow: **moo... grr patrick or bawk _Teh puppyboy!_**  
3) socks:** icky**  
4) Greenland: **_She wrote nothing! BLASPHEMY!  
_

**Final Questions **

**1) Do you like filling these out: **yes they're quite amusing**  
2) How many people are you sending this to: **1**  
5) What was the last movie u saw at the movie theater:** Pirates of the Caribbean 2!**  
6) Favorite cartoon character:** don't have one**  
6) What do you have for breakfast in the morning?** i usually don't eat breakfast**  
7) Who would you hate being locked in a room with:** hmm... there are plenty of people... **  
8)If you were stranded on an island who would you pick to be with you?** all of my friends


	11. Mr Goat, Can I Shake Your Hand?

**Chapter Title: **We've Seen Wicked, So We Must Spoof It  
**Alternate Title: **Mr. Goat, Can I Shake Your Hand?

---------------------------  
**Disclaimer: **If I owned Danny Phantom, the show would mirror what happens in this story…only with cleaner language and neatly separated into ten-minute segments. Also, I do not own Wicked or any other copyrighted characters in here. I do, however, control the OCs…Muahaha…Dance, puppets, dance!  
---------------------------

**WARNING! If you have not seen the musical Wicked, this will make little to no sense to you. This contains MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR spoilers (no wait, not really), and if you haven't seen Wicked yet, you SHOULD, even if only to understand this chapter. Also, if you have read the book _Wicked_, please note that the musical is VERY loosely based off of the novel (I read the book and was confused as heck, since I saw the musical first) and any confusion you have is, sadly, not my fault. Or maybe it is. Thus ends my rant.**

---------------------------  
**Also, for clarification: (RA/N: ) means that Ralmal left a note there. (A/N: ) or (EA/N: ) means me, Elemia, left the note.**  
---------------------------

**A Random Omake-that-is-not-an-Omake Introduction:**

_Please remember that all of the **bolded** print that follows is, indeed, the voice of the new narrator intern, who is very easily amused…and thus easily bored._

Elemia: _:Walks out in poofy pink dress, and thus is Galinda/Glinda:_ **Ho hum.**

Weasel: _:Is dressed as teh GOAT (Dr. Dillamond):_ **SHE ACTUALLY DID IT! GASPETH!**

Ralmal: _:Has green skin, and thus is Elphaba:_ **GAH! EYES!**

Lexa: _:Being the short guy he is, he was cast as the munchkin, Boq:_ **MOving right along...** (that is, for all you people like my good friend MagicalSparkles Fantastic, moving with an accent on the first syllable. That is to say, the "moo.")

Tucker: _:Is dressed as the Scarecrow/Fiyero…just for YOU, Ralmal:_ **On to the jokes! **

---------------------------

**Note to those who will bug me for it later: At this point, the Weasel leaves, having grown tired of her hairy costume.**

---------------------------  
---------------------------  
---------------------------

**Act One: Remakes of Good Scenes **

---------------------------  
**Scene 1**  
---------------------------

Elemia, in a less poofy but much pinker dress, sat and fiddled with her far-too-long hair, which she had recently died blonde. Ralmal sat by her, preparing for her lessons in poPUlarnessnessness.

"Tosstoss! Now you try it, Ralmal…um…I mean, Elphaba."

"Toss…toss…" Ralmal wasn't all that enthusiastic, if you didn't get it already.  
---------------------------  
**Scene 2**  
---------------------------

Elemia, still dressed as Galinda/Glinda, only in a very fashionable (coughcoughnocoughcough) blue suit, walked out on one side of the stage and pulled out a crumpled letter. "Dearest most Darlingest Momsie and Popsical…" she read aloud.

Ralmal walked out on the other side, still very green and clad in a less fashionable (as in AUGH!) black suit. She pulled out a very neatly folded letter. "Dear Father," she said, in a tone that sounded…well…rather _dead_ compared to Elemia's energetic reading.

"There's been some confusion over rooming here at Shiz," they sang together.

"But of course I'll care for Nessa," sang Ralmal, pointing to the Celia, who was staring at the goat.

"But of course I'll riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise above it…" sang Elemia, drawing out her high note dramatically.

They began to sing together…again. "For I know that's how you'd want me to respond. Yes. There's been some confusion for you see my roommate is…"

Elemia tilted her head quizzically as she looked at Ralmal's new skin color. "UnusuallyandExceedinglyPeculiarandAltogetherQuiteImpossibleToDescribe…" having finished this, she gasped for breath a bit.

Ralmal rolled her eyes. "Blonde."  
---------------------------  
**Scene 3  
**---------------------------

Elemia and Ralmal were, again, sitting next to eachother…Elemia, as Galinda, was in a state of uncontained glee, whearas Ralmal…well…Elphaba wasn't exactly a cheerleader.

"Ralmal…um…Elphaba…now that we're friends, I've decided to make you my new project."

"You _really_ don't have to do that." Quietly, she added "Please…_please_ don't."

Unfortunately, Elemia didn't hear her. Or, if she did, she ignored her completely. "I know. That's what makes me so nice!"

"You're so conceited!" whispered Ralmal.

Elemia, having heard this, ignored her…perhaps for the second time. "Take it away, Paulina!"

Paulina walked out in a similar poofely pink dress…and then she started singing.

_(Notes: When written like _this_, that means its normal singing. When written in italics, like this, that means it is whispered. When written like _**(this)**_ it's an action, or description of what is happening. Enjoy.)_

"Whenever I see someone…less fortunate than I…

_And let's face it, who ISN'T…less fortunate than I…_

My tender heart tends to start to bleeeed…

And when someone needs a makeover, I simply HAVE to take over…

I know I KNOW exactly…what they neeed….

And even in YOUR case…

Though it's the TOUGHEST case I've yet to face…

Don't worry – I'm determined to succeeeeeeeed…

Follow myyyyy leeeeaaaaad…

And yes, indeed…

You…

Will…

Be…

Popular!

You're gonna be poPUlar…

I'll teach you the proper ploys

When you talk to boys

Little ways to flirt and flounce

**(squeal)**

I'll show you what shoes to wear

How to fix your hair

Everything that really counts

To be…

Popular!

I'll help you be poPUlar…

You'll hang with the right cohorts

You'll be good at sports

Know the slang you've got to knooooow…

So let's start

Cuz you got an AWEfully long waaaay to go…

Don't be offended by my frank anaaaaalysis

Think of it as personality DIalysis

Now that I've chosen to become a pal

A sister and adviser

There's nobody wiser

Not when it comes to

Popular!

I KNOW about poPUlar…

And with an assist from me

You'll be who you'll be

Instead of dreary who you were…ARE…

There's nothing that can stop you

From becoming popular…LAR…"

As she drew breath to begin another section (specifically the 'lala' part), Ralmal butted in. "Okee."

Elemia winced and said, "Stop now. Please."

The Celia lay twitching on the floor, curled up in the fetal position. "MY EARS! THEY BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!"

---------------------------  
**Act Two: The Actual Story (Andrew: Scene Three point one four one five nine two six five three…)  
**---------------------------

Everybody turned to stare at the Celia.

"I can't take it! MAKE IT STOOOOOP!"

Elemia, following the Celia's lead, went completely out of her Galinaish character. "Come on…it's all funn, right?"

"Not exactly…" Ralmal remarked. "I'm GREEN. And you know what that means, right?"

"Umm...you're seasick?" guessed Elemia.

"You overdosed on grass?" offered the Celia, obviously referring to the plant that grows in everybody's lawns, not some code name for some illegal drug that none of you should be using.

"NO!" shouted Ralmal. "It MEANS that I clash with _everything_."

The Celia looked at her sympathetically (not to be confused with apathetically, an example of such and apathetic look would be the one Elemia gave Ralmal). "Here. White goes with everything." She waved her arm and a white outfit appeared out of nowhere.

"Umm…ew…Get it off! Get it off! It's worse than the pink!"

Elemia and Paulina looked at Ralmal accusatorially (and that is ACTUALLY a word, folks). "And what is THAT supposed to mean?"

Clearing her throat embarrassedly, Elemia said, "Um…try this BLACK witch costume…"

"Hey, it works! Toss toss!"

The Celia smiled. "Toss toss!"

Elemia smirked…cuz she felt superior. "Toss toss!"

Tucker…well…who cares? "Toss toss!"

The Larie, who had not appeared for a long while, appeared…hahaha. "Toss toss!"

The Lexa walked in. "Toss toss!"

Everyone looked at him oddly.

"What? Everyone was doing it!"

Tucker did not object.

"Figures…" sighed the Celia.

Elemia straightened somewhat superiorly. "Well, we all know that I am the _ultimate_ toss tosser!"

Salad looked horrified at her comment. "SALAD tosser?"

Ralmal ignored her. "You were right. This hat WAS too smart for you, GAlinda."

"Hey, hey, hey…do not challenge the toss tosser." Elemia replied haughtily.

"Yeah…you are so…BLONDE. Is that your natural hair color?" this of course, was an idiotic question, because Elemia was _clearly_ asian.

Randomly, Andrew popped in out of nowhere. "What is GOING ON? What happened to the ever so wonderful Subwayingness Ball?"

"You're beginning to sound like me!" squealed Paulina happily.

Whilst Andrew beamed, everyone turned and gagged.

"But you will never be as popular as MEEEE!" sang out Paulina, mixing the words up a bit in her mind.

"Here's your engagement present…" announced Andrew, holding out a pink bag.

"Yay! A PINK shirt that says POPULAR on it!"

"What did you get me?" asked Andrew.

"Uh…" Paulina looked around the room frantically…not like Andrew noticed. "This Wicked Program!" she yelled, grabbing said program off a table.

Elemia paused in her knitting (Yes, Elemia knits. What? Since all the freshmen-who-are-now-sophomores are turning sixteen, one should make special presents. Which reminds me Ralmal, I need to talk to you about _your_ present, because all of them are one of a kind. Yay!) to ask "Shouldn't that pink popular shirt be mine?"

"No," said Ralmal with finality.

"You don't have to be so depressed…" whined Elemia.

"I _can't_!" wailed Ralmal. "She stole the Celia's shoes!"

Elemia blinked a few times in astonishment. "The Celia's dead?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Jake, falling to the ground in his grief.

Ralmal sighed. "No, she's not dead…she promised that I could borrow them tonight…stupid _farm girl_…give 'em back!"

"Oh, they're only shoes…" said Elemia. "LET 'EM GO…Leave that poor girl alone…and that dog DODO too…"

"NEVER!"

"CAN WE GET BACK TO THE PARTAY!" screamed Andrew.

There was a looooooooooong silence…

…broken by Dill and Scout. "YAY! More screaming adolescents!"

Everyone looked at them…with expressions screaming 'You're still here?'

Tucker walked in.

"Hello, I'm here to cause a disturbance to anyone within a 100 ft radius.

"It's working," commented Ralmal, "and I'm 101 ft away."

"Oh my gosh!" squealed Salad. "It's the Fiyerio/Tucker!"

Ralmal and Elemia went "Ew," before running off to go hurl.

When they got back, Ralmal whispered "Bat casting there, gal."

"It's GLINDA," said Elemia grandly. "the GA is silent."

"I was just…nevermind."

Tucker gave them a look that he thought was smexy. "Come on…I'm adorable."

"We quit!" announced Elemia and Ralmal.

"Unless someone better comes along," added Elemia.

Ralmal agreed. "Yeah…getting the chance to slap each other isn't worth your love, Fiyerio/Tucker." (A/N: Ralmal _does_ actually call Fiyero 'Fiyerio.')

Tucker sniffed sadly. "I think my feelings are hurt…What is this feeling?"

"Oh, no!" cried Ralmal, as she and the others began to run away. "He's going to break into song…"

---------------------------  
**Meanwhile…**  
---------------------------

The Celia was staring at the goat.

"Do you even know WHO the goat is?" asked the Salad.

"Not a clue…but I LOVE it!"

Jake looked at the Celia with an ACCUSING look in his eyes. "Hey, what is WRONG with you?"

"I thought YOU were the goat…" she mumbled.

"You just said you had no clue!" shouted Jake, exposing the Celia's hypocrisy.

"I was flirting!" the Celia protested.

The pairing (Jake and the Celia) turned to the goat. "Who ARE you?"

"You all know me…" said the Goat, in a smexy man-voice. "Come on…Jake, we're related…"

---------------------------  
**Dadadaduuuuuuuun….**  
---------------------------

"OH EM GEE!" yelled the Lexa as he ran over…slowly (A/N: The Lexa cannot sprint quickly – he is a distance runner, as opposed to Elemia, who cannot run long distances, but is a good sprinter…if she may say so herself). "I KNOW WHO IT IS! IT'S"

---------------------------  
**Meanwhile…**  
---------------------------

Tucker bawled out his lyrics into a microphone…brace yourselves, ladies and gentlemen.

"LOATHING!

WHAT IS THIS FEELING

SO SUDDEN AND NEW

I FELT THE MOMENT

I LAID EYES ON YOU?

MY PULSE IS RUSHING

MY HEAD IS REELING

MY FACE IS FLUSHING

WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

FERVID AS A FLAME…

DOES IT HAVE A NAME

…YES…

LOATHING!

UNADULTERATED LOATHING!

FOR YOUR FACE

YOUR VOICE

YOUR CLOATHING

LET'S JUST SAY

I LOATHE IT ALL

EVERY LITTLE TRAIT, HOWEVER SMALL

MAKES MY VERY FLESH BEGIN TO CRAWL

WITH SIMPLE UTTER LOATHING

THERE'S A STRANGE EXHILERATION

INSUCH TOTAL DETESTATION

IT'S SO PURE SO STROOOOOOOOOONG

THOUGH I DO ADMIT IT CAME ON FAST

STILL I DO BELIEVE THAT IT CAN LAST

AND I WILL BE LOATHING

LOATHING YOU

MY WHOOOOOLE

LIIIIIIFE LONG!"

"Boo!" shouted Ralmal suddenly.

"Eeek!" screamed Tucker…how giirly. Heck, even the girls are manlier.

"Heh heh…" cackled Ralmal. "I couldn't resist…"

Elemia sighed. "What a loser…sung that duet by himself…HA!"

Together, Ralmal and Elemia made fun of Tucker's idiocy. Good times…good times…

---------------------------  
**Meanwhile…**  
---------------------------

The Lexa was angreh. "Hey, Narrator! You cut me off!"

_Sorry…not._

"I heard that.

_Good._

"Can we get back to _me_?" asked the Goat.

"How can you be related to me?" asked a very confused Jake.

The Goat sighed. "Dude, I'm your non-Asian twin twice removed…I'm"

---------------------------  
**Meanwhile…**  
---------------------------

"STOOOOP!" screamed the goat…in all his smexy man-voiced wonder.

_STOP HASSLING ME! I'm only paid by the hour you know…fine…_

Oooooh…smexy…smexy man-voiced goat…

_o.0 What the hell is that? The Celia, get out of my narration booth!_

---------------------------  
**Continuing with the Goat…**  
---------------------------

"Thank you. As I was saying, I'm"

"DEFYING GRAAAAAAVITYYYYYYYYY!" From the distance, they could hear Tucker's slightly off-key wailings.

Ralmal sighed. "Not you, me. Now give me back my broomstick."

AHA! It appears that they were in the same place this WHOLE TIME!

_Regular Einstein, we are._

"Are you still using that ratty old thing?" asked Elemia.

"Well…not all of us can travel by BUBBLE!"

Suddenly, Elemia broke out into some random Asian kung-fu moves obviously inspired by Tian Long Ba Bu…the Chinese drama she finished last week. (A/N: WHY? WHY DID AH ZHI LIVE WHEN AH ZHU DIED?)

"Wrong part," muttered Ralmal.

"Oops."

The Goat exploded. Metaphorically, not literally. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOAT CHEESE! CAN I PLEASE REVEAL MYSELF NOW?"

The lengthy silence was broken only by the Celia's apologetic "Yes…sorry…we've been rude…"

"Speak for yourself…" snapped Ralmal.

"FOR THE GAZILLIONTH TIME!" the Goat screamed exasperatedly. "I'm…"

"DANNY!" screamed Sam, sprinting in.

"WHY WON'T THIS END?" the Goat moaned pathetically.

Everyone gasped.

"Danny?" asked Jake. "YOU'RE THE GOAT? HOW COULD YOU?"

"What?" asked a very confused Goat.

"Seriously," said Sam. (Ah, alliteration. I love you so.) "Where IS he? Did he fight the Lexa yet?"

The Lexa gasped dramatically.

"Oops…did I say that out loud?"

"He's right here…" said the Celia. "Sorry Jakey…I'll never cheat on you with your twin twice removed again…"

"Okay sweety pie…" he replied, whilst a few NPCs suffocated due to all the CHEESE and SAP being produced by this scene. "What was his name again?"

---------------------------

Then, the Danny walked in.

Everyone stared at him.

"WHAT? Did I walk out of the house wearing that kimono again?"

Everyone, with the exception of Danny, turned their heads to look at the goat…slooooooooooooooooowly.

The Celia then used her natural Asian skills and ninja'd off the goat mask.

---------------------------  
**_Collective Gasp!_ You know you want to. THE POWER OF CHEESE COMPELS YE! THE POWER OF CHEESE COMPELS YE!**  
---------------------------

Jake broke the ensuing silence. "It's ASHLEY! The twin ONCE removed!"

(Note: Ashley's a guy.)

"Didn't see that coming…" muttered Ralmal. (Isn't it funny that I thought there was alliteration there, but it was merely a mistake?)

The Lexa was angry. Well, no, he was cranky. Somebody needs a wittle nap…yes he does… "That doesn't make any sense! HOW can you have two tw"

Andrew put his hand on the Lexa's shoulder in a touchy-feely but non-homosexual way. "Well, not much of the story makes sense, so why should this be any different?"

"True," said the Lexa, as he backed away from the Korean. (Now, seriously, has anyone else seen the Korean dudes who are all touchy-feely but NOT GAY?)

---------------------------  
**We interrupt this program to bring you: DEFYING GRAVITY! A SaladxTucker Wicked Spoof.**  
---------------------------  
---------------------------

_Text like _**this**_means Tucker is 'singing.' Text like _this_ means the Salad is singing. Text like _this_ means Elemia decided to make fun of them DURING the song. Text like this they are singing together._

---------------------------  
**Defying Gravity! (a SaladxTucker Wicked Spoof)**  
---------------------------

"Tucker, why can't you be happy for her for once, instead of jumping out the window?

I hope you're happy!

I hope you're happy now!

I hope you're happy how you hurt your cause forever!

I hope you think you're clever!"

"**I hope you're happy!**

**I hope you're happy too!**

**I hope you're proud how you**

**Would grovel in submission**

**To feed your own ambition!"**

:Elemia: You know, that didn't have to do with anything...:

"_So though I can't imagine hoooooooooooow_

_I hope your happy_

_Right_

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!"_

"Tucker, listen to me.

You can still be with Paulina

What you've worked and waited for...

You can have all you've ever wanted..."

"**I dont want it...(it implies her)"**

_:Collective gasp:_

"**No...I can't want it...anymore...**

**Something has changed within me...**

**Something is not the same...**

**I'm sick of playing by the rules of this dumb dating game...**

**Too late for second-guessing**

**Too late to go back to sleep**

**It's time to trust my instincts...**

**Close my eyes...and leeeeeeeeaaaaap**

**It's time to try defying gravity...**

**I think I'll try defyING gravity**

**And you cant hold me down."**

"Can't I make you understand?

You're having delusions of grandeur!"

"**I'M through accepting limits**

**Cuz someone says they're so.**

**Some things I cannot change,**

**Until I try I'll never know...**

**Too long I've been afraid of**

**Losing love I guess I've lost**

**Well, if that's love it comes at much to high a coooooost!"**

Elemia: This is the longest and most musical suicide note I've ever heard...

Tucker: _:pushes Elemia out of the way_

"**I'd sooner try**

**Defying gravity**

**Kiss me goodbye"**

Elemia: Whoa there...

Salad blushes, Tucker ignores them both

"**I'm defying gravity**

**ANd you can't pull me down..."**

**Salad, come with me. Think of what we could do...together..."**

Elemia: Luke...I am your father...

"**Unlimited...Together we're unliiiiimited."**

**Together we'll be the greatest team there's ever been...**

**Salad...**

**Dreams, the way we planned 'em"**

"If we work in tandem..."

"_There's no fight we cannot win"_

Elemia: You should say 'lose'...Tucker looks like a wuss.

Salad: HEY!

Tucker: no, no, she's right.

"_Just you and I_

_Defying gravity_

_With you and I_

_Defying gravity"_

"**They'll never bring us down...**

**Well, are you coming?"**

Inner (ghetto) Salad: oh, HAELL no! I ain't jumpin out no friggin window!

"I hope you're happy...now that you're chosing this...I hope it brings you (eternal) bliss"

"_I really hope you get it"_

Elemia: I doubt he will, sadly…okay, maybe not so sadly, but you get my point

"_and you don't live to regret it"_

Elemia: But...he gonna DIE!

"_I hope you're happy in the eeeend!_

_I hope you're happy...my...friiiieeeeend..."_

Elemia: Friend...with benefits!

"**So if you care to find me...LOOK TO THE WESTERN SKY!"**

Elemia: That is, of course, assuming that he goes to heaven.

"**As someone told me lately, EVERYONE dESErVES THE CHANCE TO FLY!**

**And if i'm flying solo"**

Elemia: like anyone would commit a double suicide with YOU! OOOOH!

"**At least I'm flying free!**

**To those who'd ground me"**

Elemia: Your parents

"**Take a message back from me...**

**Tell them how I am Defying Gravity!"**

Elemia: They'll think you're crazy!

Tucker's parents: Oh, we already knew this...

"**I'm flying high defying gravity**

**And soon i'll match them in renown...**

**ANd nobody from here to Oz"**

Elemia: Where is Oz?

" **No ANDREW that there is or was..."**

Elemia: Oh, still bitter about how he stole Paulina?

Tucker: Damn straight.

Elemia: But you know this was a Salad/Tucker piece right?

Tucker: Well, crap.

"**IS ever gonna bring MEEEEE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN!"**

"I hope you're happy!"

Party People: Look at him, he's crazy!

Get him!

"**BRING MEe dOOOOOOOOWN!"**

Party People: No one MOURNS the Wicked!

SO we have to bring hiiiiim doOoooWN!

---------------------------

And with that final, long, and strangely soprano "Ooooooooh," Tucker jumped out the window.

The Salad fell to the ground, screaming to the heavens (or ceiling, in this case) in her grief. "Tucker! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Elemia tapped her shoulder, awakening her from her emo-ness. "We're on the first floor."

"Oh."

---------------------------

_Notes on the following section: there is 1337 in the following section. There are subtitiles like :this: Megatokyo (which I don't own) style. Also, there are translations like ((this)) for you unleet n00bs. Also, I would have done my 1337 better, but some of the symbols I usually use are not allowed by this accursed edit thing._

"It's ASHLEY!" cried the Celia.

"That's already been said…" Ralmal replied, rolling her eyes.

"Right…"

The Lexa looked around, amused. "D00d, h3'5 4 d00d. 7h475'5 5(r3w3d up." _:He is male. That is odd.: _((Dude, he's a dude. That's screwed up.))

"What's with the 1337?" asked a very confused Ralmal.

Elemia grinned, obviously not paying attention. "D4mn. H3'5 50 h07." _:Oh my. He is handsome.: _((Damn. he's so hot.))

Tucker sighed dramatically. "1 0n1y w15h 1 w45 7h47 f1n3." _:I wish I had his looks.:_ ((I only wish I was that fine.))

"B4(k 0ff, f001, h3'5 m1n3!" cried Elemia, enraged. _:Excuse me, I believe I saw him first.:_ ((Back off, fool, he's mine!))

Ralmal, having learned 1337 while they were arguing, interrupted her. "313m14, y0u wh0r3! 4r3 j00 w17h 7h3 13x4, 7h3 gu4n, 0r 7h3 45h13y?"

(A/N: Trust me, it was funnier in the original.)

---------------------------  
**Ralmal Writes an Omake…that is _not_ an Omake. Gasp.**  
---------------------------

Danny had just declared his love for Tucker to his family...I know, what a shock right?

You decide if that was sarcastic or not.

---------------------------  
**Sam's POV**  
---------------------------

Okay, I have GOT to tell Danny the truth about what happened to Lexa/Oresush's powers. I think he'll understand...after all, he's too dense to question me anyway.

I transformed into the sushi form of ghost (RA/N: wonder where lexa's powers went) and flew up to Danny's window. Suddenly, I turned invisible. _Stupid powers_ I thought. I peeked in the window. Danny was sitting there, looking depressed. _Aw...I bet he misses me..._

Then he says "Tucker..." in this really creepy way.

Okay, totally NOT what I was expecting.

Then Danny's family walked in. What great timing. It's almost like a bad cartoon. (RA/N: Hah….IRONY!)

Then I heard Danny say "Family, I have an announcement to make…."

Curious, I flew closer to the window and to my utter shock, Danny ripped off his shirt, revealing a heart tattoo that says "Tucker" on it.

"I'm going gay!" he cried.

"WHAT?" I scream, forgetting that I am not supposed to be heard. I turned back into human and collapsed on the ground.

"Ow.." I say to noone in particular. Maybe the nearby bush heard me. Who knows.

"Hey Sam..what're you doing on the ground?" It is a walking bush….no wait, it's Ralmal…...she is still green. (remember from the previous chapters)

I tried to hold back a cry. "Uh...I have to tell you something….you're the only one I can trust."

Ralmal looked touched. "Why? Cause I'm so nice?"

I gave her a weird look. "No...because you're green."

---------------------------  
**Regular POV**  
---------------------------

Danny's parents gasped.

Danny's dad was almost in tears. "How can you be so queer?"

"And why TUCKER? That's the best male you could find?" his mom put in. (A/N: Inside every girl, there sleeps a yaoi fangirl)

Danny's dad (Jack, I think) was heard to say "This is all YOUR fault, Maddie."

"Family...it's called April Fool's Day." Danny laughed.

A random person who looked like Kimberly Ann Possible walked into the room. "Did someone choke on air again?"

Jazz, looking bemused, said "It's May 18th...and is that tattoo permenant?"

Danny thought for a minute. "Dang it.."

---------------------------  
**On with the story...starting with Tucker/Salad**  
---------------------------

Salad leaned out the window. "Tucker, my love, are you alright?"

Tucker, being the drama queen that he is, moaned. "I got a paper cut...Salad, please get me band-aid with barney on it."

"What a weirdo," observed Elemia. The Barney theme song started to play. It was coming from Jake Long's video ipod. Everyone stared at him.

"What?" he said innocently.

Salad, being the too happy girl she is, yodeled "OF COUSE MY DEEEAAAAAAAAAAAR! I'll get you a banDAID!" With that being said, she jumped out the first-story window, first aid kit in tow.

At this moment, the crickets choose to chirp. It was okay...because it was nightime.

"Yo, those crickets got rhythm G." Jake Long rapped.

"The heck?" responded Celia.

"I want to take another nap," the Lexa said randomly.

Elemia hit him with her good leg. The body part is leg. LEG, I say, LEG. "I swear, that's all you're good for."

---------------------------

Ralmal appeared from thin air. Wow...skillz. While Sam took the bus...to get to the restaurant that the crowd of miscallaneous people were to celebrate Andrew and Paulina's engagement.

"Speaking of that, when are we going to get back to that.." asked Andrew.

Ralmal shot him...a deadly glare. This scared the crap out of Andrew...not because of the glare...but because of greenness of the glare.

"Seriously Andrew..."

"What?"

"You and Paulina do NOT deserve each other...What do you see in her?"

"Nothing...I like what is on her."

"Eck...I'm sorry I asked."

Paulina, being the oblivious punk that she is asked, "What, my mole?"

Andrew shifted his eyes. "Sure…..if saying that will make you feel better."

Elemia came up to Andrew and poked his eyes out.

"Ah! MY EYES!"

Paulina covered her ears. "AHH! MY EARS! MY PERFECT LITTLE EARS! They are BLEEDING! No...all over my brand new Uggs...Oh wait, they're Lexa's."

"Can you much?" Elemia asked. She calmly walked back to where she was standing….on her head…..no wonder why she's so crazy. (EA/N: Truly, I can't stand on my head.)

Suddenly, someone started singing. (MORE ALLITERATION!)

"Seriously, what idiot would start singing at a time like this?" Danny asked to no one in particular.

"When did you come?" everyone asked.

Apparently, Danny was too dense to realize that his pairing (RA/N: no, not Tucker..OR Valerie...so all you Valerie/Danny fans can just pack your bags and GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE.) was singing a sappy song.

---------------------------  
**Randomly… **

"WICKED!" Ralmal screamed.

"The WICKED...The WickeD...The wicked." Celia said the most smexy voice she could make. Jake was obviously amused. NEED I say more?

"EMBRYOS...EmbryoS...embryos." Ralmal said. Guy X was obviously amused. But wait-he wasn't there. So NOONE was amused. Too bad.

---------------------------

And it went something like this:

_Hands touch, eyes meet__  
__Sudden silence, sudden heat-_

"The meat The meat! The meat is on fiya!.." started Ralmal.

Celia cut in. "We don't need no wata-"

"Let it grill let it GRILLLLLLL" Jake Long finished. Then the three of them started making sizzle noises. This was good background music, I might say.

_Hearts leap in a giddy whirl__  
__He could be that boy__  
__But I'm not that girl._

"Don't you mean boy?" Elemia asked, clearly confused, and still on her head. She just HAD to ruin the moment. Typical Elemia.

_Don't dream too far__  
__Don't lose sight of who you are__  
__Don't remember that rush of joy__  
__He could be that boy__  
__I'm not that girl_

"Uh, Hello? Did you not hear me?" Elemia asked again, CLEARLY annoyed. And the crickets started chirping again. It was not appropriate timing, if you ask me. But hey, what can you do? Suddenly, Elemia's eyes flared up and she got out her screwdriver. "Must...kill...crickets..." She set off to the land of the holy crickets.

_Ev'ry so often we long to steal__  
__To the land of what-might-have-been__  
__But that doesn't soften the ache we feel__  
__When reality sets back in__  
_  
_Blithe smile, lithe limb__  
__She who's winsome, she wins him__  
__Short black hair with a red beret_

_That's the boy he chose__  
__And Heaven knows__  
__I'm not that girl_

Elemia was not here to correct anyone...for she was too busy killing crickets...on this warm summer night. Poor crickets.

_Don't wish, don't start__  
__Wishing only wounds the heart__  
__I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl__  
__There's a boy I know__  
__He loves him so_

"That STILL ain't right." Annie declared.

_I'm not that girl_

Ralmal looked like she was crying...but she wasn't...she was just bored to tears. See, this is EXACTLY what happened at _Wicked_. But she woke up to the sound of Elemia's enthusiastic "YES! I HAVE KILLED THEM ALL!" in the background. She returned with a lot of dead crickets burnt to a crisp in her basket. She got on top of the stage that just MAGICALLY appeared.

---------------------------

"Tonight...WE FEAST!"

This caused everyone to cheer. Hurray! Crickets for dinner!

Ralmal, thinking of what to do to get Lexa and Elemia, and ultimately Danny and Sam together, jumped on the stage. Everyone gasped.

Clearly, they have not gotten over her totally FAKE green skin and mistook her for the WW of the W.

"And later...WE DANCE! SHAKESPEARE STYLE!" Ralmal shouted.

Everyone was silent. Too bad there weren't any crickets to break the icy tension. Everyone glared at Elemia. After all, SHE was the cause for the lack of crickets.

Ralmal looked around evilly. "With the one you are destined to be with...forever..." Everyone looked around suspiciously. This was like DP...but better...cuz it's real.

Elemia lost her enthusiasm. She KNEW Ralmal was going to pair her with Lexa. Dang it...or maybe she could slip Ralmal some green to get her to pair her up with Guan...or ASHLEY...wait, she doesn't need anymore green...ha...

Elemia was so lost in her lame pun to realize that she had said everything outloud and everyone, especially Ralmal, looked bemused.

"Uhh...ta da?"

Unfortunately, everyone booed Elemia off the stage. Poor little bipolar Asian girl with a bloody screwdriver.

"Okay, everyone, take out your masks." Everyone pulled out their masks, except for Lexa.

Ralmal, clearly annoyed, said "Lexa, WHERE is your mask?"

"But.." he pouted. "You didn't write it on the board."

"Oh Lexa, you look so cute when you pout." Elemia said.

"What?"

"Nothing nothing.." Elemia said nonchalantly. NONCHALANT I SAY!

Ralmal, clearly enjoying being in charge began rearranging the totallywickedawseme party people in a circle...so they don't know who their pairing is...unless they have a mediocore level of intelligence...it wasn't THAT difficult to figure out who your partner was.

---------------------------

** A few awkward moments later... **

Everyone is standing in a circle. Boy-Girl pattern. Ralmal is in the middle, giving instructions. Suddenly, Elemia had a thought.

"Hey, where's your pairing Ralmal?"

Ralmal didn't look surprised. She has been asked this question TOO MANY TIMES ALEADY. "I don't want one...besides...pairing people up is more fun." It fit that Zeus decided to send lightning at this particular moment. (EA/N: Odd, it wasn't raining. I applaud Ralmal's plot hole! Who's with me? _:crickets: _What? _Survivors?_ BLASPHEMY!)

At this point, everyone had joined in harassing their leader. I mean, Ralmal.

"Tell us!"

"Come on! We won't laugh!"

"I'll give you a cookie!"

Ralmal got really angry. "SHUT UP ALL OF YOU! I CHOOSE NOT TO HAVE A PAIRING...SO SHUT UP ABOUT IT..."

At this sudden outburst, everyone shut up. Tucker, Lexa, and Andrew even fainted from shock.

"Weaklings..." muttered Larie. "I'm used to it...she yells at me everyday..."

Ralmal's brown eyes got fiery red. "What was that?"

"Nothing...nothing...ohpleasepleasepleasedon'tkillmehowcanIdancewithdashwithoutmylegsandarms"

Suddenly, the puddle started moving and regenerated into a human-like form. Everyone gasped. It was...MS. NOTO!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Everyone shouted.

"Where's the Lexa, I want to dance with him..."

"UH...no THANK you" he emphasized, emphasizing on every other word he said. "I HAVE my PARTNER already." He twitched a little as he finished. Funny, that lightning did NOT hit him…With that being said, he grabbed his partner's hand, unaware of who it was. (I'm telling you...below average intelligence...those SAT scores are all a scam...) Elemia blushed furiously.

"Oh how sweet..." Ms. Noto said. Her kind face turned evil again. "Now I must attack-" Before she could harm two hairs (she already harmed one) on Elemia's head, she was hit by PLASMA and turned into a puddle again.

"Now why do I feel like I've done this before?" She said as she feel into a oozy pile of……ooze. Who fired that shot? Everyone buzzed.

"It was me" Danny's partner said. (Gee-I wonder who that is.) Everyone stopped buzzing.

"Buzz"

Elemia shook off Lexa's hand in disgust. "Was that you again?"

"Maybe..." he answered sheepishly.

"Don't you mean 'goatly'?" said the goat, who is the Ashley. No, not Ashley Olson. She doesn't have the skills to pass for a goat.

Celia got very happy. "THE GOAT! I LOVE YOU!"

"Hey." Her partner said. (Jake) "You're here with me."

Danny looked shocked. He looked at his partner. "YOU...HAVE...GHOST...POWERS...?"

"Why so dramatic?" Larie asked.

"I'm telling you...inside every boy lies a girly drama queen…and a yaoi fangirl." Elemia answered.

Danny ignored them. "Oh my gosh...I would so go out with you if you wanted to. But I can't tell because I'm stupid." he said to his partner.

"Way to be blunt." Elemia observed.

Sam looked confused. "But I thought you flipped to the other si-"

"OKAY EVERYONE! THE MUSIC IS STARTING! TRY NOT TO BARF YOUR PARTIALLY DIGESTED CRICKETS ON THE FLOOR...I JUST GOT IT CLEANED...OH YEAH, NOT ON YOUR PARTNER EITHER." Ralmal shouted.

"WhY mUsT yOu YeLl, RaLmAl?" Salad asked.

"I'M NOT YELLING...THIS IS MY NORMAL VOICE..."

---------------------------  
**While dancing...  
**---------------------------

** Focus on...Salad and Tucker **

"Thanks for my bandaid by little ranch dressing." Tucker said.

"You're welcome my little techno geek." Salad said.

Ralmal, overhearing their mushy convo, started to feel sick. But she couldn't barf on the floor.

That would make her a hypocrite.

And that wouldn't be very nice.

---------------------------

** Focus on...Celia and Jake **

"Stop stepping on my feet yo." said Jake.

"I'm sorry Jakey Longey. I'm too obsessed with the goat to look at you."

"Say what?" Celia knew she had to get her mind off of her cheating on him.

"I love you...you love me...we're a happy family..." she sang. Jake got a really dreamy look on his face, grabbed Celia's hand, and walked around in a circle.

Celia giggled. Works every time!

---------------------------

** Focus on...Larie and Dash **

"Football..." said Dash slowly.

"Hockey..." added Larie slowly.

"Shut up..." said Ralmal slowly.

---------------------------

** Focus on...Arri and Olivia **

"I can't believe they ran out of guys." Arri stated.

"This is so wrong," said Olivia.

"And yet-so right."

Olivia was taken aback. "Say WHAT?"

"Nothing….." said Arri.

(EA/N: That was not nice of you Ralmal. NOT NICE. Making fun of Arri is not allowed unless she owes you money.)

---------------------------

** Focus on...Paulina and Andrew **

"Oh Andrew...this is so...what's the word I'm looking for...it starts with an "R" and rhymes with dramatic..." Paulina said

Andrew sighed. "Romantic?"

Paulina snapped her fingers. "Yes, that's the one!"

_I should have never dumped Malina...She was everything Paulina wasn't...smart._ Andrew thought.

(RA/N: Don't worry, Paulina/Andrew fans, they will stay together because Andrew's too SHALLOW to leave the Paulina. Plus-she's half-Asian. (And she's a human squirrel))

---------------------------

** Focus on...Guan and Annie **

"WHAT?" Elemia shouted. "WHEN DID that HAPPEN?"

"Angie-I love you...I never saw true beauty until this night. You are the only one for me. I want to spend every day with you. You are...my soul mate...I was silly to be with anyone else. I'm glad the green Ralmal paired us up together." Guan said poetically.

"Um...my name is Annie."

---------------------------

** Focus on...Danny and Sam **

"WHY are you so dense?" I'm SAM you idiot!"

Danny didn't buy it. "I can't be sure...OW...You stepped on my foot with your gothic 10 pound combat boot!"

"'Love is like a red red rose...That I step on with my 10 pound combat boot...'" Ralmal recited.

"That was for loving Tucker and not TELLING me that you DECIDED to love him." Sam yelled.

"Say What? Why would I love TUCKER?" Danny said. "That is so...like me...but I swear, I DON'T"

"Oh yeah?" Sam challenged. "Then what's with the Tucker tattoo?"

"Say what?" Tucker said, because he could overhear them. Actually, everyone could overhear each other. Hah La La.

"I so don't love Tucker...person-that-I-don't-know."

Sam screamed.

"GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

(EA/N: MY EYES! WHY MUST YOU TORTURE THEM SO?)

After that LOUD yell...which everyone in the land of Oz heard (important later), Sam calmed down a little.

"Remember at the ... weird school and the vlad asked us for our homework...but we said we didn't go there...and then we...hugged...a lot." (See Danny/Valerie and Danny/Paulina fans...HAHAHA)

"And then the fangirls melted to the floor." Danny finished. He removed his partner's mask. Once he realized it was Sam, he mentally slapped himself. Then Ralmal came over and actually slapped him...and calmly walked back to the middle of the circle and counted out the rhythm, with help from Mr. Cats. One-ee-and-ah Two-ee-and-ah...

The two misfits (hah...love that word) stared at each other shyly. (Somewhere, in the middle of the circle, Ralmal was probably going "AWWWW" in mid 'ee-and-ah' but you have no PROOF! So don't make ANY accusations. Thank you.)

"Uh...What was THAT all about?" Sam asked.

Danny shrugged. "No sé." (RA/N:elemia, put an accent on the e please EA/N: done.)

Sam smiled. "You look so cute when you try to speak Italian."

"Spanish." Ralmal bluntly corrected from the middle of the cirlce.

"Whatever." The misfits (lalala) looked around for any reappearing fangirls. Finding none, they turned to each other and were about to kiss when……

…..the fangirls came barging in. They must have missed their cue because they were too busy munching on doughnuts. (Those pigs.)

Sakura Haruno (EA/N: WHO I DO NOT OWN. For if I did, she would have died a horrible death. A horrible, horrible death. Involving sporks. And fire. _:twitch:_), the leader, screamed first. (I wonder why she's leading) She melted...Deja vu. (A/N: accents Elemia... EDIT: Nope, couldn't find them)

Danny and Sam sprang apart, clearly embarrased, while the other fangirls screamed and melted to the floor. Those stupid fangirls.

---------------------------

Focus on….Dill and Scout

"You're still here?" everyone asked.

"I thought you guyz died yo." Said the inner ghetto Elemia. That wasn't a very nice thing to say Elemia.

"Dill…your stupid socks do NOT rock my sox off!" Scout whined.

Everyone covered their ears. AHHH! Their beautiful ears! Dill said nothing. He was cheating on Scout with the goat.

Hah.

---------------------------

** Focus on...( DA DA DUN) Lexa and Elemia **

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

"Danny." Elemia said randomly.

"Hmm?" Lexa said, half-listening.

"Lexa, do you know who I am?"

"NO...Elemia...right?"

Elemia got red. "Yeah...how'd you know?"

"You have a nose hair sticking out of your nose."

"OHMYGOSH...seriously..."

"Gotcha!" Lexa yelled mischeiviously.

Elemia punched him. From a distance it would look like she was flirting...but in reality...she was actually hurting him.

"OW!" Lexa cried. "What was THAT?"

"Your mom..."

Lexa laughed. "Hah, that was funny..."

Kimberly Ann Possible (WHO WE DO NOT OWN!) entered the room again. "Did someone choke on the hard pizza again?"

"I was serious..." Elemia protested.

"I like your sense of humor Elemia..."

Elemia looked at her hands...the hands that her stalker loves with the passion. (A/N From Elemia: OH GODS! WHY! Why bring it up? I was having a GOOD day too!) "In that case, I was kidding..."

"LOL."

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

"Lexa, I have to tell you something..."

"Yeah?"

Elemia took a deep breath. She was starting to have second thoughts. But she kept hearing Ralmal's voice. _Do it...You're going to have to tell him...DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT..._

_DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT...WHAT IS THAT?……………………CHICKEN...AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...PIZZA..._

"Okay Ralmal, that's enough."

Ralmal, who was standing behind Elemia shifted her eyes and backed away quiently. Elemia was too involved with her social love life to take out Ralmal's eyes. Plus-Ralmal was scary and WICKED green (hah hah-get it?)

"LEXA I LOVE YOU" Elemia blurted out.

Lexa was only half listening and thought he heard "I glove you" so he paid no attention. He went back to humming a stupid and yet catchy song that I do not know the name of.

"Lexa...did you hear me..."

Lexa looked UP...since he's shorter than elemia. "I don't know what you mean by 'I glove you'"

"I meant...never mind." She just hugged him instead. Lexa was shocked. I mean, seriously, how awkward is THAT. Before he could respond, the puddle of fangirls (not the noto puddle) started to reform into a human again. (This story has EVERYTHING!)

The dancers stopped dancing. Ralmal stopped reciting. Cats stopped clapping. Everyone looked at the puddle/human.

---------------------------

** .223 seconds later... **

Everyone gasped...it was...THE WICKED!

---------------------------  
---------------------------

** .2235 seconds later… **

"Hee hee hee…" she cackled. The usual weaklings, (ahem…Andrew, Lexa, and Tucker…ahem) gasped and fainted. Don't worry, they'll regain conscious randomly, just like last time.

Ralmal was clearly annoyed. After all, the Witch was NOT on the guest list. "Can I help you?" she asked in a sing songy voice.

"HEE HEE HEE," the Witch said again. This time, all the guys fainted. Those wusses.

"Yeah?" said Ralmal. "Is that all you can say?"

"No," the Witch said. "That's just how I make my entrance."

Ralmal nodded….like she cared. "Lovely……look what you did to the guys……the girls are so sad……" The Wicked rolled her eyes. (a/n: I will refer to her has the wicked or the witch, for you people too SLOW to figure it out.)

The guys regained consciousness. Wow, didn't see that coming. The girls squealed in delight. Ralmal, the Witch, and the Cats stared and watched, obviously not amused.

Ralmal turned to the Wicked. "WHY are you here?"

"To order take out, what do you think?" Ralmal looked confused.

The Witch tried again. "Isn't it obvious?" Ralmal blinked. Twice.

"Why does that seem familiar?" Danny said.

The Witch was annoyed. But she should be used to the dumbness and denseness of others. After all, she hangs out with Galinda and Fiyero, remember?

"Um, the GA is silent." A bubble said. The bubble became the…Glinda.

The Witch, ignoring the blond bubbly bubble, continued speaking. "I am here for 3 reasons. One, I could hear someone screaming GAAAAHH and thought it was a wounded Animal." (EA/N: It was originally 'animal,' but I gave the novel-readers a reference there. You all know what I'm talking about.)

Sam whistled.

The Witch continued. "Two-I'm here to pick up the goat." Celia gasped.

"No…..please don't take Ashelay! I wuv him!"

"WHAT?" screamed Jake Long. "Dragon up yo!"

Silence.

"No." stated the Elemia.

"And three-I'm here in search of the one they call the 'Matchmaker.'"

Ralmal smiled. Yay, more business. Hey, a girl's gotta eat. "You want to be paired with the very self-absorbed and deeply shallow one they call Fiyerio, hmm?"

The Wicked turned red. Actually, she turned a darker shade of green. "How did you-"  
"Because….." Ralmal started.

"….It's like DP…." Elemia continued.

"….But it's better……" (Ralmal)

"…..Cause it's real." They both finished. In unison...UNISON!

The Wicked was confused, unaware that there IS a play about the life of OZNESS. "What's Wicked?"

"That's what I asked…." Said Ralmal. "ANYWAYS……I charge for my services………"

"What?"

Ralmal thought a little. "Your broomstick."

"WHAT? NO WAY!"

Elemia, being the overly NOSY person that she is, asked "Why do you want the broomstick Ralmal?"

"Because…" said Ralmal. "I want to hit people with it….Okay Witchy, do we have a deal…or no?"

The Glinda, who was too busy toss-tossing and trying to get the Cats' attention, said "Just give her the stupid thing."

The Witch glared. "You know, not all of us can travel by BUBBLE. Matchmaker, can't I just give you the toss-toss ownership?"

"NO!" Glinda screamed. "NOT THE TOSS TOSS! ANYTHING BUT THAT! TAKE MY ARM! OR RATHER, TAKE TUCKER'S ARM INSTEAD!"

"'Oh come on..'" the wicked mimicked. "'Just GIVE her the stupid thing.'" She scoffed. "Blondes."

Glinda had had enough and snapped her fingers. "Oh no you didn't!"

"Oh yeah, whatcha gona do about it?"

The Galind then proceeded to break out into kung fu moves.

Now the Witch was mad. "You!" she pointed to the Lexa.

"What?" the Lexa said drowsily. He was just waking up from his nap. Seriously, he sleeps the time away.

"Hold my hat. It's like you-smart." Lexa obeyed and put it on his head.

Elemia covered her face in her hands and tried to disappear. Apparently, she isn't very good at it, since she's still there. "Lexa, take that off…."

"No!" the Celia protested. "He looks like Yzma!"

---------------------------

** Meanwhile…not so far away… **

The two witches of Oz-

"Where is Oz?" Ralmal asked, obviously clueless on the whole Wizard of Oz concept.

"It's a place." Supplied Elemia.

Ralmal brightened up. "Oh, I get it now."

-were fighting. And my lack of fighting and wrestling disables me to describe the fight. So picture it in your mind…..too bad Paulina can't.

Ralmal seized this opportunity to sneak into the fight and steal the broomstick. See, isn't she clever? While everyone else watched in amusement. Since I don't know what else to write, I'll just make the other Noto puddle reform again.

The Noto puddle reformed again. Into………the SCARECROW!

---------------------------

"Who's that again?" Ralmal said. The scarecrow, assuming Ralmal was the Witch, walked up to her and took her hand. "I love you-I can't hide my undying love for you forever……and I know I look……ugly and straw."

"I don't get it." Said Paulina.

"No you don't..." called the Witch from the fight. "It's like seeing things in a different way!"

Luckily, Ralmal had a broomstick in her hand and hit the scarecrow many times. "Back off fool!" she yelled, in her inner ghetto voice. (She is very sensitive to creepy talking scarecrows touching her hands.)

"I think you're looking for her," Ralmal pointed in the direction of the fight…...that was still raging.

The Scarecrow looked puzzled. "I'm confused-which witch is which?"

"Huh?" Da Dash said, puzzled.

"Even I got that!" said Paulina.

"You idiots!" Ralmal cried. "Especially you!" she said, pointing at the Fiyerio. She then knocked everyone unconscious with a device that she so happened to carry in her pocket.

Everyone collapsed.

---------------------------

** Two days later…. **

Everyone woke up. Ralmal pressed the unconscious button again.

Everyone collapsed.

---------------------------

** Two more days later… **

Everyone woke up. Ralmal pressed the unconscious button again.

Everyone collapsed.

---------------------------

** Two more days later…. **

Everyone woke up. Ralmal pressed the unconscious button again.

Everyone collapsed.

---------------------------

** Two more days later… **

Everyone woke up. Ralmal pressed the unconscious button again.

Everyone collapsed.

---------------------------

** Two more days later…. **

Everyone woke up. Everyone tackled Ralmal.

Ralmal collapsed.

---------------------------

"Okay, now, where was I?" said the scarecrow.

"You were about to declare your love for the witch." Said Elemia. The Fiyerio looked at the Glinda. "No, the green one." Elemia said.

"Ohhhh…." He said. The ALIVE green witch waved. "Wait, is it the one on the ground?" He said, pointing at Ralmal.

Steam came out of Elemia's ears. "No….that's RALMAL….we knocked her unconscious………" she said through gritted. "Don't you REMEMBER?"

The stupid scarecrow thought a little, with his mouth hanging open and drool coming out. "uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhh...No."

"Well Paulina, congratulations. I can no longer call you the dumbest person on earth."

"When did you call me that?" Paulina asked.

Elemia shifted her eyes. "Uh….never…." Paulina gasped.

"Hey…..You just SHIFTED your eyes Elemia!" Paulina cried. "So now, according to the copyright, you must now take out your own eyes." Everyone stared with their mouths hanging open.

"Did Paulina just say something ubersmart?"

Andrew made those anime-style heart eyes, even though it surprises me that someone with no eyes can do that. Oh well. "It's like falling in love all over again…."

"Hey…." said Tucker. "That was MY line a couple of chapters ago."

Of course, the Cats chose this moment to cut in. "Well, I think Sam's intonation was a little off…….and she didn't hit the high note just right….and her rhythm was too fast….remember, it's one-EE-and-ah two-EE-and-ah three-EE-and-ah four-EE-and-ahhhhhhhhh."

"Toss toss," the Glinda supplied randomly.

"A little late there, don't you think?" Elemia asked.

"Yeah, that was a couple of pages ago," added the Celia. "What IS that?"

"And the toss toss was not necessARY." Elemia stated.

"Get over it," said the Cats.

"Elemia, I think I will poke out your eyes now," said Paulina in a really creepy way. The fact that she was holding a screwdriver really set the mood. Everyone who had their eyes taken out pulled out their travel-size screwdrivers and began closing in on Elemia.

Elemia was trapped-like a wounded puppay.

"Puppays rock my sox off yo!" Jake Long cried to anyone who cared. No one responded….which means no one cared.

---------------------------

"DROP YOUR SCREWDRIVERS AND STEP AWAY FROM THE ELEMIA!"

The screwdriver people turned around. It was the non-eye taken out people, being led by Lexa, minus Ralmal, because she was unconscious.

"Lexa, you came to SAVE me!" Elemia cried. She then proceeded to make those anime-style heart eyes.

"And you tell me I look stupid with this hat…." Lexa muttered. He then proceeded to karate chop the screwdrivers out of everyone's hands, along with the other non-eye poked out people.

"NO!" Paulina cried. "My plan was ruined!" She pouted a little and broke down into tears. Andrew comforted her with little success. Idiot.

"One-ee-and ah Two-ee-and-ahh Three-ee-and-ah Four-ee-and-ah," said the Cats.

"Toss toss!" (guess who?)

"Better Glinda, just make sure you're not rushing. LISTEN to the music." The robot Cats then proceeded to make the heart eyes. So did the Glinda.

"So I guess it's over between us," said the Fiyerio.

"You idiot!" cried the Wicked. "Why must you be so dense!"

"Join the club," said Sam and Elemia.

---------------------------

** To those who care what happened to the other characters… **

Larie was polishing her hockey puck.

Dash was practicing for his first grade spelling bee.

Ralmal had become conscious but was sleeping and dreaming about pizza…._Cheese_…

Salad was force feeding Tucker the carnivore some tossed salad with ranch dressing.

Tucker was eyeing the meat being eaten by Olivia and Arri a few feet away while trying to break free from the ropes tied around him.

Olivia and Arri were eating meat.

The Jake Long was painting his toenails.

The Celia was watching Jake Long paint his toenails.

Scout was digging her own grave with the broomstick.

Dill was still having an affair with the goat.

---------------------------

** Back to the IMPORTANT plot... **

"Okay…I forgot why I was here…..can someone please inform me again."

Elemia narrowed her eyes. "You are HERE to declare your love for the NONSLEEPING, GREEN, WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST. NEED I repeat myself?"

Fiyerio pulled out a notepad. "Can you please repeat that slower? I need to write it down."

Elemia then grabbed Paulina's PINK screwdriver from her and tried to poke out Fiyerio's eyes. But she couldn't. Because they were made out of straw. She then banged her head against the nearby wall. Then she banged Lexa's head against the wall. "Ow…" he said.

"RALMAL WAKE UP! THIS JOB IS TOO HARD!" Elemia cried while shaking the green Persian sleeping girl.

"Pepparoni….sausage…." was all Ralmal said.


	12. FOR THE SAKE OF THE AGNOSTIC'S GOD, WHY?

**Chapter Title: **For the LOVE OF GOD, WHY?  
**A/N: **I apologize, but our usual announcer is on his vacation this week. Thus, we had our intern do the announcements this week…we apologize for any offense you may take.

---------------------------------------------

**Previously…**

"RALMAL WAKE UP! THIS JOB IS TOO HARD!" Elemia cried while shaking the green Persian sleeping girl.  
"Pepperoni….sausage…." was all Ralmal said.

---------------------------------------------

**Now, all of you SHUT UP and listen to the story**…

This was too much for Elemia. This is where she proceeded to get down on her knees. "PLEASE GET UP!"

"Yo Ele," rapped Jake Long. "You gots ta calm down yo."

"Yeah, what he said!" said the Celia.

"People-you NEED to CALM doWN," replied the Lex. "Why don't we all take a nap…….and we can figure out a way to dispose the body-I mean, wake up Ralmal."

"Where shall we sleep yo?" the Jake Long asked. About half the group laughed stupidly. Those stupid imbalanced hormonal teens.

Paulina glared and shouted "Girls on one side and boys on the other!" Since when was she the leader?

"Sickos…" muttered Elemia.

"She bosses me around everyday" commented Andrew.

"That's not true," said Paulina. "Now, massage my feet please."

"Okay!" said the lovesick Andrew.

Everyone set up their tents and set a campfire. Elemia, Celia, and Salad dragged Ralmal inside the girl tent.

"Mushrooms…….Peppers……..Ugh……I'll skip the anchovies, Frank," muttered Ralmal. The Asian trio looked at each other and shrugged, and continued dragging Ralmal into the tent. From a distance it would look like they were trying to kidnap her, but they weren't. So it was okay.

---------------------------------------------

**Late…like the wee hours of the night…alright, WHO wrote this line?**

Ralmal tossed and turned. She had just finished her pizza dream, so she woke up, groggy and sleepy. (RA/N: Brushstroke!) She heard Paulina snore and checked to make sure her ears weren't bleeding. Ralmal walked out of the tent. She pulled out the blueprints to her new invention and got to work.

---------------------------------------------

**Around dawn…**

Ralmal was done. She hid her machine behind a conveniently-placed rock and slipped back into the girl's tent and collapsed. She only got 2 minutes of sleep before being waken up to Danny's trumpet playing. "Stupid Danny…." Ralmal muttered. She covered the pillow over her head while the other girls gossiped and slipped into their best outfits. For what? Well, it was Andrew and Paulina's wedding of course! SURPRISE, SURPRISE!

"Let me borrow your tights Celia," asked Elemia.

"Um…..NO," said the Celia, giving her a weird look. "Borrow tights from the Lexa."

Yes, this gave me a disturbing image also.

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" All the girls cried. What sissies. The trumpet played again. The girls ran out screaming. They were too excited to notice that Ralmal was staring at them the whole time. Creepy….

---------------------------------------------

**Outside…**

The birds were singing. The flowers were blooming. The-

"Hey, this is a sucky description. We need a new narrator. You're fired!" screamed Elemia. The narrator broke down and ran from the room. (EA/N: The narrator is not to be confused with the announcer.) "You're welcome!" cried Elemia.

The wedding was about to start. Andrew's best man, Jake Long, was standing next to him, giving him a high five. _Lord_ knows what they're talking about.

The maid of honor, the Celia, stood gracefully in her PINK dress that Glinda had made……imagine what it looked like. The Jake Long was going to make a puddle of DROOL if he didn't close his mouth soon.

The wedding music started. Everyone stood up. Paulina was walking down the aisle, smiling along the way. She then tripped on her shoes. Hah.

At the altar, the Celia was holding Paulina's train. Jake Long, looking Asian as ever, was nodding with the minister, who was the Fiyerio. Jake and the Celia exchanged glances and blushed.

"AWWWWWWWWW….." said the JakexCelia fans.

Meanwhile, the Fiyerio rambled on, and on, and on. "Do you, Paulina…uh…..Does anyone know her last name?"

The sound of crickets filled the room. It was a tape recording of the crickets, since Elemia had killed them all.

"I think it's Kim," said Paulina. She doesn't know her last name. Sad.

Andrew gasped. "You're KOREAN?" Paulina shrugged. She didn't know what her last name was. WHY would she know where she was from!

"Whatever, on with it!"

The Fiyerio continued. "Do you, Paulina KIM take Andrew LEE to be your lawfully wedded……" blah blah blah you know the rest.  
"I now pronounce you husband and wife!" The audience clapped and whistled.

Before Paulina and Andrew could have their…….tenth kiss, some one shouted, "WAIT! HOLD EVERYTHING!" Everyone looked to the back of the room…..it was RALMAL!

---------------------------------------------

**A few buzzes later…wait…what was buzzing? PLOT HOOOOLE!**

"What is the meaning of this?" cried Andrew.

"Andrew…" Paulina sniffed. "She crashed our wedding….." Again, Andrew failed to comfort her. Idiot.

Ralmal held up her machine. It was shiny.

Elemia's eyes turned as big as doughnuts. No, not the holes, the BIG doughnuts. "Ohhhhh….shiny……" she said.

Ralmal continued. "I will now blast everyone with this TRUTH MACHINE!"

Collective gasp!

---------------------------------------------

**During the blastings…**

"I like ballet! And tutus!" (The Larie)

"I love the Lexa!" (The Elemia)

"I actually hate everyone!" (The Salad)

"I wish Jake Long was blue!" (The Celia)

"I love hamburgers!" (The Sam)

"I'm thinking of becoming goth!" (The Paulina)

"Toss toss!" (The Galinda)

"I sometimes wear pink when no one's looking!" (The Wicked)

"Stuff grows under my bed…!" (The Danny)

"I sleep with pink teddy bears!" (The Dash)

"I got a B on my math test!" (The Andrew)

"One-ee-and-ah Two-ee-and-ah Three-ee-and-ah Four-ee-and-ah" (The Cats)

"I own twenty pairs of uggs! And I failed my math final at the end of Freshman year and still got a B in the class!" (The Lexa)

"I wish I was black!" (Jake Long)

"I am still perfecting my 'toss toss!' because I don't have a life!" (The Tucker)

"I am NOT deeply shallow!" (The Fiyerio)

"I am more in love with myself than I am with Annie! And I'm not Asian! I'm from Canada!" (The Guan)

---------------------------------------------

**That was freaking retarded.**

I agree.

**I mean like totally and completely fucked up.**

Language, man. But I agree with the sentiment.

**Duude…it's like something I see when I've gone out and gotten completely shitfaced…**

_You two better shut the _:bleeeeeeep: _up before I _:bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep: _and_ :bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep: _ and somebody better turn that _:bleeeeep:_ the _:bleeeeeep: _off before somebody dies._

**Elemia is scary.**

Shhh…she'll hear you…

---------------------------------------------

Silence. Silence. Silence………..

Everyone was looking at each other suspiciously and weirdly. Apparently, the Lexa was too busy napping to realize that the Elemia had declared her love for him for about the MILLIONTH time but THAT'S JUST FINE AND DANDY…

The tape recording of the crickets was playing. This was because Ralmal pressed 'Play' on the boom box.

Everyone collapsed.

I don't know why. Use your imagination. I just put that there because I didn't know what to write after the truthness. It was too awkward and so not necessary.

---------------------------------------------

**A few minutes of silence later…**

Everyone started to wake up. Ralmal was writing down what everyone had said a few silent minutes before. She was laughing while scribbling down information that she could use to blackmail her peers later. Typical Ralmal.

No one could remember anything. This was good because then they would rip the notepad from Ralmal's hands. And then Ralmal would be unhappy. But enough with that! On with the storay! -

---------------------------------------------

**Randomly…**

"ZOMG! Let's have a karaoke party!" cried the Elemia. (EA/N: Can anyone else pronounce 'ZOMG' or is it just me?)

"Hurray!" everyone else cried. And so, they go to the Lexa's house. Why? Because...if he has a purple ghost portal, then he HAS to have a karaoke machine.

"I'll gozeth firstly!" Sam cried. Random I say RANDOM!

The music of "My Valentine" by Martina McBride WHICH I DO NOT OWN (RA/N: AND DO NOT KNOW OF) started playing.

"If there were no words No way to speak

I would still hear you If there were no tears

No way to feel inside

I'd still feel for you And even if the sun refused to shine

Even if romance ran out of rhyme

You would still have my heart until the end of time

You're all I need, my love, my valentine All of my life

I have been waiting for

All you give to me

You've opened my eyes

And showed me how to love unselfishly I've dreamed of this a thousand times before

But in my dreams I couldn't love you more

I will give you my heart

Until the end of time...

You're all I need, my love, my valentine And even if the sun refused to shine

Even if romance ran out of rhyme

You would still have my heart until the end of time

'cause all I need is you, my valentine

You're all I need, my love, my valentine"

"AWWWWWWWWWWW…" cried the Ralmal, a strong supporter of fluffay songs.

"SAAAAAPPPYYYYYY!" cried Elemia.

"Then YOU sing one..." "MAYBE I WILL!"  
And thus, she proceeded to sing "Every Season" by Nichole Nordeman.

"Every evening sky, an invitation

To trace the patterned stars

And early in July, a celebration

For freedom that is ours

And I notice You

In children's games

In those who watch them from the shade

Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder

You are summer And even when the trees have just surrendered

To the harvest time

Forfeiting their leaves in late September

And sending us inside

Still I notice You when change begins

And I am braced for colder winds

I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come

You are autumn And everything in time and under heaven

Finally falls asleep

Wrapped in blankets white, all creation

Shivers underneath

And still I notice you

When branches crack

And in my breath on frosted glass

Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter

You are winter And everything that's new has bravely surfaced

Teaching us to breathe

What was frozen through is newly purposed

Turning all things green

So it is with You

And how You make me new

With every season's change

And so it will be

As You are re-creating me

Summer, autumn, winter, spring"

The Ralmal twitched. "But he's not dead."

"Who's not dead?" cut in the Lexa.

Ralmal sighed.

Elemia sighed.

"I know, right?" said Elemia.

---------------------------------------------

The Elemia poked the Lexa.

"Sing a song…" she said.

"In order to combine my love of cross-country and music, i will sing country music!" the Lexa declared.

The Elemia shuddered "Oh god no…."

Against her wishes, the Lexa continued to sing "Rollin'" by Big and Rich. WHICH WE DO NOT OWN

"Brother and sisters

We are here for one reason and one reason alone

To share our love of music

I present to you Country music without prejudice, hey

Country boys don't rock and roll

Yeah, the record man told me so

Yeah you'll never get it on the radio

Why they trying to complicate

The simple music that we make

Oh cause if it moves my soul

I'm gonna keep on rollin, rollin

Hey, just wanna hear everybody say (rollin', rollin')

At the top of your lungs till the windows break (rollin', rollin')

Say hey, hey, hey I ain't gonna shut my mouth

Don't mind if I stand out in a crowd

Just wanna live out loud

Well I know there's got to be

A few hundred million more like me

Just trying to keep it free, yeah

Hey, just wanna hear everybody say (rollin', rollin')

At the top of your lungs till the windows break (rollin', rollin')

Say hey, hey, hey

Charlie Pride was the man in black

Rock and roll use to be about Johnny Cash

Yeah whatcha think about that

Well I'm a crazy son-of -a-(bad word)

But I know I'm gonna make it big and rich

Yeah im gonna let it rip

Hey, just wanna hear everybody say (rollin', rollin')

At the top of your lungs till the windows brake (rollin', rollin')

Say hey, cowboy Jake"

**"(I'm not a cowboy, you idiot!)  
**

** Dum-diggity-dum, diggity-diggity-dum dig this**

** Slicker than the grease from a BBQ Briskit**

** Got more chunk than a fresh potato salad**

** You thought you had your answer**

** But your answer was invalid**

** Your looking at me crazy cause you think I'm loco**

** The big black cowboy, with the crazy vocal**

** Todas las personas gritando arriva**

** Now you heard it, now I know you a believer**

** Esta cancion es para toda la gente**

** Es muy importante a usar su mente**

** So let go of all your preconcieved notions**

** Get up on your feet and put your body in motion**

** Cause back home we love to dance**

** We could be two-stepin, or ravin' to trance**

** And when the party is crunk, the girls back it up**

** We got the systems in the cars and the 20's on the trucks**

** 6 foot four with a cowboy hat**

** I dont mess around, yo what's up with that**

** I'm cowboy troy, a texas hick**

** And I'm rollin with the brothers**

** Big and Rich **

**Go cowboy go cowboy go**

** Go cowboy go cowboy go**

Hey, just wanna hear everybody say (rollin', rollin')

At the top of your lungs till the windows break (rollin', rollin')

Say hey, hey, hey

Hey, just wanna hear everybody say (rollin', rollin')

At the top of your lungs till the windows break(rollin', rollin')

Say hey, hey, hey

Elemia started twitching.

Annie started twitching.

"That SUCKED!" they both yelled.

---------------------------------------------

**ANYWAYS…**

"I won't sing...so who next?" said the Ralmal.

"I'll go again..." volunteered the Elemia.

"Por qué?" asked the Ralmal.

"I like to sing!" Elemia then proceeded to make a anime-style happy-face.

The Ralmal scoffed. "WhatEVER…"

The Elemia jumped onto the stage. "I give you…..TEH EMO LOVE SONG!"

"You mean 'Breathing' by Yellowcard?" clarified the Ralmal. (EA/N: WHICH I DO NOT OWN BUT LOVE LIKE MY CURLY FRIES)

The Elemia shrugged. "Same difference."

"An oxymoron!" cried the Lexa.

The Ralmal glanced in his general direction. "Yes, you are."

"Eyes are feeling heavy

But they never seem to close

The fan blades on the ceiling spin

But the air is never cold

And even though you're next to me

I still feel so alone

I just can't give you anything

For you to call your own And I can feel you breathing

And it's keeping me awake

Can you feel it beating

My heart's sinking like a weight

Something I've been keeping

Locked away behind my lips

I can feel it breaking free

With each and every kiss

I couldn't bear to hurt you

But it's all so different now

Things that I was sure of

They have filled me up with doubt

And I can feel you breathing

And it's keeping me awake

Can you feel it beating

My heart's sinking like a weight

I can feel you breathing

And it's keeping me awake

Could you stop my heart

It's always beating

Sinking like a weight

How am I supposed to feel

About the things I've done

I don't know if I should stay

Or turn around and run

I know that I hurt you

Things will never be the same

The only love I ever knew

I threw it all away

And I can feel you breathing

And it's keeping me awake

Can you feel it beating

My heart's sinking like a weight And I can feel you breathing

And its keeping me awake

Could you stop my heart

It's always beating

Sinking like a weight

"Eeeeeeemooooooh..." declared the Ralmal.

"Indeed" supplied the Elemia.

Lexa chose this moment to butt in. "For the life of me, i can't figure out who she's singing about."

Idiot.

"Hey," noticed the Ralmal. "With 'each and every kiss'..."

The Elemia looked shocked. "WHAT? no..."

The Ralmal, not very much in favor of the implied pairing said "eeeeh..."

The Elemia blushed.

"eeeeh..." the Ralmal continued.

The Elemia blushed deeper.

"You look like a tomato!" cried the Salad.

"Me gustan los tomates!" screamed the Elemia.

"Hey…..that was MY line." Said the Larie, who was feeling left out. Poor Larie.

---------------------------------------------

"Weren't we supposed to get married?" asked the Paulina.

"Whoah, even I didn't remember that," commented the Andrew. He then proceeded to make the heart eyes. Elemia stabbed his eyes out AGAIN.

"AHHH! MY EYES!" screamed the Andrew.

Paulina looked at him with disgust.

"You're getting blood all over my beautiful white dress!" she whined.

"Get over it," said the Cats.

"Toss toss!" said the Galinda.

"We need to sell the daises!" said the Ralmal, who had appointed herself leader once again.

Cats handed Ralmal a box, paper, and daises.

"Take them and sell," he said robotically. "If you do not, you will be punished…"

Collective gasp!

Ralmal rolled her eyes. She IS the best eye roller. (She was voted in by her friends.) "Who wants to come with me?"

Everyone raised their hands. The idiots raised their legs.

"Lexa, put your leg down. You are NOT coming with me…..without that Yzma hat."

"I have a hat just like that!" said the Wicked.

The Fiyerio was drooling. "Wicked…….." he muttered.

The Ralmal continued. "Fiyerio, put down BOTH your legs. (EA/N: OH GOD THE IMAGES WHY CAN'T I BURN OUT MY EYES?) You are SO not coming with me! I'd rather have the LEXA come with me!"

"Wait…" butted in the Andrew Lee. "How can he have BOTH his legs up…it's technically and scientifically impossible..it's.." He rambled. On. And on. And on.

In the end, she picked Elemia and the Lexa.

Da da da dun…….

"LEXA STOP DOING THAT!" cried the two girls.

---------------------------------------------

**In front of the Lexa's house…**

No one was buying anything. A couple of security guards walked by but they were too CHEAP to  
buy anything.

"Come on Frank, don't be lazy, buy a daisy!" persuaded the Lexa.

"No thanks," said the Frank. He then walked away.

"JUST BUY THE FLIPPIN' DAISY!" cried the Ralmal. "I'll give you two bucks if you buy a one-dollar daisy"

"Nice," commented the Lexa.

"Hey…..don't mess with me," started the Ralmal. She stopped when she saw Elemia staring at something. The Lexa, it looked like.

And the Lexa was too DENSE to figure this out.

"Hey Ele, stop staring!" snapped the Ralmal.

The Ele snapped from her girlish stare at the Lexa and turned pink.

"PINK!" cried Paulina from inside.

"Paulina-go back inside." Said the Elemia "Leave us be."

"I'm leaving," said the Ralmal. She ran inside the house, leaving Elemia and Lexa alone.

---------------------------------------------

"Lexa, don't trip." Said Elemia.

"Cheese" he replied.

That is all the convo the two teens shared as they walked into the house of the Lezalexa. Pathetic.

---------------------------------------------

**Inside…**

There was a PARTAY! There was the Karaoke! People were singing! Why does this seem familiar!

"Did you sell any?" said the Cats.

Silence.

"NOTHING!" he yelled.

"Deal with it," said the Ralmal.

"Okay," he said, curling into the fetal position.

---------------------------------------------

**There was a singing contest which I was not allowed to join! Bastards…**

"The singers today are…." The announcer, who was the Fiyerio, said. "Danny, Lexa, and the Ralmal."

"What!" Ralmal and Danny screamed.

"YESSSS!" cried the Lexa.

"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT…………………………" said the freaky talking scarecrow.

"Hey, that's MY line," said the Ralmal.

The Fiyerio continued. "And if anyone knows who the idiot is that turned me into a scarecrow, PLEASE tell me! I will hunt them down and KILL them. Have a great day."

"Umm……." said the Wicked, a guilty smile on her face.

Danny jumped up randomly. "I'll go first!"

He ran to the stage. It was very queer for him to be very excited but oh well. Whatev.

"When you feel all alone

And the world has turned its back on you

Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart

I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you

It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold

When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call

If you jump I'll break your fall

Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

If you need to fall apart

I can mend a broken heart

If you need to crash then crash and burn

You're not alone

When you feel all alone

And a loyal friend is hard to find

You're caught in a one way street

With the monsters in your head

When hopes and dreams are far away and

You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call

If you jump I'll break your fall

Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

If you need to fall apart

I can mend a broken heart

If you need to crash then crash and burn

You're not alone

'Cause there has always been heartache and pain

And when it's over you'll breathe again

You'll breathe again

When you feel all alone

And the world has turned its back on you

Give me a moment please

To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call

If you jump I'll break your fall

Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

If you need to fall apart

I can mend a broken heart

If you need to crash then crash and burn

You're not alone

The screaming fangirls could be heard all over the partay floor. But yet-they could not be seen.

"That was too long……" commented the Elemia. "What do you think Ralmal?"

"OH MY GOSH! I LUVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVED IT!" the Ralmal cried.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She then fainted. (RA/N: No-she is NOT a fangirl. She just luuuuuuuuves the song-"Crash and Burn" by Savage Garden. (EA/N: WHICH WE DO NOT OWN) She would scream like that if Tucker was singing…….then again, maybe not. Anyways, ON WITH THE SINGINNESS OF THE STORAY!)

She then woke up again.

"I wonder who that was for," wondered the DENSE Lexa out loud.

Sam giggled and blushed. Not very gothly of her, don't you think?

"Next up-we have the Ralmal."

Ralmal ran up on the conveniently placed stage. "Hit it Tucker!" she cried to the techno geek behind the stage.

The music from "Unwritten" (by Natasha Bedingfield) (EA/N: WHICH WE DO NOT OWN!) played.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried the Elemia.

The Ralmal gave her a full-on glare. "Deal with it."  
The Elemia shrank from her. "Okay….." she whispered.

Ralmal scares her, doesn't she?

"I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined

I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines

We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

The rest is still unwritten

The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

Everyone cheered. Yay! The Ralmal is appreciated for her non-fluffy song! "They love me, they really love me!" Ralmal cried with tears streaming down her face. Whoah…..who knew Ralmal was so emotional.

"Talk about repetitiveness!" said the Lexa.

Ralmal's happiness evaporated. "Oh yeah….." she challenged. "Let's hear YOUR song……"

"I need a partner…..Elemia, since you are conviently placed right next to me, will you be my partner?"

The Elemia blushed PINK. "Okay…" she said.

The two teens walked up to the stage. Elemia's heart thudded. Would they do a fluffay duet? Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohymgoshohymygosh……

The music to "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira and some other guy I do not know the name of played. (EA/N: WE ALSO DON'T OWN THE SONG)

The Elemia stared at the Lexa.

"What?" he asked innocently.

Unfortunately, Elemia was forced to start singing.

"People up in here tonight

No fightin', no fightin'

We got the refugees up in here

No fightin', no fightin'

The Lexa, The Lexa"

"What is she ON!" everyone cried.

Elemia continued singing.

"I never really knew that he could dance like this

He makes a girl want to speak Spanish

Como se llama, bonito, mi casa, su casa

The Lexa, The Lexa"

The Lexa ripped off his shirt to reveal-a disturbing spandex suit! He then proceeded to start dancing and singing like Shakira.

"What is HE on?" everyone cried.

**"Oh baby when you talk like that**

** You make a man go mad**

** So be wise and keep on**

** Reading the signs of my body"**

"We don't want to!" cried the audience.

"Deal with it…" shouted the Lexa, obviously having too much…well, no, I won't start on the Lexa's kinkiness.

**"I'm on tonight**

** You know my hips don't lie**

** And I'm starting to feel it's right**

** All the attraction, the tension**

** Don't you see baby, this is perfection"**

The Elemia had a deer-in-the-headlights look on her face. But yet, she continued to sing. She was hypnotized by the Lexa. Well, maybe it was just the colors.

"Hey Boy, I can see your body movin'

And it's driving me crazy

And I didn't have the slightest idea

Until I saw you dancin'

And when you walk up on the dance floor

Nobody cannot ignore the way you move your body, man

And everything so unexpected - the way you right and left it

So you can keep on shaking it"

"Seriously, I can't ignore it!" cried Elemia. "It's so wrong!"

"I never really knew that he could dance like this

He makes a geek want to speak Spanish

Como se llama, bonito, mi casa, su casa

The Lexa, The Lexa"

"No really, I DIDN'T KNOW!" she cried.

"Riiiiiiiiiiight." Said the Ralmal.

"No more 'i's!" cried the Larie.

The Lexa was leaping in the air and then proceeded to dance queerly some more.

**"Oh baby when you talk like that**

** You make a man go mad**

** So be wise and keep on**

** Reading the signs of my body And I'm on tonight**

** You know my hips don't lie**

** And I am starting to feel you girl**

** Come on lets go, real slow**

** Don't you see baby asi es perfecto"**

The Elemia was very disturbed at this point. Ralmal was on the floor laughing. Everyone else was silent.

**"Oh I won't deny my hips don't lie**

** And I am starting to feel it's right**

** All the attraction, the tension**

** Don't you see baby, this is perfection"**

"The Lexa, the Lexa"

The Lexa went to the Elemia was started showing off his not-so-great-and-oddly-disturbing dance moves for her.

**"Oh girl, I can see your body moving**

** Half animal, half geek"**

Elemia was like 'WTF?'

**"I don't, don't really know what I'm doing**

** But you seem to have a plan**

** My will and self restraint**

** Have come to fail now, fail now**

** See, I am doing what I can, but I can't so you know**

** That's a bit too hard to explain"**

"Baila en la calle de noche

Baila en la calle del dia"

**"Baila en la calle de noche**

** Baila en la calle del dia"**

The Elemia kept singing. She KNEW these weren't the right words. (EA/N: I have this whole song memorized...and now Ralmal's gone and ruined it for me.)

"I never really knew that he could dance like this

He makes a girl want to speak Spanish

Como se llama, bonito, mi casa, su casa

The Lexa, the Lexa"

"OH YES!" Cried the Lexa. "Say my name Say my name!" (EA/N: This scene brought to you by Ralmal, who wrote this whole part. If you, too, are suffering from mental scars due to mental images caused by this chapter, PM me and I'll go make her stop…no, actually, I won't. We'll be sitting and laughing.)

**"Oh baby when you talk like that**

** You know you got me hypnotized**

** So be wise and keep on**

** Reading the signs of my body"**

"O Senor, feel the conga, let me see you move like you come from Colombia"

**"Mira en Barranquilla se baila asi, say it!"**

**"Mira en Barranquilla se baila asi"**

The Elemia started rapping. Badly. (EA/N: I was never much of a rapper, anyway.)

"Yeah

He's so sexy every girl's fantasy a refugee like me back with the Fugees from a 3rd world country

I go back like when 'pac carried crates for Humpty Humpty

I need a whole club dizzy"

**"Why the CIA wanna watch us?"  
**

**  
**

Ralmal shouted "BECAUSE IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN, THEY WOULD BE FUCKTARDED!" (EA/N: Sorry for making you swear, Ralmal, but I couldn't resist the line.)

"Colombians and Haitians

I ain't guilty, it's a musical transaction

No more do we snatch ropes

Refugees run the seas 'cause we own our own boats"

The Lexa started swinging, singing, sadly. (It may not be grammatically correct but who cares!)

**"I'm on tonight, my hips don't lie**

** And I'm starting to feel you girl**

** Come on let's go, real slow**

** Baby, like this is perfecto **

**Oh, you know I won't deny and my hips don't lie**

** And I am starting to feel it's right**

** The attraction, the tension**

** Baby, like this is perfection **

**No fightin'**

** No fightin'"**

There was silence. Ralmal was almost passing out from laughter. Everyone was staring with their mouths hanging open. The Lexa proceeded to bow.

Everyone booed. They threw tomatoes. They threw eggs. They threw UGGS.

"Lexa, you changed the words on the screen!" cried Elemia, trying to dodge the fruit, yolk, and skin that was coming her way.

The Lexa did the shifty eyes. "No I didn't……" he said. Liar. A tomato hit him in the eye.

"My eye!" he cried. He fell off the stage. Danny caught him...God knows why.

The Lexa stared at the Danny. "Oh thank you….." he said mischievously.

The Danny was shocked. He dropped the Lexa and ran off to file a restraining order on the Lexa.

"Come back!" the Lexa cried. "I lost my love!"

"You idiot!" cried the Elemia. She was whipping egg off her gray shirt.

"Seriously, what IS that?" cried the Celia.

"Your mom," said the Elemia.

The Celia blinked twice. She didn't get it.

"Seriously, you look like Paulina……when she's having a good day!"

"Thanks guys!" Paulina said smiling. Obviously, the previous statement was proven to be true based on the scientific data.

"Date?" said the Celia smiling.

"No," the Ralmal said. "DATA."

"I don't want to wait. I want to date!" the Celia cried.

"Fo sho!" said the Jake Long, putting his arm around the Celia.

"Not today." Said the Celia. "Weekends are with the goat."

"HuH?"

"I'll think of something for all the pairings." Said the Ralmal, the usual organizer. "Maybe we can have a bonfire and…."

"FIRE?" screamed the Fiyerio, who was (da da dun) made out of straw.

"Deal with it." Said the Ralmal.

"Whoah" said the Celia.

Silence.

"Celia, the "whoah" was not necessary." Said the straw guy.

"Hey, that's MY line you airhead." Said the Ralmal.

"I'm not an airhead. I'm a strawhead!"

Silence.

"Let's have the bonfire at MY house!" cried the Salad. "I have a GRILL"

---------------------------------------------

(EA/N: That last line conjured up this random image in my head.)

Tucker: Smile for me, Salad…

Salad: Watcha lookin at?  
Tucker: Let me see yo grill…

Salad: You wanna see my WHAT?

(EA/N: This image brought to you by Elemia and her random taste in hip-hop.)

---------------------------------------------

**At the Salad's house…**

"You live next to the Olive Garden!" cried the Ralmal and the Celia.

"BREADSTICKS!" they cried.

"Don't you mean, sticks of bread?" asked the Larie.

Ignoring her, the Ralmal and Celia hugged the Olive Garden. They went inside and hugged the waiters. They hugged the chefs. Most of all, they hugged the breadsticks. They ordered 50 packages and walked out of the restaurant with many bags FILLED with bread.

"Whoah…." Everyone else said.

"Follow myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy lead…" sang the Salad.

"Uh, hello?" said the Glinda. "MY line."

"…………to my house!" They walked in the house.

"Wipe your feet and take off your gloves and uggs…..Lexa."

"What?" he asked.

The Salad flicked on the lights.

---------------------------------------------

"It's…….."  
"…so……"  
"……..green."  
These lines were said by Ralmal, Elemia, and The Celia, respectively. The wallpaper was green, the furniture was green, the DOG was green. His name was Pink.

The Wicked proceeded to make the heart eyes. "Greeeeeeeen…."

The Fiyerio was entranced by the GREEN heart eyes. "Wicked…….." he muttered, leaving a trail of drool on the floor.

"Seriously Salad, you have GOT to stop with the…hey Ralmal, what was the green girl's name again?"

The Ralmal sighed. "I told you a million times already!" She and the Celia proceeded to have a queer sword fight. They were trying to be men who were trying to be gay. But it didn't work.

"What the Celia is trying to say is……you have GOT to stop with the Elphabaismness," said the Elemia.

"THAT'S what it was!" cried the Celia.

"You'll probably forget in a couple of minutes!" cried the Ralmal.

---------------------------------------------

**A few minutes later…**

"I forgot!" said the Celia.

---------------------------------------------

"You need to convert to the Galindaism!" cried the Elemia.

"NEVER!" said the Salad.

"Okay!" Elemia said. What a pushover.

Paulina, a proud member of Galindaism, fainted randomly. "The green is making me dizzy…." She said.

"Deal with it," said the Salad and the Wicked, wickedly.

"I can't….it BURNS!" The Andrew held one of Da Dash's pink teddy bears up her nose.

"Breathe….." he said. "That's it, inhale the pinkness."

---------------------------------------------

**Erstwhile…**

(EA/N: Simply because I love that word.)

A flash of lightening turned the Ralmal back to her normal color.

"Yes!" she cried. She was sick of the green. She blended too much with Salad's dog.

"NOO!" cried the Wicked. "I'm the only one whose green again!"

"I like it……" said the creepy talking pile of straw. PILE…….

"Maybe I should paint myself green…." Said the Cats.

"Please don't…" said the Fiyerio. "That would disturb me in so many different ways."  
---------------------------------------------

**Elemia's Gift of Omakes:**

**Annie:** points to Jake who is he?  
** Jake:** J to the A to the K to the E...i'm the mack daddy dragon of NYC...ya heard?  
** Elemia:** o.0 wtf?

---------------------------------------------

**Elemia:** HIS NECK IS GLOWING!

_:Principal zaps her for checking out the Lexa's neck.:_

**Principal: **Back off, he's mine!

**Elemia: **Wha?

---------------------------------------------


	13. Previously Bubbly and GREEN!

(EA/N: This one's for _you_, Dana. Stop bugging me.)

--------------------

**Pre-story Omake:**

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Elemia. She had a GINOURMOUSLY HUGE GARGANTUAN BIG crush on a boy named the Lexa.

One day, Elemia's friends decided to go to an amusement park named Six Flags. The Lexa was invited. Elemia refused to go on certain roller coasters because she is afraid of heights. The Lexa and Elemia's friends dragged and/or pushed her onto many rides. Elemia swore revenge.

Later, having evaluated the day, Elemia realized she sounded like a total wuss. Elemia was sad.

Then, Elemia remembered that after going on a water ride, she saw the Lexa shirtless. Elemia felt better.

Then, Elemia remembered that she had numerous pictures of the Lexa. Elemia felt better.

THEN, Elemia remembered that the Lexa was going to get a screenname. Elemia felt better. Then, Ralmal made fun of Elemia. Elemia was sad.

**EDIT:**

Two months after this omake was written, the Lexa actually did get a screenname…but Elemia did not IM him.

**More EDITS:**

After a while, Elemia _did_ IM him, but only because she had to. And he was being a bigger ass than usual. Elemia told him so.

--------------------

**Title**: Previously Bubbly and GREEN

--------------------

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing in this fic except half of the plot. However, with that half comes goddess-like powers...Dance, puppets, dance!  
--------------------  
**Previously… **

"Maybe I should paint myself green….." said the Cats.

The Fiyerio gasped. "Please don't……that would disturb me in so many different ways."

--------------------

** Now….. **

"Deal with it," said the Cats.

"Hey, that's MY line," said the Ralmal.

"I love you, Lexa," said the Elemia happily.

Silence.

Everyone was staring at the Lexa.

"What?" he said. "Do I have something stuck in my teeth?"

"Yes" said the imaginary Celia, shielding her imaginary eyes.

"Clueless-yet beautiful" muttered the Elemia.

"Beautiful?" muttered the Salad.

"CLUELESSLY beautiful" corrected the Elemia.

"Well, the back of his head is," observed the Celia. Actually, the tape recording of her voice. The Celia had been missing for quite some time.

"This is more disturbing than the Cats becoming green……" muttered the Fiyerio.

"WHY are we muttering?" muttered the Ralmal.

--------------------

"I've done it!" yelled the Cats. "I have become GREEN!"

"YES!" cried the Wicked. Upon seeing Fiyerio's face filled with disdain, she muttered "Oh no…." without much enthusiasm.

--------------------

** A few awkward moments later….. **

"Where is the Celia?" Jake Long cried randomly.

Everyone shrugged.

"I think she's with the goat," said the Elemia.

The Jake Long sighed. "AGAIN?" He grabbed Elemia's baseball bat and head out for the goat's den.

"Baaaaaa...?" someone, or some _goat_, cried, following by screams of terror.

"OW THAT HURTS! AHHHHHH!"

Jake's voice could be heard throughout the campus, following silence.

All of a sudden, a great big _fluffy_ blob appeared out of nowhere and landed on Andrew's head.

"Ow," is all he could muster.

And just like that, the blob became………..

--------------------

………THE PRINCIPAL!

"NO!" everyone cried.

"What do you want, Noto?" said Ralmal regrettably. She was still ticked that the Principal and fired her from the previous matchmaking job, even though she has a very successful business of her own, and the principal has………..a pigeon. She couldn't afford a flying monkey.

"I have brought my **_smartified_** device with me because I want to rub my evil intelligence in your puny little adolescent faces!" said the Principal.

"Your pigeon died, didn't it?" asked the Ralmal.

"No….there's nothing on TV." The Principal coughed. The Ralmal chose this moment to go to the little girl's room (important later), which was too far away from what was happening with the Principal.

"ANYWAYS, this device will make all of you yapping youngsters fall for the wrong people! Ay Kay Ay the first person you touch! AHAHAHAHAHAHA MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

There was a silence. The Principal coughed again.

"Are you sick?" a muffled voice said. It was Andrew, and he was still being squished by the Principal's hynay.

Ignoring the 6.66666 repeating GPA boy, (EA/N: That number look like anything ominous to anybody else or is it just me?) she said, "This is the part where you all scream like girls and run around randomly." The Principal informed.

"Oh, okay." Said the Lexa. With that being said, the guys started running around in circles and screaming in high pitched shrilly voices, while the girls watched and covered their girlified ears. Even Elemia was slightly amused.

"What is THAT?" said the tape recording of the Celia. With that being said, the Principal blasted everyone with the device.

--------------------

** By The Way…. **

The REAL Celia walked in arguing with a beat-up and very badly bruised Jake Long JUST as the Principal blasted everyone.

"I TOLD you, Jakey" said the Celia. "Weekends are **_WITH_** the goat!"

"I don't want my girlfriend cheating on me ANY day of the week!" Jake complained. What a babbling black-eyed baby.

_What **IS** that?_

--------------------

** Okay then…… **

Ralmal chose this moment to return from the little girl's room, having missed out on everything. This is what she saw:

Salad was feeding Jake Long spinach puffs.

Larie was break-dancing with Guan. They broke every piece of furniture in Salad's house.

The Celia was cheering for Dash in a short cheerleader outfit as he pumped air into footballs and did pueruettes in a pink tutu he borrowed from Paulina.

Tucker was giving Paulina a foot rub, putting cucumbers on her eyes (and eating them himself. The cucumbers, not the eyes.) clipping her toenails, and painting her nails pink.

Annie was making a shirt that says 'mindless and careless' for the Lexa and a shirt that says 'i'm with mindless and careless' for herself. Lexa was peeling potatoes randomly.

Sam was gothing up the ever so preppy and ASIAN Andrew by dying his hair black while Andrew silently screamed for help. (EA/N: His hair is already black...logic error!)

Elemia was throwing pretty PINK flowers at Danny. While he caught them and ate them. (She prefers to be fluffy AND violent. And he prefers to be weird. And idiotic.)

The Wicked was painting the Cats' nails green. No, not green, FOREST green. There's a difference.

The Glinda was putting pink daisies in the Scarecrow's head and toss-tossing.

The Principal was taking pictures of everyone so she could use them for blackmail later.

--------------------

Ralmal was speechless. The Principal even got a pic of Ralmal being speechless.

"Honey," Larie said in a robotic-monotonic voice to Guan. "We broke Salad's last piece of furniture."

"Oh no," Guan replied, equally monotonic. "Whatever shall we do?"

"I love the puffs stuffed with spinach, Salad," Jake Long commented, again, monotoniously.

"Go Dash Go." Celia said without much enthusiasm. I would even have to say that she said that monotoniously.

"A little to the left Tuckery please" Paulina said monotonically. Now you know something's wrong-Paulina's using her manners.

"Here are our potatoes for our romantic evening, my love." The Lexa said to Annie robotically.

"You look great in black," Sam said to the Andrew, obviously, monotonically. "It brings out your eyes."

"All Asians have black eyes." Andrew commented. He was zapped by the Principal for his notorious comment.

"I mean-thank you so much for that breathtaking compliment."

"The flowers. They burn." Commented the Danny.

ZAP!

"Are you alright my little halfa?" Asked the Elemia.

"Yes. I mean, the flowers. They delight me. A lot."

"That's better." Said the Principal happily.

"OH MY GOSH! THE LEXA IS SO ADORABLE!" cried the Elemia happily.

ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

"I mean-Danny you are so cute and ever so wonderful." She said monotoniously.

"That's nice to hear." Danny said, bored.

"Did you hear something my love?" asked the Lexa.

"No my precious Lexa, it was probably the wind." Replied the Annie.

"I love the green" commented the Cats (a/n: unless I say so, the people are talking like robots. Because remember-they are under spells….unless they get paired with who they are supposed to be paired with. Confusing? Deal with it. Now-ON WITH IT!)

"You better." Said the Wicked….uhh…wickedly.

ZAAAAPP!

"I mean-I'm glad you do my little Catsikins." She said, wincing.

"I…….love……the……flowers…….in……..my………head." said Fiyerio.

ZAP!

"What was THAT for?" he shouted monotoniously.

"I just felt like zapping you," replied the Principal.

"WHY?"

But sadly, the Principal was all "IGNORE!"

--------------------

"NO!" cried the Ralmal. "This is so wrong! GAAAAHHHHH!" She attacked the Principal and they wrestled on the ground. My lack of wrestling moves disables me to describe the fight. Use your imagination.

"Tell me what I have to do to cure them!" cried Ralmal.

"NEVER!" cried the Principal. The Ralmal punched the Principal in the stomach. This gave her time to get the machine and randomly press buttons, do an Irish jig, and continue pressing buttons.

"THIS ISN'T DOING ANYTHING!" Ralmal cried. She was knocked down by the Principal. Ralmal crawled on the floor slowly.

Then the Principal ripped off her boring-Principal-style clothes to reveal a silver midrift, silver micromini, silver highstockings, silver high heels, and a silver wig. Heck-the whole getup was silver.

And disturbing.

"MIS OJOS!" cried Ralmal, translating to "MY EYES!"

"Ohmygosh I think my eyes are bleeding!" said the Elemia.

The Principal grabbed the machine and zapped everyone again, Ralmal included.

Everyone collectively gasped. RALMAL WAS HIT!

--------------------

** A couple gasps later….. **

Ralmal was unaware of what the blast did. Remember, she was in the little girl's room. For those of you who forgot-shame on you and your short attention spans.

Ralmal jumped up. "GUYS! SNAP OUT OF IT!" She ran around in circles a little crazily. She snapped her fingers in front of Elemia's face.

"ELEMIA! REMEMBER YOU LOVE THE LEXA!" She grabbed Danny's shoulders (IMPORTANT) and started shaking him. "AND YOU! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOVE THE ELEMIA, YOU'RE SUPPOS….." She stopped in mid-supposed. The spell had taken over.

"I love you Danny" said Ralmal monotoniously.

Collective Gasp!

"I love you too Ralmal," said the Danny, bored.

Da da da dun…………..

For once, no one told Lexa to shut up. They were all trying to run to the ones they loved so they could touch them.

"Whoah….." said the narrarator. "Where did THAT come from?"

"You sicko!" shouted Elemia.

"I love you Danny," repeated Ralmal, her eyes blank. "And it's okay that stuff grows under your bed."

"Thanks….wait, how did you know about that?" asked Danny.

Ralmal shifted her blank expressionless eyes. "I didn't….."

Meanwhile, everyone was in a pile trying to reach the person they loved….but many could not succeed. Sadly, Sam had nowhere to run. Poor Sam.

Eventually, this is what happened with everyone else:

Guan stepped on Elemia's arm.

Celia followed the back of Lexa's "gorgeous" head and was bumped into him by the Guan. (RA/N: No, she's not paired with Guan. Guan already touched Elemia. For all of you people smart enough to catch that-good for you! You're not completely stupid!) (EA/N: That was mean, Ralmal...I didn't get it.._.sniffle_...

The Salad stepped on Dash's face, which was face-down on the ground.

The Andrew bumped into Larie and Larie bumped into Andrew. Ouch.

Annie stepped on Jake Long's eye. His left one, not the right one.

Tucker bumped into Sam because he was knocked over by Paulina's big mole. (The mole isn't cool enough to pass for a body part. By the way, Moles Are Hot!)

The adults were smart enough to not to jump into the pile of people. They simply poked each other slightly. The Wicked poked the Scarecrow and the Glinda poked the Cats. The Cats and the Scarecrow poked themselves. Duh.

"I love you……" everyone cried monotoniously and unanimously. I must say, this is very hard to do.

"Hey! I am left with no one!" cried Paulina. "This isn't fair!"

"I'll be with you Paulina," the Principal said.

The Paulina eyed her up and down. "Um, no thanks."

"Fine then you can be my new assistant."

"Do I get paid?"

"No."

"Okay."

--------------------

"Okay everyone, line up next to your pairing and march with me and Paulina to the pool!" everyone under the spell followed. The adults snuck off and jumped in the Principal's car and sped off somewhere. This is irrelevant, so I will continue with Paulina and the rest of the spellbound gang.

"I still want to be paired with someone!" Paulina cried. "I need someone to constantly tell me I'm beautiful!"

"Don't get your hopes up Paulina" said Elemia. "No one's _that_ lonely."

"And desperate!" added Ralmal.

The Principal held up a mirror.

"OH my GOSH!" cried Paulina, touching the mirror. "Who's THIS beautiful face?" She continued modeling in front of the mirror, while Elemia and Ralmal gagged.

"Wow my two best friends got together" commented Danny monotonously. "Didn't see that coming." Ralmal blinked.

"Wait-NO THAT WASN'T SUPPSOSED TO HAPPEN!" she cried, being the crazy DxS fan that she is. She was zapped a very long time by the Principal. Paulina was too busy admiring herself in the mirror to take notice.

"Ow….." said Ralmal. She started crawling on the floor.

"Are you all right my love." Asked Danny in a bored expression.

"Leave me alone you…"

ZAP!

"GAAAAAHHH!" cried Ralmal. "That flippin' HURTS!" She curled up in a ball, wincing. Poor Ralmal.

"Danny…." Elemia said randomly. She was zapped and followed Ralmal's example and curled up into a ball. Except it was an ASIAN ball.

"Aren't you supposed to love me." Asked the Guan.

"You are hotttttt…." Said the Elemia. "With an infinite number of T's!"

"Excellent…." Whispered the Principal. She and Paulina did an evil laugh. They weren't very good at it, because everyone laughed at them instead of cowering in fear.

"Ralmal…….wake up……." Said the Danny. "She is not functioning. Someone get me a bucket of ice cold water."

"NOO!" cried the Principal. Before anyone could stop him, the Danny poured water on Ralmal.

The Ralmal opened her eyes. "Danny you idiot-that water's flippin' COLD!" She then proceeded to beat up Danny. Poor Danny. She even threw him in the pool.

"AKH! COLD! Salad, how cold is your pool?" he cried.

"The same temperature as the Principal's heart."

ZAP!

"OW……..!" cried the Salad.

Randomly, Tucker threw Sam in the pool.

"TUCKER YOU IDIOT!" she cried. "WHAT WAS THAT?"

"MY line," Ralmal said shivering.

"What? Ralmal was doing it!" Tucker protested.

Everyone picked up their paired up fake pairing and was about to throw them in the pool when-

-the Principal blew her whistle. LOUDLY.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I THINK MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!" cried the Elemia.

"ALL OF YOU, to your rooms!" the Principal cried.

"Hey, it's MY house," commented the Salad.

"Deal with it."

"My…….. shiver …….LINE….. shiver ……." Shivered the Ralmal.

"Here my love. Take my coat." Said the Danny, putting his coat on Ralmal.

The Ralmal stared at him. "The spell is OVER you idiot."

The Danny shifted his eyes. "Yeah….I knew that…."

Elemia stabbed out his eyes.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOT AGAIN!"

--------------------

** Nighttime…………Ralmal's room **

The Ralmal was drying her hair.

"KEEP IT DOWN!" cried the Tucker from the room next door. "I'm TRYING to catch up on my beauty sleep!"

The Ralmal kicked the wall. "All the sleep in the WORLD won't help you."

There was a silence.

--------------------

** Twenty-one minutes later….. **

"HEY!" Tucker protested, finally getting the diss.

Ralmal ignored him.

Tucker continued protesting.

Ralmal knocked on Tucker's door.

Tucker opened the door.

Ralmal slapped him.

Tucker closed the door.

--------------------

** Randomly…… **

"OHMYGOSH! HIS NECK IS GLOWING!" cried the Lexa fangirls. In other words, Elemia.

She was blasted by the Principal for checking out the Lexa's neck.

--------------------

** Wow…….ANYWAYS……. **

Ralmal knocked on Danny's door.

"Danny open the door." She said. Getting no response, she just walked in.

How rude.

Danny was staring out his window with a totally MUSHY dreamy look on his face.

Ralmal snickered. "What, dreaming about Tucker again?"

Danny snapped out of his trance. "NO….." he said while shifting his eyes.

"Wait, didn't Elemia poke your eyes out?"

Silence.

"ANYWAYS………..I brought back your coat." Ralmal remarked randomly. "Oh and by the way, that whole thing with you and me-it never happened. Bring it up and I will chop off your arm."

Danny cowered in fear in a corner. "Um, okay……."

"So………" Ralmal said mischievously. "What were you thinking about if not Tucker?"

"WHY do you assume I'm thinking about Sam all the time?"  
Ralmal lifted an eyebrow. "I never said you were."

Danny shifted his eyes. HOW he did without eyes is still a mystery. "Uh……..riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight."

"Why don't you go outside….." Ralmal suggested. "She's alone by the pool."

"How did she get passed the Paulincipal (Paulina+Principal for you slow people) sushi force field?" Danny asked, amazed.

Ralmal stared at him blankly. "She used her ghost powers……."

"Ohhhh…" he said. "Then how do _I_ get passed it?"

Ralmal started banging her head against the wall. "See, THIS is why we can NEVER mention the spell to ANYONE. No one will give me respect if they thought I liked an _idiot_."

"What are you trying to say?" asked Danny sadly. "Are you breaking up with me?" He started crying and reached for his rather PINK and queer hanky.

"I rest my case." Ralmal remarked, randomly rolling her eyes.

--------------------

** Randomly, once again…… **

"Who is HE?" Annie said, pointing to the Jake Long. This is sad because this is the boy she is supposed to be in love with according to the Principal.

The Jake Long started rapping. "J to the A to the K to the E...i'm the mack daddy dragon of NYC...ya heard?"  
The Elemia narrowed her eyes. "WIT?"

BTW, the Principal was too busy snoring too zap anyone. And Paulina was too vain to wake up the Principal. She kept looking at the mirror and kissing it. Seriously, it was on the verge of breaking.

--------------------

** Outside, by the pool……… **

Sam was walking along the edge of pool, thinking about Danny, NOT Tucker. She didn't notice Danny and Ralmal behind the tree, watching her.

"Okay, GO!" Ralmal said as she pushed Danny.

"Stop hitting me!" Danny cried. They had a Cats fight.

"Cats?" Cats said randomly.

"NO…….." Ralmal said. "_Cats_…..there's a difference!"

"Okay!" he said enthusiastically, oblivious to the stupidity of it all.

"Hey, when did you get here?" Danny asked.

"We went to the gas station!" cried Glinda, ignoring Danny's question. "IT WAS AWESOME! The best date of my life!"

Silence.

"You REALLY don't get out much do you?" asked Ralmal.

"What are you talking about?" cried Glinda. "I am pop-U-LAR!"

Silence.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiight…." Said Ralmal.

"When I was with Fiyero, he never took me anywhere…I'm GLAD he cheated on me!" Glinda said triumphly.

"No you're not." Ralmal commented bluntly. Glinda gladly glared at her. Ralmal sheepishly smiled sweetly.

"Okay, I'm going!" cried Danny. He started walking behind Sam. Sam was too DENSE to figure out that he was right behind her.

"Oh Danny-I no longer love Tucker! I love you and always will! I'm sorry I say you're an idiot-even if you are."

Ralmal was laughing behind the tree, along with Glinda and the Cats.

The Sam continued. "Oh Danny, I wish we could be together! I wish we could just run away and NOT bring Tucker!"

"This is getting really cheesy." Said the Cats.

"SHHHH!" cried Ralmal and the Glinda. The Cats shhhhed.

"I LOVE YOU DANNY!" Sam cried.

"I Take Thee At Thy Word!" Danny cried, TRYING to be hip and Elizabetheran.

It didn't work.

"AAGGHH!" Sam cried, once realizing Danny was right behind her. This caused them to fall into the pool.

The Ralmal was laughing. "That was AWESOME!" She and Glinda high-fived each other. Cats was filing his nails. Men-they have no emotions.

"You got THAT right," said the Elemia.

The Ralmal looked surprised. "When did you get here?"

The Elemia shifted her eyes. "Shhhh…." She said, darting her eyes back and forth.

"OkaAY then….."

"What was THAAAAT?" the two misfits cried. They stared at each other and started laughing.

"You're wet." said the Danny.

"You're hott." Said Sam.

The Danny fangirls walked in. Obviously, they were too stubborn and DENSE to figure out that Danny would never go out with one of them, even Lexa.

"Only 2 't's?" They cried. "Pathetic!"

Ralmal got a hose and hosed them down. They melted again.

Glinda shook her head. "Ralmal, it's not nice to melt people."

"B-b-but, they were blocking my view," protested Ralmal.

Suddenly, a conveniently placed orchestra pit popped out of nowhere, being led, of course, by the Cats.

"Isn't he dreeeeeeeeeamy when he conducts?" the Glinda said, uh, dreamily.

Ralmal glanced at the Cats. He was moving his arms like a chicken that had just caught bird flu. "Oh yeah…." Said the Ralmal sarcastically. "He's a keeper…."

Collective gag!

Of course, the orchestra pit means that singing is required! So on with it!

_Sam:_

_Kiss me too fiercely  
Hold me to tight  
I need help believing   
You're with me tonight  
My wildest dreamings  
Could not forsee  
Lying beside you  
With you wanting me!_

_And just for this moment  
As long as you're mine.  
I've lost all resistance  
And crossed the border line  
And if it turns out   
It's over too fast.  
I'll make every last moment last  
As long as you're mine._

"Whoah" said Ralmal.

"Where is Lexa, I want him to see this!" cried Elemia.

"Hinting at something, Ele?" Ralmal asked. Elemia shifted her eyes.

**Danny:**___  
_**Maybe I'm brainless**

Sam laughed. "I know I may call you brainless sometimes, but deep down, I know you're not! I WUV YOU DANNAY!"

"AWWW" said Ralmal. Danny continued singing.

**___  
_Maybe I'm wise**

Sam narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't push it." She said.

Danny, oblivious to the dissing, continued singing.

___  
_**But you've got me seeing  
through different eyes  
Somehow I've fallen under your spell  
And somehow I'm feeling  
It's up that I fell.**

"WHAT?" cried Elemia. Ralmal just shrugged.

Both:

Every moment as long as mine  
I'll wake up my body  
And make up for lost time  
say there's no future  
for us as a pair  
and though i may know  
I don't care!

'I don't care about a lot of things." Said Cats, still conducting. Everyone ignored him.

Just for this moment  
As long as your mine  
Come be how you want to   
And see how bright we shine  
Borrow the moonlight  
Until it is through  
And know I'll be here  
Holding you-oo  
as long as you're mine!

Randomly, Sam started cackling.

"WHOAH!" cried Elemia and Ralmal.

Danny shook her. "What is it?" he asked.

Sam's laugh subsided. "It's just, for the first time…I feel……WICKED!"

_SPLASH!_

All of a sudden, the Witch and the scarecrow popped out of nowhere. "Hey, that's MY line." Said the Witch. "It's what makes me who I am!"

"Why does that song sound familiar?" asked the Scarecrow densely. The Witch hit him with her broomstick that she had gotten back from the dead, I MEAN, unconscious Scout.

"OW!" he cried.

"You didn't even feel that! You're made out of straw!"

"Oh yeah…I forgot."

All of a sudden, everyone else from the house came along with the principal. She blew her whistle loudly. Danny and Sam surfaced and broke apart from their kiss, blushing like crazy. Ralmal was too busy hatching her plan to go "AWWW" or "WHOAH…." All of a sudden (this is the AWESOME plan guyz), the adults and Ralmal and Tucker threw everyone in the pool, including the principal.

"WHAAAAAAA?" cried everyone.

"I'm MELTING I'm MELTING!" cried the Principal.

"STOP TRYING TO BE LIKE ME!" cried the Witch.

--------------------

** The Next Day….. **

Everyone was sitting at the breakfast table, eating waffles and/or pancakes. Everyone was free from the spell, and they were free to love whoever they wanted. Except Paulina…she still loves herself….or maybe that isn't from the spell….no one will know for sure………

The Salad was passing out syrup to everyone. The Principal was sitting in the corner with a blanket covering her, and icepack on her hollow head, and her feet in a warm bucket filled with water. Salad dumped syrup on her head. (The principal's, not her own head.)

The principal was practically reduced to a puddle of tears. (What is up with puddles guyz…?) "Oh Salad….even YOU turned against me. And you never get mad at everyone!" The Principal let out a big boohoo.

"MMMM…" she said. "This syrup is good!"

Salad rolled her greenafied eyes. And headed back to the table. Everyone was staring at the one they loved. Salad was staring at Tucker, who was staring at Paulina, I MEAN, Salad. Paulina was staring into her compact mirror. The Elemia was staring at Lexa and Lexa……oh NO A GRAY HAIR!

"Ahem…" said Elemia.

"What?" the narrartor said, frazzled by his one strand of gray hair.

"ON WITH IT! I WANNA KNOW WHO HE LOVES!" cried Elemia. "YOU INSOLENT NO GOOD MAN!"

The narrartor started crying. At Elemia's screaming **and** his midlife crisis.

Elemia's eyes turned to its normal color. "Oh, I'm sorry, PLEASE forgive me! YOU KNOW ABOUT MY BIPOLOR ISSUES!"

"Okay, I'll sniff continue." Said the narrator.

The Celia was-

"NO, YOU LEFT OFF WITH LEXA!" cried Elemia.

The narrator slapped Elemia. "SHUT UP AND LET ME DO MY JOB!" he cried. He tied Elemia onto her chair and blindfolded her so she couldn't stare at the Lexa. She was on the nerve of dying, I'm telling you.

Anyways, Ralmal took this opportunity to steal waffles from everyone's plates and hide under the table to eat.

"MWAHAHAHA!" cried Ralmal. "Who needs 'love' anyways? I'm happy being single! In fact….." She jumped from underneath the table, causing everyone to jump and stare at the brown-haired Persian. She got up on the stage randomly and yes, conveniently placed next to Salad's stove. She didn't notice the hooded figure enter the room…..

"HIT IT TUCKER!" Ralmal cried, taking her travel-sized microphone out of her front pocket. Tucker hit PLAY on HIS travel-sized stereo and the music to "Single" by Natasha Bedingfield started playing. (Yes, Ralmal sings a lot of songs by the Bedingfield, but DEAL with it already!)

_Ah yeah that's right   
All you single people out there  
This is for you_

Everyone just blinked at her. The hooded figure raised his hooded hand, but Ralmal didn't notice. "Shame on all of you…" said Ralmal. She continued.

_I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me   
(Cos I'm happy where I am)  
Don't depend on a guy to validate me  
(No no)  
I don't need to be anyone's baby  
(Is that so hard to understand?)_

"YES!" everyone cried. Ralmal glared at them but continued.

_No I don't need another half to make me whole_

_Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't  
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't_

_This is my current single status   
My declaration of independence  
There's no way I'm tradin' places  
Right now a star's in the ascendant_

_I'm single   
(Right now)  
That's how I wanna be  
I'm single  
(Right now)  
That's how I wanna be_

_Ah yeah Uh Huh that's right _

_Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good  
(I like who I am)_

Guiltily, everyone shook off their pairings' arm and sank in his or her chair in shame and embarrassment. The hooded figure laughed.

_I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would  
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should  
(Can't romance on demand)  
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood_

_This is my current single status  
My declaration of independence  
There's no way I'm tradin' places  
Right now a star's in the ascendant_

_Everything in it's right time everything in it's right place   
I know I'll settle down one day  
But 'til then I like it this way it's my way  
Eh I like it this way_

_Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't  
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't  
'Til then I'm single_

_This is my current single status  
My declaration of independence   
There's no way I'm tradin' places  
Right now a star's in the ascendant_

All of a sudden, the stove caught on fire. "AHHH!" Ralmal cried. She jumped off the stage and was about to hit the floor when the hooded figure caught her. Everyone huddled around.

"Are you alright, Ralmal?" asked Larie, the best friend.

"Do you want some pancakes?" asked Salad, the nicest one.

"Does this mean we're breaking up?" asked Danny, the stupid one.

Ralmal glared at him. "WE WERE NEVER TOGETHER!" she cried. She was still in the hooded figure's arms. "Um…..you can put me down now." She said, her face red. The hooded figure obeyed, equally red, even though no one could see under the hood.

"Um, thanks….who are you?" Ralmal asked. Everyone huddled around. "CAN YOU GIVE ME SOME SPACE?" asked Ralmal. Everyone huddled around closer.

"Hey, Ralmal! Don't you remember me?" said the hooded figure.

Ralmal gasped. "HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME? STALKER!" She whipped out her baseball bat.

The hooded figure backed away. "Still as threatening as ever, huh, Ralmal?" he said.

Ralmal dropped her bat. "Guy X?" she asked, peering into the hooded face no one could see. The hooded figure nodded.

"OHMY GOSH! HIIIIIIIIIII!" Ralmal cried, hugging the figure.

Meanwhile, everyone was all "?"

"That's Guy X, Ralmal's best friend from kindergarten." Explained Danny. "He disappeared when he was in second grade and Ralmal hasn't heard from him since."

"I thought I was her best friend!" Larie cried.

"You still are." Said Ralmal.

"Uh, Danny, how do you know all that?" Elemia asked.

"I read her diary!" Danny cried proudly.

Everyone stared at him. Guy X glanced at him weirdly. Ralmal glared at him.

"Nice….." Sam said.

--------------------

"…….so that's why I decided to come back." Guy X said. All the girls were drooling by the time he was finished speaking. (No, we will never know why he came back, you can tell me if you know, because I don't). Even Ralmal was impressed, but she managed to remain drool-free.

"That was fascinating, Guy X!" cried Celia.

"HEY!" cried Jake Long.

"Totally cool!" cried Larie.

"HEY!" cried Da Dash.

"You're hot!" cried Paulina.

"HEEEY!" cried Andrew and Tucker.

Guy X stared at Paulina. "Um….thanks….I think." Ralmal rolled her eyes.

Paulina scooted closer to him. "Why don't you dump Ralmal and hang out with me instead?"

"We're not together!" Ralmal protested. Guy X just stared at the latina girl.

"I mean, I'm so pretty and Pop-UUUU-ler! I mean, LAR."

"Hey, MY line." Said Glinda.

Paulina ignored the toss-tossing blonde. "I'm a goddess!" She cried. By now, Andrew and Tucker were on the floor, fainting and drooling from the insanity from it all.

Finally, Guy X spoke. "It's not nice to lie, Paulina."

Everyone was silent.

"OH-OH-OH!" Ralmal cried. "Paulina got BURNED!"

After getting it, everyone else laughed. Ralmal high-fived Guy X. Guy X looked pleased. Paulina had a confused look on her face.

Tucker and Andrew woke up. "She IS a goddess!" they both cried.

Paulina jumped into Andrew's arms. "Oh thank you, sweetie!" she cried.

"What about me?" Tucker asked.

Paulina stared at him. "I don't know, what about you?"

"I don't know."

--------------------

** My first omake…..Please don't hurt me…..I'm still not sure WHAT an omake IS.. **

"It's time for poetry! With the Ralmal and the Celia!" cried the Scarecrow.

The crickets started cricketing.

"Thank you thank you…please, hold your applause!" cried Celia.

Then, everyone started clapping.

"We wrote a Wicked sonnet in Creative Writing class! CUZ WE CAN!" cried Ralmal.

"It's called 'Something Wicked This Way Comes'" supplied the Celia.

"OR 'Look! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's WICKED!'" cried Ralmal.

"That's a long alternative title!" cried Elemia.

"YOU'RE a long alternative title!" said Paulina, who was trying to become a better disser to impress Guy X.

Elemia stared at her. "What?" she asked.

"SHHHHH…" said Guy X. "I'm trying to listen!"

Elemia smiled evilly. "You like her, don't you?"

"Who, Celia?"

"No, nitwit, Ralmal."

Guy X brought his hood closer to his face. "Nooooo……" he said, his face turning a shade of red not available in a box of Crayola.

"YEAH…whatever….." Elemia said. Heheh…. She thought. Sweet Sweet Revenge…..

"Elemia, stop thinking to yourself and listen!" Ralmal cried.

"Note: Neema is Ralmal's cousin. He takes pleasure in doing toss toss, it's kinda weird…..anyways, here we go!" cried Celia.

_Our goal in this world is to wickafy_

_Many people like Larie the Groaner_

_Those like Neema should less Galindafy_

_Quick, the Larie would soon be a loner_

"Hey!" protested Larie.

_The best musical ever is Wicked._

_Dancing peanuts in flashes of green light._

_The best part was when Wicked turned liquid._

"Hey!" protested the Witch.

_My friend's fav part was the kick-butt catfight._

"That was **my** favorite part too…." Said the blonde in a pink bubble.

_Over the dumb scarecrow named Fiyero._

"Hey!" protested Fiyero. "I'm not dumb!"

"What's two plus two?" asked Ralmal.

Fiyero counted on his fingers. "I don't have that many fingers" he said.

_The pink and green start an ultimate clash._

_But Doctor Dillamond was our hero._

"I LOVE THE GOAT!" cried Celia.

"When will this end?" cried Jake.

_It was sad that he went by in a flash._

_Basically, we drove the Ele crazy_

"Yeah, you guyz did…." She said. "You guyz wouldn't stop asking me QUESTIONS!"

"It's not my fault I was deprived of the Wizard of Ozness as a young wee one!" Ralmal cried.

_It is unfortunate that it was hazy._

(EA/N: I feel inferior because Ralmal is capable of writing a sonnet and I cannot...)

--------------------

** Later………… **

"What was THAT?" everyone cried.

"Your mom" said Ralmal.

"Your PHAT mom" said Celia.

"With a P-H!" supplied Larie.

The crickets started chirping again……..it wasn't even noon yet. Seriously, are those crickets jetlagged or just plain stupid?

All of a sudden, the principal popped out from the laundry hamper.

"MWAHAHAHAH!"

Everyone fainted.

The End.

HAHAHA Just kidding……

"I am here to expose the Cats!"

Everyone randomly regained consiousness. Glinda stared at the Cats. "What is she talking about, honey?"

The Cats shifted his eyes. "I don't know, my cute bubblekins!"

COLLECTIVE GAG!

By now, I believe everyone is sick of gagging up mucus at the same time as everyone else, but that didn't stop them from doing it again.

COLLECTIVE GAG!

The Principal held up a picture. "BEHOLD!"

Everyone cringed in fear. It was a picture of the Principal's back hair.

"Wrong photo!" She held up another one. "BEHOLD!"

Everyone cringed and collective gagged again. It was a picture of the Lexa in his spandex dancing.

"OOPS!" She held up a picture. It was a picture of Cats and his….wife…cutting a wedding cake.

Glinda cringed. "Cats, you told me you weren't married to your wife anymore!"

"How can you not be married to your wife?" The Cats questioned.

Glinda pulled out a rose-scented hanky and started wiping her eyes. "Why can't the men in my life be committed to ME?"

"You're too intimidating…" said the scarecrow.

"You're too shallow…." Said another random guy.

"You're too pink…" said ANOTHER random guy.

"You're too pink…" said the scarecrow.

"Dude, I just said that…" said the second random guy.

Glinda stood up and jumped on the stage. She ripped off her sparkly blue dress to reveal a punk outfit. It was all BLACK and there was no sign of pink anywhere.

"Hit it, Goat." She said. The Goat pressed PLAY and the music to "Crowded" by Jeannie Ortega filled the room. A spotlight landed on the Glinda and smoke oozed everywhere.

"Whoah…" said the Cats.

Danny started rapping….

**Glinda the Good…gone bad  
Imma show you how it's supposed to be done, uh**

"This is for you, Cats!" Glinda shouted.

_Don't get me started, it's getting kinda crowded in here  
Back up off me, I'm feeling like I'm suffocating  
Now here's my problem, I'm not gonna be your chick on the side  
Forget about it, you know damn well it wouldn't be right  
I don't know what you been thinking bout me  
Did you think this was gonna be that easy?  
Heck no you must be going crazy_

_Why don't you get out of my life, get out of my sight  
Get off of my back.  
Why don't you get back to your world, Go back to your girl  
I think you owe her.  
I know what's going on  
I won't be second to none  
Back up cause you're crowding my space  
You need to get out of my face_

_Let's be honest I'm not the type of chick you can use  
And if you want it, if you want it you'll have to choose  
Oh I've been through this, been cheated on I know how it feels_

The Scarecrow gasped. "Who would DO such a shallow and self-absorbed thing?" he asked.

"You," deadpanned the Witch.

_What I know that, you wouldn't do the same to me._

_I don't know what you been thinking bout me_

_Did you think this was gonna be that easy?_

_Hell no you must be going crazy_

_Why don't you get out of my life, get out of my sight  
Get off of my back.  
Why don't you get back to your world, Go back to your girl  
I think you owe her.  
I know what's going on  
I won't be second to none  
Back up cause you're crowding my space  
You need to get out of my faceWhy don't you get out of my life, get out of my sight  
Get off of my back.  
Why don't you get back to your world, Go back to your girl  
I think you owe her.  
I know what's going on  
I won't be second to none  
Back up cause you're crowding my space  
You need to get out of my face_

_Get out of my life, get out of my sight, get off of my back  
Cause you're crowding my space  
You need to get out of my face._

"Ouch…." Said Cats. "That stings."

"Geez….who knew Glinda was so……..BAD." the Scarecrow said, staring at the punkified good witch.

The Witch glared at him. "Hey, **I'm** the wicked one here!"

"Call me when you leave your wife," Glinda said. She then spit on Cats' new Gucci Uggs and made a bubble around her. The bubble got smaller and smaller and smaller until…

"POP THE BUBBLE!" Larie cried.

"YEAH!" everyone cried. They all held up sewing needles and advanced towards the bubble.

Glinda gasped then mentally slapped herself for not ordering the anti-needle bubble kit. "NOOOO!" she cried.

All of a sudden, Cats jumped in front of the bubble. "Sorry to burst your bubble, but no one pops MY Glinda!"

I know, weird ending, but what can you DO?

--------------------

**OMAKE TIME...IN ORCHESTRA!**

"Does anyone know anything about Bach?" asked the Cats, proudly standing on top of the podium.

Ralmal raised her hand while everyone else just stared at the Cats with anime-style drops of sweat. This story has been repeated bajillion times before.

"Anyone besides Ralmal?"

All of a sudden, the Elemia stood up on top of her chair. It's pretty amazing how someone who's not in orchestra managed to sneak back in without being caught. "THE BACH IS SOME DEAD GUY!"

Ralmal rolled her eyes. "Nice..."

--------------------

**NEXT...AN OMAKE INSIDE AN OMAKE...IN SOPHOMORE HONORS ENGLISH!**

The SonSwan was passing back essays to the sad and failing students. She walked up to the front of the class.

"Guys, to put it nicely...YOUR ESSAYS SUCKED!"

Half the class cowered in the corner. THe SonSwan continued.

"No matter what, all people need to be loved" She gagged. "WHO WROTE THIS CRAP!"

Ralmal jumped up from her seat and stood on the teacher's desk. "I DID!"

Collective Gasp!

All of a sudden, the Elemia ran in. "Sorry I'm late..."

The teacher almost fainted. "THOSE SHORTS ARE MINE!" she cried out.

Everyone pointed at Ralmal and the Elemia. "CHEATERS!" They shouted. After that, tomatoes and failed essays were thrown.

"MY NEW SHIRT!" cried the SonSwan, who was caught in the midfire.

"MY SANITY!" cried Ralmal.

"My sanity was lost a couple chapters back." said the Elemia. The Ralmal gave her a weird look. "Oh right...MY SHORTS!"

"MY THESIS!" cried the Lexa, who stupidly walked in the middle of the throwing to get a pass to the girls' bathroom. Yes you heard correctly.

"YOU HAVE NO THESIS!" cried the Elemia.

"BACH IS NOT DEAD! HE LIVES IN OUR HEARTS!" Cats cried, who magically appeared out of nowhere.

"I HAVE NO HEART!" said the Boq.

"NOT YOU!"

"Oh."


	14. Happy Halloween, Writer's got Pneumonia

Chapter Title: Halloween Omakes

A/N: Fun Stuff…

* * *

In order to show you, the reader, the differences between Ralmal and I, as it pertains to writing styles, (and to get out of 13 and on to a less un/lucky number of chapters) I give thee: HALLOWEEN OMAKES!

**Ralmal's Omake (edited from Dialogue)**

* * *

Larie sighed. "DA Dash, I love you."

"YOU'RE STILL HERE?" cried everyone, their faces shining with surprise and disbelief.

"YES!" shouted Larie, sounding a bit hurt.

Dash looked at the Larie soulfully. "I love you too, Larry."

"It's LARIE."

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight…" said Dash, shifting his eyes.

"HEY!" shouted Larie, as she punched Dash. "WHAT did I say about the 'i's?"

"Do not use them anymore?" whimpered Dash as he cowered in corner.

"Eggzactly," said the Larie, as she punched him again.

"EGGS ARE SEXY!!!" squealed the Celia, loudly.

Suddenly, a dozen eggs waltzed (and I _do_ mean **waltzed**) in and said, "We're bringin' sexy back…"

"YEAH," said the Lexa, as the eggs disappearted (EA/N: Me gustan tus huevos…lol)

In the silence that followed, everyone stared at the Lexa like he was the only one who had forgotten there was a back side to a quiz.

"What?"

* * *

"Dash, buy me more sports stuff," demanded Larie.

"What do you want?"

Pulling out and unfurling a scroll, the Larie began to read. "Three helmets, five pairs of hockey skates, twenty hockey pucks, and a bottle of nail polish. Someone used up all of my pretty powder-pink polish."

"Uhhh…sure…" replied Dash, hiding his hands in his pockets. Hmmm…I wonder WHO used the nail polish?

"How much is that going to cost?" asked Jake, scratching his head confusedly.

The Salesperson gave him a flat look. "More than you're worth."

"Oh, it's practically a bargain!" squealed Jake, forever marking himself as an idiot.

"500,000 dollars," said Salesclerk sighed.

"Okay!" screamed Dash.

* * *

Later…**(at this point, Elemia realized that if she kept translating the omake into dialogue form, she wouldn't have time to write her omake. So, the rest is completely unedited.)**

* * *

**Larie:** Oh, and i'm going to have you dress up as barney and sing 'i'm a little teapot.' today is "make-your-pairing-look-like-an-idiot-day."

**Everyone: **Check.

**Elemia:** He doesn't need my help for that.

**Lexa: **who's your pairing?

**Elemia:** see what I have to deal with?

**Da Dash:** I'm going to express my current sitalation (**that typo is not Elemia's)**...in song!!!!

**Elemia:** oh no.

**Tucker:** She take my money, well I'm in need  
Yeah she's a triflin friend indeed  
Oh she's a gold digger way over time  
That digs on me

**Dash:**

Now I aint sayin she a gold digger (When I'm in Need)  
But she aint messin wit no broke niggas (she steal me money)  
Now I aint sayin she a gold digger (When I'm in Need)  
but she aint messin wit no broke niggas(I gotta leave)  
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)

And thus, the Larie put on her hockey stuff and bling and proceeded to 'get down'.

get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)  
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)  
get down girl go head

**Elemia:** SHUT UP!!! she then knocks him unconscious with a mullet. anime style i am assuming

**(about the above: yes, she did write mullet.)**

* * *

**Elemia's Omake**

**(A note about this: this was written whilst Elemia was still under the influence of her pneumonia.)**

* * *

All songs used within: (www diskowarp com) replace spaces with dots.

* * *

**Elemia:** ZOMG! It's Halloween…and we're ACTUALLY ON TIME FOR A HOLIDAY!

**Ralmal: **ZOMG NO!

**Elemia:** ZOMG YES!

**Lexa:** ZOMG!

Larie: Shut up.

* * *

**Costumes:**

**Chibi-Elemia:** Girl from Less than Three (link: www newgrounds com/portal/view/344532) (replace spaces with links)

**Chibi-Ralmal:** Painter? Paulina? It ALL depends on how you look at it.

**Chibi-Lexa: **Vampire (link to pic: world4 monstersgame co uk/?acvid&vid47111151)

**Chibi-Larie:** Hockey stuff and bling (crossover!!!)

**Chibi-Danny: **Is in ghost form

**Chibi-Sam:** Is…well, I'll tell you later.

**Chibi-Tucker:** A pink fluffy bunny

**Chibi-Salad:** WRATH – that's right, one of the seven deadly sins.

* * *

**Chibi-Elemia:** OMG I can totally think of a song for this//points to Chibi-Lexa's costume//

**Chibi-Everyone-Else:** Vaaaat? (whaat with an ACCENT)

**Chibi-Elemia: **I'm running, falling down…you chased me all over this town…and now you finally got me, what am I to do? Ooh, ooh, ooh…Sexy vampire, I'm falling in love, so just bite me baby, and drink all my blood, oh yeah! Sexy vampire, I'm falling in love with you, so do what you want to do. Sexy vampire, I'm falling in love, so just bite me baby, and drink all my blood, oh yeah! Sexy vampire, I'm falling in love with you, cuz you need my plasma more than I do…

**Chibi-Ralmal: **Funny. Ha. Ha.

**Chibi-Elemia:** I got nothing for YOUR costume…

**Chibi-Salad:** MUST NOT SMILE….MUST NOT SMILE, GOSHDARNIT!

**Chibi-Elemia:** Goshdarnit?

**Chibi-Salad: **Goshdarnit.

**Chibi-Elemia:** Well, alrighty then.

**(EA/N: This was never finished beyond this point)**


	15. Back to Basics, ALMOST

**Title:** Part 1: Evil Cake and Pink Loathing  
**Warnings:** AUs where everyone can hear what the narrarator thinks and what   
everyone else thinks; dramatization; insanity; some WAFF; OOCness; and good   
witches gone bad

**A/N:** Ralmal needs to learn more words to use in the place of 'cried' and 'said.' If no words are learned, I'm going to need a bigger thesaurus.  
Also, this chapter is sponsored by Dana, who, though she hasn't been present in the story in quite a while, is a firm supporter of the Ele/Lex pairing even though whenever she brings it up, Elemia tells her to STFU! And for a fifty page update, I want cake.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the songs listed, even the Wicked ones (DO I   
LOOK LIKE STEPHEN SHWARTZ TO YOU?) or Danny Phantom

* * *

"POP THE BUBBLE!!" Larie cried. 

"YEAH!" everyone cried. They all held up sewing needles and advanced towards the bubble.

Glinda gasped then mentally slapped herself for not ordering the anti-needle bubble kit. "NO!" she cried.

All of a sudden, Cats jumped in front of the bubble. Sorry to burst your bubble, but no one pops MY Glinda!!

Glinda's punkish eyes became hearts. Oh Cats, you came BACK for me!! She said this after the heart eyes, obviously.

Elemia pulled out her screwdriver. "This is for the heart eyes. AND for surrendering your individuality for a guy!" She then stabbed out the Glinda's eyes.

"MY POPULAR LITTLE EYES! NO!" she cried, her eye sockets filling with Popular H2O.

"MY EARS! THEY'RE BLEEDING!" cried the Cats.

All of a sudden, the goat came into the room, searching for candy…YAY SUGAR! At this sight, the Celia's eyes brightened up!

"Oh my gosh, thank GOODNESS you're back!" she screamed, suffocating the goat in a coat, who arrived in a boat.

"What are the odds of that?" the Lexa wondered aloud.

"Jake Long sat on a nearby rock and started crying. This was very odd because they were in Salad's kitchen. How could there be a rock in her kitchen? I wasn't the interior designer for Salads kitchen, so I cant answer.

"Jake Long, I'm sorry man," Danny said, sympathizing with his evil Asian twin, interrupting the narrarator's thoughts, and patting Jake Long on the back. In THAT order.

Jake Long walked up to the stage, tears still flowing down his face. Everyone looked up from their needles (EA/N: Ooooh shiny…) and stared at the Asian Poser in silence.

"H-H-hit it, Paulina" he said, his voice cracking. Ralmal had to hit Larie under the table to keep her from laughing at the cracked voice. Paulina punched PLAY on the stereo and the technoness from Miracle by Cascada started to fill the icy silence that had befallen among the twenty-first century youngsters who-.

"We get the point," said Elemia, hefting her screwdriver threateningly.

Jake Long started singing like a gurl (RA/N: NO, I didn't just press on the 'u' key, I typed each 'u' individually.shifts eyes); he was too depressed to rap.

"_Boy meets girl__  
__You were my dream, my world__  
__But I was blind__  
__You cheated on me from behind…"__  
_

"With a goat, nonetheless," said the Lexa, his face twisting itself into his usual smug grin.

Elemia poked him. "Not helping…" she growled.

"_So on my own__  
__I feel so all alone__  
__Though I know it's true__  
__I'm still in love with you"_

Here, everyone took part in the collective "AAAW!"

Celia was stroking the goat's fur, but she was watching her pairing in amusement.

"_I need a miracle__  
__I wanna be your guy __  
__Give me a chance to see__  
__That you are made for me__  
__I need a miracle__  
__Please let me be your dude"_

Ralmal snickered. "Nice word choice…"

Elemia slammed her fist to the table and screeched, "IT DOESN'T FRIKKEN RHYME!!!"

"_One day you'll see it can happen to me__  
__I need a miracle__  
__I wanna be your guy__  
__Give me a chance to see__  
__That you are made for me__  
__I need a miracle__  
__Please let me be your guy__  
__One day you'll see it can happen to me__  
__It can happen to me"__  
_

By now, the Celia was in the front row of the stage, gazing at her pairing with watery eyes. (EA/N: Apparently the amusement faded?) The goat took this chance to get away and cower in the corner.

"_Day and night__  
__I'm always by your side__  
__Cause I know for sure__  
__My love is real, my feelings pure__  
__So take a try__  
__No need to ask me why__  
__Cause I know it's true__  
__I'm still in love with you__  
_

_I need a miracle..."__  
_

Everyone was silent.

"That was very…uh…depressing," Guy X said, trying to break the silence…that everyone had created by not speaking.

Ralmal put a reassuring arm on the Celia. The Celia broke down into tears. How did Ralmal know she was going to cry?? That will forever be a mystery. (EA/N: Maybe she's just psychic like that)

"I'm torn between two mammals!" she (the Celia) cried, (EA/N: there is far too much crying in this chapter…if this becomes emo on me, it's all Ralmal's fault.) sobbing through her tears. All the girls huddled around the Celia, offering Kleenex. The guys watched, silently sympathizing.

"Hey, when's lunch?" the Guan, who had not spoken in a while, asked.

Annie glared at him. "WHY am I with you? You have no feelings. YOU HAVE NO HEART!"

The Guan scoffed. "Do I look like I'm made out of tin?"

"Yes."

Jake was still on the stage, watching his love almost reduced herself into a puddle of salty tears, her faced covered by an expression of sadness mixed with embarrassment and shame.

"Whoa, when did I get so poetic?" asked the narrator.

Everyone was all "WE'RE IGNORING YOU! SO SHUT UP!!"

"I need to make this right," said the Celia. She got on the stage and wiped (EA/N: Originally it said 'whipped') her tears with her sleeve.

"H-h-hit it, Andrew," she said, her voice cracking. Ralmal had to hit Larie under the table again to keep her from laughing at the cracked voice. Andrew punched 'PLAY' on the stereo and the depressing angstiness from 'Unfaithful' by Rihanna filled the icy si-

"Okay, okay, we get it already!" groaned Elemia.

"Why does this seem familiar?" asked the Lexa.

Elemia just stared at him, wondering HOW in the world he scored a 1590 on his SAT test. She concluded thusly: the other ten points must have been from common sense questions.

"_Story of my life__  
__Searching for the right__  
__But it keeps avoiding me__  
__Sorrow in my soul__  
__Cause it seems that wrong__  
__Really loves my company__  
_

_He's more than a man"_

"Damn straight," interjected Elemia, "he's a GOAT…or were you referring to the other? 'Cuz he's like a dragon or summat."

_"__And this is more than love__  
__The reason that the sky is blue__  
__The clouds are rolling in__  
__Because I'm gone again  
And to him I just can't be true__  
_

_And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful__  
__And it kills him inside__  
__To know that I am happy with some other mammal"_

"Word choices! Word choices!!!!" screeched the SonSwan. "PICK YOUR DAMN WORDS BETTER!"

Ignoring them all, which was hard in the case of the SonSwan, as she has amazing yelling technique, the Celia continued singing.

"_I can see him dying__  
I don't wanna do this anymore"_

"Then stop," Ralmal said bluntly. "I mean, geez!"

_"__I don't wanna be the reason why__  
__Everytime I walk out the door__  
__I see him die a little more inside__  
__I don't wanna hurt him anymore__  
__I don't wanna take away his life__  
__I don't wanna be...__  
__A murderer…"__  
_

"Da Da DAN!" the Lexa uttered. (EA/N: it's pronounced 'dah dah duuuuun'… I think?) Ralmal shivered. Elemia wrapped her arms around her and started rocking back and forth. It was very scary.

"_I feel it in the air__  
__As I'm doing my hair__  
__Preparing for another date__  
__A kiss upon my cheek__  
__As he reluctantly__  
__Asks if I'm gonna be out late__  
_

_I say I won't be long__  
__Just hanging with the girls__  
__A lie I didn't have to tell__"_

Jake Long glared at the girls who had supposedly hung out with the Celia. They rocked on their heels and whistled and shifted their eyes, even though 90 of them were eyeless.

"_Because we both know"_

"Might wanna check on that," muttered Elemia.

Erstwhile, Jake had a huge question mark hovering over his head while he let out a "huh? Know what?"

"_Where I'm about to go__  
__And we know it very well__  
_

_Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful__  
__And it kills him inside__  
__To know that I am happy with some other mammal"__  
_

"That's sad, she left him for a goat," Guan said, laughing. Everyone glared at him, even though they were all laughing with him on the inside.

_  
__"I can see him dying__  
__I don't wanna do this anymore__  
__I don't wanna be the reason why__  
__Everytime I walk out the door__  
__I see him die a little more inside__  
__I don't wanna hurt him anymore__  
__I don't wanna take away his life__  
__I don't wanna be...__  
__A murderer__  
_

_Our love, his trust__  
__I might as well take a gun and put it to his head__  
__Get it over with__  
__I don't wanna do this__  
__Anymore__  
__Uh__  
__Anymore (anymore)"_

"Then don't!" repeated Ralmal, not understanding the purpose of this song.

"Sh…" everyone said. Ralmal shed.

"_I don't wanna do this anymore__  
__I don't wanna be the reason why__  
__And everytime I walk out the door__  
__I see him die a little more inside__  
_

_And I don't wanna hurt him anymore__  
__I don't wanna take away his life__  
__I don't wanna be...__  
__A murderer"__  
_

"Oh CEEL!!" Jake Long said, hugging the sobbing Celia.

"AAAAAW" everyone squealed whilst the junior collapsed into the freshman's arms.

"Its okay, they're both Asian," Elemia said, finally getting over the rocking the cradleness. (EA/N: WTF?)

'Not really,' she thought, 'just until they're happy again. Then I can crush their smug little faces. Mwahahahahaha.'

Everyone stared at Elemia.

"You didn't hear that right?" she asked somewhat sheepishly.

Everyone ignored her, indicating the intense feeling of shame they shared…Even though they were all secretly laughing on the inside.

Ha.

* * *

"Come on, Celia, you can do it," Jake Long said encouragingly.

The Celia shrank against the wall. "I can't…" she whined.

The Jake grabbed her shoulders and stared into her eyes. "Yes, you can, I have faith in you!"

"What are you, God?" the Elemia asked just as she popped in. (EA/N: Neither part of this makes sense.)

The Celia took a deep breath. "Okay," she said. Jake Long kissed her on the cheek and she walked towards the Ashley.

"Um, Ash?" she began, twisting her hands together awkwardly.

"BAHAH?!" bleated the goat, his face blanching visibly (EA/N: WTF?!?).

"Imsorrybutwehavetobreakup!" the Celia yelled.

"Bah?" questioned, tilting his head at the Celia confusedly.

"I'm…sorry...we...have...to...breakup!" she muttered though clenched teeth. _'Geez, he's so cute when he's brainless and questioning,' the Celia thought, 'with his horns and hairy face, and THOSE BEAUTIFULLY CUTORABLE PAWS!! OH YES!'_

"Ahem!" she heard someone cough behind her pointedly. It was Jake Long, glaring at her. Apparently, he had heard the Celia's unfaithful thoughts.

"Im sorry, but we may never be together in this lifetime!" she said, tearing her teary eyes away from her lover. She didn't see the goat do a little happy dance. When she turned around, he regained his position as heartbroken lover.

"B-Bye," she whispered, walking away from her goat. The Jake put his arm around her and they walked back into the house, only to find everyone...

* * *

**MEANWHILE…**

Olivia and Dana popped in as they left.

"This may be a random thought…" began Olivia.

"DON'T SAY IT! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SAY IT!!!" screamed Dana, obviously in some sort of panic."

Ignoring her, Olivia launched right into one of her most quoted phrases. "How DOES one _:coughcough:_ with a goat, anyway?"

"She had to do it anyway…" sighed Dana.

"I mean, if you're a guy, it's a different story. So how does a _girl__:coughcough:_ with a goat, anyway?"

"We're not going to get into it."

"But the implications!"

"I said NO!"

* * *

**We return you to your story in progress.**

...planning their overnight campout!

Ralmal looked over at the two Asians entering the room. "GUYS GUESS WHAT!"

"What?"

"Guy X's dad knows a guy who knows this guy who knows this guy who knows this guy who knows this guy who knows this guy who knows this guy's cousin…"

"Actually," interrupted Elemia, pushing her glasses up like the nerd she is inside (and outside, now) "Guy X's dad knows a guy whose cousin knows a _girl_ who knows another guy whose grandfather's aunt's half-sister's brother's cousin's boyfriend's nephew's fiancée's illegitimate daughter's heir's friend's neighbor knows this other guy whose great-grandnephew-twice-removed-on-the-great-grandmother's-side's sister's manslave's quarter-brother's cousin's…"

"ON WITH IT!!" the two confused Asians cried, afraid of the fact that Elemia was apparently channeling the Lexa's spirit…sorta.

"...who owns a campsite!" squealed Ralmal, dancing around the room happily while Guy X laughed.

"You guys wanna go?" he asked.

"Yes," said Celia, packing her bags.

"No," said the Jake, NOT packing his bags.

_:Insert COLLECTIVE GASP!:__  
_

Everyone glared at the Asian who was still trying to be a white guy trying to be a black guy…but no one glared more than the Ralmal.

"YOU…" she snarled, giving him a full-on glare.

The Jake gulped. "O-O-Okay," he said, with a cracked voice, AGAIN!!

The Larie laughed. "Are you still going through puberty?"

"Oh my gosh, Guy X! This is beautiful!" Ralmal cried.

"I'm beautiful," Paulina cried, trying to catch Guy Xs attention. "almost beautifully flawless!"

Ralmal glared. "You have two guys who are after you already. Leave Guy X alone."

Paulina glared at her. "But I was just using them." She pouted.

"WHAT?" screeched Andrew, who had been wheeling in Paulina's cart of luggage.

"What else is new?" asked Tucker, completely resigned to his fate.

Ralmal dropped her bags and glared.

Paulina jumped off her cart of luggage that she had been sitting on and glared.

COLLECTIVE GLARE!

"Um…ANYWAYS" cried Guy X. "Lets ignore the icy tension…I'm going to call off roomies!!

"Never say roomies again," growled Elemia, filling in for Ralmal. Usually, Ralmal would jump in with a sarcastic remark, but she was too busy glaring at Paulina.

Guy X whipped out a pad of paper from his hood and started calling off names.

"The Lexa and the Danny"

"Oh no…" Danny whimpered with a deer-in-the-headlights look.

"OH YES!" shouted the Lexa. Everyone stared at him. He coughed. I mean, no. His face mirrored Dannys headlight look. Even though he looks nothing like the Danny.

Guy X continued. "The Celia and Elemia."

The Celia and the Elemia high-fived each other. "ASIANS UNITE!" they cried.

The non-Asians, and indeed, a few of the Asians as well, glared at them.

Guy Xs eyes popped out of his head, even though no one could see.

"And…uh…Ralmal and pleasedonthurtme…Paulina.

"WHAT?" they screeched, with mirrored images of horror.

"Deal with it," said the Celia.

"I cant!" Ralmal cried. "She's too shallow and slow!"

"She doesn't worship me!" Paulina cried.

Then, the crickets started chirping. Night had befallen upon them, so it was okay. (EA/N: Ya know, I could have SWORN those crickets had been killed and eaten some time ago…)

"Seriously, WHEN are we going to eat?" asked the ravenous Guan.

"I brought cake!" cried the Glinda, pulling out a yellow cake with pink frosting.

"CAKE!" screamed Elemia. She grabbed a handful and stuffed the cake into her (slightly foaming) mouth. The Glinda stared at her in disgust.

"How rude," she sniffed. "Right, Catsikins?"

The Cats didn't answer. He was too busy stuffing his face with cake.

The hungry people (Ralmal and Guan and the Jake Long and the Danny) took a slice. Everyone else just watched. They were all on diets…even the guys. It was kind of sad.

"Eat some, Paulina," Danny suggested. "It's really good! He put the cake underneath her nose.

"No," affirmed Paulina, even though her mouth was watering. "I have to watch my figure. Her eyes followed the cake as Danny shrugged and ate some more.

Ralmal looked at her untouched cake and stared evilly at Paulina. She then stepped on Paulina's foot. "OW!" Paulina shouted. With Paulina's mouth hanging open, Ralmal seized her one opportunity and stuffed the cake into Paulina's mouth. Everyone's collective jaw dropped to the floor.

Paulina, defeated, fell to the floor, whimpering.

"Oh no" she said, swallowing, silently, secretly savoring the cake. (RA/N: ALLITERATION IS FUNN!) "That's two more pounds. NO!"

Glinda looked at her funny. "What do you think I am, crazy? There is no sugar or fat in this cake."

Paulina slowly looked up at the sparkly blonde. "GIVE ME THE CAKE!" she shouted. She pushed everyone out of the way and advanced her way towards the massive desert. She started shoving cake at 114 miles per hour into her mouth.

"Actually, it's more like 115 miles per hour," corrected the ego-infested Lexa.

The Elemia punched in some random numbers into her calculator. She made the creepy anime heart eyes, ONCE AGAIN! "That's correct, my love…" she said softly.

"Wha??" asked the Lexa, having clearly missing the last half of the sentence.

"Nothing, nothing."

"Wait, how can cake have no fat or sugar in it?" asked the Andrew curiously.

Glinda pulled out her glasses and put them on the bridge of her nose. She pulled down an overhead that just so happened to be conveniently placed near her. The lights dimmed, even though they were outside, and a spotlight landed on Glinda.

She pointed to a bunch of diagrams. "Blah blah blah blah..." she said.

"Blah?" asked Andrew.

The Glinda nodded. "Blah! Blah blah blah!"

The Andrew nodded his head and finished with a dashing toss-toss.

The Glinda stared at him. "No," she said, packing up her diagrams.

"WHAT DID SHE SAY?" asked Paulina, clinging to Andrew.

"How am I supposed to know?" he said, shrugging. "I don't speak girl."

Paulina responded by hitting him.

"OW!" he whined.

Suddenly, someone screamed. It sounded like, indeed, a girl.

Andrew ran over to everyone. "Are you guys okay?" he asked the girls. (RA/N:I believe that this is an oxymoron.) (EA/N: If that was supposed to be a joke, I don't get it…)

"It wasn't us," said Ralmal, a bit disgustedly.

"It was him," Elemia announced, pointing at Danny. He was on the floor, twitching.

"No, Danny!" cried Sam, who hasn't been mentioned in a while. (EA/N: Dang, we even forgot to assign her to a roomie. What are THE odds, eh?) "Are you okay?"

The Danny looked at her. "Yes, I'm just peachy."

The Sam glared at the Glinda. "What did you put in the cake?"

Glinda sighed. "I told that tall scary-looking Asian boy already. I put in a cup of flour, two eggs, a bottle of blonde hair dye, some…"

"WHAT?" screamed Sam, slightly shocked.

"You look surprised," Glinda said stupidly. "Why do you think I'm so blonde?'

Danny emerged from his state of twitching. Everyone gasped.

"I'm going blonde!" he shouted dramatically, his yellow hair moving in some otherworldly wind unfelt by everyone else, and indeed their collective hairs. (EA/N: OTHERWORLDLY WIIIIIIIIIIND!!!!)

"This is so wrong!" cried the Guan, Jake, and Elemia.

"I like my dark mackdaddy hair, yo!"

"How will I woo Annie with yellow hair?"

"NO!"

These lines were said by Jake, Guan, and Elemia, respectively. (EA/N: In the original version, Ralmal put 'Guan, Jake, and Elemia' which makes very little sense compared to what I changed it to. Muahaha…damn, maybe I _am _channeling the Lexa. Ho shit…) Although I probably didn't have to tell you that. It was pretty obvious who said what.

Elemia grabbed Glinda. "I can't be blonde! I'm an Asian, for crying out loud! What will my parents say?"

"Look, honey, if you read the fine print on the contract you signed before eating my scrumdidlioushious cake, I cannot and will not be held responsible for the side affects the consumer might acquire in the midst of eating the cake."

Glinda whipped her brow. (EA/N: Yeah, I was gonna change 'whipped'…but it's too funny)

* * *

**Confused?**

Here's what happened while people were shoving cake down their greedy, greedy throats…the greedy bastards.

Glinda popped up right in front of the Lexa and said, "Gee, I need someone to sign these waivers for those people who are eating…"

The Lexa was a bit busy fantasizing about eating cake.

"Someone who is intelligent…"

He was still mostly focused on the cake at this point, though his unconscious mind was picking this part up rather well.

"Gee, if these waiver's don't get signed soon, I'm going to have to stop them from eating cake…"

At this point, the Lexa grabbed the waivers and signed them, fearing the wrath of an Elemia deprived of cake.

'_I wonder why I have the sudden urge to kill the Lexa…'_ thought Elemia. Then she kept eating.

* * *

"Whoo! That's the most I've said at once!" she cried jubilantly. 

"It's also the last sentence you'll ever say!" Elemia cried murderously as she started pulling Glinda's hair.

"MEEP!" Glinda screamed, girlishly kicking the blonde Asian. Lexa and Cats broke up the fight and held them apart from each other.

"It's not my fault!" Glinda cried, sobbing into the Cats' arms. I'm just trying to make the world a better place! The Cats comforted the Glinda while she weakly smiled at Elemia.

"FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING CAKE TOO!" screamed Elemia. (EA/N: Sorry, Ralmal. Couldn't resist.) "AND YOU!" she screeched, turning her rage upon the Lexa. "YOU SIGNED THE FUCKING WAIVER, DIDN'T YOU?!?"

"Ho shit…" muttered the Lexa, just before Elemia began pulling weapons out of hammerspace and attacking him.

'I feel bad for the glasses-wearing blonde one. She obviously has some sort of hatred towards blondes, and I shouldn't force her to become one of her enemies. Maybe should apologize…NOT! This is only the beginning of my evil plan to Galindafy the world! Once I make enough cake, everyone will just have to surrender to the goodness of it all! And they will all become BLONDE! And I will be ruler of all! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Everyone was staring at the Glinda, whose weak smile and suddenly become so wicked that even the Witch was scared. She was hiding behind the Scarecrow, which probably wouldn't have helped her much: he's brainless, shallow, and made out of straw for the sake of the agnostic's god! Someone could just stick a torch in his face and he'd be burnt to a crisp in six seconds flat!

"Okay, we get the point," said scarecrow, uh, said.

Meanwhile, everyone was still staring at the Glinda with shocked faces. "Uh…I'm good?!" she said lamely, shifting her eyeless eyes.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

"You really are good!" cried the Salad.

"How do you do it?" cried the Celia.

"Will you teach me?" cried the Larie.

"Glinda laughed her girly laugh. In order, thanks, I was born with it, and no, I will not, she then skipped like the girly girl she pretends to be to the Mess Hall, to make another cake.

* * *

DA DA DA DUN.

* * *

"I NEVER SIGNED ANYTHING!" wailed Elemia, once Glinda was out of earshot. 

"A little late there, Ele, dont you think?" Guan said, oblivious to the fact that Elemia's feelings were hurt. The Lexa put a reassuring arm around the Elemia.

"It's just hair, let it go…" he said, trying to be comforting (and failing miserably). The Elemia glared evilly at the Lexa.

Then Elemia began muttering some more stuff regarding the Lexa, but the Authoress-Ralmal felt that it was too scary for the readers and might possibly scar the children for life, so she censored it.

"Oh no, my hair's the brightest!" Paulina shrieked, almost fainting at the sight of her neon hair.

"Probably because you ate the most," Andrew said unsympathetically. He doesn't like his girls fat. He's probably the shallowest boy there. (And when you take into account the personalities of the guys we're talking about, well…that's saying something. I'm looking at YOU, Fiyerio.)

Ralmal was trying not to laugh at Paulina. But sadly, her laugh could be heard by everyone.

Hey, I said trying, didn't I?

Paulina glared at the brunette. "Why I oughta..." She started advancing towards

Ralmal.

"EEP!" Ralmal cried. She hid behind Guy X, who whipped out a random stick just randomly placed next to him and started doing exaggerated karate moves at Paulina. The blonde-Hispanic-Korean-Chinese girl-squirrel flinched.

"I learned that from Jake Long," he whispered to Ralmal, obviously very proud of himself.

Ralmal rolled her eyes. "I can tell," she murmured.

"I want the top bunk!"

"No, I do!"

The two girls glared at each other.

"Look, I'm already blonde, can I just please get what I want?" Paulina asked, refusing to just get over her hair.

"No!" Ralmal steamed. "You always get what you want! Do you have any idea how sad Tucker is? Stop leading him on!" Gasp! Ralmal actually feels sorry for the techno geek? (EA/N: Does she mean _sad_ sad or _pathetic_ sad?)

"Well, it's not my fault I'm so pretty and popular!" Paulina said vainly. "I bet even Guy X likes me! So just get over it."

Ralmal gasped. "No, you get over it!"

"No you!"

"No you!"

"No you!"

This went on for hours. The constant bickering, the constant yelling, heck, the whole thing was constant.

"Why did that stupid Guy X put us in the same room?" Paulina lamented.

"He's not stupid, you're stupid!" Ralmal snapped back.

"No, you are!"

"No you!"

"No you!"

"No you!"

Suddenly, someone banged on the door. It was Guy X. The girls shut up as he entered the room.

"How's everything going in here?" he asked cheerily.

"Fine…just fine." Ralmal said through gritted teeth.

"We...couldn't be happier." Paulina muttered.

Guy Xs face brightened up, even though neither girl could see. "Great!" he said. He left, humming some bad show tune.

"Geek!"

"Snob!"

Both girls were writing in their diaries in opposite corners. Clearly, they were trying to stay as far away from each other as possible.

Paulina: _Dearest most darlingest Kitsikins__  
_

Ralmal: _My dear diary_

Then both started scribbling furiously.

Both: _There's been some confusion over bunking here at camp._

Ralmal: _ But of course, I'll still be nice to Guy Xeven though he stuck me here with that pink psycho!_

Ralmal began violently stabbing the paper._  
_

Paulina: _But of course, I'll rise above it!_

Both: _For I know that's how you'd want me to respond. Yes, there's been some confusion for you see, my bunk-mate is…_

Paulina had to write frivolously to keep up with the music that had just randomly started playing by the Cats, who had so rudely entered in without an invite.

Paulina: _Unusuallyandexceedinglypeculiarandaltogetherquiteimpossibletodescribe_

Ralmal looked up from her dairy to glance at her archenemy. She needed the perfect word to describe her. Once the lightbulb above her dinged, she laughed.

Ralmal: _Blonde._

Paulina, hearing Ralmal's laugh, crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it at her. Ralmal slammed her diary shut, stormed up to the thrower, and looked the half-Korean half-Chinese/Hispanic in the eyes. Paulina followed suit.

Except that Ralmal is fully 100 percent Persian.

"You guys need to start singing!" ordered the Cats. The two girls stared at the overly-enthusiastic blonde forty-year-old orchestra teacher. I have to go to the bathroom!!"

Ralmal rolled her eyes. The pink punk (Paulina) started singing.

"_What is this feeling?__  
__So sudden and new?"__  
_

**(Ralmal)****  
**

"_I felt it the moment_

_I laid eyes on you"_

**(Paulina)****  
**

"_My pulse is rushing__"  
_

**(Ralmal)****  
**

"_My head is reeling__"  
_

**(Paulina)****  
**

"_My face is flushing"_

"Whoa there…" Ralmal said, stepping a few inches back from the flush-faced girl.

"Seriously, what IS that?" asked Elemia, who had randomly popped in between lines five and six. "Are you guys in love or something?"

"EW" said Ralmal.

Paulina blinked. "Then what are we singing about?"

Elemia and Ralmal stared at the girl in disbelief. "You're kidding, right?" they chorused.

Paulina shifted her eyes. "Yes!"

"Right..." said Elemia, adamant in her disbelief.

"ON WITH IT!!" the Cats screeched. "I really have to go!"

For the sake of their conductor's bladder and their hardwood floor, the two girls continued singing.

"_What is this feeling?__  
_

_Fervid as a flame,__  
__Does it have a name?__  
__Yes! __  
_

_Loathing__  
__Unadulterated loathing"_

**(Paulina)****  
**

"_For your face"_

**(Ralmal) ****  
**

"_Your voice"_

**(Paulina)****  
**

"_Your clothing__"  
_

"This is your shirt…" Ralmal objected.

Paulina eyed Ralmal's pink shirt and shifted her eyes. "Uhh...WAIT, WHY WOULD YOU STEAL MY SHIRT??"

Ralmal shrugged. "There was nothing on TV."

Elemia stuck her head back onstage (well, technically, she went with it. After all, it's not like she ripped off her head). "All's fair in peace and boredom."

"Fair enough," said Paulina shrugging.

"THE QUOTE! IT IS MUTILATED!" shrieked the Lexa, clawing at his head with hit blunt nails (not claws, as it would seem).

"Get over it," said everyone else.

"Okay."

**(Both)****  
**

"_Let's just say - I loathe it all__  
__Ev'ry little trait, however small__  
__Makes my very flesh begin to crawl__  
__With simple utter loathing__  
_

_There's a strange exhilaration__  
__In such total detestation__  
__It's so pure, so strong!__  
_

_Though I do admit it came on fast__  
__Still I do believe that it can last__  
__And I will be loathing__  
__Loathing you__  
__My whole life long!__"_

At perfect timing, Andrew and Tucker entered the room, along with the other campers, in their sleepwear.

"Lexa, WHY are you wearing fuzzy hello kitty bunny slippers?" asked Elemia.

The Lexa shifted his brown eyes. "I'm not…" He said, shifting his fuzzy feet.

"Although you do look cute in them…"

"Thanks, Ele!" The Lexa smiled at the Elemia while she turned the same shade as Paulina's outfit. (Which was pink, if you didn't know.) What is this? Elemia/Lexa fluff?? No nonchalantness? WHOA...!

Andrew and Tucker jumped behind Paulina, showing their loyalty and love for her.

Everyone else just stood there.

"I'll give you guys candy!" Ralmal shouted. Everyone else scurried behind Ralmal, glaring at the ruthless pink punk (still Paulina) and her brainwashed and/or love-struck followers.

**(Andrew and Tucker)****  
**

"_Dear Paulina, you are just too hot__  
__How do you stand it? I simply could not!__  
__She's a terror! She's a Tartar!__  
__We don't mean to show a bias,__  
__But Paulina, you're a martyr!"__  
_

(EA/N: Ralmal, you're a genius. I'm going to be humming that all day now)

"What the heck is a tartar?" asked a rather confused Danny.

"You idiot!" screamed Sam, hitting him. "Its uh...seriously, what IS that?"

"My line!" Ralmal cried.

The Lexa pulled out his brain and searched through it for his vocabulary cranium. Yes, you heard me right. CRANIUM!

"Ahem." Lexa cleared his throat in what he considered a regal fashion. "Tartar: a person regarded as ferocious or violent," he recited. "Or: a salt used especially in baking powder."

"I am NOT a grain of salt!" screeched the Ralmal.

**(Paulina, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulders)****  
**

"_Well, these things are sent to try us!"__  
_

**(Andrew and Tucker)****  
**

"_Poor Paulina, forced to reside_

_With someone so disgustingified"__  
_

"Ralmal is NOT disgustingified!" Guy X protested gallantly. Everyone stared at him as Ralmal blushed and looked at her koala slippers. KOALAS!

"UH…" said the Guy X, shifting his hidden eyes while searching for an alibi. ALIBIS!

"KEEP SINGING!" shouted the Cats, determined to finish the song so he could relieve himself in the little girls' room…in the WHATNOW?

**(Andrew and Tucker)****  
**

"_We just want to tell you:__  
__We're both on your side!__  
__We share your:"__  
_

**(All…not necessarily in any order) **

_"__Loathing!"_

"_What is this feeling__  
__So sudden and new?"_

"_Unadulterated loathing"__  
_

"_I felt the moment"_

"_for her face, her voice"__  
_

"_I laid eyes on you"_

"_Her clothing"__  
_

"_My pulse is rushing _

_My head is reeling"_

"_Let's just say:__  
__We loathe it all!"__  
_

"_Oh, what is this feeling?"_

"_Ev'ry little trait however small"__  
_

"_Does it have a name?"_

"_Makes our very flesh__  
__Begin to crawl"_

"_Yes…"__  
_

"_Ah!"_ cried the Danny. Everyone stared at him.

"What? It's the next line…"

**(ALL…again, a bit confusing if you haven't got the song)****  
**

"_Loathing!"__  
_

"_There's a strange exhilaration"_

"_Loathing!"__  
_

"_In such total detestation!"_

"_Loathing!"__  
_

"_So pure, so strong!" _

"_Loathing!"_ shouted the Scarecrow (Fiyerio).

Everyone else, most of them having seen Wicked, slowly shook their heads in shame…because it's the WRONG WORD!

**(Andrew and Tucker)****  
**

"_So strong!"__  
_

"This is probably the most dragged on song in the world," noticed the Elemia.

"I don't care," the Cats remarked. "I'm getting paid by the minute!"

At this point Andrew and Tucker were forced to throw the Cats another penny.

**(Paulina and Ralmal)****  
**

"_Though I do admit it came on fast__  
__Still I do believe that it can last__  
_

_And I will be loathing__  
__For forever loathing__  
__Truly deeply…"_

**(All)**

"_Loathing you__  
__My whole _

_Life long!"_

Paulina pulled out her compact mirror and started staring at it. At such a weird  
time, too. Ralmal snuck up behind her.

"Boo!"

Paulina jumped and hit her head on the ceiling. "AH!" Ralmal cracked up.

Andrew and Tucker ran up to Paulina. "Are you alright, my love?" they asked in unison. UNISON!

Andrew stared at Tucker strangely.

"What?" he said. "Everyone here knows I love your girlfriend. I'm that obvious." He finished with a proud smile.

Elemia clapped her hands in delight. "Do it again, Ralmal!" she squealed, in the voice of a little obnoxious kid voice begging for candy.

Ralmal resigned herself to her task and jumped behind Paulina again.

"Boo!"

"Ahh!"

"Boo!"

"Ah!!"

"Boo!"

"AH!"

"BOO!"

"AH!!! THATS ENOUGH!!"

"STOP SINGING!!' cried the Cats. He then scurried off to the outhouse…seconds later, the entire cast heard him as he screamed like very few little girls are able to sing. Truly, he is talented. A raccoon flew out and Cats slammed the door shut once again. But then   
it toppled over. Everyone watched this amusing yet disturbing scene unfold.

"That was the longest omake ever!" Guy X complained.

"I'm not even sure that was an omake…" Ralmal commented. "I'm still not sure what they are!

"It's a…" but Elemia's voice was cut off by the sound of a blender churning. The Ralmal will never know what an omake is…its so sad.

"Fruit smoothies all around!" announced the Lexa, passing said smoothies out to everyone.

The four teens chugged down their fruit smoothies. CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG!

"That's enough!" Everyone shouted at the narrator, even though she is only an intern and is paid only a pittance for her trouble…when she DOES get paid…which isn't often.

Suddenly, a bubbly Glinda ran into the room while a sleepy Cats followed closely behind.

"Whats up, Glind?" asked the Lex, rhetorically. "Sit so I can hook you up with a smooth!"

"Stop cutting your words!" said Ralmal.

"I'm not, Ral," he said, whereupon Ralmal conjured up a hammer from the ever-lovely hammerspace and hit him with it for calling her 'Ral.'

But the Glind did not sit. "Catsikins has a boat!! Fits up to a hundred people! We should all take a cruise!"

"Great!" they all said, except Ralmal. She stared into her smoothie.

"What is it Ralmal?" asked the ever-perceptive Guy X.

"I don't think my parents will let me go," she explained sadly.

COLLECTIVE GASP!

"I have to call them first to get perMISHon," she clarified, seeing a few angry faces in the crowd.

"Okay," said Glinda, whipping out her sparkly cell phone/mp3 player.

"Nice bling," mentioned the Lexa.

Here, Elemia punched him for saying 'bling.'

Ralmal punched in numbers and put it on speakerphone. Everyone huddled around closer to hear what was going to happen.

_RING...RING__  
_

"Hello?" a woman's voice answered.

"Mom?" asked Ralmal.

"Yes," the woman identified as Ralmal's mom said.

"Hey, can I-" but she was cut off by Glinda.

"Hello, Mrs. Ralmal's Momsy," she said perkily into the phone. "This is Glinda the Good speaking."

"Galinda?"

"No ma'am, GLINDA, the GA is silent." She huffed a little.

"Okay…"

"We would really love it if Ralmal could come with us on a cruise with her friends! What do you say?"

"Let me speak with Ralmal…"

Glinda handed the phone to Ralmal and winked.

"Mom?" Ralmal asked again, even though the person had already been identified as her mother several times before.

"Honey, will there be any adult supervision on this boat?" Ralmal's mom asked seriously.

"Yes," Ralmal said. "There will be the good bubbly witch you just spoke to and the robotic blonde orchestra conductor…"

Glinda cut her off. "…and a green witch and a talking scarecrow," she finished happily.

Elemia rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that'll go over well."

"A talking scarecrow?" Ralmal's mom repeated pensievely. "Okay, then you can go."

Everyone stared at Ralmal with eyes that resembled these things question marks. Ralmal just shrugged.

"Well, what do you know," Elemia said. She noisily slurped the remains of her smoothie while she spoke. This is very hard to do.

Glinda continued speaking. "Just so we're in the clear, you understand that they might die on the ship. A storm might hit and they might all topple into the ocean, spiraling to their watery deaths."

"Nice Glinda," Elemia said sarcastically. "Like they're gonna let her go NOW." Ralmal looked deflated.

There was silence on the other line. "Uh...yeah, about that…" Ralmal's mom started.

Glinda cut in. "Just so we're clear, just so we're clear," she repeated sagely.

"Shut up Glinda," Ralmal snarled. "You sound like a parrot."

Guy X spoke into the phone. "Mrs. Ralmal's mom, we'll all be fine, I'll look out for Ralmal."

Ralmal smiled and turned pink. "AW…" everyone said. Lexa stared at the Elemia. Elemia stared at the Lexa. They both blushed, silently praying that the each would look out for the other just in case they did in fact die. (EA/N: …)

"Fine, great," said the Ralmal's mom. "Have fun."

* * *

** Title: **Part 2: Oxymorons, actual morons, and the Not-So-Innocent Dorothy 

**Warnings:** major OOCness; over-usage of oxymorons; messed up WAFF

**A/N:** This is how we apologize for lack of updates: we post two chapters in one.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it...

* * *

"Look at the view!" 

"It's beautiful!"

"The ocean is so blue!"

"Okay okay…we get the point: it looks nice," Elemia said, effectively ruining the moment.

"Why so glum, chum?" asked the Celia in a voice that was FAR too perky for the moment.

"I'm sorry, just a mild case of PMS."

"There's no such thing as mild PMS," said the Celia.

"Hey, that's an oxymoron!"

The Celia brightened up. "Yeah, it is!"

The temporarily bipolar Elemia narrowed her eyes. "I hate those things."

Thus, everyone began speaking in oxymorons to annoy the living heck out of Elemia.

"Anarchy Rules!" (Danny)

"Hey, do you like my healthy tan?" (Paulina)

"No, I don't, its pretty ugly." (The Ralmal)

"I want some Kosher ham!" (The Larie, who was, indeed, Jewish.)

"Hey guys, you want to see my loose tights?!" (The Lexa)

"FOR THE LOVE OF THE AGNOSTIC'S GOD, NO!!" Everyone cried.

"Danny, can you get me some meatless meat?" (Sam)

"We're in the middle of nowhere, but would you like some jumbo shrimp?" (Danny)

"I WANT SOME WHITE CHOCOLATE!" (The Celia)

"Yo G, Icy Hot tastes pretty good, try that." (The Jake)

"That shit ain't good for ya..." muttered Elemia.

"I failed Basic Calculus." (Da Dash)

"I'm from the Middle East!" (Ralmal)

"The boat's still moving even though we dropped the big black thing…" (Scarecrow)

"You dimwit, that's the anchor!" (Witch)

"Same difference" (Still the Scarecrow)

"I am NOT gay! I'm just queerly straight!" (The Lexa)

"You're just plain old queer," remarked the Guan, who was not participating.

The Lexa looked hurt.

"My my, you're one sensitive guy aren't you Guan?" (The Ralmal)

Everyone (the girls) laughed at that one.

"I don't get it," said all the guys.

"I'm sensing an opposite attraction, wouldn't you agree, Paulina?" (Tucker)

"No," said the Paulina, who was out of oxymorons.

"Stop hitting on my girl, she wants deeply shallow people!" (the Cats)

"I'm a good witch!" (Glinda)

"Microsoft works!" (Danny) (EA/N: Hell yes! NERD JOKES!!!)

"ARGGH!" screamed Elemia. She then proceeded to stab the Celia, who started it all. The Celia was twitching on the floor while the other sitting pedestrians slowly shrank in fear.

"Never again," said the Elemia. Then she mentally slapped all of them with her mad mind-bitch-slapping skills.

And hardly anyone spoke an oxymoron again.

* * *

"OHMYGOSH! A storm is coming!" screamed the Celia in a state of panic. 

And, indeed, a storm was coming their way.

"I told you we might die," muttered the Glinda.

"Glinda, you brainless sparkly bubble," the Witch shouted angrily. "Why'd you make me come on this trip?!? I'm getting seasick!"

"Well, you've always been green." Having heard the muttered sentence, the Witch glared at Glinda.

"What? Glinda asked stupidly.

"Just because you're normal colored doesn't give you the ri-WHOA!!" They were knocked over to the side of the boat, while everyone else followed suit. Its not like they had a choice, really. It was one heck of a storm.

"Ow, that flippin hurts!" cried Andrew.

"Everyone, inside!" ordered the Cats.

Thus, everyone entered inside the cabin of the boat. Everyone that is, except Lexa.

"Lexa, get in here now!" ordered Elemia.

"Aww…my uggs are on the other side of the boat!"

"Forget your stupid uggs and get in here before you die!"

"Aw man!" he whined, sauntering inside.

"Hey, that's my line, said the Jake, ticked that anyone would steal his phrase.

All of a sudden, thunder hit and everything went black.

* * *

"W-w-where are we?" asked the Ralmal. 

"I don't know," said Guy X, helping her up.

"Where is my Danny, where is he?!" screeched Sam.

A hand shot up freakily from the sand. The person underneath the sand coughed.

"Oh Danny!" cried Sam, pulling out the blonde Danny. She started hugging the nearly lifeless form of the boy she loved. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah." He smiled at her. "Thanks for pulling me out of that sandy death-bed."

"Anything for you, Danny."

"AW…" Ralmal squealed in fangirlish glee. Everyone else was too busy looking for any sign of where they could possibly be to notice the WAFF.

"GEEZ, where ARE we?" cried the Cats, poking the Glinda. She was too busy staring at a sign with her mouth hanging open to respond.

"Glinda, what's the matter with you?" asked the Witch. "You look like you've seen a-OH GEEZ!" Her face suddenly mirrored the Glinda's state of astonishment.

"You know, not all ghosts are evil," said the Danny, obviously miffed.

"What is wrong with you people?" asked the Scarecrow. "All this sign says is 'Welcome to Oz.' Whats so scary about tha-WHOA!"

You can only guess what he did then.

"You can read?" asked Ralmal.

"WHAT'S GOING ON?" everyone else cried (collectively), not getting it.

"Oh…"

"…my…"

"…Ozness."

These lines were said by the three Ozians. (DUH WHO ELSE WILL IT BE?) I will not say the order of who said what line because it is not significant. Probably the last sentence was not significant either, but oh well.

* * *

Suddenly, a flash of lightening knocked them all unconscious.

* * *

Everyone was still recovering from the random flash of lightening. 

"What in Oz was that?" cried the Scarecrow.

"Are we still at the Oz?" asked the Cats, who knew all about the Oz WHICH I DO NOT OWN.

"NO…" the Witch wailed. "We're in some deserted field, no where NEAR Oz!" She started crying. "I WANT TO GO BACK TO OZ! THERES NO PLACE LIKE HOME!"

They could all hear the Dorothy in their heads saying "Hey, MY line."

"You don't mean…" Glinda said, shocked. "KANSAS!!" (from this point on, we apologize to any Kansasians out there.)

The Glinda gasped. "NO CABLE!"

"NO DECENT EDUCATION!"

"NO SHOPPING MALLS!" Realizing this, the Glinda fainted. Cats caught her and he whipped out his emergency credit card and held it against Glinda's nose.

"THIS CAN BE YOURS IF YOU WAKE UP…PLEASE BUBBLYKINS…" pleaded the Cats. "...I NEED YOU…" (EA/N: O dear lord that sounds creepy…)

"Meh," said the Elemia, obviously creeped out by the messed up WAFF (Don't say I didn't warn you)

"I just noticed that Cats is forty and Glinda is like twenty." Ralmal commented.

"EW," the Celia screeched. "That's like the Ashton and the Demi Moore."

"What is THAT?"

"I don't know, what is that?"

"The heck?"

"STOP!" cried the Paulina, not getting it.

* * *

"Look, a house," the Larie observed. "AND I AM STILL AS ATHELETIC AS YOU, DASH!!" 

"GET OVER IT!!" was the collective scream.

"Let's go inside," said the Elemia, the ever-so adventurous one. Thus, they all knocked the door down.

A red-haired girl was sitting there as the teen heroes knocked down said door.

"Geez, you guys could have knocked..." she said, sadly surveying the shattered splinters scattered about. (EA/N: Damn my alliteration is good.)

"We did…" said Danny, a mischievous gleam in his eye socket. "We knocked the door down!!"

"Smooth," said Sam sarcastically. What is this? Alliteration? Without underlining? BLASPHEMY!

"Who might you be?" Ralmal asked, trying to be polite.

The girl stood up and staggered over to them. She was wearing a blue mini skirt with a matching blue tube top and four-inch heels.

"Are you going to a party?" asked the Celia.

"The girl scoffed. "NO…this is my day outfit...don't you know anything?"

"We know that you look like a-" started the Elemia, but sadly, the Ralmal clasped a hand over her mouth before she could utter a single insult. (EA/N: Starts with a W, ends with a HORE. Starts with a S, ends with a LUT. Starts with a D, ends with an ANA. Just kidding, Dana. We love you…not like _that_…minds out of the gutters, children, minds OUT of the gutters.)

"Sorry," Ralmal said.

The girl rolled her eyes. "Whatever, goody-two-shoes."

"Ralmal gasped. "OH NO YOU DIDN'T!" she shouted, snapping her fingers in a ghetto tone. Elemia tried following suit, but failed. Not everyone can be as ghetto as Ralmal, who is not ghetto at all.

Everyone else was like '?'

"Man, you're cute!" said the Lexa, staring at the mysterious girl. He made the heart eyes.

The Elemia whacked him. "Staring is still not nice she muttered."

"Who are you?" asked the Larie, being blunt.

"I AM THE 2006 DOROTHY!!" the girl shouted, throwing her Fist of Righteousness ™ in the air.

COLLECTIVE GASP!

* * *

"SO YOU'RE THE ONE THAT DROPPED A HOUSE ON MY SISTER!" The Witch shouted, pointing a shaky finger at the 2006 Dorothy. 

"Seriously, you need to get over it," said the Dorothy. She is NOT innocent like she portrayed herself as in the Wizard of Oz…that whole 'I'm so sorry I dropped a house on your sister' line was so sarcastic that it came off as innocent.

"I refuse to get over it!" the Witch shouted, throwing a few Fist of Righteousness ™ s of her own..

The Lexa winked at the Dorothy. "Hey..." he begain.

"EW, GET OFF ME YOU NASTY!" she screamed, shaking him off her. The Lexa cowered in a corner while his ever-so loyal friends tried to comfort him.

Sadly, no one moved.

"You're cute though" she said, fluttering her eyelashes at the Danny.

"BACK OFF, YOU!" cried the Sam jealous/protectively. She grabbed Elemia's screwdriver and drove them through the 2006 Dorothy's less-than-innocent eyes maliciously.

"AH MY EYES!!" Dorothy wailed.

"I give this eye-stabbing a 8.67516 out of 10," said Elemia, holding up a very large sign with many decimals. "You need more stabbity-stab anger, less Oh-em-gee-you-stole-my-bee-eff-biznatch anger."

"DON'T TALK TO MY DANNY EVER AGAIN!" cried the over-protective Sam, ignoring Elemia completely.

"I'm flattered?" asked Danny cautiously.

"MY BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL EYES!" cried the 2006 Dorothy.

It was at this point that Tucker randomly decided to say "...blood and veins and tears…OH MY!"

"Seriously, you need to get over it," the Witch commented sarcastically (and ironically).

"OH! DIS!!" cried the ever-so obsessed dissers, Guy X and Ralmal.

Paulina blinked. "Wait, was that a diss? I couldn't tell."

But The Dissers were all 'IGNORE!'

"WE NEED TO STRAIGHTEN THIS OUT RIGHT NOW!!" shouted the Glinda, who had miraculously regained consciousness. She peered into the 2006 Dorothy's face.

"ARE YOU A GOOD WITCH OR A BAD WITCH?"

"Whoa, calm down," the Larie, who had officially made it her hobby to tell people to calm down, said condescendingly.

"I AM CALM!"

"I'm not a witch," protested the 2006 Dorothy. Witches are old and ugly and have wrinkles!

"I DO NOT HAVE WRINKLES!" Glinda and Elphaba shouted together.

"Are you saying you're young, beautiful, and wrinkle-free? snapped the Witch (who is Elphaba), taking offense.

The 2006 Dorothy rolled her eyes. "Duh…"

"I like her," said the Paulina.

All of a sudden, a blonde dog WALKED into the room. Yes, you heard me, WALKED.

"What up, D?"

Practically everyone fainted.

"DID THE DOG JUST TALK?" is the general idea of what was interjected once they recovered.

The 2006 Dorothy stared at them. "Man, you guys are really dumb. If you guys went to my school, Kansas High…"

"How original," said the Elemia, rolling her eyes. (EA/N: Ironically, my initial reaction, in RL, was to roll my eyes. How amazing it is that Ralmal can forsee my reactions. _:rolls eyes:_ )

The 2006 Dorothy continued. "...you'd be really smart. Why if every school had the brain, the heart, the courage of Kansas High, then education would truly be a magical place!"

Everyone was silent. The blonde dog tugged on the Dorothy's mini skirt. 'Stop it, Tutu!" she scolded.

There was a long, enduring silence which was eventually broken by Elemia's calm statement. "OH DEAR LORD IT SOUNDS LIKE BAD FANFICTION! MUST FLAME! MUST FLAME!" If the irony is lost on you, I suggest you start reading less fanfictions and learn more about the internet. Failing that, I hear the devil only charges your IMMORTAL SOUL for a life.

"That was the worst form of advertising I've ever heard in my life!" the Witch said.

"I've heard it before, but where?" asked the Scarecrow, stabbing his brain with his (strawy) fist.

"Man, you really are brainless," the 2006 Dorothy commented.

* * *

"I WANT TO GO CLUBBING!" cried the Larie. 

"Let's GO!" was the general consensus.

"Can I come?" asked the 2006 Dorothy.

"NO!!" came the general shout, as all had cultivated some form of dislike towards the…no wait, I'm not allowed to say those words yet. Starts with a W, ends with a HORE!

She started sobbing in a corner, along with the Lexa, who was still sobbing from the 2006 Dorothy's rejection.

"Yo, Homies, can I come?" asked the Tutu.

"HECK YES!" everyone cheered.

And thus, they all went out the door, to the nearest club where they danced the night away. . . . . and yes, the 2006 Dorothy followed them, who was followed by the drooling Lexa. Can't people take no for an answer?

* * *

"Sing a Mariah Carey song!" Ralmal ordered, jabbing Elemia (painfully!) with her elbow. 

"I am NOT singing a song by the Mariah!" Elemia protested.

Mariah Carey popped in randomly.

"What do you have against the Careyness?" she asked in a totally OOC fashion.. Elemia responded by stabbing her eyes out with one of her omnipresent screwdrivers.

"Dang it…" she said. "I should have insured my eyes for one million dollars instead of my legs!"

"LOOK GUYS, I HAVE MARIAH CAREYS EYES!" Elemia shouted happily.

"I WANT A PIECE!" everyone shouted in slightly-malicious fangirly glee.

Elemia divided the diva's eyes and handed everybody a piece, while the other people at the club gagged.

GAG!

All of a sudden, the music to Mariah Carey's song, 'Its Like That' filled the Club's speakers. Elemia had no choice but to sing. She ripped off her angsty clothes to reveal her tennis-style black short dress. (EA/N: The clothes are emo? What?)

"Whoa," said the Lexa.

Elemia blushed. "You have to sing with me Lexa, for revenge for the Hips Don't Lie…"

Everyone gagged as they remembered the Lexa's past performance.

_The Lexa: __  
_

"_Dis is, the point when I need everybody get to the dance floor__  
__It's like that y'all (that y'all), that y'all (that y'all)__  
__Da da da da, I like that y'all (that y'all)__  
__It's like that y'all (that y'all), that y'all (that y'all)__  
__Like da da da da, I like that y'all (that y'all) MC"_

_Elemia:__  
_

"_I came to have a party__  
__Open up the Bacardi__  
__Feeling so hot tamale__  
__Boy, I know you watchin' me__  
__So what's it gonna be?__  
__Purple taking me higher__"  
_

PURPLE!! cried the Ralmal happily.

Funny how a typo turns into a joke, isn't it?

"_I'm lifted and I like it__  
__Boy, you got me inspired__  
__Baby, come and get it__  
__If you're really feelin me__  
_

_Cuz it's my night_

_No stress, no fights__  
__I'm leavin it all behind__  
__No tears, no time to cry__  
__Just makin the most of life_

___Everybody is livin it up__  
__All the fellas keep lookin' at us (cuz)__  
__Me and my girls on the floor like what__  
__While the DJ keeps on spinnin the cut__  
__It's like that y'all (that y'all), that y'all (that y'all)__  
__It's like da da da da, I like that y'all (that y'all)__  
__It's like that y'all (that y'all), that y'all (that y'all)__  
__It's like da da da da, I like that y'all (that y'all)__  
_

___You like this and you know it__  
__Caution, it's so explosive__  
__Them chickens is ash and I'm lotion__  
__Baby, come and get it __  
__Let me give you what you need__  
_

___It's a special occasion__  
__Ele's emancipation"_

_"ALLITERATION!!" everyone shouted…but it was really just Ralmal with a loudspeaker._

_"__A cause for celebration__  
__I ain't gonna let nobody's drama bother me__  
_

___Cuz it's my night__  
__No stress, no fights__  
__I'm leavin it all behind__  
__No tears (no tears), no time to cry__  
__Just makin the most of life__  
_

___Everybody is livin it up__  
__All the fellas keep lookin at us (cuz)__  
__Me and my girls on the floor like what__  
__While the DJ keeps on spinnin the cut__  
_

___It's like that y'all (that y'all), that y'all (that y'all)__  
__It's like da da da da, I like that y'all (that y'all)__  
__It's like that y'all (that y'all), that y'all (that y'all)__  
__It's like da da da da, I like that y'all (that y'all)__  
_

___Cuz it's my night (it's my, it's my night)__  
__No stress, no fights__  
__I'm leaving it all behind__  
__No tears (no tears), no time to cry__  
__Baby, I'm making the most of life__  
_

___  
__Everybody is livin it up (I said everybody)__  
__All the fellas keep lookin at us (lookin at us)__  
__Me and my girls on the floor like what__  
__While the DJ keeps on spinning the cut__  
_

___It's like that y'all (that y'all), that y'all (that y'all)__  
__It's like da da da da, I like that y'all (that y'all)__  
__It's like that y'all (that y'all), that y'all (that y'all)__  
__It's like da da da da, I like that y'all (that y'all)__  
_

___This is my night"_

___The Lexa:__  
_

_"__Let's Go Now (what), let's go now (what)__  
__Here we go now (what), here we go now (what)__  
__Let's Go Now (what), let's go now (what)__  
__Here we go now (what), here we go now (what)"__  
_

___(The Lexa and the Elemia)__  
_

___Let's Go Now (what), let's go now (what)__  
__Here we go now (what), here we go now (what)__  
__Let's Go Now (what), let's go now (what)_

___Here we go now (what), here we go now (what)_"

"What was that?" cried the Celia.

The Elemia shifted her eyes. "I so didn't enjoy that," she said, surprising everyone by telling the truth. In her head, though, there was a little chibi-Ele going 'Singing with the Lexa…is not quite…so bad…'

All of a sudden, the DJ ripped off his face (EW) to reveal

-

..THE PRINCIPAL!

COLLECTIVE GASP!

-

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she cackled.

"What do you want?" Guy X asked, standing in front of everyone, including Ralmal.

Silently, the Noto grabbed the Ralmal and the Elemia and disappeared into a puff of pink smoke. The girls' screams were swallowed by the smokeness. Everyone just stood there, dumbfounded.

-

"WE HAVE TO SAVE THEM!" cried Guy X and the Lexa, who had gotten over the 2006 Dorothy.

-

What will happen now? Will Guy X and the Lexa succeed in rescuing their loved ones – I MEAN, their ever-so faithful friends? Will the 2006 Dorothy drop a house on Glinda this time? Will the Larie ever be mentioned more than five times in the next chapter? Will Glinda succeed in making everyone blonde? Will Paulina and Ralmal ever become friends? And WILL THE ELEMIA EVER CONFESS HER LOVE FOR THE LEXA?

Find out soon!! (Maybe not so soon on the last one)

-

**Elemia's Omake**

I Bring to Thee: "Dreams" (with singing! lol)

Believe it or Not, I dreamed this...random, i know...

* * *

The Celia's Dream: 

_The Celia:  
They say he do a little of this  
He do a little of that  
He's always in trouble, and I heard  
He ain't nothing but a pimp  
He got a lot of chicks  
He's always in the club  
And they say he think he's slick  
He got a lot of chips  
He's so messed up, I heard  
He's been locked up Find Somebody else  
He ain't nothing but a thug  
So what  
So what  
So what  
So what _

_Jake Long: And they say I'm a_

Ralmal: WHAT?

_Jake: I'm a_

Elemia: EW!

_Jake: I'm a freak  
I got a different girl every day of the week  
You too smart to  
You'd be a dummy to believe  
That stuff that you heard  
That they say about me  
They say I done this  
They said I done that  
But all of it's fiction none of it's facts  
But you don't be hearing that about your love  
You let it go in one ear and out the other  
The he say, she say, they say, I heard  
The beef ain't, we can't let it get on our nerves  
She miserable, she just want you to be  
Like her misery needs company  
So don't listen to that vine of grapes there  
Nothing but liars hating I bet  
They wouldn't mind trading places  
With you by my side in my Mercedes _

_The Celia:  
They say he do a little of this  
He do a little of that  
He's always in trouble, and I heard  
He ain't nothing but a pimp  
He got a lot of chicks  
He's always in the club  
And they say he think he's slick  
He got a lot of chips  
He's so messed up, I heard  
He's been locked up Find Somebody else  
He ain't nothing but a thug  
So what  
So what  
So what  
So what _

_Jake:  
Mo' money mo' problems  
Life of a legend  
Haters throw salt like rice at a wedding  
So what, that's your cousin  
That don't mean nothing  
Her like missing in a tight of affection  
You get, you just blind to the facts  
See the lies, just obvious drives for attention  
You to the fine just supply your suspicious  
But listen, say you love me  
Gotta trust me  
Why you stress this high school mess  
Break up never, they just jealous  
Drama for your mama, mean mug for your brother  
I'm the author of the book nigga judge by the cover, yes  
I-I been to jail, yes  
I-I'm grinding for real and  
I'm positive, they talking negative pimp  
They hate to see you doing better then them, so _

_The Celia:  
They say he do a little of this  
He do a little of that  
He's always in trouble, and I heard  
He ain't nothing but a pimp  
He got a lot of chicks  
He's always in the club  
And they say he think he's slick  
He got a lot of chips  
He's so messed up, I heard  
He's been locked up Find Somebody else  
He ain't nothing but a thug  
So what  
So what  
So what  
So what (_

_Elemia: Ladies and gentlemen! The Celia!) _

_The Celia:  
Some people don't like it  
'Cause you hang out in the streets  
But you're my boyfriend  
You've always been here for me  
This love is serious  
No matter what people think  
I'm gon' be here for you  
And I don't care what they say  
Some people don't like it  
'Cause you hang out in the streets  
But you're my boyfriend  
You've always been here for me  
I like the thug in you  
No matter what people think  
I'm gon' be here for you  
And I don't care what they say  
He do a little of this  
He do a little of that  
He's always in trouble, and I heard  
He ain't nothing but a pimp  
He got a lot of chicks  
He's always in the club  
And they say he think he's slick  
He got a lot of chips  
He's so messed up, I heard  
He's been locked up Find Somebody else  
He ain't nothing but a thug  
So what  
So what  
So what  
So what _

Elemia: ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

* * *

Tucker's Dream(lol): 

...Paulina is standing off to one side...

_Tucker:  
The young boy just turned 16  
And I got 64's and hot bikes that I rock  
Keep 3 or 4 sweeties on my clock,  
But all that swinging in that bikini just make 'em dizzy.  
Slow all the traffic down to a complete stop,  
'cause you speaking that slang that I talk.  
That sassy tempo with that walk,  
Maybe the reason that all this teenies may never see me. Momma you may be 3 years older but you hot (gimme that)  
You be talking like you like what I got (gimme that)  
I know you like it how I lean in the 'lac,  
You could be in the back saying (gimme, gimme, gimme) Momma you may be 3 years older but you hot (gimme that)  
You be talking like you like what I got (gimme that)  
I know you like it how I lean in the 'lac,  
You could be in the back saying (gimme, gimme, gimme) Ma, take a break, let me explain to you,  
What ya body got a young boy ready to do.  
If you take a chance to let me put them things on you,  
I could show you why I make them straight A's in school.  
I'm a HUSTLA! Trust my frame and age.  
Got you thinking that I'm just too young to turn your page.  
I can PICTURE! Us switching lanes in the coupe  
With you on the phone screaming my name. Momma you may be 3 years older but you hot (gimme that)  
You be talking like you like what I got (gimme that)  
I know you like it how I lean in the 'lac,  
You could be in the back saying (gimme, gimme, gimme) _

Elemia: HAHA...Tucker...you WISH!

Salad Appeareth!

Salad: _sniffle_ you always liked her more...didn't you... _sniffle_  
Tucker: um...uh.. _guilt!_  
Salad: _sniffle sniffle sniffle  
_Tucker: uh...  
Salad: STUPID! _:hits him with her calculator and runs away, crying:_

* * *

_  
_Elemia's Dream(random this is): Here's hoping nobody from Chinese school reads this fic 

WARNING: Doesn't make sense if you're not asian.

WARNING: Doesn't make sense if you're not Asain, not Chinese, and haven't heard the song before.

_Elemia:  
tian tian dou xu yao ni ai,  
wo de xing shi you ni cai,  
I love you,  
wo jiu shi yao ni rang wo mei tian dou jing cai _

_Irvin:  
Woah...wo-a-a-oh... _

_Elemia:twitch:  
tian tian ba ta gua zhui bian  
dao di shen me shi zhen ai  
I love you  
dao di you ji fen shuo de bi xiang xiang geng kuai _

_Guan:  
shi wo men gang qing feng fu tai kang kai  
hai shi shang tian ang pai  
shi wo men ben lai jiu shi na yi ban  
hai shi she bu de tai guai  
shi na yi chi yue ding le mei you lai  
rang wo ku de xiang xiao hai  
shi wo men ji zhe zheng ming wo chun zai  
hai shi bu ai hui fa dai baby _

_Elemia+Guan:  
bu de bu ai, _

_Guan:  
bu zhi kuai le chong he er lai, _

_Elemia+Guan:  
bu de bu ai, _

_Guan:  
fang xia bei shang chong he er lai, _

_Elemia+Guan  
bu de bu ai, _

_Guan:  
fou zhi wo jiu shi qu wei lai _

_Elemia+Guan:  
hai xiang shen me you qi bu neng zhi ji shi bai  
ke shi mei tian dou guo de jing cai _

_Elemia:  
tian tian dou xu yao ni ai  
wo de xing zhi you ni zai  
I love you  
wo jiu shi yao ni rang wo mei tian dou jing cai _

_Irvin: Woah-wo-a-o-oh... _

_Elemia:  
tian tian ba ta gua zhui bian  
dao di shen me shi zhen ai  
I love you  
dao di you ji fen shuo de bi xiang xiang geng kuai _

_Brandon:  
I ask my girlfriend how you been  
qu le ji hui  
wo chong lai mei you xiang guo ai qing hui bian de ru chi wu nai,  
shi ming yun ma, nan dao nan guo shi shang tian de an pai,  
mei ban fa,  
tian tian de mei tian de xing shi dao di you shui lai pei,  
wo cheng xin, ni cheng yi  
dan zhou wei rao ren huan jin shi zhong rang wo men wu fa zai zhi li zhi you xiang lian  
wo jin cai, ni fa dai,  
liang ke xin bu an de yao bai,  
ying gai you de wei lai,  
shi fou zhen ne na me wu fa qi dai  
she bu de zai shang hai,  
you're my girl my girl my friend  
how much I love you _

_Brandon+Guan:  
So, so much, baby... _

_Brandon:  
kan zhe ni ai chou  
yao wo ru he zhen me cheng shou mian dui  
I'm sorry you're my sweetheart  
my love  
my one and only baby _

_Elemia+Guan:  
bu de bu ai,_

_ Guan:  
bu zhi kuai le chong he er lai, _

_Elemia+Guan:  
bu de bu ai, Guan:  
fang xia bei shang chong he er lai, _

_Elemia+Guan  
bu de bu ai, _

_Guan:  
fou zhi wo jiu shi qu wei lai _

_Elemia+Guan:  
hai xiang shen me you qi bu neng zhi ji shi bai  
ke shi mei tian dou guo de jing cai _

_Guan:  
hui bu hui you yi dian wu nai _

_Elemia:  
hui bu hui you yi dian tai kuai _

_Guan+Elemia:  
ke shi ni gei wo de ai  
rang wo yang cheng le yi lai _

_Irvin+Guan:  
xing zhong chong man ai de jie pai _

_Elemia:  
tian tian dou xu yao ni ai  
wo de xing shui you ni zai  
I love you  
wo jiu shi yao rang ni mei tian dou jing cai _

_Irvin:  
Woah...wo-a-o-oh... _

_Elemia:  
tian tian ba ta gua zhui bian  
dao di shen me shi zhen ai  
I love you  
dao di you ji fen shuo de bi xiang xiang geng kuai _

Elemia: um...sappy chinese song...and it could only be done right by my chinese class!!  
Ralmal: I thought we were over the Guan already  
Elemia: ...it's JUST a song...  
Ralmal: riiiiiiiight...

* * *

_  
_Salad's Dream: 

_Salad:  
I am really special cuz there's only one of me  
look at my smile, I'm so damn happy, other people are jealous of me  
when I'm sad and lonely, I like to sing this song  
it cheers me up and shows me that I won't be sad for long _

_oh oh oh_

_ I'm so happy, I can barely breathe  
puppy dogs and sugar frogs and kittens, baby teeth  
watch out all you mothers, I'm happy, it's hardcore  
happy as a coupon for a $20 whore  
_

_ha-ha-ha haha _

_I'm really happy, I'm sugar coated me,  
happy, good, anger, bad, that's my philosophy _

_I can't do this, man. I'm not happy.  
_

_I am really special, cuz there's only one of me  
Look at my smile, I'm so damn happy, other people are jealous of me  
These are my lovehandles, and this is my spout,  
but if you tip me over, then mama said knock you out _

_I am special, I am happy, I am gonna heave  
welcome to my happy world, now get your shit and leave  
I am happy, I am good, I am... _

_ I'm Outta Here! Screw You!  
_

* * *

_  
_Dash's Dream: 

_Tucker:  
Here we are  
Dear old friends  
You and I, drunk again  
Laughs have been had  
Tears have been shed  
Maybe the whisky has gone to my head  
But if I were gay  
I would give you my heart  
And if I were gay  
You'd be my work of art  
And if I were gay  
We would swim in romance  
But I'm not gay..  
So get your hand out of my pants _

_It's not that I dont care  
I do  
I just dont see myself IN you  
Another time another scene  
I'd be right BEHIND you  
if you know what i mean  
Cuz if I were gay  
I would give you my soul  
And if I were gay  
I would give you my whole...being  
And if I were gay  
We would tear down the walls  
But I'm Not gay  
So won't you stop cupping my Ba... Hand _

_We've never hugged  
We've never kissed  
I've never been intimate with your fist  
You have opened brand new doors  
Get over here and drop ... your ...  
Drawers _

Elemia: What in the...  
Ralmal: No swearing.Elemia: god_:beeep:_ why the _:beeeep:_ can't I _:beeep:_ swear? i mean, it's not like i _:beeeep:_ say _:beeep:_ in every _:beeeep:_ sentence!  
Ralmal: (heard it before it was edited) ...oh my lord...


	16. Totallyliteral OMGWTF

**Chapter Title: **That Which Elemia Writes So Ralmal And Dana Don't Murder Her In Her Sleep, Or Perhaps Not Even In Her Sleep, As The Story Has Gone For So Long Without Updates That Both Would Be Quite Content To Murder Her While She Is, In Fact, Awake  
**Alternate Title: **Wherein Elemia Cleans Out Her Inbox and Throws All the Unused Material Into One Chapter To Save Her Time and Space In Said Inbox  
**Alternate Title: **The Chapter, Uploaded in June, Where Elemia Attempts to Logically Add Material Written Around Christmastime  
**Alternate Title: **The Chapter Where Elemia Attempts to Cut Corners So She Can Go Back to Playing Lusternia Like The Addict In Denial She Is  
**Alternate Title: **The Chapter With More Titles Than Is Necessary Or Even Perhaps Allowed  
**Alternate Title: **The Chapter With One More Title Than More Titles Than Is Necessary Or Even Perhaps Allowed  
**Alternate Title: **The Chapter That Elemia Simply Could Not Come Up With A Decent Title For, But Not For Lack of Trying

**Disclaimers: **Okay, this story's been up here for how long now? (Don't answer that). Simply put, I don't own any of the characters who are not OCs. Of the OCs, I do not own those who do not belong to me, if that makes sense.

* * *

To begin, we shall give you Ralmal's bid for the Shortest Omake Ever to be Written While The Author Has No Clue What An Omake Is, Exactly.

Disclaimer: I do not own Ashton Kutcher, or Punk'd, nor do I want to. I also do not own the Galinda/Glinda or Pink. Too much pink is evil. Beware...

Galinda/Glinda: YOU'VE JUST BEEN PINK'D!!!

Ashton: Aw man!

P.S. Take note that the disclaimer is longer than the actual omake. That makes it the shortest omake ever. Thank you for listening, and have a nice life.

* * *

The Scarecrow was busily begging Ralmal. (EA/N: Looks like I broke the alliteration. Whooops…) "I want to host a talent show.

Ralmal looked at him skeptically. "You mean like those cheesy hosts with the bad tans and fake hair?"

"Duh," the Scarecrow said simply, slight sarcasm seeping (EA/N: OH DEAR GOD HOW DOES RALMAL DO SO MUCH ALLITERATION AND STILL STAY SANE? I WROTE THIS LITTLE PIECE AND MY HEAD IS ON THE VERGE OF EXPLOSION!) from his every pore.

Elemia, for no apparent reason, jumped him, knocking him to the floor, and sat upon him, at which time, though she is thin (EA/N: Though how she stays thin when she eats so very much is a mystery better explained by Asian genetics), several of his ribs cracked. Wuss. "Go figure," she said, having spoiled the scene with her spontaneous violence. (EA/N: The alliteration is not gathered, as it should be, but rather, scattered.

* * *

The Scarecrow pranced…well, rather, _minced_, since his ribs were still cracked and hey, prancing's hard with cracked ribs. Don't ask how I know that. "First up, we have the Lexa!" he proclaimed, smoothing back his terrible toupee and showing off his spectacularly bad tan…How do scarecrows tan? A question for a later day.

"Oh no…" whined Elemia, as she clutched her head in pre-emptive pain.

Ignoring her, the Lexa stood on their makeshift stage (EA/N: TABLE FTW!) and announced, "I will be singing 'White and Nerdy' by Weird Al Yankovic!"

The vast majority of the crowd (Elemia was 1/11th of the crowd, you know) groaned, the exception being Ralmal, who was instead laughing hysterically.

Suddenly, the Nada (EA/N: LOL GUESS WHO) popped in. "What did I miss?"

"The Lexa is singing a song," Ralmal helpfully interjected.

"Oh, no…" came the mournful reply.

"OH YES!" screamed Andrew.

…

The ensuing silence was broken only by the Scarecrow's timid "Um…let us begin, shall we?"

And with that, the Lexa launched into song.

* * *

"They see me mowin' my front lawn

I know they're all thinkin' I'm so

White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
Can't you see I'm white and nerdy  
Look at me I'm white and nerdy

I wanna roll with the gangstas  
But so far they all think I'm too  
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
I'm just too white and nerdy  
Really, really white and nerdy

First in my class here at MIT  
Got skills, I'm a champion at D&D  
M.C. Escher, that's my favorite M.C.  
Keep your 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea  
My rims never spin, to the contrary  
You'll find that they're quite stationary  
All of my action figures are cherry  
Stephen Hawking's in my library

My MySpace page is all totally pimped out  
Got people beggin' for my top eight spaces  
Yo, I know pi to a thousand places  
Ain't got no grills but I still wear braces  
I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise  
I'm a wiz at Minesweeper, I could play for days  
Once you've see my sweet moves, you're gonna stay amazed  
My fingers movin' so fast I'll set the place ablaze

There's no killer app I haven't run  
At Pascal, well I'm number one  
Do vector calculus just for fun  
I ain't got a gat, but I got a soldering gun  
Happy Days is my favorite theme song  
I could sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong  
I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on  
I'm fluent within JavaScript as well as Klingon

Here's the part I sing on...

You see me roll on my Segway  
I know in my heart they think I'm  
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
Can't you see I'm white and nerdy  
Look at me I'm white and nerdy

I'd like to roll with the gangstas  
Although it's apparent I'm too  
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
I'm just too white and nerdy  
How'd I get so white and nerdy

I been browsin', inspectin' X-Men comics  
You know I collect 'em  
The pens in my pocket, I must protect them  
My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored  
Shoppin' online for deals on some writable media  
I edit Wikipedia  
I memorized Holy Grail really well  
I can recite it right now and have you R-O-T-F-L-O-L

I got a business doing websites (websites)  
When my friends need some code, who do they call?  
I do HTML for 'em all  
Even made a homepage for my dog, yo  
I got myself a fanny pack  
They were havin' a sale down at The Gap  
Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap  
Pop, pop - hope no one sees me, gettin' freaky

I'm nerdy in the extreme and  
Whiter than sour cream  
I was in AV club and glee club  
And even the chess team  
Only question I ever thought was hard  
Was "Do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?"  
Spend every weekend at the Renaissance Fair  
Got my name on my underwear

They see me strollin', they laughin'  
And rollin' their eyes cause I'm so  
White and nerdy

Just because I'm white and nerdy  
Just because I'm white and nerdy  
All because I'm white and nerdy  
Holy cow, I'm white and nerdy

I wanna bowl with the gangstas  
But oh well, it's obvious I'm  
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
I'm just too white and nerdy  
Look at me I'm white and nerdy."

The ensuing silence was broken only by a short conversation.

"What the _font_?" asked Ralmal, twitching slightly.

Elemia was staring off into space. "Font…."

* * *

Completely ignoring what was going on (EA/N: earplugs ftw), the Scarecrow announced, "Next up is the Paulina singing "Maneater!" (EA/N: Which, in what appears to be becoming a recurring pattern, we don't own)

"FEET THE SALAD!!!!!!!!" screamed…the Salad.

Twitching slightly, the Scarecrow slowly walked offstage with an "Ookaaaay…."

"Everybody look at me, me  
I walk in the door you start screaming  
Come on everybody what chu here for?  
Move your body around like a nympho  
Everybody get your necks to crack around  
All you crazy people come on jump around  
I want to see you all on your knees, knees  
You either want to be with me, or be me!"

Rolling her eyes, Ralmal said, "_Some_one's conceited…"

As Ralmal shouted, "Take it away, Salad!" the Salad knocked Paulina into the crowd and took the stage.

"Maneater, make you work hard  
Make you spend hard  
Make you want all, of her love  
She's a maneater  
make you buy cars  
make you cut cards  
make you fall real hard in love  
She's a Maneater, make you work hard  
Make you spend hard  
Make you want all, of her love  
She's a maneater  
make you buy cars  
make you cut cards  
Wish you never ever met her at all!"

As the Salad paused for a much-delayed breath of air (EA/N: Odd, nobody else seems to have ignored their need for oxygen…), Tucker interjected, "Apparently not, since I still love her."

"That girl won't make it," added Elemia.

Ralmal paused to think for a moment. "They're going to drop her like a piece of hot toast."

* * *

**Warning: the italicized words that come after this message should be read in an extremely overdone announcers voice, in keeping with the theme of the whole overdone crackfic theme.**

'_Twas the night before Christmas,  
And through Salad's house,  
Not a creature was stirring..._

_**Except the Lexa, and if he doesnt stop twitching, Imma go the Ripper all over his ass.**_

"Uh…sorry."

_You better be.  
Anyways..._

_Not a creature was stirring,  
Not even the Lexa. Bastard.  
The characters were tucked in,  
All snug in their beds,  
Visions of Uggs  
Tap-dancing through their heads _(EA/N: ow.)

* * *

**Key: **

**Spoken by Andrew**

_Spoken by the Narrator_

_Twas the night before Christmas, and through Salad's house  
Lexa was screaming, cuz he saw a mouse.  
Pairs of Uggs were hung by the chimney with care,  
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there._

_The children were nestled (mostly) snug in their beds,  
While visions of violence dance through their heads (or maybe that was Elemia.)_

**And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,  
Had just settled our brain for a long winter's nap.  
**

* * *

  
"Shouldn't that be plural?" asked Paulina.

**You have a brain?**

_Shocker, isn't it?_

* * *

**When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,  
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.  
Away to the windo I flew like a flash,  
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.  
**

"For the record," interrupted the Salad, "you owe me $1000000 in property damage."

**The moon on the breast -  
**  
"MOOBS!" screamed the Tucker, running across the screen in a desperate attempt to get more screentime.

**…Ahem - of the new-fallen snow  
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.  
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,  
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.**

**With a short young driver, so asian and ghetto,**

**We knew it was one with more than one stiletto.**

"HO HO HO!!!!" shouted Jake, attempting to be jolly.

"AW MAN! It's not SANTA!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" hissed everyone else, as they hurled eggnog at him.

"HEY _HEY_, WATCH THE FACE…_WATCH THE FACE!!_"

**After that small fiasco, his pets quickly came**

**Calling them frantically, one by one, all by name**

"**Now Ele! Now Ralmal! Now Celia! Rashellay!**

**On, Tucker! Paulina! The Lexa! And Dannay!**

**On top of the fireplace! Atop Sam's face!**

**Now Dash away! Dash away! You're all a disgrace!"**

"It's so nice of you to name your reindeer after us, Jakey" called the Celia, her eyes turning into anime-style hearts.

Ralmal rolled her eyes. "NOT."

**CAN YOU GUYS STOP INTERRUPTING??**

…

**Thank you.**

* * *

**The yellow leaves that fell on the hard ground,**

**Died under Long's big feet, while the other plants frowned**

**The wind blew him up, up, up towards the black sky**

**He scratched his small face, along with his exposed thigh.**

And everyone was like, _WHOAH_…except for Elemia, who was standing in the background, puking up everything she'd eaten, _ever_.

"Jake," the Celia began, "what were you wearing, my mini?"

"Yes."

* * *

**And then, my little weaklings, I heard on the roof**

**The dancing and prancing of that little goof.**

**As I tucked my head in, and tried to disappear**

**St. Jake came down the chimney, and offered me some beer.  
**

* * *

  
Random omake...THAT RALMAL WROTE...RANDOMLY AND ALL BY HERSELF!! ( I'm so proud...sniff sniff)

"That's my favorite stanza," declared the Ralmal.

Then Andrew coughed. "Excuse me, did I ask for the morale?"

"Yes," deadpanned the Ralmal, steaming and stirring.

"Do not mock me when Christmas is occuring!"

Moments later, Andrew emerged, covered in bruises.

"Don't mind me, while the blood from my wound oozes,

"Let us continue on, with our quaint little story."

"I'm perfect!" lied Paulina, in all her glory.

Elemia slapped Paulina. "Shut up!" she cried.

"Can't you see you're crushing my pride?"

"Isn't that my line?" asked Lexa, clearly confused.

Ele stared at him coldly, she was clearly bemused.

"I don't like when things rhyme, it hurts my head

I just want to take a nice nap, in my cozy warm bed

I want to dream of Halloween, or the fourth of July,

Not a holiday where I can't eat no pie!"

"Well Ele," supplied the Ralmal, eager to advise.

"Look on the bright side, you can still poke out some eyes,

It's your trademark, like Paris' 'That's hot,'

It's what makes us love you, a whole whole lot."

Then small tears fell down the Ele's pale face,

She lept toward Ralmal, wrapping her in an embrace

Sadly, Ele got pushed down with force

As Ralmal got scared, and looked at her with remorse.

"What was THAT?!" asked Guy X, who wasn't there in a while

"She knows the Christmas truth," said Ralmal, with a smile.

I know you might expect some fluff here, but too bad

I can't believe how evil I am, it's really quite sad.

* * *

**Title:** A Christmas Speshul  
**Alternate Title: **An event where everyone waits until Christmas Eve to buy their gifts and Santa slaps his reindeer. Ho ho ho.

_Act 1: Promiscuous People_

It is Christmas Eve, and the scene unfolds at the Lexa's house. We find the gang on this wonderful day, sitting in the living room, using Bunsen burners to roast their marshmallows, even though there's a fireplace a clear two feet away.

"IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!!" cried the Lexa, all googly-eyed.

"Christmas…?" asked Tucker, equally googly-eyed.

"Yes…..CHRISTMAS!!!"

"SHUT UP!!!" cried the Elemia.

Silence.

"What's wrong, Ele?" asked the Salad, whose smile looked rather bigger than usual.

"I hate Christmas!"

GASP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I love Christmas, and I don't even celebrate it," commented the Ralmal.

"At least you're not _supposed_ to…" muttered the Larie.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" demanded Ralmal, her eyes turning into fiery candy-canes.

The Larie shrunk in a corner. "Nothing…nothing…."

"Why is everyone so happy?" asked the Elemia. "What's so great about getting gifts?"

Everyone was silent.

"And Santa is soooooooo not real! How can a fat guy fit down the Lexa's chimney?"

"It wasn't _that_ hard to do…" muttered the Tucker.

"No!" cried Lexa. "Santa _is_ real!"

"Word." Agreed the Jake Long.

"How do you know the Lexa's house's chimney is so small, Ele?" asked the Salad, strangely still smiling.

"I don't…." muttered the Elemia, shifting her eyes.

Out of nowhere, the Tucker wailed the lyrics of "Promiscuous Girl" WHICH I DO NOT OWN into his travel-sized microphone.

"Proomiscuousss guuuuuuuuuuurl…." He wailed. "Where ever you arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre I'm alllllllllllllllll aloooooooone and it's you dat I waaaaaaaaaaaaant.."

"AHHH MY NOSE, EARS, AND EYES ARE BLEEDING!!!" cried the Salad, still smiling. The Elemia then stabbed the Tucker's eyes out.

"GAH!!! EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW WILL I CHARM THE FEMALE RACE WITHOUT MY EYES!!!!" Tucker wailed.

"Deal with it," said the Elemia.

Then the Tucker curled up into the fetal position, blood dripping on the Lexa's brand-new carpet. "Okaaaaay…."

"Good."

_Announcer: Will Tucker ever learn to Sing? Will the Larie ever stand up to the Ralmal? And will Elemia finally learn the true meaning of Christmas? Find out…SOON!!!!_

_Act 2: Sexy Socks_

"Let's open our presents!!" cried the Lexa, googly-eyed again.

"If anyone makes those googly eyes, I will make you wish you never googled again." Declared Elemia.

"BUT I LOVE GOOGLE!" cried Ralmal.

"But you don't own it," disclaimed the Elemia.

"I bet no one got ME a present," commented the Larie, sad, and Jewish.

"OF COURSE I DID!" shouted the eccentric Ralmal, tossing her a box. "I think it really fits your personality."

The Larie opened the box to pull out…..a pair of socks. "OH MY GOSH!! JUST WHAT I NEEDED!! THANKS RALMAL!!!!!" The Larie gave Ralmal a hug. The Ralmal, who looked very uncomfortable, pushed her off.

"Yeah, you're welcome…..(not)"

_Announcer: Will the Larie ever be appreciated by the Ralmal? Will Larie re-gift the socks she received? Find out…..HOPEFULLY SOON!!!!!_

_Act 3: Pink Presents_

"OW MY MARSHMELLOW IS ON FIYAH!!!" screamed the Jake Long.

"Good." Said the Elemia sarcastically, happy to have a chance to show everyone how depressed she was.

"Open my gift, Andrew-cakes!" said Paulina, handing him a box.

Collective Gag!

"Wait!" Ralmal cried in mid-gag. "Paulina GAVE Andrew a gift?"

Collective Gasp!

"Wow…..thanks my little button!" said Andrew, eagerly opening his gift.

Collective Gag!

"Oh…look….a pink shirt that says 'that's hot'…"

Collective Laugh!

"Where's MY gift?" pouted Paulina.

"Here it is!!" Andrew wheeled in a cart-full of pink boxes.

"WEEEEEE!" cried Paulina.

Everyone else went back to their roasting and toasting, while silently pointing imaginary daggers at the back of Paulina's head. What a lovely Christmas, isn't it?

_Announcer: Will Paulina ever learn that the world doesn't revolve around her? Will everyone ever stop collective gagging and gasping? Will anyone ever put in some plot? Find out……..NOW!!!!!!!_

_Act 4: Sad Sap_

"Yeah, those were SOOOO fillers," commented the Elemia bluntly.

"Deal with it, I'm trying the best I can!" said Ralmal.

"Hey, who's hosting this partay?" asked Lexa.

"Well, it SHOULD be you," commented Ralmal. "it's YOUR house!"

"It is?"

Elemia and Ralmal slapped him for being so stupid.

"Fine, I'll host it…._again_!" said Ralmal, secretly happy to be the boss…again. "But you owe me fifty bucks and a pony!"

"No, not Buttercup!!" cried Lexa. Everyone stared at him.

"Uh…….." was all he could say.

Meanwhile, everyone was sitting on the couch and the floor, watching some sappy movie. Ralmal was sad that she could not watch with them. Poor Ralmal.

And Now…Ralmal's most Blondest moment! (If you're blonde, please don't hurt me)

"Am I blonde?" asked Glinda, who came out of nowhere.

Ralmal put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Yes. But it's okay. We'll get through it…together."

"YAY!" Glinda then made the blonde heart eyes. And Elemia poked them out.

"AHHHHH!!!!!"

"I am so tired and annoyed," said the tired and annoyed girl. Can you guess who it is? (No, it's NOT Elemia)

"Why, Ralmal?" asked Elemia.

"Because….I just AM okay, GOSH!" she then proceeded to make those dead anime eyes. While talking. "It's not…."

Silence.

"Come on, Ralmal, finish your sentence," commanded Elemia.

Ralmal tried again. "It's not….HOLY COW I'M TURNING INTO PAULINA!"

"Yes, that's it, EMBRACE IT. OWN IT. LOVE IT," cried Paulina, pretty preppily (It may not be a word, but who cares!)

Silence.

"Um, let's pretend that never happened." Said about one-fourth of the people in the room. Not one-third. One-_fourth_.

"It's not….NOT often that I am tired and annoyed!" cried Ralmal, somewhat triumphly.

Meanwhile, Elemia made the anime tear drop fall down her forehead. "Come on, Ralmal, you can do better than that!" declared Elemia.

Ralmal took a deep breath. "Okay…." She said, trying again….for the fourth time. "It's not….RARE that I am tired and annoyed!" Ralmal jumped up and down with glee. And everyone cheered at Ralmal's breakthrough.

Until Lexa took this opportunity to crush a fellow prideful person's pride.

"Wow, nice vocabulary level, Ralmal," he commented, rolling his eyes.

Ralmal stopped jumping up and down. And she hung her head sadly. Poor Ralmal.

_Announcer: Will Ralmal ever learn more vocabulary? Will the Lexa's ego ever die? Will Ralmal become blonde? Will Elemia ever stop being so bossy? Find out…..oh, forget it._

* * *

But of course, I was kidding. Here's the real chapter (cleaned out my inbox, yay!)

**Title**: Alternate Universes  
**Alternate Title**: The chapter where the OCs meet their alter egos  
**Tag line**: Alternate or Reality: which would you choose?  
**Alternate tag line**: Where the OCs travel to alternate universes (duh), which actually aren't that different from reality….

**Warning**: Violence, fillers, plot, parodies, and fluff you didn't expect…  
**Alternate Warning**: This might cause scarring to your minds and/or eyes. Don't say I didn't warn you.

**Disclaimer**: We do not own anything AT ALL (except this story).  
**Alternate disclaimer**: Ah, whom am I kidding? ON WITH IT!

**al·ter·nate** [awl-ter-nit: serving or used in place of another; a substitute (brought to you by … which I do not own).

(RA/N: Along with the alternate universes, there will be no more 'said,' 'asked,' or 'cried.' So you can stop bugging me Elemia.) (EA/N: gasp but…but…I…but……what am I going to do _now_?)

**Before it all happened…**

"I wanna go on a trip!" whined the Jake Long.

"Jake, shut up, you blubbering baby!" shouted Elemia.

"Don't talk to him like that!" hissed Celia. "That's my hubby you're talking about!"

Collective Gag!

"Geez, Jake, we've been practically everywhere," Ralmal pointed out. "Where else is there to go?"

"ALBANIA!" shrieked Larie. Everyone stared at her.

"What?"

"Lately, I've found the ratio of the number of times of Larie being mentioned to the number of times of Ralmal and/or Elemia being mentioned to be quite unjust and decadent," reasoned the Lexa.

"Well, who asked you?" Ralmal responded before Elemia knocked him over the head with her 50 lbs (pronounced "POUND," not "lebs") mullet.

"If we go somewhere, can it be a place where Lexa will _shut the heck up _and I own a bigger mullet?" questioned the Elemia out loud.

"That gives me an idea…" declared Ralmal.

Da Da Da Dun…

"LET'S GO TO AN ALTERATE UNIVERSE!!!!!!" screeched the eccentric girl. "I can build a machine that can orbit us through parallel places that don't really exist!"

Silence.

"That's a great idea!" exclaimed everyone.

"Okay, everyone pile in," ordered Ralmal. How come she always ends up bossing everyone around?

"Hey, I heard that," interrupted the bossy girl.

_ Good._

Meanwhile, everyone was positioning themselves in the seats Ralmal had custom-made.

"Wow, this is cool!" exclaimed the Celia.

"I wonder if it has anti-crash protection," wondered the smiley Salad.

"LEATHER INTERIOR!"

Everyone stared at the boy who shouted that last line.

"What?" mumbled the Lexa, secretly ecstatic that Ralmal had leather furnishing on the seats.

After everyone had gotten over the mind-scarring escapade, Ralmal took a conveniently-placed microphone from the overhead and coughed into it. Everyone kept talking.

"_Ahem_," ahemed Ralmal again, loudly.

Everyone kept talking.

"AHEM!!!!" shrilled Ralmal.

Everyone kept talking.

"ahem," Ralmal whispered.

Everyone stopped talking.

"Thank you, now, please pay attention to Elemia, who will show you how to properly fasten your seatbelt." Elemia, dressed in a short flight assistant dress emerged from the small lavatory, silently mumbling obscene sentences about Ralmal, who had made her wear the outfit.

"Whoa," whoahed the Lexa, glancing at the Ele's attire.

The Elemia blushed and made the heart eyes. "Thank you so much, Ralmal," she declared.

"Okay, that's enough!" stated Ralmal, pushing Elemia down, a little freaked out. "Everyone just buckle up and shut up while I start this thing!"

"Who's the co-captain, Ralmal?" pondered the Salad.

"I don't need no stinkin' co-captain," retorted the Ralmal, a little miffed that someone would assume that _she_ needed a co-anything.

"OOO! Pick me!" pleaded the Tucker, sliding into the empty seat.

"Um, NO I don't THINK so." Ralmal pushed him off.

"MY LEG!" moaned Tucker, pathetically rolling onto the ground.

"I'll do it," offered Guy X, sitting down next to her.

"Okay!"

"But-but…" muttered the weak and defenseless Tucker. "Why didn't she let _me_ do it?"

And thus, the Elemia smacked him for being so dense.

**First Stop: Three-Word Town** (where everyone describes themselves and/or talks in no more than three words-literally!)

"I want cheese!" proclaimed the Lexa.

"Pink is peeeeeerfect!" sang the Paulina.

"AHH! My ears…" started the Ralmal.

"…are frickin' bleeding!" finished the Elemia.

"Word, my peeps!" Jake Long added.

"I'm so hot," installed the Guan.

"I'm so not," answered the Lexa.

"Bubbles are bubbly!" bubbled the Glinda.

"POP THE BUBBLE!" screamed the Larie.

"Are you gay?" The Dash asked.

"Sometimes I'm happy!" declared the Tucker.

"Umm…..that's awkward," stated Salad, smiling.

"I'm going ghost!" ranted the Danny.

"And I'm anti-meat," Sam put in.

"Forks are hott!" screeched Guan shrilly.

"Such a noob…" muttered the Ele.

"I am boss!" cheered Ralmal evilly.

"I don't care!" ignored Larie interjected.

"What was that?" snapped Ralmal angrily.

"Nothing…nothing….nothing…." sputtered Larie, nonchalantly.

NONCHALANT!!!!!

"I don't exist," Guy X whined.

"I'm so intelligent!" Andrew acknowledged pseudo-absentmindedly.

Completely destroying the authoress's ability to make sure all descriptions are three words exactly, Elemia knocked him down with Hedge Hammer No. 36571, blowing out one-third of his brain cells. "Now you're not."

"I like….eggs!" affirmed Paulina.

"Oh, my god…." Drooled Lexa

Elemia smacked him. "Staring isn't nice."

"I. Am. Stupid." Quoted the Fiyerio.

"Yes, you are," agreed the Witch. "And I'm green."

"Plankton is sexy!" Ralmal shouted, referring to the microscopic animation on Spongebob Squarepants. (RA/N: The show, not the actual sponge).

"No he's not," responded Guy X, a little jealous.

"WITH SUCH FERRET!" shrilled Elemia, her right eye twitching uncontrollably.

"Ferrets are funn!" described Ralmal.

"Chicken is good," hypothesized the Danny.

"So are you," flirted the 2006 (now 2007!) Dorothy, making the heart eyes.

"Shut up, you!" screeched Sam, driving two of Elemia's already blood-infested screwdrivers into the 2007 Dorothy's eyes.

"OUCH THAT STINGS!"

"Better, this time," stated Elemia, giving Sam an 8.67517 out of the previous 8.67516 she received a couple chapters back.

"It's like DP…" started the Celia.

"….but it's better…." Continued Ralmal.

"….cause it's real," Elemia finished.

"I love Bach!" declared the Cats.

"Whoah there, man," cautioned the Boq, slowly backing away.

"Still not you!"

"Now everyone, please…" started the Elemia.

"…speak all together," finished the Ralmal.

"**I HAVE ISSUES**," everyone exclaimed.

**On the bus…**

"What was THAT?"

"That was fun!"

"Let's go again!"

"Okay, that's enough," snapped the Elemia, who was being hypocritical.

"Yeah, guys, stop," chimed in the Ralmal, who was also being hypocritical.

HYPOCRITES ARE AMAZING!!!!!!

**S****econd ****S****top: ****A****lliteration ****A****toll**: Where words sound strangely similar (and nothing makes sense)!

During Day _D__os_…

Paulina, pinkish pompous pedestrian punk, purposely prepared pancakes proudly.

Everyone evaporated eagerly, Elemia excluded. Ele eluded enthusiastically, enduring examination of only endangered eggs.

Differently daring, Danny dangerously devoured Paulina's pancakes, ignorant in ingredients. During denial, Danny died.

Afterwards, Andrew angrily assisted pettish Paulina away, assuming failure from cooking class.

"_S__acre-bleu_!" sobbed Sam sadly. Salad tried to soothe the tremendous hurt happily. Unfortunately, ungrateful Sam snubbed support. So Salad sat, silently steaming, swiftly slapping Sam spiritually, and angrily sentencing suffering simultaneously.

Later, Lexa lavishly laundered laundry lovingly, leaving ludicrous lads lamely with wondrous lemons. (RA/N: Oh god, that one sounded so weird…)

"Gum!" Glinda giggled, gulping grapeness gallantly. Guy X, who was grinning gladly because butterflies slapped Sam, ignored her happily in subtle silence.

Furthermore, famous fiery ferrets freely frolicked from fungus-infested Florida to the walkways within foggy France in icy February for Fiyero.

"What? Why wasn't I invited?" wailed the terrible Western Wicked Witch, wondering why her husband lacked legitimate logic.

"Really?" responded Ralmal, randomly reducing the tension that was wiggling throughout the airy atmosphere.

"Yo ya'll, where was I in this terrific tale?" lisped Larie, longing importance in life, love, and abundance for favorite catty characters.

(RA/N: If any of you understood and got through that without going 'WTF?', I applaud you).

**Later…**

"WTF?" shouted Elemia.

"Nice," replied Ralmal.

**Back on the bus….again**

"LOL!!" laughed Larie loudly.

"Yes, you're mentioned more. Marvelous!" marveled the Lexa.

"Shut up you slimy stupid sissy!" snapped Salad, acting very OOC.

Everyone just stared silently.

"What?"

**Shortly after….**

"Stop with the dividers already!" complained Elemia.

Then, the narrator put in some more, just to bug her.

"STOP!!!"

"OH FOR SAKE OF THE AGNOSTIC'S GOD WHY!!!! THESE DIVIDERS ANNOY ME!!!

_Good._

"If you put in one more, you'll be replaced faster that you can say 'noobs'!"

_But-but….._

"No buts, NOOBS!"

_Um….._

_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_

And thus, their latest narrator was replaced, never to be heard from again. And Elemia lived happily ever after.

Well, at least for now.

**Oh gosh…**

"Whoah…..what's wrong with her?" alliterated the alliteration nerd.

"I don't know, Ralmal," answered the smiley Salad, having quickly recovered from her previous bipolar moment.

The (RA/N: Oh rats, Elemia made me promise not to put 'the' in so often, specially for Ral and El. sigh Fine…..this is the last time, I promise.) Ralmal walked over to ELEMIA (RA/N: No the!) and gave her a cheer-up sandwich.

"I don't like happy ham," mused the Elemia, thinking of something more depressing to say, while pushing her plate away.

"Why are you so depressed?" inquired the Ralmal.

"We're in a cramped machine, floating through the space time continuum at the speed of light. I want a _real_ vaycay!" she whined.

"Never say 'vaycay' again," ordered the Larie.

Then Elemia stabbed Larie's eyes out with her usual instruments for adding salt to her wounds.

"AHHHH MY PERFECT LITTLE EYES!! BEHIND THESE HAZEL EYES!!!"

There was silence.

"You know, that actually made me feel a little better," Elemia pointed out.

The Ralmal smiled. "You know what I think it's time for?" She grinned at Salad. Salad, getting it, grinned back. Salad then passed the grin to Danny, who was idiotically smiling anyway.

"OOO! OO!! I know! I KNOW!" he shouted enthusiastically. "CUPCAKES!!!!!!!"

Silence.

Then Ralmal shoved him aside for ruining their perfect grinning circle and he crashed into Paulina's luggage. "No….it's time for…."

"DOUGHNUTS!!" she and Salad shouted together.

Everyone then made a WOMP face and mentally stabbed the two doughnut lovers with cupcakes. Yes, you heard correctly. WITH cupcakes.

"With sprinkles?" suggested Danny, blood dripping from his nose.

_ Yes, Danny, with sprinkles._

"YIPPEEEE!!"

**At lunch…..**

"You know, I feel better. I now have SUGAR!!! In my system…" stated Elemia drunkily. Everyone else just nodded, shoving doughnuts into their mouths.

"Paulina, stop eating so much," ordered Andrew. "You're bloating up like a balloon."

COLLECTIVE GASP!!!  
Paulina's eyes gleamed. "WHY THANK YOU ANDREW-CAKES!!! You know…" she pondered, flipping through her fashion magazine. "…puff is the new pink. The fatter the better!"

COLLECTIVE CAKES GAG!!!!

"You know, our story is a lot like our life," observed Elemia. "Except there are no witches."

Ralmal just stared at her. "Are you sure about that?" She then pulled out her portable broomstick and the background behind her became dark and lightening struck, frightening the little children and wussies everywhere.

"Paulina, hold me, I'm scared!" yakked Andrew and Tucker. The Salad glared at the Tucker.

"I mean….Salad, hold me, I'm even more scared!" he corrected.

Meanwhile, Elemia followed Ralmal's suit, but instead pulled out a sparkly wand and her background was filled with kittens, flowers, and rainbows, which paled in comparison to Ralmal's rather rash intro.

And with a clash of their weapons/transportation systems, they were all transferred to Wicked World.

**Third Stop: Wicked World** (Oh sweet Oz…)

_(Extremely Long) Note: Everyone slipped into the same costume he or she had before, in the chapter etitled "MR. GOAT CAN I SHAKE YOUR HAND?!" Except that Ralmal made Guy X and Tucker switch places. Now, Guy X was the Fiyero and Tucker was Dancing Peanut Number Two. And oh yeah, I lied, there were actually a lot of changes. Hah. At least appear to attempt that you understand what's going on. Great. Now, sit back, and try to enjoy this messed up version of Wicked WHICH I DO NOT OWN BUT SECRETLY WISHED I DID. Thank you. And remember, there's no ation like donation._

It was a peaceful day in the land of Iz. It was just like Oz, except it was more messed up. E.g. Uggs and eggs both exist. The Shrimps were celebrating the Celia's death. She had been hit over the head by a piano that randomly fell from the sky.

"DING DONG THE CEEL IS DEAD!!!!!" they proclaimed.

"WAIT!!" shouted the Danny, who had declared himself Mayor of Shrimpville. "We've got to verify it legally, to see-"

"To see?" interrupted the Dana. (See, we put you in!)

"If she-"

"If she?"

"Is MORALLY, ETHICALLY…"

"…SPIRITUALLY, PHYSICALLY…"

"…POSITIVELY, ABSOLUTELY…"

The other Shrimps joined in. "…UNDENIABLY and RELIABLY dead!"

The Jake came up to the eccentric short people and presented them with a Certificate of Death. "As coroner I must aver, I thoroughly examined her…"

"Um…" ummed the Danny, a little uncomfortable.

The Jake continued anyway, oblivious at the implications of his past statement. "Oh, and FYI, she's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead."

And at this news, the Shrimps cheered.

So much for a sentimental funeral.

"Yes, my little Shrimpikins," piped the Elemia, who was dressed in a poofy off-the shoulder type blue dress. Her hair was blond…again. And there was a crown in her curled hair. Not ON, IN. This proves that she was, indeed, still the Galinda/Glinda. "Rejoice, rejoice, you're all free now!" she giggled.

"YOU TRAITOR!!!!!!" someone yelled from the fake background.

Collective Gasp!

The Elemia turned around to see her archenemy/ex-BFF, Ralmal, pointing a shaky finger at the blond girl. She was wearing a long black dress, a witch hat, and of course, green skin. Anyone want to take a stab at who she is?

"EEP!!" yelled the short people, their voices going up three octaves. They all hid behind the trees and/or ran down the tie-died brick road to catch up with the Salad, who was the smiley/innocent Dorothy.

The two witches glared at each other in silence.

"What a TOUCHING moment of grief!" Ralmal finally spoke. "After all she's done for you, you celebrate her unfortunate demise, you dumb blonde bimbo!"

"Hey, it's not MY fault I'm blonde," replied Elemia.

Ralmal rolled her eyes. "Yeah…sure. Anyways, I didn't come here to insult _you_, anyone with half a brain can do that. I came here to pay my respects to Celia. And collect my-I MEAN, her shoes-WAIT WHERE ARE THE SHOES?!?!?!?!"

Elemia shifted her eyes. "Uhh….I kind of gave them to the Salad."

"WHAT??!!!"

"Well, she told me I could have her GRILL if I did."

"What the hell is a grill?" wondered Jake aloud, who was hiding nearby.

"Geez, and I thought _I'd _be the one racked with guilt," Ralmal sentenced, glancing sadly at the Celia's squished body.

The Elemia, feeling sympathy for the green girl, scooted closer. "Well, it's not _your_ fault. It was just….an accident. She was just in the wrong place at the right-I mean, wrong time," Elemia declared, trying to make her feel better, but failing miserably.

All of a sudden, Ralmal erupted. Metaphorically, not literally. "AN ACCIDENT?!?! This is MY piano, you brainless blonde bubble! I was aiming for you, but I missed!" She paused for a moment. "Lousy hand eye coordination," she grumbled to herself.

Elemia gasped. Then she snapped her fingers in triangle. "All right, no more Miss Nice Witch!" she stated in a ghetto tone, trying to scare Ralmal off.

But Ralmal just stood there, staring. "Why are you talking like that?" she questioned.

Elemia smoothened her dress. "Well, _some_ of us make good use of our time," she declared, while Ralmal tried to figure out exactly how practicing counterfeit voices was making good use of time. Nevertheless, Elemia continued, staring at Ralmal's broom. "And what exactly have _you_ been doing, besides riding around on that ratty old thing?"

"Well, we can't all come and go by _bubble_!"

Elemia gasped….again. "Do not….diss….the bubble!"

Insert Ralmal rolling her eyes again. "Yeah. Whatever. The Wizard of Iz will probably take credit for your stupid invention anyway, so dissing it comes guaranteed."

Elemia regained her posture; a little ticked that Ralmal was right about her assumption. "Well, he's not the only one taking things that don't belong to us."

"Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" oohed the crowd.

Ralmal faced her fiery friend. "Sorry to burst your bubble, but you need to deal with the fact that Guy X chose me over YOU. How're you gonna deal with that, hm? Don't laugh at me, yes, I did say 'gonna.' Anyways, where was I? Oh, yeah, you can't deal with it. Wait, you can just buy yourself a new pair of stilettos!" Ralmal paused for dramatic effect. "Guy X never loved YOU, and it may take a while for that to sink into your bubbly blonde brain, so I'll repeat it again, for added drama and insultance. He doesn't love YOU, he loves ME!"

Elemia then slapped Ralmal across the face. (RA/N: Ele, you're allowed one of those in your lifetime. You've just cashed in.)

'Oh snap, this chic just slapped me,' thought Ralmal.

'I wonder how long it'll take to buy my thousandth pair of shoes,' thought Elemia.

Ralmal's angry face quickly turned strangely happy, and she started laughing. Cackling, really.

"….heh heh," hehed the Ralmal. "Wooo!"

"Feel better now?"

Elemia thought for a little. " No.…wait. Wait, wait a minute…yes."

"Good. Cause you know what? Life's a witch…." Ralmal slapped Elemia. "…and so am I!"

"AH!" yelped Elemia. She then proceeded to twirl her bubble wand into complicated twists and turns to demonstrate her kung-fu skillz. Yes, you says skills I says skillz.

"YAH!" she finished.

"What the-" started Ralmal, secretly impressed by Elemia's moves. Then she charged towards the white-bubble-who-was-clearly-trying-to-be-Asian-by-kung-fuing-her-way-to-victory, knocking her down with her broomstick.

"HAH! You're no match for me and my wicked ways!"

"GAAAAAAAAAH!" Elemia jumped up and lept towards her green friend. They wrestled on the ground, pulling each other's hair and scratching each other's faces. (RA/N: By the way, this scene wasn't so hard to picture.)

"Toad!"

"Ditz!"

"Home-wrecker!"

"Cream puff!"

Elemia drastically placed her hand over her heart. "Take. That. Back!" They continued fighting until Tucker, Dash, and the Guan, all clad in peanut attire, arrived at the amusing scene and pulled the two wrestlers off each other.

"Let me go!" yelped Ralmal, trying to break free from the two Peanuts that were holding her down.

"Let me go, I almost had 'er! Come on, let me at 'er!" Elemia declared, almost giving the peanut that was holding her down a concussion.

"Does this mean we're breaking up?" Guan sadly inquired. Then he let go of Elemia and jumped into the nearby river, briskly floating away into the sunset.

"Well, that was oddly disturbing," mentioned Dash after a few moments of lengthy silence.

"Tucker, Dash, I can't believe you would stoop this low," commented Ralmal. "To work for Elemia and capture me, and after all the _good_ times we've had together."

Tucker looked at Dash. Dash looked at Tucker. Memories of Ralmal throwing uggs at them, tossing eggs at their eyes, and worse, hiding their teddy bears so they couldn't go night-night filled their minds. They both looked at Ralmal. Ralmal looked at both of them.

Ralmal sighed and made a womp face. "Carry on."

Elemia tried to brush the dirt and grime off her. "Ralmal, you've finally done it. You've made me hit rock bottom. I have bruises as big as Baltimore, one eye is out of its eye socket, and I can't stop bleeding from this one cut on my arm and-OH MY GOSH! THERE IS A BLOOD STAIN ON MY DRESS!!!! The stain will never come out! Don't you realize that this gown is _polyester 2-ply_?"

"I'm sorry, Elemia, forgive me, I was wrong. I'll remember to beat the crap out of you on the days when you AREN'T wearing polyester 3-ply."

Elemia, taking her seriously, narrowed her eyes. "For the millionth time, it's _**2-PLY**_!"

"Whatever. You need to chillax. We both know this is about something deeper than blood stains and messed up polyester."

Elemia blinked. "It is?"

Ralmal stared at her, wondering how badly her friend was crippled with short-term memory loss. "Yes, it is. This is about Guy X leaving you for me." She then cracked a smile.

"Hey, stop smiling!"

"Oh. Sorry. I'll try not to show enthusiasm at the fact that someone hot chose someone green over someone who is half bubble. It's just so hard to do, you know?"

Elemia broke down. "No, I don't know…." She dabbed her eyes with her cherry-scented hanky.

"HANKY PANKY!" shouted Tucker and Dash simultaneously. Elemia stared through her wet eyes and turned her wand into a mullet, aiming right between the eyes of the two peanuts.

Said peanuts recoiled with horror. "Sorry, we'll be good."

Elemia continued speaking. Gosh, will she ever shut up? "It's just that-I love him SO MUCH. Even though I knew him for twenty seconds, those were the best twenty seconds of my LIFE. Not counting the time when my Momsy bought me pink bunny slip-ons." She paused to dab her eyes again. DAB!!

"I mean, I know that he doesn't exist, nor do I know his last name or anything remotely important about him, but I know that he's hot. And if he's hot, I'm hot."

Silence befell them.

"That last line made no sense," is all Ralmal had to say.

Now it was Elemia's turn to womp. But before she could knock Ralmal over the head with her mullet, the Guy X flew in randomly, swinging on a conveniently placed rope. He accidentally let go too early and fell flat on his face, while the onlookers just looked on. Then he stood up and dizzily got to his feet. He aimed his gun towards the green Ralmal, trying to regain his balance.

"Let the green girl go," he uttered.

"Um, Guy X, I'm over _here_," Elemia pointed out, turning the gun towards herself.

Guy X squinted. "Oh yeah, it _is_ you. Sup?"

"Sup? Is that all you can say? You run away with my best friend and you give me a 'sup'? What, am I not good enough for a 'what's up,' you just HAD to shorten it didn't you? Just like you shortened our relationship!" Her left eye started twitching uncontrollably.

Ralmal whistled. "Man, she got you GOOD."

Guy X turned towards Ralmal. "You were supposed to TELL her I was going with you. Why didn't you tell me you didn't?"

"Why didn't you ask?"

Now it was Guy X's turn to womp. Then, the peanuts followed suit, because they had nothing better to do.

"Okay, can you let me go, please!" Ralmal shouted, knocking the peanuts down, releasing herself from their grip.

"Tucker, my love, are you okay?" Dash wondered.

"Yes I'm fine, my-" He stopped, noticing that the love triangle was watching them. "WHOAH, none of you heard that, right?"

"Of course not."

"We didn't hear a THING."

"Just keep on doing what you're doing."

They watched as the peanuts tried to move their bodies to get up, repeatedly falling down, looking at each other lovingly.

"Okay, scratch that last sentence," Guy X chortled nervously. "This place has enough weirdness already."

"By the way, Guy X, you were supposed to be here a full _fifteen minutes _ago," Ralmal lectured. She crossed her arms over her chest and impatiently stamped her foot. "Where were you?"

"I'm sorry, I got lost! Iz is a confusing place to figure out."

"Damn straight," muttered the peanuts in unison.

Ralmal narrowed her eyes. "Did you think to ask directions?"

"Well…no, do you know how embarrassing it is for ME to ask for directions?"

"I don't care! Elemia was about to knock me unconscious! She was-"

"ENOUGH!!!" Elemia shouted. The bickering couple stopped bickering. "You two sound like an old married couple."

Ralmal looked at the ground and Guy X's face reddened. "What's your point?" he issued.

"Come on, you're an ugg-loving brainless official and she's an irritable mean fugitive. Am I the only on who thinks this is uncanny?"

"I'm not an ugg lover!" Guy X shouted as Ralmal shouted, "I'm not _that_ mean!"

Elemia leaned in closer to Guy X. "Do you want me, a beautiful bubble, or some cranky green witch?"

"Hey, she's only cranky in the mornings!" Guy X protested.

"Thanks," muttered Ralmal, rolling her eyes.

"Enough small talk! Ralmal, we're getting out of here." He grabbed Ralmal's hand and started pulling her away.

"I'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN!" sobbed Elemia.

"Wait, HOLD EVERYTHING!!!" someone interrupted.

It was the Lexa!

"Lex, what are you doing here?" questioned Elemia, adjusting her tiara and smoothening her hair to make herself seem more appealing.

"I come here to deliver a message with the Salad, who I ran into while I was making my tuna egg sandwich." (EA/N: Fish? Eggs? Fish eggs? What?)

"Ew, why not just pick one?" suggested Ralmal. The Lexa held up his hand.

"Now is not the time to discuss my weird eating habits!" He lamented, mentally taking note never to tell anyone what he consumes for dinner ever again.

"So where is the Salad?" questioned Elemia. The Salad emerged from behind the Lexa and gave them all an awkward wave.

"YOU!" shouted Ralmal. "You think you can come back here with your innocence and try to take more that rightfully belongs to me- I MEAN, the deceased Celia?"

"No."

"Then what is it?"

"I came to return these stupid shoes. They gave me so many blisters that my blisters have blisters. Plus, they clash with my outfit." Then, she threw the shoes at Ralmal.

"Ow!" shouted Elemia, as the right shoe hit her head. Guy X followed suit, except it was the left shoe that hit him, of course.

"That's going to leave a mark," commented Ralmal.

All of a sudden, a gigantic dog in a green midrift jumped out of the Salad's basket.

"Salad, I hate this joint," complained Paulina, who was the dog.

"Paulina's…a dog?" Ralmal observed.

"I thought this was an _alternate_ universe," dissed Elemia.

Paulina, ignoring them, started filing her furry paws. "Sal, I'm sick of always following you around. Your constant skipping is making me ill, your friends are strangely flamboyant, and your basket smells like crap! I'm leaving." And with that, she scurried in the opposite direction.

"Wait, Paulina, come back! You have the house keys!" Salad chased after her beloved pet.

COLLECTIVE SILENCE!!!!

All of a sudden, the Lexa turned to Elemia.

"Elemia, I couldn't help but notice that you were feeling a little down."

"Oh, no, I'm just peachy."

"PEACHES!!!" yelled the peanuts.

"WILL YOU STOP TRYING TO GET MORE LINES!" everyone else pleaded politely.

The Lexa continued. "Ele, I lost my heart to you the moment I saw you. But I couldn't go out with you because the Celia liked me. And the back of my Shrimpian head. She was suffocating me! I wanted to kill her. So I did."

"Way to be blunt," muttered Elemia.

Ralmal gasped. "So it wasn't my lousy hand-eye coordination that killed her, it was you!" She charged towards the Munchkin murderer but Guy X held her back.

Lexa smoothened his short tux. Why is he wearing a tux? "Take it easy, Ral. I did it out of love for Elemia. Don't you remember what it's like to be in love?"

Ralmal squinted at him. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"I don't get it," affirmed Guy X.

"Marry me, Ele," proposed the Lexa, ignoring everyone around him. "Together, we'll live in harmony."

Elemia just stared at him.

"You'll have my devotion and undying loyalty."

Elemia continued to stare at him.

"You can have complete access to my credit cards."

"Guy X, I'm officially breaking up with you," declared Elemia, glomping the Lexa.

"Whaaa?" wondered Guy X.

All of a sudden, Andrew, dressed up as the goat, came sauntering in.

"Guy X, where is the homework you owe me from third grade?" he inquired.

"Uhh……."

And they all lived happily ever after.

I think.

**Randomish Omake… **

"Oh, Lex, you're so intelligent!"

"Oh El, I know!"

**Back on da bus….AGAIN!!**

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" 'wee'ed Ralmal.

"I was a peanut…and I was pretty salty!" screamed Tucker.

Everyone was silent.

"Uh….pretend no one ever heard that."

"I had no lines!" complained the Celia.

"But you were still crucial in the plot," pointed out Elemia.

"True."

"I was the BEST EVER!" prided Lexa. "And now, I'm going to share my glory with my gal pal, the 2007 Dorothy, who didn't exist at all in Iz."

"Say what now?" screeched Ele. "After all that, you still aren't fawning over me?!?!"

"What is THAT?!" commented Larie, who wasn't mentioned either, but was learning to deal with the continuous pattern of constantly being ignored.

Out of nowhere, Sam got on top of the lunch table that was sitting randomly in the middle of the bus. "ALL OF YOU-SHUT UP!!!!"

Everyone was silent.

"I wasn't even mentioned at all! And this story is in the Danny Phantom section!! Does anyone else find this totally weird and unjust?"

Larie put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Oh honey, you've just got to deal with it. It'll take some time, but we'll get through it…together."

"I don't need that kind of reassurance," Sam stated, slowly inching away from Larie. "I need some importance in this story!"

"Well Sam," spoke Lexa. "We'd love to put you in Wicked World, but it's just that you're too tall…"

"…and too gothic…" (Elemia)

"…and too pale…" (Ralmal)

"…and too frowny…." (Salad)

"…and too smart…" (Guy X)

"…and too human…" (Andrew)

"…and too alive…" (Celia)

"…and too skinny…." (Tucker)

"…and too hairless…" (Paulina)

"….to be involved in a story like that," everyone finished all together.

"It's not fair that I'm a main character on the Danny Phantom cast, and these two are the special ones!" she sobbed, pointing at Elemia and Ralmal.

The two special ones looked at each other. "Well, what can you do?" they said unanimously.

"And besides, I think we know who the real star of Wicked World was…." Paulina started. "ME!!!!!"

Everyone tackled Paulina so she'd shut up.

"That's it, I'm turning this bus around!" Sam pushed Ralmal out of the way and sat in the driver's seat.

"Hey, my bus, my seat!" Ralmal yelled. She charged towards Sam and flung her across the bus.

"Whoah…" everyone else whoahed, backing away.

Sam tried to get up. "Get her!" she declared.

The entire DP cast ran towards Ralmal and tied her to a chair.

"What the…?!" she cursed. "You can tie me, but you forgot Elemia, my trusted friend-you can't get her!"

**Two Seconds Later…**

Elemia was tied to a chair.

"But I didn't even do anything!" she complained. "Take Ralmal, not me!"

"Hey!" Ralmal protested.

"Let them go!" demanded Guy X. He looked around for Lexa, who was drooling over a picture of the 2007 Dorothy. Guy X hit him over the head. Lexa, finally getting it, charged up to Sam, who was holding Ralmal and Elemia hostage.

"You don't know what you're doing, you animated amateur! Elemia's the only one who gives me mutual respect! She's also the only one who can knock me unconscious with one hit of her mullet. Without her, I'd have a lot less bruises. But I wouldn't be as happy."

"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" said the Ele/Lex fans while Elemia blushed and Ralmal gave him a look of utter shock.

The Lexa continued. "Oh, and about Ralmal….I have nothing nice to say about her, so you can keep her tied up." The Guy X stepped on Lexa's foot.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!" he shrieked.

"That's very touching and all, but TOO BAD!" cackled Sam. "Danny, tie up all the non-DP people. I'm in charge now!"

"What are you going to do?" demanded Ralmal.

"Yeah, where are you going?" chimed in Elemia.

"Well, we're going to a place where THE DP PEOPLE RULE and YOU GUYS DON'T EXIST!!!!" Sam announced, secretly liking taking over Ralmal's job.

Ralmal and Elemia gasped. "You sick, sick, woman!" they chorused disapprovingly.

"And Larie, you're coming with us!" added Sam, grabbing her arm.

"But, I can't just leave my frie-"

And off the DP people and Larie went…..to their native homeland, leaving everyone else important to the story in the bus tied up.

**Fourth Stop: Da Danny Den…**

It was a peaceful day in Amity Park on February 13, 2007 at 9:23 am. Let's focus in on the youngsters at Casper High School, where our favorite little halfa sluggishly awaits in English class for another ghost to attack.

Young Danny Fenton sat at his desk, impatiently tapping his pencil against his desk. His lousy hand-eye-pencil coordination allowed his writing utensil to slip aimlessly from his hand and land with a quiet _thump_ on the fungus-infested ground. He groaned and bent over to pick it up. At this moment, the bell had rung and his best friends ran in, followed closely by their overweight teacher, Mr. Lancer, who was followed by a five foot tall Jewish girl.

"Danny! Where were you this morning?" Sam whispered loudly to him as she slipped into the empty seat next to him.

"I had morning detention….again," moaned Danny.

"What for-"

"DANIEL FENTON AND SAMANTHA MANSON, if you two could kindly take a break from your little lovefeast-"

"WE'RE NOT LOVEBIRDS!" the two lovebirds protested.

"We're just friends," announceed Sam.

"UH, yeah, besides, I'm in love with Paulina," proclaimed Danny.

"EW THAT LOSER'S IN LOVE WITH ME???!!!!!" screeched Paulina. "Come on, I just started eating solid food again, too!" She threw up on her desk.

Mr. Lancer pounded his gravel on the desk. Why does he have a gravel in his desk?

"My ruler's getting repaired," he announced to the class, unintentionally answering the narrator's question.

"Like I was saying, we have a new student, her name is Larie Groanaburgashigarama."

"WTF?" screamed half the class, while the other half didn't abbreviate.

"Oh dude, she's hot!" Tucker whispered to Danny. "She may even be hotter than Paulina!"

"Is that even possible?" Danny sighed, drooling over a picture of Paulina he kept in his desk. Sam just sat there, silently steaming.

It was lunchtime. The evil adolescents committing gluttony shoved genetically modified food (GMOs!) into their mouths at 300 miles per hour.

"Actually, that's more like 300.53321 miles per hour," Tucker corrected, punching in number into his PDA.

"Tucker, you're such a geek!" Sam proclaimed, pointing out the obvious.

"I know, but I'm also a lady killer." Danny and Sam exchanged knowing glances.

"I'm going to ask that girl Larie Groanaburgashigarama to the Valentine's Day Dance tomorrow," Tucker continued, pulling a dozen roses from his pocket.

"Wow, I am in shock!" stated Sam.

"Why? That I'm actually going to ask a girl out without using any vulgar language or lousy pick up lines?"

"No, that you remembered her last name."

Tucker threw some of his mini burgers at her, while she recoiled in fear.

All of a sudden, Larie walked up to them. "Um, I'm new here, but I couldn't help but notice that you're dateless."

"Affirmative. And today is your lucky day!" announced Tucker.

She turned to the brainless burette-wearing geek. "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to your blue-eyed friend."

"Danny?" Tucker questioned.

"DANNY?!" Sam gasped.

"Me?" Danny uttered, in total shock.

"So, you can pick me up tomorrow night at sevenish," Larie directed, giving him a piece of paper with her address on it. "Try to wear something nice." She tossed her hair over her shoulders and walked away.

The trio looked at each other in silence. "Um, I guess I have a date for tomorrow," Danny bluntly stated.

"And I don't!" wailed Tucker, sobbing, his tears staining the meat on his lunch tray.

Paulina walked up to them and pushed Tucker to his feet. "You are taking me to the dance tomorrow, techno geek."

"Actually, it's Tucker Geek. I mean, Foley."

"Pick me up at around sevenish. And wear something nice." She flipped her black hair and sauntered away.

"What was _that_ about?" Sam questioned. "You two got dates and I didn't!" She sighed. "Maybe I'm not just pretty enough."

"Sam, that's ridiculous. You _are_ pretty," Danny stated.

Sam blushed. "Really?"

Danny tried to stop the blood from rushing to his face. "Uh, I mean, you're prettier than Tucker in a dress."

"That was ONE TIME! ONE TIME!!" Tucker insisted.

"Okay then…..but Danny, doesn't Larie seem kind of weird to you?" Sam inquired.

"Aside from the fact that she doesn't even know my name and forced me to go on a date with her, no, she's completely normal."

"And hot," added Tucker.

"She might be a ghost Danny, you have to watch out!" Sam warned.

"But my ghost sense didn't go off."

"True," Sam agreed, but was silently screaming. _Nothing's going to make him not go out with her. I'm such a hopeless case. _She silently thought.

"Sam, you're not a hopeless case," Danny reassured, reading her mind. "Someone'll go out with you."

"Yeah," Tucker chimed in. "After all, there _are _a lot of desperate people at this school."

Sam shot him a harsh glare while Danny rolled his eyes. "Don't listen to him, Sam, at least Dash hasn't come ten feet near you." Sam nodded, thankful for that at least.

Out of nowhere, Dash popped out from behind the bushes. So I guess it wasn't really out of nowhere. "Goth girl, Paulina is going out with Geeky over here, and I already asked out all the other girls, but they're all taken, so I'm going out with you. I'll pick you up at around sevenish. And wear something nice." Before he walked away, he slapped Danny on the arm.

"Ow!" he shouted, rubbing the place on his arm where Dash had unkindly hit him.

"What the….." Sam started. "It's that Larie girl, I know it!"

"Oh Sam, stop worrying," Danny ordered. "Go with Dash," he gave her a lopsided smile, which made her melt. "I'll be there to protect you." Sam just nodded, unable to speak.

Danny continued. "Anyways, now we all got dates. We should all be happy."

"I know I am!" Tucker chimed.

Danny gave him a weird look. "Tucker, we need to discuss your flamboyant issues."

They laughed, and Sam joined in, but inside her mind, she was thinking _I'm going to get to the bottom of this_.

**Back to the hostages….**

"This is so messed up!" shrieked Lexa.

"No duh, smarty," Elemia snapped.

"Well, we should just all try to get along and not kill each other….Elemia," Ralmal peacefully suggested.

"Hey, Ral, I'm the one who's supposed to stay positive," Salad pointed out.

"I AM A PEACEFUL PACIFIST!!!" screamed Ralmal. "DON'T PUSH IT!!!"

"MY GIRLFRIEND LEFT ME!!" wailed Andrew.

Everyone stared at him for two minutes. Then they continued speaking amongst themselves.

"Do you think they'll leave us here forever?" Celia wondered out loud.

"Yo G that ain't cool, I got stuff to does, ya heard?!" rapped Jake Long.

"I'm missing my four o'clock body scrub and pedicure!" complained the 2007 Dorothy.

"Oh, WHY couldn't they have taken her with them?" insulted Elemia.

There was a silence.

"This is boring," stated Guy X.

"Science is never Bohring, Guy X!" Lexa defended. "Science was first discovered by a German who lived in Israel, who had five wives, who-"

"Oh god, can somebody shut him up, please?!"

"Get a hammer, there's one underneath your chair."

"We're tied to these chairs!"  
"Oh yeah."

COLLECTIVE SILENCE!  
"Let's all sing a song!" suggested Lexa. Everyone groaned, but he ignored them all.

And thus, the Lexa started to sing and bop is head to the imaginary music.

"I call this one, the 'Campfire Song' Song WHICH I DO NOT OWN!" he disclaimed.

"Just sing your stupid song so it'll be over soon!" ordered Elemia.

"Fair enough."

_**Lexa:**_

_Let's gather round the campfire and sing our campfire song _

_our c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e s-o-n-g song_

_and if you don't think that we can sing it faster then you're wrong _

_but it'll help if you just sing aloooooong…_

_**Jake Long (annoyingly alto):**_

_Bum…Bum…Bum…_

_**Lexa (accelerating):**_

_c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e s-o-n-g song_

_c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e s-o-n-g song_

_and if you don't think that we can sing it faster then you're wrong _

_but it'll help if you just sing along _

_c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e s-o-n-g song. Jake!_

_**Jake Long (struggling to get the correct spelling):**_

_Song!!! k-a-m-p-h-i-r-e ---_

_**Lexa:**_

_ANDREW!!!!!!_

_**Andrew:**_

(EA/N: You may think we lost the line, here, but we didn't. It's silence.)

_**Lexa (strangely soprano):**_

_GOOD!!!_

_It'll help! _

_It'll heeeeeeelp!!!_

_If you just sing aloooooooong! _

_OH YEAH!!!!_

"OH, my lord…." Ralmal lisped, awed.

"Yup, we're screwed, this fool can't entertain us," Elemia conjured.

"I can't live like this, I NEED PAULINA!!!" Andrew shouted, rocking back and forth.

"Whoah, he's having a seizure! What are we going to do?!" Everyone turned to Ralmal.

"Why me?!" she blubbered.

"Weren't you going to take control anyway?" Lexa wondered.

Ralmal womped. "Okay, I suggest that all we do is watch with amused looks on our faces. It'll make us feel better about our own pitiful lives." She then proceeded to stare at Andrew with an amused look plastered on her face, while everyone followed suit. Except it was on their own faces.

**A****fter ****A****ndrew's ****s****udden ****s****eizure….**

"OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE!!!" Elemia wailed. "I NEED SUGAR!!!!!"

"Elemia, relax, we've only been in here for three hours," Ralmal declared. "Compared to how long we're destined to be in here, that's nothing."

**Two Seconds Later…**

"OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE!!!" wailed Ralmal.

"Shut up," commanded Lexa. Who does he think he is, Caesar?

"Don't tell me to shut up. You shut up!"

Suddenly, the lights flickered off and on continuously.

"Whoah G, this is like those scary movies," Jake shivered. "The flickering lights, the sudden darkness, and then one by one, we disappear, never to be heard from again."

"Jake, shush," Celia commanded, but she was scared too.

"Guys, the bus is probably running out of gas, there's nothing to worry about," Ralmal concluded. Then after a few moments, she erupted. Literally, not metaphorically. Yes, you heard correctly. "OH NO IT'S RUNNING OUT OF GAS!!!"

The bus started shaking, and the lights were going crazy.

"We're gonna die, we're gonna die, we're gonna die," murmured Salad, who was rocking back and forth on her chair, and STILL smiling!

"Now _that's_ creepy," Celia stated.

"Damn…we're stuck in this joint for the rest of our lives! Unless someone can magically get us out of here, we're doomed. DOOMED I SAY DOOMED!" Elemia sobbed, hanging her head down low.

All of a sudden, there was a big blast of red smoke and some scary music that filled every inch of the room. Everyone screamed and held on to the ones they loved, although they were tied to chairs.

Once the red smoke subsided, and the scary music dimmed, everyone looked to see who they were holding, and vice versa. Guy X was more than surprised to see Andrew holding on to him.

"Get off me, you nasty!" he demanded, shaking the lonely Korean off him. "Where's Ralmal?"

"There she is!" Elemia pointed, or tried to, anyway. Everyone turned to look at the form of the Persian girl sprawled out on the ground, her chair and ropes burned to a crisp.

"Hah…crisp…" chortled Jake softly.

Ralmal stood up, a little dizzy. "What just happened?"

"I think you set us free….." Celia assured.

"You must still have your powers from Wicked World!" explained Lexa in a monotonous tone.

"What is THAT?!" Ralmal questioned.

"That would have helped us three hours ago, if we had known," Elemia stated. "Lexa, did you know about this?"

"No….." he nonchalanted, nonchalantly, shifting his eyes.

Everyone womped.

**What will happen in da dannny den? Will the non DP people start a revolution? Will sam ever realize that nothing's as exciting without elemia and ralmal? And the rest of the non DP people? **


End file.
